She Traitor

Sarah stood in the bedroom looking at herself in the mirror while Alice stood behind her carefully styling her hair.  They had a plan - a party at the Slughorn's, which was quite extravagant every year, but this time it was going to be different.  Sarah had originally planned to go home, but after careful consideration decided to stay at the castle.  She sent a letter to her parents saying she was staying for the holidays and wouldn't be back.  The parents didn't even comment on it, as was usual for them.  Even though it should have been her choice, she still felt a strange hint of relief that she didn't have to deal with returning home.

Once she decided to stay, she had to tell James.  When she told him, it was in the cafeteria where everyone had gathered for a quick lunch before the students left for London.  Sarah froze at the table, her heart in her throat, waiting for James to react.  She was aware that this would be a disappointment for him – she wasn't really sure why it was so difficult.

"James," she began quietly as she noticed him sitting across from her, staring at him waiting for a reaction.  “I think... I'm not going home.  I will stay at the castle.'

James watched her for a moment, his eyes confused.  But then he sighed and looked back at the plate of food before looking back at her.  "Well...Your business," he finally replied, but his voice sounded colder than she would have liked.

Sarah felt as if something heavy was lying on her chest.  She tried to continue to take in his reaction, but after a moment she realized that James remained disappointed – just for a moment.  At that moment he had a look that said 'now what?', but then it quickly disappeared.

"Don't worry, I'm not mad," he said when he saw her expression.  “I guess I get it... You have things you want to do.  And I'm guessing you're going to Slughorn's party.'

Sarah noticed how James' mood quickly changed.  His usual vivacity returned as he turned to Sirius who had just come over to the table.  Once Sirius sat down next to him, James smiled again and pulled the parchment he had forgotten about before.  "We've already got plans to screw things up on the train, huh?" he asked Sirius.

Sarah was left staring at the two boys as they planned some more stupidity.  Sirius laughed and nodded before looking at Sarah.  "We're looking forward to it, aren't we?" he said with a smile as if he had no worries at all.

At that moment, Sarah felt a strange sense of disappointment.  She was disappointed at how quickly James stopped bothering her.  Something about all this did not seem right to her.  It wasn't that he was mad at her—he wasn't.  But she saw how quickly he switched from mild sadness to excitement for the next 'adventure'.  Something about it felt... incomplete, like he couldn't even make room for her in those plans.

Meanwhile, Alice focused on her hair, which brought Sarah back to reality for a moment.  It was a small thing, but still, as Alice focused on every detail, Sarah felt safe again.  Maybe it was a good thing she stayed.  The evening at the Screamer's was supposed to be an opportunity for her to detach herself from these small, heavy thoughts, at least for a while.

"You look great Sarah," Alice said as she put the finishing touches.  "Don't worry now, everything will be fine."

Sarah looked at her reflection in the mirror, at the hair that Alice had carefully styled.  "Thanks, Alice," she replied gratefully.

When she looked in the mirror, she saw the reflection of a teenage girl who would handle this evening.  It can't be that bad with barty, after all she enjoyed her time with him quite a bit before the week she had school punishment.

•••

Sarah, Barty, Rabastan and Pandora met in front of Slughorn's cabinet and together they entered the still lively party.  It was alive inside - laughter, music and warm lights filled the room with an atmosphere that was supposed to make everyone forget their worries at least for a while.  Although Sarah was smiling, she still felt a certain uneasiness inside her.  Tonight had been pleasant, but she was still weighed down by thoughts.

Barty asked her to dance again and she smiled at him as he offered her his hand.  She accepted his gesture and allowed herself to be led to the dance floor.  They moved to the rhythm of the music, occasionally laughing at something one of them said, Barty was quite a messy friend and every now and then he would crack a joke or a smile.

When the music died down for a moment, Barty sighed.  "You know my father was supposed to come today?" he said quietly, more just for her.  His gaze drifted to the floor, his voice a mix of disappointment and indifference.  "But of course not.  He found it unnecessary.  Crouchs are not suited to such events.  He thinks that all this…” he gestured around with his hand, “…is below his level.”

Sarah looked at him for a moment, surprised that he was sharing such a thing with her.  But then she found herself understanding every word he said.  "I'm sorry," she said quietly.  “My father... he also had an invitation, but of course he didn't come.  Sirius is at our house for Christmas so… he probably has more important things to do.” She shrugged and smiled, though the smile was bitter.

Barty looked her over as if he could see her.  Sarah had the feeling that he was seeing her for real, not as James, who saw her in a distorted way.  "Interesting, isn't it?  How our fathers always put us on the back burner.  Duties, politics, or anything else are more important.”

"Exactly," agreed Sarah.  "And I sometimes feel that he will never change.  That I will always be somewhere on the edge of their interest."

"You're not alone," Barty said, his voice unexpectedly sincere.  “Sometimes I wonder if I should even be proud to be his son.  All my life I tried to live up to his expectations... and the more I tried, the more useless it became.”

Sarah remained silent for a moment, but then she looked at him and saw something in his face that mirrored her own feelings.  "I think I understand exactly how you feel," she said quietly.  "And it's strange to know that I'm not alone."

Barty smiled, but this time without any sneer.  "Maybe we're not.  And maybe what we found out today can keep us afloat a bit.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a change of music and a call to change dance partners.  Rabastan and Pandora exchanged knowing looks as Regulus approached Sarah.  He bowed slightly and offered her his hand.

“May I have one dance please?” he asked with icy calmness, but his eyes were strangely warm.

Sarah hesitated for a moment, but finally accepted his hand.  "Why not," she said, letting herself be led back to the floor.

Regulus danced with a precision and assurance that seemed almost elegant.  He didn't let go of her gaze once, which worried and fascinated Sarah at the same time.

"Seems like you and Barty got along well," he remarked quietly, more like just talking.

Sarah nodded.  "Yes.  I think we had more in common than I expected."

Regulus raised his eyebrows slightly but said nothing.  Instead, he guided her into a spin and smoothly brought her back to him.  "Interesting," he commented after a moment.  "One would say you have other priorities than hanging out with aristocrats."

Sarah smiled, her eyes twinkling.  "I might surprise you with what I have among my priorities."

Regulus smiled slightly.  "I don't doubt it."

Regulus led Sarah calmly around the dance floor, his movements so fluid that Sarah could relax completely for a moment.  Still, she saw something in his gaze that made her wary.  It wasn't the typical Slytherin disdain she was used to – it was something else.

“Are you better now?” he asked suddenly, his voice low, almost soft, but still maintaining a cool control.

Sarah looked at him in surprise and then it dawned on her.  He was referring to that night when she walked out of school detention with Minnie and everything inside her broke.  She could no longer pretend that everything was fine and collapsed right in the hallway.  He was there then – Regulus Black.  She tried to remember the details, but it was all a blur.  All she knew was that he picked her up and carried her to the Gryffindor tower where he handed her over to Frank Longbottom.  No one else knew about it.

"I… yes, I'm better now," she said shyly, blushing slightly and looking down.  "I wanted to thank you for what you did then.  I don't know how I could do it myself.'

Regulus paused for a moment as if considering what to say.  "You don't have to thank me," he finally said, his voice unusually soft.  "You were in a bad situation, that's all.  It doesn't mean anything changes,” he added, but his tone didn't sound as cold as she'd expected.  It's more like he was trying to keep the distance that was natural to him, but not quite successfully.

Sarah realized that Regulus was suddenly... different.  No insults, no snide remarks.  Just a simple conversation that surprised her with its unusualness.  Maybe it was the end of the atmosphere of the party, but Sarah felt like she was seeing a piece of the real Regulus Black for the first time, which made her chest feel unusually warm and special.

"It still meant a lot to me," she said quietly.  "I wouldn't expect you to do something like that."

Regulus shrugged as if it didn't matter.  "Maybe I'm not as predictable as you think."

The music stopped suddenly and Sarah realized that their dance was ending.  Regulus let go of her hand, but before he pulled away, he did something that completely caught her off guard.  He leaned in, his gaze briefly meeting hers, then gently brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.  "Thanks for the dance," he said calmly, but there was a strange mixture of arrogance and something almost warm in his voice.

Before she could answer, he turned and left.  Sarah stood still as if she had been pinned to the ground by his gaze.  Everything that had just happened raced through her mind and she couldn't decide what to think about it.  Regulus Black was the person who completely threw her off balance at the moment.

"What was that?" she heard Dorcas' voice beside her.  She turned to see her new friend looking at her with a raised eyebrow.  “You and Reggie?  This surprises me.'

Sarah opened her mouth, really surprised by the nickname Reggie, but finally just shook her head.  "I don't know," she said honestly.  "But... I think I really need some wine right now."

Dorcas laughed and grabbed her hand.  "Let's go.  We all need wine."

Together they headed back to the table, but Sarah couldn't shake her thoughts of Regulus and what had just happened.

•••

The night air was crisp and cool, laced with the faint scent of pine needles that wafted from the forests surrounding Hogwarts.  The five students, slightly tipsy from Slughorn's party, laughed and chatted as they climbed the stairs to the astronomy tower.  Footsteps on the stone steps sounded louder than they should have, but none of them cared too much.  Laughter and whispers echoed off the walls and into the empty corridors.

"That was the best idea, seriously," Pandora stated as they reached the top and opened the patio door.  They all poured out, their faces bright red with wine and joyous mirth.  The cool wind ruffled their hair and brought the scent of the night sky.

"We needed some fresh air," Rabastan agreed, leaning his elbows on the stone railing.  He took a deep breath and looked up at the sky that was dotted with stars.  “Merlin, I missed this.  Peace.  No fights, no arguments.  Just the stars.”

Sarah laughed and stood next to him.  "You and peace, Rabastan?  That's a combination I would doubt.'

"That's what the right one says," Rabastan retorted with a smile, but there was no trace of malice in his eyes.

Barty reached for the nearest bench and collapsed onto it dramatically as if exhausted.  “Honestly, who ever said it had to be a serious party?  That professor can do more than I expected.'

Pandora sat down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and added, "Who would have thought he would have such good taste in wine."

Dorcas settled on the other side and turned to Sarah.  "I have to admit that you were shining today.  Maybe it's the champagne, but I don't think I've seen you this happy since…” She stopped and quickly changed the subject.  "Since I saw you in the express."

Sarah was silent for a moment, her eyes fixed on the sky, as if searching for answers to unspoken questions.  Then she took a deep breath and said, “You know what?  You are right.  I felt... good today.  Maybe even great.” She smiled, although there was something fragile in that smile.  "And you know what?  I want it to last.  No more forever dwelling on things I can't change.  No more wallowing in what happened.  I just... I want to be me again.  And I intend to work on it.”

Pandora and Barty exchanged a look.  Pandora smiled softly as Barty raised an eyebrow and nodded as if a silent agreement had passed between them.  They both knew that Sarah would need support to find her lost balance and were determined to be there when she did.

“Well,” Barty said, sitting down, “if it means we get to see the typical Sarah again, who's a mixture of chaos and sarcasm, I'm all for it.  I'm ready to be a part of your grand comeback.”

Sarah laughed and shook her head.  “Thanks, Bart.  Your support is exactly what I needed.'

Dorcas joined in their laughter and Pandora rested her chin on her knees, still watching Sarah with a strange mixture of hope and determination.  Meanwhile, Rabastan leaned back and fixed his eyes on the sky, as if he was looking for something more than just stars.

"So what are we waiting for?" Pandora finally stated.  “Let Sarah's grand return begin!” Everyone laughed, and at that moment, it was as if all their problems were left under the stairs, which they no longer thought about.