The street light in front of his flat was broken. It flickered, plunging the street into darkness for just a moment, before flashing back to life. The heat of the day lingered like an unwanted guest, trapped in the asphalt valleys of the city.
A droplet of sweat rolled down the back of Remus' neck, making its way beneath the collar of his button-up. The rythmic tap of his cane broke the searing silence screaming past the housing blocks.
He passed the street light. It flickered off. Remus hoped it would stay this way.
The light flickered back on, shining onto Regulus' face.
The picture was in colour, stuck in a clear plastic casing. It'd cost a small fortune to print all the posters. Now they hung on lampposts, walls, and shop windows, scattered all around the area, as well as all around Regulus' office and the library he'd used to volunteer at.
Liquid had seeped under the plastic, making the red 'MISSING' headline bleed out until it was barely legible. It was a surprise the poster was still up, after all these months.
Remus ripped his gaze away and hurried to the lift.
"There you are. You promised not to keep me waiting.", Regulus smiled as Remus let the door fall shut. Relief flooded Remus, like every evening these days.
Light from the living room was shining into the dark hallway. The warm glow engulfed Regulus' features, painting sharp strokes of inky black shadows across his delicate features and making his dark curls glow like a halo.
"Sorry love, had to prepare for when classes start back up, and then the train was late.", He shuffled off his shoes and leaned his cane next to the door. Regulus sauntered up to him, arms crossed, a coy smile on his lips.
"If you keep spending all your time at school, who's going to make me dinner?"
Remus chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Regulus' middle and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
"And here I thought you wanted me for my dashing good looks." He started trailing kisses down Regulus' neck, pulling the man closer.
It had started after Regulus had appeared again. He insisted Remus make him dinner, every evening, no matter how late Remus came back home. Not that Remus minded. He was just relieved to have his boyfriend back.
"I'm sorry, will you forgive me? I promise to make it up to you."
Regulus finally broke, his bubbling laugh filling the small flat. He wrapped his arms around Remus' neck, craning his head to give Remus better access.
He feigned thinking about it, only to break into laughter again when Remus arrived at his collarbone, exposed beneath the oversized shirt he'd probably nicked from Remus.
"I'll forgive you."; he decided, leaning back to look at Remus with an arched eyebrow and a smile tugging on his lips. "Just this once."
Remus grinned back and made his way to the kitchen.
They sat perched on two wooden bar stools in the corner of their tiny living room. Their small round table had been covered with a white sheet to make it less shabby, but even that couldn't hide the books they'd shoved under one of the legs to keep it from rocking back and fourth.
It wasn't far from what Remus had grown up with, but he knew Regulus still wasn't used to it, even years after leaving Grimmauld Place. Still, Regulus didn't complain, silently accepting the spaghetti served on mismatching plates they'd rescued from a dumpster after first moving in together.
"How was work today?", Regulus asked, head resting on his palm.
"Pretty good.", Remus answered after swallowing. "We're going to be introduced to the new teachers soon."
An amused smile flitted across Regulus' lips "You don't seem very happy about that."
Remus made a show of groaning dramatically. "It's just always such a hassle. Getting to know all these people, getting into a new rhythm. All of that just for half of them to leave next term anyway."
"What, you don't love meeting new people? Where's the loud extrovert I met in uni?"
Remus snorted and stabbed a meatball. "Oh yeah right. The massive extrovert who refused to say a word to you after sitting next to each other for a whole semester."
Regulus threw his head back, eyes gleaming as he cackled. "You were so shy,", he laughed "I was convinced you hated me. Why else would you ignore me while I try to talk to you?"
"I get nervous around hot guys, sue me.", Remus grumbled.
They laughed until Remus' cheeks hurt, bursting into a new fit of giggles every time they looked at each other.
"How about you? How was your day?", Remus asked after he'd finally calmed down.
"Hm?", Regulus looked up, surprised. Like every evening. He looked away, back still as straight as the first day Remus had met him in university. "It was good.", he nodded.
"That's nice.", Remus nodded back. Like every evening.
Remus was already settled under the sheets when Regulus left the bathroom. He flicked off the lamp in the corner and made his way over to the bed. Remus felt the mattress dip, and then the warm weight of Regulus leaning against his side.
He lifted his arm, letting Regulus curl up against him. He draped it across Regulus' chest as the man practically melted against him, fitting himself into every edge and crevis Remus had to offer. Regulus' soft hair brushed across his cheek as he adjusted himself.
Remus buried his face in them, breathing in the smell and soaking up the warmth.
When he opened them again to sunlight streaming through the window, Regulus was already gone.
---
The door fell shut behind Remus. He called out a greeting and went to shrug off his shoes.
"Well chop chop kitchenboy. I'm hungry.", Reg answered from the living room. Remus grinned to himself.
Once he was in the kitchen, his phone buzzed.
Pads: hey moony, james just texted me and he got the job!!! lets go out and celebrate!! you'll be there right?
Remus swallowed, pushing down the ugly taste of guilt.
Moony: Sorry I can't make it, got held up at work.
Pands: aww come on you already couldn't come to my last show because of work. can't you just take one evening off? the youth of britain won't wither and die just because you have fun for once
Moony: I really can't. sorry.
The dots appeared next to Sirius' name, then disappeared again. Just when Remus was about to close his phone, they reappeared.
Pads: Remus, I know that it's hard for you after Reggie disappeared. I know that you miss him. So do I. But locking yourself in your apartment and working to death is only going to make you feel worse. You deserve to feel better, okay?
Remus flinched as if the words had burned him.
Pads: Please come, just this one. I promise it'll be worth it
Pads: We don't even have to go to a bar. I'm sure James will be just as happy to see you if we're just hanging out at his place
Pads: Please? We all really miss you
Moony: I have to go.
He turned on airplane mode and flicked off his phone. Shame churned in his gut like burning hot acid. Breathing heavily, he leaned against the wall. He couldn't go. Regulus was here.
"Are you alright?" Remus opened his eyes. Regulus was looking up at him, concern painting his angelic features.
"Yes.", Remus managed after a moment of silence. "Yes, I'm alright. Just feeling a bit tired."
Regulus frowned and pressed his cold fingers against Remus' forehead. "Are you sure you're not sick?" Remus confirmed and took his hand, pressing a kiss against Regulus' knuckles.
"... and well, the administration said they'd take care of it, but with how they've been acting, I wouldn't bet on it." Remus finished the last bite of his egg. "What about you?", he asked.
"Oh, it was good.", Regulus said, stabbing lightly at his own egg and potatoes.
Remus watched him for a second. "Did you go down to the library today?"
Regulus' eyes snapped up. He hesitated. "No."
Remus' eyebrows lifted in surprise. "You always went to the library on Tuesdays."
Gaze hardening, Regulus stared at him. "You know I'm not him."
"What?", Remus blinked.
"You know I'm not the person you're looking for.", Regulus repeated.
"Reggie, what-"
"You know what my name is." Grey eyes burned into his, an unreadable expression yet so intense Remus had to avert his eyes.
"Of course I do, love." Regulus Arcturus Black. Brother of Sirius Black. Son of Walpurga and Orion Black.
"No, you don't." Regulus stood up, leaving Remus sitting alone at the table.
The next morning when Remus woke up, Regulus long gone, he was covered in possessive red scratches, running down his arms, back, and legs. Bite marks littered his shoulders, deep and angry.
He knew what they were from, technically, but every time he tried to think back to the details of the night, his mind blanked.
---
Remus closed the entrance door, then turned around to shrug off his coat. He cursed as his shoes left stains of mud and fallen leaves on the ground. After wrangling them off his feet, he turned to the claustrophobic corridor. Light shone in from the living room.
"I'm back.", Remus called. Silence.
He frowned. Regulus should have heard the front door. Maybe he was listening to something with his headphones on?
Remus wandered past the kitchen into the living room. It was empty.
Turning to check the kitchen, he flicked on the light. Nobody in there, either. He went into the bathroom, then the bedroom. Both of them dark, both desolate.
Remus' heart rate picked up.
Maybe Regulus was out? Yes, that must have been it. That was good, Remus thought to himself as a stabbing pain pierced through his ribcage, right beneath his heart. Regulus must have been out with some friends.
He fumbled with his phone, putting in Regulus' number with trembling fingers.
"We're sorry, the number you're trying to reach is currently not in use..." A tinny voice announced.
Right. Remus ran his fingers through his hair. Regulus never got a new phone after he came back. He must have lost the old one when he disappeared.
He'd be back soon. Remus knew it. With shaking limbs and a racing heart, Remus fell into the couch. He'd just wait here until Regulus came back.
---
Remus dragged himself through the front door. He dropped his jacket and shoes in a pile next to the door, then beelined to the bed. He hadn't been sleeping well in the weeks since Regulus had gone out. Remus wondered when he would be back.
Sinking into the pillow, Remus sighed. He knew the shirt under his pullover would be horribly crinkled in the morning, but he couldn't find it in him to care. He just wanted this day to be over.
He turned over, curling into a fetal position. November 28th. Last year it had been a Tuesday when Regulus had disappeared.
They'd had plans to go out that evening. A surprise, Regulus had said. Remus wondered what it had been. He'd never asked after Regulus had come back.
Screwing his eyes shut, Remus pushed down the tears. It wouldn't help.
Wouldn't help the gaping hollowness that always followed, buried deep in in his chest, reaching up, wrapping its hand around his throat until he was certain he would choke.
Remus' phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and chucked it out of sight. Remus knew it was Sirius. He was the only one who still bothered texting Remus.
He turned his face into the pillow, the one where Regulus always laid, breathing in the smell and soaking up the warmth.
It was still dark when Remus opened his eyes again. The clock next to his bed read 1.38 a.m.
Remus dropped his head. His bones felt like they were being pulled into the mattress, weighing down his body until he could barely breathe.
"You look troubled, love."
Remus' head whipped around. Regulus was back, sitting on his side of the bed.
He stilled at the sight of him. Moonlight shone in from the window, bathing Regulus in blue light, his pale face glowing like that of an angel. Regulus cocked his head, and something inside Remus broke.
He surged forward, wrapping his arms around the younger man so tightly he knew it must hurt. His eyes burned. He tried to push down the pressure that had been building in his chest for days, maybe weeks, but it was no use.
Remus buried his face in Regulus' shoulder, weeping cries tearing free from his throat. His whole body rocked as he desperately tried to breathe in between sobs. He felt as Regulus pulled them both to lie down, still wrapped up in each other.
They laid like that for a while, Remus' sobs like gunshots in the silence of the dark bedroom. A cold hand came up to pet through Remus' hair, long slim fingers wafting through auburn curls. Remus could feel the body heat emanating from soft skin as he buried his face in the crook of Regulus' neck.
"Please", Remus finally managed to rasp out, his voice hoarse and grating. "Please just- just today..."
His breath stuttered and heaved.
"Pease what, darling?", Regulus' voice was undeterred, his fingers stroking Remus' hair.
"Please- please. Please stay. Just today. Just until the morning."
Remus' hands turned into fists, tearing at the back of Regulus' shirt, as he stammered mindlessly.
"Please- Can't- I can't do this again. Please, Regulus, just this once. Please, I love you. I love you so much, just...Please, please." He pulled the other man even tighter, one hand fisting his shirt as the other buried itself in Regulus' hair.
"You know I can't."
When Regulus kissed him, he tasted like salt.
The next morning, Regulus was gone.
---
Remus was in the bathroom when his phone rang. He'd just pulled on his sleep pants when he heard the tell-tale ringtone that he'd set for Sirius ages ago. Sighing, he stared at it, willing for it to stop. It stopped.
Remus was about to reach for his toothbrush when the ringing started up again. He picked the phone up, weighing it in his hand for a moment before answering.
"Yes?"
"Oh my god- Moony? Moony, are you there?" Sirius was crying.
"I-", Remus stuttered. He dragged a hand down his face, wishing the brain fog would let off. "Yes, I'm here. Pads- what's wrong?"
He could hear Sirius sobs. "They found him- They found Reggie."
Remus blinked, unable to answer. "What?"
"In the woods near Grimmauld. A- a jogger found him. Moony-", Sirius's voice broke. "They found his bones."
The words from the phone swam into a massive sludge, undiscernible as they poured out of the speaker and dripped onto the floor.
Remus slowly took the phone from his ear, watching numbly as the call time ticked by.
"I'll call you back.", he interrupted Sirius, hanging up without waiting for an answer.
Remus stared at his reflection. He was pale, the tan he'd grown up with long gone. Dark circles hung under his eyes. Had he always been this skinny? Remus traced his collarbone, the bone unusually exposed.
"Is everything okay, love?"
He turned around. Regulus was standing in the doorframe.
Dark curls fell down until right above his strong brow, just like before he'd gone missing. The cold light from the bathroom made his pale skin shine, throwing sharp shadows underneath his brow and cheekbones, hollowing him out like a skeleton. He was so close.
Regulus cocked his head. "Remus?"
Remus couldn't feel his face when he answered. "Everything's fine, darling."