When we say goodbye.
1864
(Six years earlier.)
Sirius's bones still ached when they reached the opera house. The skin on his back still burned and his head hurt. But he tried to hide it, at least in front of Walburga.
Unlike him they looked unbothered and comfortable. His mother, Walburga,had her black hair pinned into a high bun, her black dress tight and stern. His fathers neat grey hair and perfect suit adorned with fake metals. They looked as if they hadn't been beating their son an hour ago.
The Opera house was grand and welcoming, but the inside was hot. To hot. Usually he would be glad for it, as it was unbearably cold outside. But the feverish, torn skin on his back hated it. It begged for the cold air, begged for release of the tight constricting suit.
The guests of the opera gathered outside the stage room in the foyer. People talked, men drank, woman fanned them selves gently. Most of the people gathered tonight were Rich families adorned in jewels and wealth. And it showed on their faces. They held their noses rather high and hardly laughed.
Regulus, who tried to keep by his parents side, broke away for a moment. "Sirius. Are you okay?"
Sirius let out a heavy breath. "No. I'm sure you can guees why."
Regulus looked down. "I'm sorry. I tried to say something but-"
"You didn't try anything." Sirius snapped back.
Regulus swallowed. "Well, um... I'm here if you need anything."
Sirius scuffed, causing Regulus to walk away.
A bell rang, and the doors to the stage room opened. The crowd filtered in slowly, headed to their seats.
The Noble house of Black had bought their own box, right next to the stage. It was grand of course. But only two seats fit in the front, so Regulus and Sirius sat behind them. Sirius didn't mind, the opera tonight was a political drama, which he was never very found of for entertainment.
By the time the opera was half way done Sirius' head hurt so much he could barely see and the back of his shirt was soaked though along with his hair.
He leaned over, running his hands through his hair.
Regulus tapped his arm, a concerned look on his face. Sirius waved him off and took a deep breath.
He started to take off his jacket, as it was to hot and he couldn't think. Regulus glazed over as if to ask what he was doing.
Just for a moment. Sirius mouthed.
But Regulus gasped quietly. He put his hand on Sirius back and it returned red.
Thick red marks dashed across the back of his shirt and the inside of his suit jacket.
Sirius dashed up and ran out the door. He didn't know where he was going, but wasn't going to be that box.
He tried running down the hallway but a couple was standing at the end of it. Sirius would be in much more trouble if his parents heard that someone saw him.
So he used the door at the other end of the hall. This one, unknown to him, lead back stage. Despite the less glamorous atmosphere, Sirius didn't stop. He had to stop the bleeding.
He didn't even register where he was going, just that with every person he bumped into his head spun. The back stage was much louder than upstairs and it smelt odd.
But than he couldn't run anymore. He was out of breath and he couldn't fill his lungs. His head was hammering and he could hardly see now.
He wasn't sure where he stopped, but he sat down and tried to think.
Just breath, Just breath, don't be loud, just breath, think, think, think...
But he couldn't. Nothing seemed to be working. He thought about what would happen if he wasn't back spoon and he tried to use it as motivation.
But he couldn't move. Nothing was working. Nothing was working. Nothing was working. Nothing was-
"Excuse me? Can I help you?" A voice asked.
"What..?" he answered.
"Can I help you? You look hurt." It asked again.
Sirius forced his vision to focus on the voice. It seemed to come from a boy. He wore the most ridiculous outfit accommodated with ridiculous glasses. His curly hair hung around his ears and it bounced when he moved.
"Don't need... Cant find... go away." Sirius spit.
"Well no need to be rude." He responded. His eyes drifted toward the wall behind Sirius and he left out a small gasp. "You need help. Stay here."
He ran off and a moment later returned with a stern looking woman.
"What is the meaning of this. Your act is next. You will not miss it!" She yelled.
But her anger was subsided when she saw Sirius. It was as though she already knew.
Sirius could never remember he next part properly. Did the lady fix him there in the middle of a crowded back stage? Or did she fix him in the small musty room where he woke up?
He wasn't even sure how long he had been asleep. Or if he never was and just blocked it all out. Regardless music was still booming when he did wake, so the show was still going on.
Good that gives me time to get back. He thought. But something inside him told him to stay. He could hide here, or maybe live on the streets. He was a fast runner, maybe be a pageboy.
His now stained shirt was sprawled at the foot of the small bed he was on and a small candle sat on the table next to him. He must have been in a woman's room because it smelled of flowers and perfume. The walls were covered in photos, news papers, or trinkets, and a sewing kit sat on the table in the center of the room.
He made out a small pile of bandages and red cloth sitting next to it as well, presumably his. This made him uncomfortably aware of the tight sensation on his back. It was now covered in carefully placed cloth strips and some sort of fragrance surrounded him now.
He was reaching for his shirt when the door of the room opened. The curly haired boy, still in his ridiculous outfit, and the woman from earlier walked in.
The woman, who looked quite frightening stern before, now smiled at him sympathetically.
"Hello dear, i'm Madam Euphemia. How are you feeling now?" she asked.
Sirius nodded his head. "Fine. Thank you."
"You looked half dead." The boy spoke.
This woman glanced in his direction and clicked her tongue, before tuning back to Sirius. "I assume you are not a dancer, or i would know you. And by the looks of you your one of the Black brothers?"
Sirius took a moment and of his thought of his options. If he said no than she wouldn't return him. But than he'd have to make up another story about why he was here, and Sirius was an awful liar. So he told the truth. "Yes Madam."
She smiled sympathetically again. "And did they do this?"
"Yes."
She let out a small gasp, that seemed to be everyone's reaction, and Sirius fought the urge to roll his eyes.
"Well than its settled, you wont go back." The boy called out again.
"James..." The woman warned.
"What? He cant go back now. He almost died! He can keep him here!"
"James." She stood up facing him. "A moment outside please."
They boy, James let out a small grumble and opened the door.
When it shut the two spoke in low voices, but that didn't stop Sirius from leaning against the door frame to hear the whispers.
"We have to send him back James."
"But why? You saw that-"
"This is a noble family. THE NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK. They are not to be messed with James."
"Cant we report it?"
"And what are they supposed to do? The family has money."
"So do we!"
"And where do you think it goes? To you. To the opera. To our home. I want to help him as much as you do but i wont risk it."
"But mum."
"No."
Sirius lept back, nearly knocking the candle of the table, just as the door opened.
The woman tried to open her mouth to speak, but Sirius caught her first.
"I don't have to go back." Sirius tried to lie. "They wont notice."
His lying skills hadn't improved it seemed.
"Young man you know that's not true." She combated.
Sirius didn't try to refute it. She was right. His parents could do what they wanted all day but he was still the heir. And that was everything to them.
The woman crossed to a dresser in the corner and pulled out a new shirt, handing it to him. "This is for you. I'm sure they wont notice. And ill walk you back."
Sirius nodded, and pulled the shirt over his head, straightening it has much as possible
The woman than lead them out of the room back toward the families box.
Sirius tried to think of anything to hide his disappointment. He knew he had to go back, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to think of what waited for him when he got walked through the box's door.
He could've listened to Regulus, rolled over like a dog. Listen to them organize every step of his life. Pretend like he agreed with everything they did. Pretend he was happy. Pretend he didn't care about their backwards views.
Regulus could do that, but he wouldn't.
They had reached the top of the stairs when a hand grabbed Sirius arm firmly.
James had grabbed him, and now they were running. Sirius didn't know where they going, but the woman was shirking behind them.
They climbed a new set of stairs, lept into a small tunnel, and seemed to jump through a wall. But eventually, they stopped in a chapel of some sort.
A few burned out candles sat on the ledge of a shelf and old pictures were dusted over.
It seemed to be forgotten, cobwebs hung in the corner, and dust covered the surface of everything.
"We should be safe here." James whispered.
Sirius eyed him carefully. He couldn't think of any reason why this boy in a ridiculous costume would help him. Why would he not turn in Sirius back to his parents, they probably would have payed him. Sirius hadn't said anything worthy of blackmail. Though he could've blackmailed his parents. But why would they care? Why does this boy care? Why did the woman care? Why-
"You okay?" James asked.
Sirius focused. His breath was heavy and he was sweating again. But he swallowed, breathed, and unclenched his hands. "Fine."
James snickered. "Good I guess. I don't know how long well be down here but-"
"Why would you help me?" Sirius asked.
"Why not?" he replayed, unbothered.
"Because you don't have to. Whats in it for you?"
James shrugged. "I guess if this works, a friend. Maybe a dance partner. I don't know. As long as you cant sing than we don't have to worry about anything."
Sirius couldn't understand it. Nothing? He wanted nothing?
"Well if you don't want to than you could work by yourself. Though your pretty face wont last a day in her with out a master of the opera." James hung his hand on his hips, face in the distance, as though he was trying to imitate some greek hero.
Sirius rolled his eyes. Despite the annoyance, he did find James rather funny.
After James was done posing he sat down and began to draw in the dust.
"So how long will we be down here?" Sirius asked.
James shrugged. "Till your parents leave you alone."
Sirius scuffed. His mother was right, the house of Black wouldn't just give up.
"I should get back." Sirius prompted.
"What?" James jumped. "You cant! You can stay here! Besides, do you know how much trouble ill get in if i just take you back?"
"Do you know what trouble i'm going to be in because you wont take me back?" Sirius snapped. He didn't want to say it, because he didn't want to go back.
James seemed to read his mind. "You don't have to pretended to like them."
"I don't like them. I don't pretend to do so."
James rolled his eyes. "Fine. You can try to go back. But I wont take you because I know your lying."
Sirius scuffed. How can someone be so...so...unbearable?
He straightened his shirt, combed his hair with his fingers, and turned toward the door.
But he didn't move. He couldn't. His feet were stuck to the floor like cement. Move. he told himself. The cuts on his back suddenly burned as if they were telling him to move. Or stay. He couldn't tell. If he went back surely he'd face punishment. But if he stayed he'd face more. Assuming they didn't find him. He could run away. Or stay here, help build things, clean, maybe dance. Of course not he was an awful dancer. Not that he really ever tried, he just knew it.
Suddenly, the panic in his chest returned. He had to go. But he couldn't. Why couldn't he? He had to.
"Are you going to move-" James tried to call out.
But he was interuptted by a door opening at the top of the stairs.
James grabbed his arm again, pulling him throw another secret wall. The two crawled, jumped, and ran until they reached a wall. The center of the wall was lightly discolored and a handle stuck to it.
James throw the door open and pulled Sirius throw, unaware of what was on the other side.
Instead of running further away from Walburga and Orain, James lead Sirius straight to them.
Sirius expected them to the shriek and scream. Rash out at him. But instead she simply looked at him and tuned away. Though she didn't move, as if to slightly demand Sirius joined her. And when he did not she turned back.
"Come Sirius." She shouted.
Sirius was stunned. His heart felt as though it was going to run out of his chest and be crushed in his mothers hands.
She looked at him firm in the eyes, eyebrow raised. "You come now. Or you will be left here."
Sirius felt James' hand brush his, but ignored it. But he also ignored his mother. He didn't say anything, more, or even take away his eyes. He let his lack of movement speak for its self.
And it did. Because his mother grabbed his brothers wrist, red faced, and stormed toward the door.
"You will get nothing. Nothing from us." She screamed as she walked toward the door. "You want to live amongst street rats than do it. I will not have such filth in my house."
She turned toward him one last time. "And if you think for one moment I will ever see you as a son after this. If you think you are anything more than filth on my boot. If you believe I ever saw you as more. Than believe it, believe false lies if it helps you sleep tonight. Or any night. Because you'll never sleep in my house again."
She began to pull Regulus toward the door again. But a small voice called out.
"Mother please."
It was Regulus.
"Mother please, we cant leave him." Regulus called.
"Regulus, I will hear nothing from you." She spat.
Regulus knew that there was nothing he could have said to make her stop.
Instead he looked back at Sirius.
The two brothers begged each other silently for the other to stay. Both of them knowing that one could not be happy without the other suffering.
Regulus could not truly be happy if he went with his mother, but he didn't know that. His family was all he ever knew, he didn't know how to leave it.
Sirius could not see it that way, as he never thought of the place as home. He only ever had Regulus. Or parts of him.
Neither one of them could plead the other enough. So Regulus was ripped away from the love he wanted, and Sirius the love he knew.