The Great Hall buzzed with the lively hum of lunchtime chatter. Plates overflowed with food, students laughed and gossiped, and Astra Potter was halfway through a particularly good shepherd’s pie when the sound of a sickeningly sweet throat-clear brought the room to silence.
“Ahem.”
The voice was unmistakable. Dolores Umbridge.
The pink-clad menace waddled her way to the middle of the hall, her head held high and her trademark simper plastered across her face.
“A delightful afternoon to you all,” she trilled, her voice dripping with condescension. “I trust you are enjoying yourselves, but I feel compelled to remind you of the importance of decorum.”
Astra, seated smack in the middle of the Gryffindor table, exchanged a sly glance with Mattheo Riddle, who was lounging at the Slytherin table beside Draco, Theo, Blaise, and Pansy. Mattheo smirked back, clearly anticipating whatever chaos Astra was about to unleash.
Umbridge continued her lecture, oblivious to the growing smirks and stifled snickers among the students. “Some of you seem to think that Hogwarts is a place for foolishness and… disobedience.” Her eyes landed on Astra, her tone growing pointed.
Astra raised an eyebrow, unfazed. “Well, Professor, it’s hard to take lessons on decorum seriously when they’re coming from someone dressed like a sentient cupcake.”
The hall erupted into laughter, even Hermione hiding a giggle behind her hand. Ron let out a loud guffaw, earning himself a glare from Umbridge.
“Potter!” Umbridge’s sugary tone cracked like a whip. “Such disrespect is mostunbecoming.”
“Disrespect? Oh no, I think I’m being very respectful,” Astra said innocently, resting her chin on her hand. “I mean, I didn’t even mention the fact that your entire personality screams ‘failed cat mom.’”
Mattheo choked on his pumpkin juice, Theo slapping him on the back as he wheezed with laughter. Draco’s smirk widened, while Blaise leaned back in his chair, thoroughly entertained.
Pansy, however, pursed her lips. “Honestly, Potter, you’re so vulgar.”
“Oh, Pansy, don’t be jealous,” Astra shot back. “I’m sure your invitation to the Umbridge Fan Club is in the mail.”
The laughter grew louder, and even some of the teachers were struggling to keep a straight face.
“Enough!” Umbridge shrieked, her face turning an alarming shade of pink. “You are all testing my patience!”
“Your patience?” Astra said, feigning shock. “I thought we were testing your sanity. My mistake.”
The Slytherin boys couldn’t hold it in any longer, Draco snorting into his goblet while Mattheo muttered, “She’s going to get herself expelled.”
Hermione hissed, “Astra, stop! You’re going to get detention!”
“Detention? For what?” Astra said, standing up dramatically. “For expressing my deeply held belief that no one should have to endure this much pink before lunch?”
“Enough, Miss Potter!” Umbridge’s voice had hit a high-pitched squeal. “You will serve detention with me every evening this week!”
Astra gasped, clutching her chest in mock horror. “A whole week? My heart can’t take it! Someone fetch Madam Pomfrey!”
The hall exploded into laughter once more, Ron pounding the table as tears streamed down his face. Even McGonagall, seated at the staff table, coughed suspiciously into her napkin.
Umbridge looked as though she might combust on the spot. “This is NOT over, Potter!”
“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it being over,” Astra called as Umbridge screeched“You’re my favorite comedy act, after all!”
Across the hall, Mattheo, Theo, Draco, and Blaise exchanged amused glances, each silently agreeing that lunch had never been so entertaining.
The hall still buzzed with laughter and whispers as Umbridge stood frozen in place, her face as pink as her frilly cardigan. Astra leaned back casually, looking every bit the picture of relaxed defiance as she returned to nibbling on a piece of bread.
“Miss Potter!” Umbridge snapped, finally regaining some of her composure. “You are walking a very fine line.”
Astra grinned, tilting her head. “Oh, Professor, it’s not walking if I’m dancing all over it.”
The hall erupted again, Mattheo clapping his hands as Blaise muttered, “She’s fearless.”
“I prefer the term ‘entertaining,’” Astra called, overhearing him and earning yet another snort from Ron, whose face was nearly as red as his hair.
“Potter!” Umbridge shrieked, her voice climbing another octave. “You will cease this insolence immediately!”
“Of course, Professor,” Astra said sweetly, her voice dripping with mock sincerity. “Anything to make your life easier.” She paused, then added, “Though I imagine that’s an impossible task when you’re lugging around that much audacity in that cardigan.”
Hermione dropped her head into her hands with an exasperated groan. “You’re going to end up expelled.”
“At least she’ll go out in style,” Mattheo said, smirking at Astra.
“Thank you, Mattheo,” Astra replied, giving him a mock curtsy from her seat. “Always nice to have an admirer.”
“An admirer?” Draco interjected, finally finding his voice. “As if anyone here would stoop to..”
“Oh, don’t be jealous, Malfoy,” Astra cut in, tossing a grin his way. “It’s not becoming. Though I’m sure it must sting to be the second most interesting person at your own table.”
Theo laughed outright at that, earning a glare from Draco. “I think she’s got you there, mate.”
“Shut it, Nott,” Draco snapped, though his cheeks tinged pink.
“Enough of this nonsense!” Umbridge bellowed, slamming her hand on the nearest table. “You all think this is funny? I will not tolerate such disrespect!”
Astra shrugged. “It’s not disrespect, Professor. It’s banter. You know, the thing that happens when someone can actually take a joke.”
“And you think you’re clever, do you?” Umbridge said, her voice now a dangerous growl.
“Think?” Astra said, feigning offense. “Oh, no, Professor—I know I’m clever. That’s why I’m in Gryffindor.”
At this, Pansy finally spoke up, her tone dripping with disdain. “Clever doesn’t mean funny, Potter. You’re just annoying.”
Astra’s green eyes sparkled as she turned to Pansy. “Oh, Pansy, don’t worry I’ll try to use smaller words next time so you can keep up.”
The hall exploded once again, with Blaise now openly laughing and Theo grinning so wide it looked like it might hurt.
Pansy looked furious, her cheeks turning a blotchy red. “Why do you even talk to her?” she snapped at Mattheo.
“Because she’s fun,” Mattheo replied lazily, raising his goblet to Astra again. “Unlike some people.”
Draco groaned. “You’re all ridiculous. She’s not even supposed to be here this is Gryffindor garbage day.”
“Ooh, clever one, Malfoy,” Astra said with a slow clap. “Did you come up with that all on your own, or did Pansy write it for you?”
“Potter, that’s enough!” Umbridge shrieked again, her hands shaking now as she pointed a stubby finger at Astra. “You will report to my office this instant!”
Astra stood up dramatically, raising her hands as though surrendering. “Fine, fine, if it means that much to you. I’ll even let you lecture me about whatever tedious nonsense you’ve got planned. But,” she added, turning to the crowd, “let it be known that I go bravely into the lair of doom for my audience, for justice, for the shepherd’s pie I didn’t finish.”
Mattheo and Theo erupted into fresh laughter, while even Blaise wiped at his eyes as if Astra had reduced him to tears.
Astra stepped away from the table, but before following Umbridge, she shot one last glance back at Mattheo. “Don’t let Draco sulk too hard while I’m gone. You know how fragile his ego gets.”
The laughter behind her was loud enough to echo through the hall, and as Astra walked off behind a fuming Umbridge, she couldn’t help but smirk.
If nothing else, she’d made lunch one to remember.
As Astra followed Umbridge out of the Great Hall, she could still hear the echoes of laughter ringing through the air. The Gryffindor table had practically erupted in cheers when she left, Ron nearly choking on his pumpkin juice from laughing so hard. Hermione had sighed in exasperation, muttering something about “irresponsible behavior,” but even she couldn’t entirely hide the smirk tugging at the corners of her lips.
Astra, of course, strutted behind Umbridge like she was walking a runway, even pausing to wave dramatically at Mattheo and Theo, who both raised their goblets in a mock toast.
“Miss Potter,” Umbridge hissed through clenched teeth as they exited the hall. “You are a disgrace to Gryffindor House!”
Astra tilted her head, feigning confusion. “Disgrace? Professor, I think you’re mistaking me for Malfoy.”
“Enough!” Umbridge barked, her voice echoing through the corridor. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Such audacity for a little girl!”
Astra raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching with amusement. “Well, it’s not my fault you make it so easy. You might as well wear a ‘mock me’ sign with that cardigan.”
The vein in Umbridge’s forehead looked like it might burst, but before she could respond, the sound of hurried footsteps interrupted them.
“Astra!”
She turned to see Ron jogging down the corridor, his tie askew and his face flushed, followed closely by Hermione, who was scowling.
“Ron? Hermione?” Astra said with exaggerated surprise. “What are you doing here? Couldn’t let me have my dramatic exit alone?”
Ron skidded to a halt, panting. “Blimey, Astra, you’re brilliant! The way you shut up Malfoy and Parkinson classic!”
Hermione grabbed his arm, glaring at him. “Ron, stop encouraging her! She’s already in enough trouble!”
“Oh, come on, Hermione,” Astra said, flashing her a grin. “Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it. I saw that little smile.”
“I did not..” Hermione began, but Astra cut her off with a playful wink.
“Save it. You’re welcome for the lunchtime entertainment.”
“Enough interruptions!” Umbridge snapped, looking apoplectic. “Both of you, return to your seats immediately before I dock points from Gryffindor!”
Ron opened his mouth to argue, but Hermione yanked him back toward the Great Hall, muttering about Astra being a “terrible influence.” Astra waved them off cheerfully before turning back to Umbridge.
“Well, Professor, shall we?” Astra asked, her voice laced with mock politeness.
“Follow me,” Umbridge hissed, turning on her heel and marching toward her office.
Astra trailed behind, hands tucked casually into her pockets as she hummed an off-key tune. They hadn’t gone far when another voice called out from behind them.
“Potter!”
She glanced back, unsurprised to see Draco Malfoy storming down the hallway, flanked by Mattheo, Theo, and Blaise.
“Malfoy,” Astra greeted him breezily. “Miss me already?”
“You think you’re so clever, don’t you?” Draco spat, his cheeks flushed with anger. “Coming into the Great Hall and humiliating me in front of everyone?”
Astra blinked innocently. “Humiliating you? Draco, I was just pointing out the obvious. You do have a fragile ego. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Mattheo smirked, elbowing Theo. “She’s got you pegged, mate.”
Draco whirled on him. “You’re supposed to be on my side!”
“I am,” Mattheo said, his grin widening. “I’m just enjoying the show.”
Blaise chuckled, leaning lazily against the wall. “You’ve got to admit, Potter’s got guts.”
Umbridge looked like she might combust on the spot. “Enough!” she screeched. “Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Riddle, Mr. Zabini, Mr. Nott. return to your common room this instant! And as for you, Miss Potter..”
But Astra wasn’t listening. She was too busy stifling a laugh as Draco and Mattheo began bickering, their voices overlapping in a heated exchange.
“Unbelievable,” Astra muttered under her breath, shaking her head. “And they say Gryffindors are the dramatic ones.”
“MISS POTTER!”
Astra straightened, biting back a grin as she turned to Umbridge. “Yes, Professor?”
“In my office. Now.”
With a theatrical sigh, Astra gave the boys a mock salute. “Wish me luck, gentlemen. Don’t cry too hard while I’m gone.”
Draco rolled his eyes, but Mattheo gave her a lazy wave, his smirk firmly in place. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Potter.”
“Oh, Mattheo,” Astra called over her shoulder as she followed Umbridge down the corridor. “That doesn’t leave me with many limits.”
Mattheo’s laughter echoed after her, mingling with Blaise’s and Theo’s. Even Draco couldn’t entirely suppress a small, reluctant chuckle.
As Astra disappeared into Umbridge’s office, she couldn’t help but smile. Another day, another round of chaos and she wouldn’t have it any other way.