I don’t think that James remembers what happened that night, at least he seems to be ignoring what happened. He has always meant more to me than I have to him, so I suppose it makes sense that I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about him, while he couldn’t care less about me.
I’ve been watching him, it sounds odd, but I think that I have always gravitated towards him, maybe not physically, but it’s hard to not want to stare at the sun even when it burns. That’s what it’s like to look at James’ smile, it burns me everytime, but I can’t help but stare.
You’re so pretty
When you smile, it kills me, oh
Sometimes I think my process of watching him will kill me one day. It almost hurts to be only mildly warmed by the sun when I’m so far from him. I got close to the sun once, maybe too close just like Icarus. I flew too close and came crashing down. I suppose that’s a bit dramatic, though it feels that way when I recall how he touched me that night, and now hardly acknowledges me.
Maybe he didn’t mean any of it, maybe I was just another conquest for the most popular boy at Hogwarts. An experiment, I am someone that he knows would never say anything about the kiss. Maybe he really doesn’t view it as significant, after all it’s just a kiss.
Can’t stop thinking ‘bout the way you kissed me
Under the stars
I can’t bear to go into the astronomy tower anymore. I'm a bit sad about it, it used to be my favorite place. I tried to go back the night after, but I could only think of the way he held me, how it felt to be with him, to be warm. You’d think that one or two kisses wouldn’t bring about such warmth, but I’m starting to believe that I had never been warm before him. I feel so cold now, its a bit depressing how much he affects me.
I think I’ve started to follow him around, I subconsciously changed my routes from class to class in order to walk past him. I find myself spending time out of the dorm, mostly by the lake which it seems like he enjoys, as it’s the only place I’ve managed to observe him when he’s alone.
He seems so relaxed when he’s by the lake, like he can simply be.
I watch him now, I don’t think he knows that I’m out here, because he seems upset. James never shows his anguish, I know it’s because if you watch him for long enough you can tell when something is bothering him, but he tries his best to never show that he is upset, or sad, or really anything other than happy.
He’s crying now and I want to reach out, but I just can’t bring myself to reveal that I’m here, so I
watch as he cries.
And you’re so lovely
When you cry, it hurts me, oh
I don’t think I’ve ever had any true friends. I have people who are kind enough, but there is always the underlying knowledge that they might only want me for what I can offer as the new heir to the Noble House of Black.
I don’t think that James ever really thought about that, he’s never seemed to care about the notion of wealth, which I suppose is easy to dismiss when you yourself are wealthy, but I’m not convinced that he has ever really cared for material things. I want him to come back to me, he was never mine, but I wish he would be.
You’re the only person left, so hold me
Don’t leave me
I know that as much as I dream and hope and wish for James to come to me and declare some sort of affection for me it will never come true. I would hope that maybe on another lonely night for James he’ll allow me to bask in his light.
I’m so scared that the moments we shared
Won't happen again
I don’t want this to end
James is just a mesmerizing force, I can’t look away, and I didn’t even notice when he started to pull me in. It’s a gravitational pull so light I can hardly feel it, but just strong enough to tug me close to him. I guess he is the sun, and I, like so many other planets, can't help but orbit around him soaking up every bit of light from afar, allowing just his light to sustain me. Maybe one day he’ll allow me to get so close I’ll be warm forever, or maybe just be burned alive by his warmth.
‘Cause you’re so pretty
When you smile, it kills me, oh
You’re the only person left, so hold me
Don’t leave me