Pure Sinners

It hadn’t taken long to find him, the drive longer than the task itself. As Remus pulled up outside the wooden house, Sirius spoke once again voice disbelieving “I can't believe we're doing this” he said and Lily fought the urge to punch him. 

“Would you rather I die Sirius?” Remus asked, clearly annoyed to be talking so crassly. Sirius quieted, staring at his feet as Lily led them to the door. 

“Fuck, how rich is too rich?” Remus asked staring at the golden lion before them. Sirius snorted a boy who had grown up with more than he needed. 

“This rich” he declared, pressing the doorbell. 

They waited. 

Remus sighed, pressing the doorbell again. 

They waited. 

Lily groaned, reaching towards the doorbell as she rested her finger against the button. The sound was piercing, consistent in its pitch and annoyance. 

They waited. 

“Im coming” cried a voice from inside and all three tensed. 

They waited. 

James POTTER opened the door, and Lily punched him square in the nose. 

“Fuck” the bloody boy had whispered before Lily punched him again, inviting herself into his ‘safe’ house. 

He backed away from her, and Lily fought against the nausea his fear caused her. She heard the door slam behind them as well as another long-suffering sigh from Sirius. 

James raised his head “Lily” he said, teeth bloody in his mouth. 

Lily smiled “Hello love”, her voice was sweet as she raised her leg, kicking him in the chest with her heeled boot. He reeled, the force of the blow sending him backwards as his legs flailed in the air.

“Ouch,” Remus said sympathetically as James’s head hit the wooden floor. 

“Look I know you’re angry..” He began as Lily pressed her foot onto his ribs.

 “Angry? whatever gave you that impression?” She was the epitome of sweetness as she twisted her heel into his skin. James groaned and Lily lifted her foot, slamming it down as something snapped beneath her shoe. 

He gasped, crawling backwards and attempting to stand. “God..” He tried again, palms raised in surrender. 

Lily swept his legs out.  

He fell hard - body bouncing on the wooden floor as he swore.

“That’s gotta hurt” Sirius stage whispered as Remus smothered a laugh.  

“Thought I was you’re only God James…” her voice was sour, she couldn’t help it “..or was that a lie too?”. Lily winced, too much, too honest. 

She spun around, facing her boys as she collected herself. Her hand raised, pinching the bridge of her nose - she felt a headache coming on. 

James’ hand clamped around her shoulder and Lily swung out. Her elbow connected with his ribs, as her fist raised the back of it connecting with his nose. His hand left her, raising to his strangely crooked nose. She took her chance, turning on her heel before curling her arm back. She punched him again, her fist pressing deep into his stomach. Side-stepping as he doubled over, she would not get puke on these boots. 

“Tsssss” Remus breathed sharply through his teeth. 

“L-Lily, I just wa..nt to t-talk” he said, speaking hard, still doubled over clutching his stomach. He coughed and something fell from his parted lips. It was white, small and hard. 

“You didn’t say goodbye” her voice was cold. 

He looked at her with eyes of pure sorrow, and Lily couldn’t stand it. Her leg lifted quickly, and she spun, forcing her booted foot into the side of James’s jaw. She watched, ignoring the screaming of her traitorous heart as he fell to the floor.  

“Get him in the car” she demanded to the boys, stepping carefully over James’s molar as she moved further into the house. She didn’t turn, knowing they’d do as she asked. 

Her feet moved quickly, towards the room all men like Dumbledore had. She found it on her 4th try, the door creaked as she pushed it open. The room was empty, white walls finished the asylum look. Lily didn’t care, she closed the door quickly. Breathing deeply as she allowed herself to break. 

The scream was deafening, and she felt her voice crack. 

It hurt. 

Why did it still hurt? 

Lily closed her eyes. She screamed again. 

A wailing cry shook the walls as felt her soul cleave in two. Identical jagged pieces, abandoned in the sound proof room 2 doors down from Albus Dumbledore’s bedroom. 

Lily moved, opening the door quickly as she slipped through the halls of the house.

The journey was worse as they travelled back.

Perhaps it was the radio station, or the air conditioning, or maybe the unconscious body of her EX-boyfriend in the back. Lily didn’t know. 

But when they finally arrived at Ivy house she practically jumped out of the car. Running up the driveway to alert Riddle of their arrival. 

“Pop him in the drawing room won’t you, I’ll be right there kitten” Riddle said brushing past her, up the stairs beyond the foyer. She nodded, opening the door so Remus could carry James in. Sirius set up a chair in the drawing room, tying James's hands behind his back as the boy’s eyelids fluttered. 

The boy in question was quickly regaining consciousness and Lily wanted to be out of his eye-line once he did. She sat behind him, on the terribly uncomfortable red sofa she remembers being unable to see from James’s position. 

Sirius sat next to her, complaints rushing forth from his mouth as though she cares. She doesn’t. She doesn’t care - not about him, or James or the molar in her pocket. 

She almost begs him, almost slips. ‘Please?’ She almost says - she doesn’t. Because she knows that once she starts begging, she won’t stop.  

James blinks back into consciousness, her name the first thing on his lips as he swivels his head around the half of the room he can see. 

He it seems, has no problem begging. 

By the time Riddle pushes into the room Lily's throat is dry and her head is pounding. 

“Mr Potter, lovely to finally meet you.” Riddle says, raising an eyebrow in Lily’s direction before refocusing on James. 

Lily can’t see his face but she imagines James angry as he speaks.“Wish I could say the same”. Sirius tenses next to her, and she grips his hand without prompt. 

“I see Kitten’s done a number on your face…what did she call you again?” He asked, not waiting for a response “Pretty boy, wasn’t it?”. His smile was mocking and James spits at Riddle’s feet. 

Lily sees it land and watches it slide down the leather of Riddle’s oxfords.

Riddle only hums, pacing in front of the injured boy. “It's a pity” his voice sounded sincere as he looked James over. “I rather enjoyed having you in the family, James..But I’ve never been a fan of cops” and for one moment Lily thinks that’s the end of it. Riddle moved to walk away, two paces towards the door before he turned back. 

His smile wicked, and his eyes red. 

James cries out as a knife slashes across his chest. 

She’s standing before she’s even thought to, her feet a full step towards the bleeding boy before she can force them to still. Sirius is staring at her, wide-mouthed, Remus’s hands holding him down. Remus himself is slack-jawed, face confused and knuckles white.

Riddle’s eyes are filled with irritation, he is displeased with her reaction and James…

James…

James is smiling at her. Head bent nearly the whole way round as he takes in every inch of her. The gash is large, running diagonally across his chest. The edges are jagged and Lily's eyes flicker helplessly to the serrated blade in Riddle's hand. 

“Lily” James’s voice was horse, but his eyes were light as he stares at her. 

She forces her eyes away. 

“Kitten, come to join the show?” Riddle asked as he twirls the knife in his hand. The moves are polished, and she knows James recognises them. She had done the same, the first time she had threatened his life. The memory feels far away now, a whole nother lifetime.

Riddle moves closer, smiling at her as he slips the knife across James’s chest again. This line is purposeful and deliberate, the opposite of its twin. 

James says nothing, grimacing against the pain, and Lily stares at the X, dividing his flawless skin. Skin she knew, skin she had run her fingers across, skin she had kissed. 

Her stomach revolts and she clamps her lips shut. Swallowing the bile as it rises. 

Sirius didn’t. 

The sound of his retching echoes through the room and Lily knew if she turned she’d see Remus holding his hair, whispering lies of comfort. 

She stares at the bleeding boy, and he stares at her. 

Her face is damp and Lily doesn’t know why. 

“Stop,” she asks, its a whisper, barely real as Sirius expels his dinner on the drawing-room floor. 

Riddle turns the knife in his palm, pausing to wipe the blade on James's trouser leg before bringing the knife into his eye line. He examines it, looking for a speck of James’s unworthy blood. 

She stares at James, and he stares at her. 

James’s blood is falling fast, staining the cream carpet beneath them. Lily pictures the house, living as it is, absorbing his blood in offering. Lily wonders if it was enough. 

Wind gusts through the chimney and Riddle stabs the blade into James’s thigh. 

“Fuckkkk” James screams, the sound reverberating through Lily’s bones. She watches as Riddle twists the knife, a sound of grinding bone filling the air. Lily steps forward, stopped only by James’s scream as Riddle pushes the knife deeper. 

“Please..” She begs. She pours her heart into the word. Every ounce of hope she has ever possessed. 

She begs the world to take her terrible luck, and give her this one wish - let her have this. 

Just this one thing.  Let her have James. Let him live.

Riddle only smiles, a mouth full of teeth and Lily thinks he’s pleased. He pulls the knife from James’s body, and James screams like he’s on fire. Riddle doesn’t pay him any mind, letting the blood run down towards his hand. 

“You know how to make it stop” he tells her and she shrinks. 

She was growing backwards, a tiny little thing with bushy pigtails. 

Riddle slips the knife into her palm. 

There is a noise downstairs, someone is screaming. 

Riddle's lips are cold as he presses them to her cheek. 

A man in a bloodstained shirt, crying. 

Remus is sobbing. The full-body noise echoed in the empty room. 

A gun. 

A knife. 

Lily crosses the carpet before her, turning to face James so hard her knees press into his with a force that makes him wince. She takes half a step back, ignoring the bloodstain under her feet and the feel of it slick against her palm. She places the edge of the knife over his heart. 

Her hand is shaking.

“It’s alright,” James says, a smile on his lips as more blood drips onto the floor. 

Lily can’t speak, shaking her head furiously as her tears rained down upon him. 

His eyes are on her, watching as her chest rises and falls. 

Breaths uneven, shallow, and much too short.  

“It’s okay,” he tells her, brown eyes honest. 

“I thought you’d kill me for this” James joked to the girl ready to carve out his heart and Lily's own burns in her chest as she remembers what he’d said all that time ago. 

The room is spinning, shaking, taking form into the belly of some rotten beast.  

“ I don’t have any mercy left” she whispers it, for her more than for him, but he lights all the same. There is so much blood. Too much blood, she can smell it, taste it. 

It’s in her mouth, again. 

She’s always swallowing blood. 

She turns the knife, trying to steady her hand as she presses the knife against his neck. It’ll be quicker like this. Kinder. 

She doesn’t feel kind. 

James smiles again, his face carving in two. 

He is all she can see, just him and his stupid smile in the drawing room that she had been raised in. The drawing room of the home Riddle had given her. 

The life he’d given her. 

“Then I’ll die a foolish man” James chokes the words, garbles them through the pain in his chest and the fear in his eyes. 

Lily’s hand moves, quick and sure as she pulls back. 

One motion - that's all. 

She tastes the blood, thick and warm as it coats her hands, splashing over her face. 

Marking her for what she is, a killer. 

Sirius screams, high-pitched and uncontrollable. 

Lily feels her world tilt as her body hits the floor. 

She follows him, her hands already finding his as he tries to focus his eyes on her face.  

Remus’s footsteps echo as he moves towards her. 

He isn’t dead yet, she knows that. 

She watches as his eyes blot out, open and unseeing as his dark hair spills behind him. 

His brown eyes are wide, filled with something like disbelief, like regret. 

His mouth moves, empty of sound as blood gushes from his lips. 

Lily says the words for him, “I love you”  

She means it, truly she does.

He does not smile. 

He does not move. 

Lily can not bring herself to look away.