Pure Sinners

Sirius’s mind was spinning. He sat patiently in the passenger seat of the beat-up car Riddles had given them for their job. The trees were sailing by the window in time with Sirius’s drifting thoughts.   

Remus was driving, his sunglasses perched firmly on his face. Sirius frowned at the thick black frames which covered a third of his scar.  Remus was focused on the road but every now and then he would glance in the rearview at Lily. She looked tired, purpling circles under her eyes as she rested her head against the door frame. 

They had left early, a little after sunrise when Lily had woken him with a shake to his shoulder and a glass of water to the face. The drive was long, a couple hours north then another hour to the west. Remus was making good time, his foot pressed firmly to the floor as his crappy music played through the speakers. 

James was sleeping, his face showing a calm Sirius couldn’t help but envy. Sirius was twisting in his seat, counting cars and lampposts into the hundreds. His nail polish was chipped from his picking and the plat in his hair had been redone five times since they left the motorway. 

James’s head banged against the window in pain. The noise caused Lily's head to rise, her eyes darting over James’s still-sleeping face. She blinked, her eyes moving back to the window.  

Lily was distracted.

It was obvious. She had run through their assignments and timings as well as their escape plans. She had outlined the house layout and kicked Sirius under the kitchen table when he’d yawned but she hadn't quite been herself. It was probably James’s fault or at least that's likely what Lily would say if he asked. Remus seemed wary of the bloke as well, though he was less obvious about it. Then again Remus rarely liked anyone, and it likely didn’t help matters that Riddle had made James a blight.

Sirius had worked hard for his position as a blight, and even he couldn't help the slight twinge of envy that had taken route when James’s rank had been brought to light that morning. 

Sirius had forced the green from his eyes quickly, after all he knew better than most that high rankings weren’t something to brag about.  

Privately Sirius thought his life might be better as a Shade. Shades were mid-tier; runners, and thieves.  They did the leg work no one else wanted to do: running drugs and money, petty crime to keep the name alive. The sort of gigs that got Sirius’s blood pumping, without the imminent danger of death. They got paid well and could get out easy enough as long as they ran fast. 

It was common knowledge in the Death Eaters that Ghosts had it the worst. Ghosts were the underdogs, Most of them were dealers or junkies, trapped by their own desires, their greed. They made more money than the statues but they spent more than anyone else. 

At least the Ghosts stuck together, honour among thieves and all that Jazz. Well, all Ghosts except Remus. Remus had been a junkie when Sirius had met him. He’d been working as a dealer for the DE, trying to clear off some of his debt with a few more intimidating Ghosts. 

Sirius hadn’t liked him much at first, his appearance in the back of meetings being met with chilly silence. It had been Lily who had tried to talk to him, it was she who lent him some cash to pay for ‘missing’ material. After the fire, she had vouched for him with Riddle asking for him to be allowed to work with her and said she’d pay off his debts from her jobs. Sirius had been against it at first, had thrown some rude words in Remus’s newly disfigured face. Lily had slapped him and brought the lanky boy two years their senior to live with them anyway. Sirius had fought against it, tooth and nail but Lily was insistent and Remus could cook so he was permitted to stay.  

Sirius wasn't very nice to their new houseguest, in fact looking back on his actions made him cringe. He was jealous of Lily's suddenly divided attention and increased workload. Sirius had been wary of how the boy shirked his responsibilities onto her so quickly. 

It changed after they tried to get him clean. Sirius was of little assistance, only standing and staring as if observing a zoo exhibit. Lily had been the one to care for him, soothing him as he vomited and holding him as he cried and begged for a fix. It had been her who had defended him from Remus’s fists when Sirius had gotten mouthy on a bad day.

Remus had been sober for two years. He only relapsed once, 2 months after they first got him clean. The display had been enough for Lily, who promptly got him blacklisted with the Ghosts.

Lily had insisted they cut back, not wanting drugs around their freshly sober roommate. They hadn't lasted long, refraining from their usual powders and pills until Remus had reached three months. They were smarter about it now though, a familial urge to protect Remus from the sight. Sirius thought Remus probably knew about the drugs or at least suspected, Remus was the suspicious sort.

He’d grown on Sirius after he got sober, moss on stone eroding away his anger day by day. He never moved up in rank, even after Lily cleared his debts. Not after he proved himself a worth asset to their team. Riddle didn’t care, keeping him a Ghost like some petty reminder of how far he had to fall. 

Remus cared about the levels more after he realised Riddle wasn’t going to change his mind. 

Something about remaining a ‘Ghost’ scared him, he wouldn’t talk about it, so Sirius didn't ask. 

Once after a night of rather reckless drinking, he had joked about becoming a ‘Statue’ just to have access to Remus’s secrets. Remus wouldn’t speak to him for a day until Lily marched him into Sirius’s room by his ear and slapped them both upside the head. 

Statues were the least involved in the day-to-day running of the shadows. Usually, statues had cushy office jobs or parliamentary innings. They showed up every now and then, selling somebody else's secrets for cash or to bury their own.

Sirius’s father was a statue and had been long before Sirius had been born, one of the best he used to say. Statues often had a shade in their pocket to do the dirty work for them, blackmailing upsets a statute’s constitution, better to leave that to someone with less to lose. 

Blights were another story entirely. Blights did everything from overseeing Ghosts and Shades to high-level criminal activity. Sirius had been a blight for years, moving up pretty quickly once he arrived in the Death Eaters. Blights were usually assigned to a Blessing, to do jobs for them and help them run Riddle’s more complex tasks. 

Sirius was a pretty terrible blight as it went, he was much too squeamish unable to ‘clean up’ in the way most blessings expected their blights to. Lily was the one who protected him. She did all the dirty work and scared off the other blessings who dared to question his clean hands. 

Sirius had killed people, he wasn’t innocent but since working with Lily he hadn’t added any names to his ledger. She knew the idea distressed him and did her best to prevent him from hurting anyone. Although she didn't always succeed and Sirius was convinced that the respite from bodies on his doorstep would only last so long, she continued to try. And Sirius loved her even more for it. 

Sirius had taken his first life at 16. He had been working for Bella, his cousin, ten or so years his senior. She had gone through three blights in the same year Sirius joined the DE and asked to have him join her. After his first mission he’d had nightmares for weeks: seeing only dead eyes and fresh blood. 

He’d told Lily about what Bella had made him do and she had gone up to Riddle. Fresh-faced 15 with her hair in pigtails and told him she was ready for more responsibility. Riddles had laughed at her ambition before flicking her nose and telling her if she could beat Bella in a fight he’d make her a blessing right there.

Sirius thinks this is where it all went wrong. 

The beginning of the end. 

Sirius could still remember the set of her jaw as she marched over to Bella, knocking her tea out of her hands and demanding a match. The fight was long, with each opponent choosing a weapon in order to up the stakes. Bella had predictably chosen a pair of brass knuckle dusters with claw-like spires that rose above each of her fingers. She fought dirty, using his size against the young girl, boxing her in and raining her fists against Lily’s shoulders. 

Lily had been losing badly when she turned to look at him from the floor. Her face was bloody and a slash was bleeding profusely from her neck. He had'nt know what to do, staring at the girl on the ground, all he could do was smile. 

Lily's eyes had hardened in a way he could never un-see as she rolled out from Bella’s incoming attack, before rising to kick her in the spine. She slashed at her, a dagger in each hand, drawing lash-like wounds onto Bella’s back. She didn’t stop, not until Riddle had started clapping and the room began to cheer. Bella had to be taken to the hospital and received more than a hundred stitches.  

Riddle made good on his word and Lily was a Blessing before her sixteenth birthday. 

He had found her later, hauled up in a broom cupboard down the hall from Riddles’s office. They weren't supposed to go down there without Riddle but Sirius had been bored, and he was never very good at following orders. 

It had been an accident, finding her but Sirius had acted like it wasn’t. 

“There you are” he had announced as she blinked at the bright light streaming into the dim cupboard. She hadn’t said anything, simply returned to staring at the knife by her feet. Dried blood crusted the surface of the blade and Lily's trembling hands as she held her knees to her chest.

“You okay?” He had asked his voice shaky. 

She hadn’t said anything just patted the floor next to her, he sat and spoke again. “Bella says the first kill is always hard” he tried for compassion but the words came out hollow. He will never forget how she had frozen by his side. At first Sirius thought he had upset her by bringing up the events that had transpired mere hours ago, but Lily looked him in the eye unflinching as she spoke. “It’s alway hard” something in her voice Sirius hadn’t heard since.

Sirius remembered his shock, how he had sat opened mouth fighting the insatiable curiosity his father belted him for. He had so many questions, but he close his mouth, forcing them down into the hollow of his throat. Lily's face had closed off quickly after that. The silence in the cupboard stifling, even as he took her bloodied hand in his. Her fingers were small and slender but she gripped him tightly. The two sat there for hours, silence the only sound until the door opened abruptly. 

“Your Mother is here” a deep voice said impatiently before dragging Sirius out of the cupboard by his arm. The man said nothing of Lily, slamming the cupboard door closed as soon as Sirius was in the hallway. She made no move to reopen the door, even as Sirius looked back from the end of the hall. 

She hadn’t told him, but Sirius knew now she’d slept there. In that filthy cupboard, her hands covered in blood with no one to hold them.

 “10 mins from drop off” Remus’s voice was startling, waking Sirius from his daydream. Lily coughed, and began to speak quickly “Alright, we going in through the back. Sirius will disable the motion camera before Remus picks the lock. What’s your estimate Remus?”. Remus seemed to think for a moment “2.30” his voice tilted upwards, the number seeming more like a question than an answer. 

"Okay 2 minutes and we’re in, Sirius you’re upstairs. You know where the object is?” Sirius nodded, He and Lily were the only ones aware of the item they had been assigned to retrieve. Lily continued “Good, fresh meat is with me. We’re going down to the cellar, you can crack the safe remotely Remus?” Lily asked although both she and Sirius knew he could. Remus nodded, blushing a little at the wide-eyed look James shot him. 

“We get the files from the safe and we all meet back at the rendezvous at 3:10 Understood?” Lily's voice was firm, her face expectant. 

“Understood” they all parroted back as Lily nodded. Remus parked the car and the four watched through the tinted windows as the target hobbled out of his house. 

He was an ugly man with a sour face and an eyepatch, Sirius didn’t feel too bad about robbing him. They watched as his car pulled away at 3:02 and were hiding along the back wall just out of sight by the motion detector by 3:04.

“Go” Lily’s voice was impatient. Sirius shook his head, pulling his body up the wall until he was crouched on top. It was a small jump from there to the roof, and he made quick work of the distance. Lily surveyed the area, looking for a nosey neighbour or anyone passing by. The motion detector was small, but the recording was live. He took a moment to think, deciding upon the best course of action. Looping it required more time than he had, covering it was an option but, had a large margin for error. He fisted in his pocket, pulling out a sharp strip of metal and wedging it into the tab at the back of the device. He pulled, moving the plastic aside to reveal a series of wires.

Three black, two yellow and one red.

Sirius cut them all.

Then for good measure, he smashed the dead machine against the roof. He sent Lily a thumbs up, and watched them cross the small distance to the door.

He worked his way back down as Remus began picking the locks. Sirius could pick locks, as could Lily but Remus did it faster than anyone else in the Death Eaters. He had been staying with them for a few weeks when he’d started learning. He was studious and learnt the basics from Lily in a day and a half, he practiced for a week straight until he could beat Lily's best time, since then he had only gotten quicker. 

A minute had passed and Lily ran her fingers over her watch before turning back to Remus. Sirius didn’t understand how she could stand to look away, then again he didn't suppose anyone watched Remus as much as he did. When he was driving, when he was cooking but most of all as he worked, his fingers nimbly turning pegs and applying just the right amount of pressure. Remus had beautiful hands. Sirius closed his eyes as one of the locks gave way beneath Remus’s fingers. 

 He needed to focus.

He turned his head slightly to look at James: he looked a little green but otherwise calm. By the time he had looked back Remus was pulling the final pin from the open door. “2:10. Not bad” Lily congratulated, pointing him back towards the car with a wave of her hand.  A machine beside the door beeped once, the only warning of the alarm system activating. 

“three minutes.” Lily reminded them before moving towards a door on the right.  

“Bedrooms first on the left,” she said pointing at the stairs before moving further into the house, with James scrambling after her fading form. Sirius took this as his cue to move away from the group, quickly locating a wooden staircase just off the rear entryway. He walked quietly up the wooden staircase admiring the lack of pictures or artwork on the walls, the whole house looked staged. 

As he pushed the heavy door, Sirius surveyed the plain bedroom inside. There were no pictures or art on the walls, which were painted in an off-white shade, just like the bedspread. The wardrobe was made of dark oak, matching the bedside drawers. Sirius moved towards the oak chest to the left of the bed, and quickly opened it, revealing a treasure trove of secrets.

A gun with its serial number filled off lay in the corner beside a set of medals encased in glass squares piled one after the other. A November edition of Playboy was pushed aside to reveal the tattered piece of paper Sirius had been looking for.

Sirius gently pulled out the letter and resisting the temptation to read it, placed it in his back jean pocket before closing the drawer and wiping it clean of fingerprints. He quickly glanced at his watch before making his way downstairs. Just as he reached the base of the staircase Lily emerged carrying a set of brown folders with a large military insignia printed on the corner of each “all good?” She asked and Sirius nodded as he quickly followed her out of the house, unwilling to waste time. 

He quickly climbed up onto the roof and once everyone was clear he removed the small device from the motion detector before climbing down to the ground out of its view. He jumped into the back of the car, handing the letter to Lily as Remus sped off down the road. “You read it?” She asked and he shook his head as she opened it skimming her eyes across the page. She nodded briskly before placing the parchment into her pocket. 

20 minutes later they arrived at a car park where their other ride was stashed. They parked the car next to a large dumpster and quickly got out. Sirius looked around, making sure no one was following them. Satisfied that they were alone, he pulled out a rag and wiped down the car's door handles and steering wheel. After the quick cleaning, they entered the silver Honda and Remus started the engine. 

On the drive back to the city Lily filled him in on her part of the plan. She and the new guy had gone down to the cellar and found the safe, which Remus cracked in 1 minute 57 seconds, his new record. Before taking the files and wiping down the exterior. Sirius absorbed the information greedily, knowing she was telling him James had done alright. He had not jeopardised the mission and they needed to decide what to do about him now that he was in the clear.

Sirius’s smile was blinding as he looked to James and then to Lily. He wiggled his eyebrows amused at the confused expression on James’s face. Lily sighed looking to Remus in the seat beside her, he raised both eyebrows before moving his head in a small nod.

She looked to James, eyes taking in every inch of his puzzled face, looking for something Sirius couldn't see. Lily turned back to him, holding Sirius’s eyes for long enough that he was sure she’d turn him down. “once chance” she said, voice strangely neutral. 

Sirius barely managed to restrain himself from jumping from his seat. “You get one go, alright. Ground rules..” Sirius began counting the rules on his fingers as he went “Number one, you listen to everything one of us says. We have been doing this a lot longer than you..respect your elders ” Sirius’s smile was reflected by most of his friends. “Rule number two. You only get one chance, don't fuck it up otherwise Lily will have to bury you in someone’s back garden” he paused to listen to Lily's cackling laughter before continuing dramatically “And rule three..if a pig finds you..deny, deny and die” he finished cheerfully as the front of the car roared with laughter. 

James nodded, smiling easily as Sirius swung his arm over his shoulders. 

Sirius's heart was pumping fast, his legs vibrating as he tried to control the tempo of his voice. “who’s down to party?!”

"I'll be 30 minutes. 40 tops" Lily bargained, climbing out of the car two streets over from headquarters. "Can't Riddle wait" Sirius tried again, despite knowing the answer. Lily shook her head, and shut the door. Remus ditched the car a few minutes later, texting the location to Rosier for cleanup. 

"How'd you know Rosier anyway?" Remus asked quizzically as the boys began walking back to the flat. James looked shocked that Remus was speaking to him, so casually, and stuttered over a response. Sirius felt bad for him, after all, James didn't know Remus was actually a teddy bear. All he needed was a couple of pints, and he would be confessing his undying love for the BeeGees. And you couldn't exactly fear a guy who loved the Begee's now could you.

"We should get some booze," Sirius said, and James blew out a breath at the change in topic. Remus nodded, "i'll go" he split off from the pair quietly, sliding into an off-licence aways down the street. 

Sirius leant against the wall, digging in his jacket pocket for a cigarette. "Want one?" He offered James the pack as he placed the cigarette between his teeth.

"No thanks,", James muttered, watching the street for Remus's return. Sirius shrugged, inhaling the smoke, as he pushed the pack and lighter back into his pocket. 

"You know he's really not as bad as you think" his tone must have been a little less causal than intended because James's eyes widened. "i-i don't think".

Sirius raised a palm. "Yeh, you do. But that's alright, he hasn't exactly been the nicest to you" James nodded, looking thoughtful. Sirius waited, breathing in the smoke as he stared at James.

"What did i do?" he seemed genuinely interested, and perhaps even a little worried.

"Nothing" James raised an eyebrow. "Seriously" Sirius paused "no pun intended" The joke must not have landed because James just stared at him. "it's just Remus" Sirius shrugged.

"He grows on you" "the both do" he added after a pause, wanting to be sure James at least gave Lily a chance when she she came around.

James nodded, turning his eyes to Remus's rapidly approaching form.

"Like mold" it was almost a whisper, but Sirius barked out a laugh, agreeing wholeheartedly.

"Like mold."

When they arrived back at the flat, Remus agreed to fix them dinner whilst Sirius prepared an array of vodka-based drinks for the evening ahead. And if anyone said he was heavy handed Sirius would say it was all in the pursuit of friendship. Lily arrived soon after that, accepting a plate and accompanying drink with ease. Food was finished quickly, leaving the room in a sudden silence, which Sirius stood for longer than he had previously thought possible.

“James!" The boy in question jumped, as did everyone else at the table. "Sorry" Sirius said with a smile, sipping his drink as he addressed James."Tell us something about you”

“I-im not very interesting,” James said and Sirius smiled, forcing a laugh into the stagnant room “Give us something Brown, I’m going grey here ”

Still James said nothing, and Sirius debated how long it would take before Brown figured out how to form a sentence. His eyes found Remus's across the table, grey meeting brown as he pleaded. Remus turned to James, “how old are you anyway?” 

Sirius thought this bonding experience ought to be shared with Riddle as his newest form of punishment. 

  “Im 25” James offered and Sirius laughed lightly “your out Remus, no longer the oldest and wisest” he joked. 

James frowned lightly. “How old are you all anyway?” James asked, frowning slightly as his eyes moved about the room. “Im 21, Remus here is 23 and Lily over there is 20” he offered expecting Lily's interruption before it came “Only for a few weeks. My birthday is the 23rd of December” she informed the messy-haired man in a voice much kinder than any she’d used with him before.  “Wow, I didn’t realise you were all so young” his voice was low, a soft kind of quiet hidden in it. “How old were you when you joined?”

It wasn't really the kind of question Sirius wanted to be asked, but he supposed he couldn't deny James his curiosity.

Remus surprisingly answered James's intrusion without a hit of malice. “I was 18, just dropped out of college”

It was less information than the story deserved, but Sirius's heart warmed at Remus's decision to share anything at all.

James nodded, choosing his response carefully. "what did you study?" 

"History" Remus offered, "I wanted to be a teacher" There was a small blush rising on his ears and Sirius found himself wishing he had caused it. Remus ignored his gaze asking a question about James's own studies.

"Sirius, come help me fish out some shot glasses" Lily bit the words out, pulling him up by the shoulder. The others hardly noticed their exit. 

Lily kept the more expensive glassware in a cubby in the lining room; it was something her mother had done, Though why he wasn't entirely sure.

"You have to stop staring" Lily reprimanded as she collected a couple of shot glasses from the shelf. 

"I wasn't" There was no effort in the words, and Lily simply raised an eyebrow. "i can't help it" his tone was biting, and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

He really couldn't. He'd tried everything but his thoughts always came back to Remus. 

He'd originally hoped his stupid crush would disappear on its own. It wasn't like he could do anything about it anyway, Remus was his friend and they worked together.

Not to mention Remus was straight.

The walk back to the kitchen was quiet, shame weighing upon Sirius's shoulders. 

He was just beautiful. He glowed, even in the fluorescent kitchen light, he was soft. Wrapped in a shabby yellow jumper, talking about some great war a hundred years before this one. 

Sirius drew his eyes to Lily, deciding it was by far a safer place to look. 

"Shots?" he said, and it was almost a prayer.

They pounded back their shots, and then another, and then another. Dancing a little to the radio as they talked - nothing in detail, nothing to personal but it was enough to bring a soft sort of companionship into the flat. 

They danced, and they drank before they went back to dancing. James tried to teach Sirius how to samba, and Remus laughed every time he fell onto his arse.

Lily serenaded them with a couple of her beat-up records, and they treated each skip as if it was intentional, some decades-dead DJ giving them one last song.

Sirius stumbled along with the beat, an arm over Remus as the record replayed.

"You were right," Remus said, his breath tickling the shell of Sirius's ear. Goose pimples raised over his skin and Sirius blamed the drink. 

He blinked at him, not quite sure what Remus meant but too fond of their closeness to break it by asking.

"To give him a chance. You were right" Remus clarified, a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

"I'm a great judge of character" Sirius boasted, laughing as Lily pulled at his arm, spinning him in a circle until all he could see was Remus Lupin's smile.