Once, when he was young, Peter Pettigrew was a good person.
He had friends, good friends who let him stick around.
He had somewhat of a reputation as a troublemaker and enjoyed riling up teachers and students with his friends.
Friends.
Such a word, so full of empty meanings, broken promises, and betrayal.
James. Remus. Sirius.
Those friends.
Peter’s best friends.
The only people who accepted him.
All his life, Peter had been pudgy and dumb, always struggling to catch up in class.
Until he met James, Remus, and Sirius.
Sure, they often insulted his intelligence or teased him simply for fun, but there wasn’t anyone else. And they were his friends.
Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when they started dating.
James and Lily, that was a fun time. They stayed up late helping James prepare to woo Lily the next day, even if they were botched plans. Peter felt included, Peter felt seen!
Sirius and Mary, also a fun time. Remus was jealous over Mary and ignored Sirius, despite his best efforts to hide it, while James was too busy with swooning Lily to care, so Peter and Remus hung out a lot during that time. They ate meals together, studied in the library, did their homework together, and Remus even played chess with him; something most of the Marauders never bothered with.
Remus and Sirius, depressing. Once they got together, it was impossible for Peter to go anywhere without finding them half-naked and snogging passionately.
Bloody hell, Peter had even went to the library to try and get some peace and quiet, but he had found Remus and Sirius pressed up against the shelves, with some selective hand placements.
Needless to say, Peter hadn’t wasted a second in getting out of there.
Even at night, it wasn’t any better. Sirius and Remus slept together, in the same bed, and couldn’t even be bothered to cast a silencing charm while they did their questionable activities.
James and Regulus, shocking. James was never in bed at night, always off somewhere with Regulus, Sirius spent his days giving James the silent treatment for shagging his younger brother, Remus tried to bridge the gap, while Peter stared at the mirror in despair.
Why couldn’t he get someone?
Peter tried losing weight, but the boys teased him about it—“who’s the girl, wormy?”—even though there wasn’t any girl, and then, his hopes soared and Elizabeth Abbott from Hufflepuff started hanging out with him. She thought he was brilliant and clever, mainly because the only thing they did was play chess, which Peter was very good at.
Peter finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she said yes.
Their first date was in Hogsmeade, and as they slowly kissed in the snow, Peter felt like he was floating.
Finally! Someone liked him!
But nothing lasts long, for Elizabeth was found snogging another boy at a party and that was the end of all romantic relationships involving Peter.
It hurt, like a dagger to the heart. Why couldn’t someone love him?
He sulked for the rest of the school year, and so did James, for James and Regulus had a misunderstanding, and then before Peter knew it, Lily and James were snogging, while Regulus failed to show up at school after Christmas.
A year later, when there was no success in finding himself a girlfriend, graduation had arrived, and Lily was showing off her diamond ring because James just couldn’t wait. No, he just had to make others feel bad while he strutted around.
(Yes, Peter was being unfair to James, but it just wasn’t fair!!)
At their wedding, Peter, in a too tight suit, clapped as James and Lily kissed, pure joy on their faces.
It wasn’t long before darkness shrouded them.
The Dark Lord had rosen, and was slowly taking over England.
Peter didn’t know exactly how he got roped in into spying for Voldemort, but Voldemort was so sympathetic with him, how he too, shared the crushing blow as girl after girl rejected him in favor of other boys, how he was always ignored and lived in others’ shadows, feeding off scraps of fame.
Before he knew it, the Dark Mark was imprinted in his arm, always slithering around, an everlasting reminder.
Sure, he felt guilty, as Marlene and Dorcas died, when the Prewett brothers were downed, when hundreds of others suffered the wrath of the Dark Lord because of him, but wasn’t it their fault for not siding with the Dark Lord, when so clearly, he was the right choice to lead them?
Then, shortly after Lily and James went into hiding and he was made Secretkeeper.
Well! He just couldn’t give up an opportunity like that, to impress the Dark Lord, when he had promised rewards to Peter because of his loyalty. So, before his mouth, spilled the location of Lily and James’s home in Godric’s Hollow.
And that was it. The secret given out, the promise undone, death all around.
Lily and James were dead, but so was the Dark Lord.
How to fend for himself?
Surely after their death, he would be suspected.
But rats are sneaky and sly, so Peter carefully ties in Sirius into the mess, blaming it on him.
Peter performs his part perfectly, acting like the heartbroken friend he’s supposed to be, before fleeing down the sewers, leaving Sirius to his fate.
He bides his time, living with the Weasleys, a pure-blood family, all with glowing, ginger hair, with access to the wizardry newspaper.
There he waits, for years and years, until another opportunity. A glowing gem amongst coal.
Unfortunately, his plan doesn’t turn out as smoothly.
His plan is uncovered, and somehow, he ends up bound in ropes, with Sirius and Remus pointing wands at his throat, ready to end him.
No! Not now.
When he’s so close to his goal, he can just taste it, and finally, luck’s on his side.
He managed to escape and revive the Dark Lord.
But finally comes the day to pay off his debt, and as he lies on the ground, his blue hand wrapped around his throat, he allows a smile to grace his face before he sees a fuzzy black.
Finally free.
~
If you ask Peter if he regrets it, no he doesn’t.
It was the world’s fault for not siding with him.
But still,
there’s a speck of regret and tears mixed in, like ashes in a fireplace.
Flames blown out.
fin