Chapter 5
Dear Draco,
I don't really know how to start this letter. Don't be mad at him, but James came to see me Saturday. We talked a bit, got to know each other. You raised him to be a fine young man, Draco, and you should be proud of yourself.
He mentioned that I should probably talk to you. So, strangely enough, I decided I'm going to use my son's advice.
Can we talk? Just you and me. Alone. (That means without your second family) I don't know what happened in all those years I was in a coma, but all I do know is that you replaced me. When I woke up I was sad, angry, and a bit heartbroken. Everyone (Hermione and James) seems to think you had a good reason to have a child with someone else but, for the life of me, I cannot understand it.
So, will you come see me? Because I would be really curious to hear your side of the story.
I just want to know if you still love me, or if I need to let you go.
Harry J. Potter-Malfoy
It took three days for Draco to respond. Harry thought he would have been gone from St-Mungo's by that time, but he sorely misjudged just how unused his muscles were. It was embarrassing, quite frankly, to be unable to run for more than thirty minutes as the Boy-Who-Lived, but there was nothing he was able to do except do more physical therapy, every day.
Harry had just come back from one such session today, where he met his personal trainer every two days. These sessions always left him a sweaty mess, so he was excited to get a hot, hot shower. But right as he was collecting clean clothes, Mirabelle stuck her head in and smiled brightly at him.
"Hiya, Harry! I hope your therapy session went well, just wanted to let you know there's someone here to see you." She barely had time to finish her sentence before Draco strode in, head held high and hair combed to perfection. Despite everything that went down between them when Harry woke up, he couldn't help but smile when he saw Draco walk in. He was wearing a light blue button-up that brought out his eyes, and trousers that made it seem like he had legs for days.
Maybe Harry was going to need a cold shower, after all.
"Hello, Potter." Draco's voice was guarded, but Harry was not fooled- he could clearly see the way his husband's eyes were looking him up and down. He remembered how much Draco loved when Harry came back home from his runs or workouts, all sweaty and hyped up.
"Oh, so back to Potter, are we?" Harry noticed Mirabelle slipping away, and he used that opportunity to reach around Draco and close the door. Caged in between Harry and the door, Draco didn't have any other choice than to feel Harry's warmth and to smell his sweat. His nostrils flared for the tiniest second, before he lightly pushed Harry away, his hand straying a second too long on Harry's chest.
"Stay away from me, Harry Potter. I know exactly what you're trying to do, and I can tell you right now that it won't work. I am here to talk, just like you requested, so let's talk." Draco sat down on the bed and crossed his legs. He was looking up at Harry with steel in his eyes, and Harry knew him enough to know Draco was gearing up for a fight. Too bad for him, Harry was going to try his hardest not to give it to him.
"Alright. I don't want to fight with you, Draco, I just want to know what's going on. What happened when I got in a coma?"
Draco sighed deeply, and closed his eyes. He looked ethereally beautiful, even under the bright hospital light, but there was this air of sorrow surrounding him. Suddenly, Harry felt bad for everything that Draco must have experienced. Living for more than a decade without Draco, without even knowing if he was going to be okay or not, sounded like the worst thing that could happen to him and since Draco did experience this, the least Harry could do was listen to him.
"You left me, that's what happened," Draco started, his voice low. "I woke up one day, alone with a toddler, with no idea if you were even going to survive. Do you know how many of our friends told me to let you go? I used to come see you, every single day, but then... even the healers looked at me so judgingly. 'Here goes the melancholic husband, can't let go of a dead man'. That's what they thought of me, I just knew it! You know," Draco laughed, a sharp and horrible sound that spoke of desperation, "they gave me pamphlets of support groups for widowers. Widowers! My husband was fine, thank you, merely... asleep! You're the savior of the Wizarding World, aren't you? I knew you would be okay! But, then... you never did wake up. Weeks turned to months and months turned to years and then... well, you never woke up."
Harry could not take it anymore, and sat down next to Draco so he could take him in his arms. After a few moments of silence, Harry noticed his shirt getting wet from Draco's tears. He shuffled a bit but simply held his husband closer.
He had not shaken the feeling of discomfort that people crying gave him. He still did not know what to say or do in situations like these, so all he could do was be a shoulder to cry on. Thankfully, after a few minutes, Draco straightened up and chuckled wetly, a self-deprecating sound.
"One day, I woke up and I looked at James, but all I could see was you. Your hair, your smile, you heart... except for my eyes. To prove he's a true Malfoy. And the only thing in my mind was that... I couldn't let him become another you." At Harry's puzzled frown, he continued, "what if something happened to me? You know there are people out there who still want me dead. What if I die, and my Jamie becomes an orphan? He would spend the rest of his life hearing how much he looks like his father, but has my eyes. I had to give him at least one person that would be there for him. But I knew I couldn't remarry to a friend, or to someone who was okay with never become romantic. I had to follow what Mother wanted, which was for me to remarry so I could have a new heir. She had been talking about this since your second year- away, and I had started to believe what everyone was telling me. So, I... I contacted Astoria."
Harry blew out a breath, still frowning at Draco. "You remarried because you didn't want James to become an orphan?"
"Okay!" Draco leapt to his feet, throwing his arms up in frustration. "I know it doesn't make sense to you, but I was so empty, all the time! I used to-" but he cut himself short, and curled his fists. "I did what I thought I had to do, both for James and for me. I see Astoria as my partner, but I have never loved her the way I love you a single day in my life."
Silence followed for a few seconds, until Harry opened his mouth. "So. Scorpius, he was planned?"
"Do not talk about my son. You may not be his father, but that child is mine and I love him just as much as I love my Jamie," Draco cut in, getting on the defense.
"Draco, I told you, I didn't ask you to come so I can argue with you. Scorpius seems like a great kid." Harry threw his hands up slightly to indicate he meant no harm, and stood back up to be level with Draco.
Draco's shoulders slumped a little, and he cracked a smile. "Yeah. He's a Hufflepuff in the making."
Harry took his ex-husband's hands in his and kissed his knuckles. Draco flinched at the touch, but didn't say anything. Harry said, in a soft whisper, "I know you've always planned on having a son named Scorpius. I'm happy for you, truly, even if it's not my son, too."
The blond chocked back a sob, and threw his arms around him. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I should have waited." Harry put an arm around Draco's head so he could nudge his face in the crook of his neck. Draco's hands came up to curl on Harry's shirt and he started to shake.
"It sounds like you did, Draco. You waited for me for as long as you could and... I can't fault you for giving up on me. But, baby... if there is even the smallest part of you that thinks you could love me again, please tell me, and I will do everything in my power to convince you to try again. All I want is for you, James, me and Scorpius to be a family. Just because you raised one child alone, doesn't mean you have to do the same for the other."
"But-Harry..." Draco frowned, but its effect was lowered by the blush that crept up his face the more Harry talked. "I wouldn't raise Scorpius alone. Astoria is still his mother, and she loves him, and she couldn't simply let him go like that. I couldn't do that to her. And what about her, anyway? I can't abandon her!"
Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair, frowning down at Draco's shiny shoes. "Yeah, maybe you're right. But you don't love her like that, right? So you can just divorce her!" He brightened, and looked back at Draco with hopeful eyes. "Your mother must be satisfied with Scorpius, right? And you said so yourself, you told her you couldn't be together together so she doesn't love you, either! Draco, I'll beg if I have to."
Draco backed up from Harry, and slowly made his way to the door, walking backwards. "Let me think about it. Please, Harry, you must understand. You're asking me to abandon the life I've had for the last two years, for you. It's complicated."
Harry was following Draco to the door, a sense of dread growing in his stomach. This had to work, he had to get Draco back. If he refused, this might be the last time they talk to each other. Harry would not survive that. "But I was your life for more than that! You replaced me with her," he said childishly, "so couldn't I replace her back?"
"How are you so calm about all of this!" Draco exclaimed as he opened the door. A strand of Mirabelle's hair could be seen retreating, and Harry knew she had heard every single thing that was said. They had forgotten to put a silencing spell on. "Why aren't you screaming and shouting at me?" He glared at Harry for good measure, but Harry could see right through him. Draco felt he deserved to get screamed at, but Harry would not give him the satisfaction.
"Draco... I think I'm still mad about this, and it'll take a while for me to get over it, but I understand how you felt. I forgive you. Go back home, take a hot bath, and think about it. I'll respect your decision either way, but I'm ready to fight for you. If you wanna talk again, I'll be here- or, erm, at Hermione and Ron's, I reckon, because the healers said I'll probably be let go this week." He leaned in and kissed Draco on the cheek, deciding to ignore the flinch Draco gave. "I love you, baby."
Harry then pushed Draco lightly out of the room, and closed the door on his face.
Alone again, Harry breathed in and exhaled shakily. Thinking of everything Draco experienced, on his own, made him shiver unpleasantly. After everything he had gone through, his ex-husband didn't deserve any of this. And while Harry knew he wasn't technically at fault for getting hit by that curse, he also knew he was infamous in the workforce for being unstable and for throwing himself into danger head first. For a fraction of a second, the irrational thought to take a Time Turner and go back in time to prevent this all from happening was incredibly strong. But Harry suppressed it, knowing better than to mess with those things again.
No, instead, he would have to focus on the future and find ways to convince Draco to take him back. With this in mind, Harry prepared himself to take a well-deserved shower.