Severus, Why Didn't You Come ?
Besides your house walks a young man. He waits underneath the streetlight beneath your window. You told him you’d come, but you never did.
You like the tattoos on his arms. You like his strong grip in your palm. You like the cheeky smile when you scold him. So tell me Severus, why did you not come ?
Cruel days inscribed on school desks. The first time you liked the way his hair complemented his face, he shoved you hard against the trunk of a Scots pine. Is that what you see when you see him waiting underneath the streetlight?
He leans his head against the pole. The metal provides the only coolness on this hot summer’s night. The clock strikes three, he’s been there for two. His friends don’t know about the pain in his heart. The last time he saw you was underneath the bar lights. You were tired and worn. He told the bar man. The meeting was set. All you had to do was come, but you were already gone.
As he stands beneath the lights on a moonless night. He wonders if you’re mad. He’d be glad if it’s not because he’s Sirius Black. Oh Severus, why didn’t you come ?
Nineteen-year-old men on the battlefield. Tired eyes and fearful dreams. Friend’s drifting away. The sea’s made of tears. Late night strolls to the local bar. Notes on coasters. His name was Star and your name was Prince.
He made you smile. The fearlessness in his lines. The world is the place where he played. You fell for the star. He waited for his prince.
The meeting was set, eleven o’clock at the bar. Tired old man, secret couples slow dancing, glum was the bar you arrived at. You saw your star sitting on your barstool. He saw his prince. You froze in horror. The barman pulled the fists apart. He threw you both on the sidewalk. Heartbreak was the fallout.
You walked home bloody and bruised. With the pain of a broken heart. The same pain you feel when you see him underneath the streetlight. Perhaps you ask yourself: Severus, why didn’t you come?
Two weeks before today. A meeting was set at dawn. The days were getting hard. You could not handle the things going down under the order of the dark lord. You needed your lover’s arms, his smile, his kiss. You saw him sitting on the barstool. Happy to see your lover, you made your way to the bar. Then you saw them. The two men hiding at the back of the bar.
Cruel days on school desks came back. At the sight of James and Lupin, your lover became Sirius Black. You left before someone could drink their first drink.
He didn’t know about the friends in the back. He didn’t know about the conflict in your heart. All you two ever did was run. Previous sorrows unspoken. Only running for that happy rush.
Sirius remembers the week after the first meeting. The wounds were charmed away. But there are no charms for the blues of the heart. He was alone. The kitchen light was flickering. His best friend just got married. He drank a cup of tea. Peter walked in. He was disheveled. His cheeks were rosy and there is a love bite on his neck. Eyes wide, he saw Sirius Black. “Don’t tell! It’s not serious. She’s actually with some else.”
He nodded and that was the end of it. But Sirius understood that he could keep secrets too. Dirty little secrets.
No strings attached. Hot kisses underneath shallow lights. Hot nights in unknown rooms. But he never asked why Severus said yes.
Slow dancing under unlit lights. Letters written until their muscles cried. Peaceful evenings in each other’s arms. They became each other’s lifelines. No one knew, not even these two lovers.
Sirius saw Severus’ mark. Severus saw the patronuses. Both knew, but they never confided. Fights in the middle of the night. Angry sex that blew their minds. They always talked, but never about the most important talk.
Perhaps Sirius should be happy if the reason why Severus never came was because he’s Sirius Black. Not because of the beliefs that separate their story arcs.
Besides your house, there is a streetlight your lover is under. Daybreak comes and Severus sees the wavy curls lit by the light. Sirius leaves, head low and body hunched. He leaves with one question: Severus, why didn’t you come ?
As you look at the figure moving further away. Perhaps you wonder about it yourself. Severus, why didn’t you come ?