Deterioate

James was on top of the world, everything felt glorious like there was liquid gold circulating his veins. Today had been good, he had gone to work and everything was okay.

And then he got home, and all it took was one fuck up. One sliver of Jealousy for James to Spiral.

“Hi love, how are you doing?” James called out to Regulus as he entered their house and put his coat back up on the worn hook. Maybe he should do that tonight.. It was worn and probably wouldn't last much longer. The hook needed more stability, James would attach it to a wooden plank this time, a nice one.

“Regulus?” James turned around after a moment had passed and walked into the living room on his right. He didn't know who Reg was talking to but he was on a call, laughing and happy.

James moved to wave at Regulus, in his line of view and without even looking directly at James Regulus turned his head away and continued to laugh and joke to..

Barty.

One of Regulus’ new friends at his new job. Regulus had originally worked with James but had out of the blue got a new job at a different company. He had made new friends and James had done his best to be supportive but it picked at him.

James sighed and moved past him to go and cook dinner, he needed to keep his hands occupied. That often kept his mind occupied.

Things haven't exactly been great between them. James didn't feel as though he had been doing enough, he knew he was a shit partner and shit person but he genuinely wanted to make it work and try. For months he’d had no energy, a paranoid break very early in the year had left him useless and he’d somewhat taken it out on Reg. He hadn't realised how bad it was until he started to see Regulus pull away.

So James had decided to take him to an aquarium to start the process of making up for it. Make him some flowers that would last forever, take him on a nice date, apologise properly and make things right. He had looked at the tickets and planned the journey out, he knew Regulus liked things to be planned

When Regulus came off the call he looked into the kitchen doorway to see “Can you please look at them tonight, the coat hooks” Regulus asked, staring at James’ cooking. He didn't appear to be happy or sad, numb at best.

A stark contrast to how he had been 5 minutes ago on a call with Barty Crouch. Barty was the CEO’s son, CEO of the company Reg worked for. Regulus had become friends with him, but people would use the poor man to try and get promotions.

James glanced at the recipe and then at Reg “Yeah, okay..” He nodded in confirmation “Who were you talking to by the way, why did you ignore me?” James whispered, that irritated tone in his voice after his day. The one thing he hated more than anything was being ignored.

“It was just Barty?” Regulus gave him a sceptical look. One that James knew was bad.. like Regulus was tired of James’ antics. “I didn't mean to ignore you, I didn’t see you”

“Right” James mumbled and pulled his eyeline back to the food he was cooking.

“What?” Regulus poked at the subject, James could feel that familiar feeling welling deep in his chest

“It’s just- I don't feel like a good partner you know? You're always speaking to Barty, you told him about your mum's death before me, you trust him more.” James practically accused Regulus, he really hadn't meant too but it felt like gagging right before you vomited. You can do nothing to stop gagging, it's out of your bodily control.

“You know I tried to tell you its just–”

“I know.” James sighed “I'm gonna spiral, I just need to be alone” James whispered, the shaking started in his hands as adrenaline prepared him for the physical fight he'd never have.

That seemed to silence Regulus and James didn't like that. James likes Regulus’ voice. “Go to bed Reg, i'll talk to you tomorrow” James urged trying to prevent a full blown argument between them.

Regulus took another moment, James hated these moments of anticipation “Not until I know you're okay” He whispered quietly, a hint of concern in his voice.

“No- Reg, just go to bed okay? I googled it all- You want to break up with me because you've been distant and I don't blame you- you should have done it sooner.”

“What?” Regulus choked in complete surprise, James’ comment had been very out of left field. “James, I'm not going to break up with you! I love you-” Regulus did his best to try and reassure him.

“Please, Regulus, just go!” James yelled at him, slamming the wooden spoon against the counter top, liquid from the pasta sauce flying everywhere, splattered up the counter and against the wall. The wooden spoon’s surface had splintered. His mum had bought him this spoon.. He huffed out breath from the movement and glanced at Regulus, Regulus looked terrified.

And for some reason not even the one thing that mortally scared James, hurting or scaring Regulus, could not stop his mouth from opening and from saying more damning words he didn't want to say.

Like he was trapped in a cage clawing at his own insides to get out and regain control, he didn't know why he couldn't control it, he needed it to stop, he needed to get control again–

“You are the biggest trigger of all this bullshit, so please just go!” He shakily tried to grab the spoon again, the anger was nauseating. He never ever wanted to be angry towards Regulus so why was his mouth and brain betraying him?

“No”

“Reg-”

“No. I love you, and I'm staying here because you need me.” Regulus stayed persistent and strong, his arms were now defensively folded over his chest, over one of James sunshine yellow shirts. He sounded upset but.. not angry. James moved the half done pasta to a wooden cooling mat and turned the heat off.

He needed Reg right now. The only person James ever needed in the world was Regulus. It felt like a paradox because he desperately needed Regulus’ comfort but Regulus was the fuse to the ticking time bomb that these spirals were, he needed Regulus to leave but to love him. To abandon him but to not hate him.

“Jamie let me-”

“I don't want you to go but I'll be yelled at if you don't because I couldn't get a control of this–” He let off a frustrated noise, James was trying so hard to be unified with his emotions. It wasn’t fucking working. He couldn't get his grip on this and he needed Regulus to go so he could safely release the emotions into making food or dancing or screaming or cu-

“I’m not going to go-”

“Please.”

It came out more of a beg, he felt sick. He couldn't stop it, why couldn't he just do this one thing? He was supposed to be good at emotions, so why couldn't James stop the emotion from rolling I'm down like a fucking plough. More words pushed from his mouth. This time he physically gagged.

“You didn't even trust me enough to tell me that your mum had died- that something bad had happened.” James whispered in a plea. What were they going to do? This couldn't continue.

“I was scared, James.” Regulus whispered, no hate in his voice but a slight argumentative edge.

“And I didn't protect you– when you told me I freaked out instead of being there for you- I got upset because you made fucking- choices! Choices that you're wholly entitled to make.” James looked back at Regulus' beautiful face, his dark curls, his beautiful eyes and smooth skin. His lips.. James saw he was going to say something and he couldn't- He didn't want to be like this, to ever hurt Regulus.

“I know I'm hard to talk to- I swear I'm going to be better,” James pleaded, “it's just my insecurities, I can fix them!” James reasoned, considerably panicked. His breath was picking up as his conscious battled with the demented emotions controlling him. He felt like his mind was in a fight of Jekyll and Hyde, and Hyde was winning.

“Insecurities that I helped feed by accident..” Regulus whispered in realisation, he wasn't blaming himself on purpose at least, but it still set off alarm bells in his head.

No no no no. No Regulus couldn't- “no it's not you, Reg no- no, it’s me.” James moved to grab Regulus, a hand on either arm. His hands were warm and big, desperately grabbing, controlling. Regulus' forearms moved up, defensive, ready to put distance and shove his arms away if James got angry.

That scared James, he was abusive, he had to convince Regulus to leave even if it meant proving he was abusive.

“Reg I stalk your- I watch your location when you go out to know your okay, I talk down to you when I get like this, I talk to your friends after our arguments even when you don't want me too, I don't– I cant, I'm not what you want!” James panted, adrenaline making him restless.

He stepped closer and got in Regulus’ face, who stepped back when James started talking again.

“I would break my morals for you- my bones, my clean streak, Regulus anything if you asked, just to get five minutes of your undivided attention” James whimpered. Teetering on the edge of the obsessive to anger scale. All it would take was..

a shove.

“James, I.. I am, I’m here” Regulus swallowed deeply unsure of what else to say or how to respond, fear pumped through him as memories of his childhood clouded his vision and flooded his lungs.

No. That was entirely the wrong thing to say. James tried to breath but his grip on Regulus’ arms tightened at his fingers, unrelenting. Subconsciously James didn't want to hurt him, pleading with his brain to stop the bullshit and let him have control, let him step back and stop scaring Regulus. He no longer had any chance and this ugly beast had his soul, the anger burning deep within him. It was coming out like magma, burning and unrelenting.

Regulus would never know but those 6 words were James’ undoing.

Regulus always said ‘I’m here’. He always said it when he wasn't actually paying attention to James, when he was unsure of what to say. When he didn't care enough.

James' control snapped, his vision blurred.

“No. Don’t say that when your not fucking here- when I never have your attention!” James growled angrily, slightly shaking Regulus to get his attention. Despite the fact he already had his attention.. his clouded mind made this hard to believe despite the evidence right in front of him. “you don't love me– I was so naïve and stupid to believe you do- so, fucking stupid!”

“James-” Regulus tried to plead, a trauma response kicking in as the rushing ocean of his childhood made it difficult to breathe through the thick ocean of emotion.

“What do I need to do huh?” James begged, anger thick in his voice as he pulled away from Regulus and slammed his hands into the counter, the loud thud made Regulus flinch “What do I have to do regulus? Please, love me I just– I’ll drink if you like me if it turns you on to have me docile, just please don't leave me, love me- just- Fuck!” James begged, only broken by the weird maniacal laughing that escaped him, he pulled at his hair, a few strands breaking free “All because you just couldn't fucking leave!”

When James looked up, Regulus was gone. Then he heard the door slam.

“Regulus? Regulus, no.. please” James sobbed, “Please no no no, don't leave me” He crumpled to the floor, his emotions overwhelming him. He sobbed and screamed the weight of his emotions out. He fucking hated him. His Regulus.. he had abandoned him.

.・。.・☆

James was rudely awoken to harsh knocks on the door at about 6:15 AM. He was led on the kitchen floor, his head banging and throbbing in pain.

Led in front of him was a bloody blade and a bottle of vodka. He let the memories wash back over him, it was an emotional blur. Fear spiked when he realised just how far it had gone.

James had never ever wanted to hurt Regulus, thankfully he had not physically hurt him, or at least he hoped not, but he had emotionally hurt him. And it stung like the fresh wounds on his arm.

A second round of knocking made James get off his feet and shoved his sleeve down, suddenly not so tired. Then he realised he didn’t even know who was going to be at the door. Would it be the police? People to take him away to lock him up. Regulus..?

He stumbled towards the door, slightly swaying like a ship with his hangover.

Before he’d got halfway to the door, Sirius had opened it. James assumed Regulus had not locked it when he left.

“Sirius?” James whispered, stopping in place when he saw the male in front of him. Sirius was one of James’ stars. He liked to call them stars because stars made him happy. Sirius, Remus and.. Regulus. Why was Sirius here? Why had Regulus not come back? Would Regulus ever come ba-

Sirius’ fist made contact with James’ face. It sent him flying to the wall behind him and added to the pounding in his head.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sirius spat, glaring down at James who had taken a liking to his floor predicament and curled up further into himself. James went to open his mouth in his defence but Sirius got there first.

“Regulus turned up at my house at half 11 at night, alone, cold and fucking shaking with no shoes on. Sobbing about you. I barely got much out of him but fuck you for what I did get.” Sirius growled, stepping closed. James looked at Sirius’ shoe, it was his spiky black platform ones that he always joked about kicking his parents with. James kinda wished Sirius would kick him in the head and end his suffering, he deserved it for making Regulus sad.

“Is he okay..?” James whispered

Sirius just scoffed “Is he- Jesus. No thanks to you.” Sirius spat

“I had one condition, Potter, when you asked for my blessing. To treat him good and you fucked it up. So either you give me a good reason as to why you terrified my little brother or I can walk out that door and you’ll never see either of us again.”

James nodded, he felt pathetic lying on the floor. “He didn’t leave” James whispered “I begged him Siri I promise– I tried so hard I wanted him to leave because I can't- I can't do that to him!” James sobbed, going back to pulling at his hair as he realised the severity, he didn't want Sirius to leave, he didn't want to lose his stars.

Sirius had been friends with James for years, but there was only ever one important thing to Sirius and that was Regulus.

After being separated for multiple years the brothers were practically joined at the hip. When James and Regulus had started dating, Sirius had given James a talk, saying if James ever hurt Regulus then there would be hell to pay, that not even Moony would be able to stop him.

And James had hurt Regulus.

“You think that makes it fucking better? I haven’t seen him cry in seven fucking years James. Seven. He said you grabbed him, that you hit the counter and almost broke your stupid sentimental spoon and got up all in his face.” Sirius growled, he grabbed James shirt “What could possibly excuse that?” Sirius hissed, not in the right mind. Anger pulsing through him.

James just looked at Sirius with tears and fear in his eyes like Regulus had done the night previous. Sirius dropped James with a shove and slammed the door on the way out.

James hit his head on the way back to the floor, he'd already been halfway there but the added pain was enough to lull him to sleep.

.・。.・☆

James woke up, this time his head hurt a little less. He managed to get himself up, leaning heavily on the wall to stabilize himself. There was light coming in from the outside. He tried desperately to ignore the sickly feeling of realisation as he remembered Sirius said if he couldn't justify it then he would never see either of them again.

James stumbled to the kitchen and avoided the bottle and blade. He grabbed a glass and filled it with cold water, he drank it. The water was cold and calming. In his head James envisioned smashing the glass multiple times. Screaming at the top of his lungs until someone came to save him. But nobody would come. Not anymore.

James put the glass in the sink and looked at the pot.

The pasta, half cooked and dry, sat miserably in the pan.

James grabbed a spoon and started to shovel the disgusting mush into his mouth. About half way through tears started to fall and eventually it was too much of a self inflicted punishment, he leaned towards the sink and his stomach tightened and turned, the mush now finding a home in the kitchen sink.

He shakily wiped his mouth, turning the tap on to the highest setting for a couple of seconds, the flecks splattering up his stained shirt, before turning it off.

James headed upstairs to the bedroom, feeling gross in his shirt, he took off what he was wearing and chucked it in the ensuite bathroom, not wanting to deal with the stained shirt at that moment. James put on a jumper and some shorts, changing his socks too.

These socks were cotton, they had been given to James after his finals, they were nice. Moony was the person who had gifted them. They were a darker brown toe and edge accents, the other parts were paler stripey browns. It seemed very much like something Remus would wear.

Moony..

James wondered what Moony thought of him, he’d know by now if Regulus had gone to his and Sirius’ apartment. James wondered who else knew. He wondered what people were saying and what they would say to his face?

Was he a bad person? Did he deserve to suffer alone? He should call his mum-

His phone– James had left his phone downstairs in his bag. He hadn't even had time to unpack his bag before all hell had broken loose.

James sluggishly made his way down the stairs to his phone. He retrieved it from his bag, it was utterly and depressingly cold in his hands, the opposite from how it normally was just like this was currently the opposite of he normally was. So joyful and full of life

James looked at his notifications, he wasn't quite sure what he was expecting. Maybe a call from Reg or a text..

___________________________
10:29 Moony

We need to talk.

___________________________

.・。.・☆

Regulus had been having a rough day, James was out at work and so he called Barty for company in case he did something he regretted.

“Hi love, how are you doing?” Regulus heard James call out but he didn't respond because Barty had said something else.

“Are you sure you're going to be okay? I know it's been difficult recently..”

In the corner of his eyes Reg saw James waving at him, he didn't want to be rude to either of them so he uttered a quick goodbye. “Yeah, yeah it'll be fine” Regulus reassured. He then hung up, texting Barty a quick ‘sorry’.

Barty had been there for him recently, he had helped to keep Regulus’ head above water. Things had gotten harder for Regulus recently, the depression tugged at his mind and because James was no longer giving Regulus also found it hard to give.

Slowly regulus had found joy hanging out with friends or being anywhere but with James. He felt bad but between the lack of good mental health and energy he just gave in and continued the way he was.

He wondered if James even cared about their relationship at all. It had been a while since James had said anything loving, nicknames or otherwise.

He got up and walked to the kitchen. He stood in the doorway and addressed James “Can you please look at them tonight, the coat hooks” Regulus asked, staring at James’ cooking. It was difficult to feel anything but watching James cook was nice.

Euphemia (‘it's just Effie, reg!’ he could hear her saying) taught James to cook all throughout his childhood. She had gifted him many of the cooking supplies in the kitchen they were standing in. It felt adored with her love for James but not James’ love for him.

James glanced at the recipe and then at Reg “Yeah, okay..”

And Regulus breathes a small sigh of relief because maybe they might just have a nice evening together and maybe things can go back to the way they were–

“Who were you talking to by the way, why did you ignore me?”

Annnd, nope. They couldn't, Regulus was foolish to think that today would be peaceful. He really didn't wanna do this today. “It was just Barty..?” Reg whispered confused, why did it matter? “I didn't mean to ignore you, I didn't want to be rude.”

“Right” James mumbled.

“James, what?” Regulus poked at the subject. He needed to know if James was upset- he wasn't sure why, they couldn't fix it.

“It’s just- I don't feel like a good partner you know? You're always speaking to Barty, you told him about your mum's death before me, you trust him more.” James practically accused Regulus, it made Regulus feel sick.

“You know that I tried to tell you it's just–” Regulus pleaded, this wasn't fair. James knew how complicated these things were, fuck– he’d told Barty before Sirius! It wasn't because he didn't love him. He loved James and Sirius more than anything, it's just that Regulus had needed someone. Sirius had understood and this wasn't that deep, why was James so upset about it all of a sudden? James was almost never like this..

Well, sometimes James would go on walks or get quiet, he wouldn't respond when Regulus spoke to him. Sometimes he disappeared for hours and Regulus would only notice because James would come back shaky but calm.

“I know.” James sighed “I'm gonna spiral, I just need to be alone”

Regulus could see the way his hands were twitching, he had spoken to Sirius about the weird absences, Sirius said that James was scared of being abandoned and that's what caused these moments, that it was way worse before James moved in with Reg.

“Go to bed Reg, i'll talk to you tomorrow”

“No” Regulus took another moment, he stepped forward, wanting to reach for James, something was wrong and he wanted to fix it. “Not until I know you're okay Jamie” He whispered quietly, a hint of concern in his voice, he didn't want James to think he abandoned him.

“No- Reg, just go to bed okay? I googled it all- You want to break up with me because you've been distant and I don't blame you- you should have done it sooner.”

“What?” Regulus choked in complete surprise, where the fuck had any of this come from? Was this because of Barty? It seemed so stupid-

“Jamie, I'm not going to break up with you! I love you-” Regulus tried to reassure him.

“Please, Regulus, just go!” James yelled at him, slamming the wooden spoon against the counter top, liquid from the pasta sauce flying everywhere, splattered up the counter and against the wall. The wooden spoon’s surface had splintered.

Regulus flinched, taking a step back to put a bit more space between them. He immediately glanced back into the living room, planning his exit. He knew James would never hurt him but his childhood had installed that fear in him. James knew this.

“You are the biggest trigger of all this bullshit, so please just go!” He shakily tried to grab the spoon again, Regulus looked at it, the wood had splintered along the back, it was an engraved spoon, a gift for James and Regulus when they moved in, it was Regulus’ favourite spoon to bake with, it was good and now it was breaking.

“No” Regulus breathed steadily, James needed him.

“Reg-”

“No. I love you, and I'm staying here because you need me.” Regulus stayed persistent and strong, his arms were now defensively folded over his chest, he watched James turn the heat off “Sirius says you get scared that we’ll abandon you, i'm not going anywhere” Reg added.

James said nothing, staring at the broken spoon, entranced by it. Regulus felt a bit sad, he knew how much James’ mum meant to him.

“Jamie let me-” He tried again, wanting to at least try and fix the spoon.

“I don't want you to go but i'll be yelled at if you don't because I couldn't get a control of this–” He let off a frustrated noise. Did James want him to leave or not? Regulus was so confused.

“I’m not going to go-”

“Please.” It sounded sharp but also like James was pleading. Maybe he should go, James knew what was best right?

James seemed to be physically pained before his mouth opened again, Regulus’ brows furrowed in confusion and concern.

“You didn't even trust me enough to tell me that your mum had died- that something bad had happened.” James whispered in a plea.

“I was terrified, James.” Regulus whispered, a slight edge to it. He didn't want to think about this. Reg didnt wanna think about his mum or whatever the fuck it is that was going on with James. He couldn't handle this today-

“And I didnt protect you– when you told me I freaked out instead of being there for you- I got upset because you made fucking- choices! Choices that you're wholly entitled to make.” James looked back at Regulus' and Regulus wondered what he saw, why he was staring so intently.

Regulus opened his mouth, to try and say anything to calm the rapidly escalating situation but before he could James rambled on.

“I know i'm hard to talk to- I swear i'm gonna be better,” James pleaded, “it's just my insecurities, I can fix them!” James sounded panicked and fearful.

“Insecurities that I helped feed by accident..” Regulus whispered in realisation, he wasn't blaming himself on purpose.

“No it's not you, Reg no- no, it’s me.” James moved to grab Regulus, a hand on either arm.

Regulus fight or flight kicked in, he wasn't sure why, James would never hurt him right? His forearms moved up, defensive, ready to put distance and shove his arms away if James got angry. If James went to hurt him.

Regulus took a shaky breath.

“Are you listening to me?!” His mother screamed in his face.

Regulus exhaled. (‘and again Reg, your doing so good’ this time, it was Sirius)

“Reg I stalk your- I watch your location when you go out to know your okay, I talk down to you when I get like this, I talk to your friends after our arguments even when you don't want me too, I dont– I cant, i'm not what you want!” James panted

He stepped closer and got in Regulus’ face, Regulus Stepped back when James started talking again. Fearfully looking up at James “What are you on about? James please just stop it, you're scaring me!” Regulus begged tearfully.

“I would break my morals for you- my bones, my clean streak, Regulus anything if you asked, just to get five minutes of your undivided attention”

Regulus felt sick. He needed to escape.

“James, please, I.. I am, I’m here” Regulus swallowed deeply unsure of what else to say or how to respond, fear pumped through him as memories of his childhood clouded his vision and flooded his lungs. He watched as something clicked in James’ brain, he watched as the man he loved lost control, over what? A call with Barty?

James' control snapped. Regulus watched something change in the man he loved.

“No. Don’t say that when your not fucking here- when I never have your attention!” James growled angrily, slightly shaking Regulus to get his attention. Despite the fact he already had his attention.. his clouded mind made this hard to believe despite the evidence right in front of him. “you dont love me– I was so naive and stupid to believe you do- so, fucking stupid!”

“James-” Regulus tried to plead, a trauma response kicking in as the rushing ocean of his childhood made it difficult to breathe through the thick ocean of emotion. James shaking him didn't help. He struggled against James’ hold “James let go” He pleaded as he watched James hands dig in a little.

“What do I need to do huh?” James begged, anger thick in his voice as he pulled away from Regulus and slammed his hands into the counter, the loud thud made Regulus flinch. He pressed himself against the wall and glanced at the living room.

“What do I have to do, Regulus? Please, love me I just– I’ll drink if you like me if it turns you on to have me docile.” That made Regulus feel sick, it was completely unprovoked and irrelevant, he didn't even put shoes on he just headed to the door. Leaving James. As he did he heard the pleading but aggressive bouts of anger

“Just please don't leave me, love me- just- Fuck!”

He hadn't meant to slam the door, he ran and didn't look back.

.・。.・☆

Regulus tried to get his breathing to calm as he knocked on Sirius and Remus’ door. They only lived a road away, they hadn't wanted to separate the brothers, Regulus was more glad than ever.

Remus was the one to answer the door “Regulus?” He asked concernedly, sleepily, it was nearly midnight, it was cold out and Reg was only wearing a golden yellow t-shirt and grey shorts. James’.

“Siri- please I need Sirius” Regulus sobbed, crumbling as he lowered himself to the floor. Curling against the doorframe as he slowly suffocated. His feet burned sharp in pain, blood where he'd been standing.

He had torn his feet open on the rocks when he ran here.

“SIRIUS!” Remus yelled, moving to get down to Regulus level but keeping space as he knew better than to touch Reg and trigger him, Sirius came bolting down the hallway, in a black tank and joggers. When he saw Regulus his eyes widened and the world stop “Fuck- fuck.” Sirius whispered

Sirius moved to gently pull Regulus inside, holding him up as Regulus sobbed loudly. “Get the med kit, i'll try to calm him” Sirius whispered, Remus nodded and sped off trying to find their home first aid kit.

Sirius got Regulus into the bathroom and lowered him to the floor “Reg? Reg its Siri, I need you to breathe for me” Sirius begged gently but tried to stay calm, he knew Regulus preferred it when Sirius was calm.

Sirius held Regulus’ face, his cheeks, his hands becoming wet with tears, Regulus’ face crumpled as he sobbed again, pushing forward to place his head against Sirius, sobbing against him. Sirius held Regulus tight to his body, whispering soft comforts and playing with his hair and eventually getting him to breathe.

“Where's James Reg? Why is he not with you?” Sirius asked carefully, fearing the worst that James had been hurt, because there is no way in hell that James Potter would cause Regulus to cry. James who held Regulus during his bad days, James who cooked Regulus meals and brought sunshine into his life.

“Angry- h-he grabbed me- he was yelling!” Regulus sobbed like a little kid. Regulus suddenly felt so much smaller in his arms as memories from their childhood rose to the surface. Memories of Sirius protecting Reg from their parents.

“He what.”

Sirius was going to fucking kill him.

“James grabbed you? He yelled at you?” Sirius asked with a thick edge to his voice, trying to force himself to be calm. He thought James was better than this, he thought that when James had sworn to never hurt Regulus he could be trusted.

.・。.・☆

Eventually Regulus was calm. It took 40 whole minutes to get him to even breathe properly. It got to the point where Remus offered to call an ambulance, Sirius refused hastily, he knew how Regulus felt about them.

“Can Remus clean your feet up?” Sirius asked softly, having managed to kick his anger to bay while he took care of Regulus.

They were now against the bathtub, Sirius was on Regulus’ left, cuddling him as Regulus relaxed into his chest. Sirius and James were the only ones that were allowed to touch Regulus when he was having a bad day, James had broken that trust today.

Regulus nodded, Remus very gently cleaned his feet and bandaged them, sticking stupid little stickers on the top of the bandage so when Reg looked down he wouldn't see the depressing reminder.

“I need you to tell me what happened” Sirius whispered, playing with Regulus’ soft black curls.

“I was on call with Barty, he got upset and started going on about how much of a bad partner he is and how he wasn't there for me when mum died and then- then I said i was there and he flipped, he started to shake me then he started hitting the counter, he's never been like that with me..” Reg whispered, his heart aching “I don't know how to come back from this.”

Sirius looked away, thinking back to how James had been when they were in Uni. James was well known for being erratic and impulsive, but he had always somewhat had a handle on it. James had used to lock himself away when he got angry, agitated or depressed, Sirius never thought that it would manifest this way. Mostly he felt anger, but somewhere, some part of him was concerned for his friend.

But Regulus came first.

“I.. I really don't know Reg, I'm sorry” Sirius whispered softly to his brother, Regulus was the most important to him, tied with Remus (Reg was slightly more important) and above James. He was livid with the male. “Get some rest okay? We’ll talk about this tomorrow..” Sirius suggested

Regulus nodded, getting comfortable in his space in the bed and curling up, eventually the only audible sounds were Regulus’ snores and the cheesy Disney film they’d put on to distract Regulus.

After a little while Sirius went to leave.

“Where are you going?” Remus spoke softly, he knew his partner well. He knew what would be going through Sirius’ head and what he would think of James right now. James may be his best mate but Regulus was a baby in Sirius’ eyes. He would stand between Regulus and Merlin himself to protect him.

“I have to do something, he was crying, Remy” Sirius whispered, carefully pulling his boots onto his feet.

There was silence. “Okay, just don't.. don't be stupid okay?” Remus whispered, praying somehow the message would get through to his boyfriend. Sirius merely nodded and as Remus disappeared he did up his boots, the one with spikes, and left.