Never Mind
It only took around two months for Regulus’ parents to find out what happened on that night. Barty’s father found out shortly after.
When Regulus received the letter from his mother, he didn’t leave his room for a week. He locked himself up, sobbing so hard he made himself sick. He couldn’t go home, he just couldn’t.
Barty, on the other hand, never even heard from his father. Regulus assumed that he just didn’t care enough to yell at Barty, but there have been times where his father ignored the problem until break. Then it got bad.
Regulus knew he couldn’t go home. There was no way he possibly could face his mother. He couldn’t face the punishments waiting.
He had to move his plan up a whole year.
The only reason he put it off until the next year was because he wanted to spend the most time possible with James. Since that was out of the picture, he could move it up.
The only thing contradicting his thoughts was Barty. He didn’t want to leave the boy. Not now. Not when Evan’s birthday was coming up.
James’ birthday was rough, to say the least. Sirius had wanted to have a party in memory of him, but Regulus immediately refused. Regulus knew that he wouldn’t be able to function, let alone put on a party for a dead person.
Regulus was right on his assumptions, of course. He didn’t leave his bed for the majority of the day. Not until he was rudely interrupted.
He was glad for the interruption, in the end.
What he wasn’t expecting was Remus Lupin knocking on his door. Obviously Barty was the one to open it, given the fact Regulus had no plans to move at all. When he saw Remus, though, he slowly rolled over.
“Regulus- I need you- Sirius needs you-” The boy was frantic, which immediately sparked concern for Regulus.
“What’s wrong?” Regulus looked like a complete disaster. He knew his hair was probably a mess, his eyes were most assuredly red, and he definitely looked like a train wreck.
“Sirius. It’s Sirius.”
And that was all Regulus needed. Even if the two of them weren’t on the best of terms, he still loved his brother more than anything. He would always help him, no matter what.
Regulus immediately gets out of his bed, although he was slightly dizzy after not moving all day. He didn’t care that multiple people would see him. Remus never looked panicked, and Regulus could tell something bad was happening.
Regulus follows Remus all the way to Gryffindor Tower. He follows him into the dorm room, where he stops dead in his tracks once they reach the doorway.
Sirius was curled in a ball, rocking back and forth on the floor. His hair was knotted. His clothes were wrinkled. He wasn’t okay. Not at all.
“Sirius?” Regulus calls out quietly, slowly approaching him. He knew he had to be gentle. One wrong move would make it so much worse, and Regulus would know.
“He’s gone.” Sirius mumbles. “He’s gone.”
“I know. I know he’s gone. Can you look at me?” Regulus keeps his voice calm, even though he feels like breaking down at any moment.
Sirius finally looks up. His eyes are wide, almost scared looking.
“Hey, you’re okay. Just keep focusing on me, okay?” Regulus moves closer now, sitting in front of Sirius, but still not touching him.
“I want him back.” There were tears streaming down his brother’s face, and it broke Regulus’ heart even more than it already was.
“I know. I do too.” Regulus was crying now as well. He wanted to be strong for Sirius, he really did, but he just couldn’t. Not when it was James.
“He’s supposed to be here. He was supposed to save you. He was supposed to keep you safe.”
When Sirius said that, Regulus felt his heart shatter into a million tiny little pieces. James was supposed to save him. Sirius thought that James was going to save Regulus.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus has to whisper, or he would completely fall apart. His emotions are crushing him. They are suffocating him.
“He’s gone.” Sirius chokes out again, and he falls into Regulus’ arms. Regulus holds onto him tight, burying his face is Sirius’ hair, trying to hide his tears.
“It’s okay. You’re okay.” Regulus whispers in a poor attempt to get Sirius to calm down.
Sirius clings to Regulus’ shirt, sobbing prolifically.
“We’re going to be okay, remember? We are going to be okay. For James.”
It takes a while, but Regulus finally gets Sirius to stop crying. He ends up falling asleep in Regulus’ arms.
With Remus’ help (because Sirius is much bigger than Regulus), they got Sirius onto the bed. He looked so peaceful like that.
“Thank you.” Remus says, taking a deep breath.
“I’ll always help him. He’s my brother. Always my big brother.”
Always his big brother. No matter how often they fought, no matter how much Sirius hated Regulus for joining the Death Eaters, no matter what. He would drop everything if it meant Sirius would be safe.
Regulus goes back to his dorm, and immediately breaks, falling onto his bed with tears streaming down his face.
James was gone. James was dead.
He would have been 18 today.
His Jamie was gone.
Regulus can feel Barty slowly climb into the bed. He can feel Barty wrap his arms around him. He thinks he can hear Barty whispering something in his ear, but he isn’t sure. All he knows is that he is sobbing uncontrollably, the weight of his emotions and grief suffocating him like he is drowning and is nowhere near the surface. He knows that the only thing muffling his heartbreaking cries is Barty’s chest, which his face is buried in. He can feel himself shaking with every sob that escapes his small, pale body.
James was dead. Gone. He was dead.
“I want my Jamie back.” Regulus chokes out, clinging to Barty like a lifeline. Barty was the only reason the broken boy was even still here.
“I know. I know you do. I’m sorry,” Barty just kept whispering in his ear, trying to calm Regulus down. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. Deep breaths Reg.”
Once he finally stops violently sobbing, he slowly lifts his head up from Barty’s chest, looking up at him. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry. You’re struggling. It’s okay, I promise.” Barty gently ran his fingers through Regulus’ hair.
They spent the rest of the day just laying there together. Regulus didn’t want to move, and he had no intentions of doing so. He just wanted to curl into a ball and die so he could see James again. He just wanted to see James.
He wanted his Jamie back.
~
Evan’s birthday was not exactly what Regulus had been expecting, to say the least.
Barty was trying to convince Regulus he was fine. Regulus let him pretend.
Normally, Regulus wouldn’t have, but he knew that Barty would end up breaking anyways.
Barty was convinced he was going to go out. He got out of bed and showered. He was acting completely fine.
That was until he went to his dresser.
Sitting right on top was Evan’s hoodie. Barty always wore it when he missed Evan badly, so obviously it was right on top. The only problem was that the moment he saw the reminder of Evan, he immediately stopped dead in his tracks.
“Barty? You okay?” Regulus calls out from his desk, noticing how Barty had suddenly froze.
He swallows hard, nodding. “Fine.”
Despite trying to hide it from Regulus, he knew damn well Barty wasn’t okay.
“Talk to me Barty. What’s wrong?”
“He’s not here.”
And there it was. Regulus knew it would happen eventually. He knew that Barty was going to break.
“It’s okay to miss him, you know. It’s okay to be sad.”
“I’m not sad. I’m fucking devasted.” He chokes out.
Regulus stands up, moving over to Barty.
“I’m furious. I’m angry, but I’m so sad at the same time. I miss him so much.” Barty falls into Regulus' arms, clinging desperately to him.
“That’s okay. It’s perfectly okay. I promise.” Regulus holds him close. He will keep Barty safe. He always will.
“It’s not fair.” He mumbles, shaking in Regulus’ hold.
“Nothing is.”
And that was the hard truth. Nothing in this world was fair, and they just had to somehow keep going.
Regulus leads Barty over to his bed, pulling him down softly. “Just stay here today, yeah? You don’t need to go out to try and forget about him. Just sit here with me.”
“Kiss me.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Kiss me.”
Regulus was shocked, to say the least.
“Barty I’m not going to kiss you-”
“Kiss me. Please. Kiss me until I can’t breathe. Kiss me until I forget my own name. Kiss me until I forget his.”
How could Regulus say no? Barty needed something- a distraction, a way out, something. The least he could do was help his friend.
He slowly leans in, softly pressing his lips to Barty’s. The feeling felt so similar, yet so foreign at the same time.
Barty immediately deepens the kiss, holding Regulus’ face in his hands. Just like the pictures.
Regulus wasn’t scared. He didn’t want to be. Not of Barty. Not of being with him. He didn’t want to be scared of what could happen.
His parents already knew, so what more could he do? He would be dead in a month anyways, what more did he have to lose?
“Don’t back out on me this time, Crouch.” Regulus whispers, sliding his shirt off.
“Wasn’t planning on it, Black.”
They had nothing to hide anymore. It was game over no matter what. Regulus was still dying before break started. He might as well make the most of it while he still can.
Barty was addictive. His lips, his hands, his skin, all of it. Barty was a drug.
Regulus’ hands were in his hair, gripping onto Barty. He only lets go so he can pull Barty’s shirt off, throwing it onto the floor.
“What happened to being mommy’s perfect little heir?” Barty breathes out, breath hot against Regulus’ lips.
“He died the moment I realized how good of a kisser you are.” Regulus replies back, kissing Barty even harder. Hungrier. Needier.
“Never knew you had it in you to disobey the House of Black like that.” Barty laughs slightly, biting Regulus’ lip.
“Just shut up and kiss me.” Regulus pushes further, almost pinning Barty down onto the bed, before Barty pushes him backwards, pinning Regulus instead.
An hour later, the two boys are breathless. They never took it any further- they knew they couldn’t. Barty was never going to sleep with anyone else. They weren’t Evan.
James and Regulus never really slept together. Their relationship was more soft kisses and gentle touches. The healing kind of love.
Barty and Evan were hungry for love. They craved each other’s rough hands and messy kisses. They were perfect for each other.
Nobody could replace those relationships. Regulus nor Barty would ever live up to the standards that the other needed.
Barty would never sleep with anyone else ever again. Regulus would never be able to feel how he did with James. The two lost parts of their souls that day- parts they would never get back.
Maybe it was a horrible way of coping, and maybe it wasn’t helping at all in the long run, but it helped Barty in the moment, and that was all Regulus cared about.
Besides, he had a month left to live, and might as well do something worth his time. If that was kissing Barty and giving him a distraction for one more month, then Regulus would happily do it.
~
Everyone always says that the hardest thing about knowing you're dying is letting go. For Regulus, it was saying goodbye.
He had finally mended things with Sirius. They still weren’t great, but the two of them were doing better. For James.
And Barty, oh Barty. It hurt Regulus to even think about leaving Barty. He was holding on by a single thread, and Regulus was afraid that him dying would rip that string completely in half. He didn’t want to hurt Barty like that, but he knew it was for the better.
Sirius would be safer without Regulus alive. Regulus was a danger to him. At any moment, the Dark Lord could have Sirius killed. Regulus wouldn’t let that happen just because he wants to be close to his brother.
Writing his letters pained him. He didn’t want to say goodbye. He didn’t want to let these people go.
Taking a deep breath, he sits down at his desk. Barty was still in his classes, and would be for the next hour or two. It was now or never.
The day of his death was slowly creeping up on him. Before he knew it, a month had turned into two weeks. Time was flying by, and Regulus needed to get things done before he left.
Taking his pen, he starts the first letter.
Mother,
By the time you are reading this, I will be dead. I can assure you that while this wasn’t entirely your fault, it was mostly you and father.
Not only did you force me to join the Death Eaters, but you also made me have to hide myself. I never got to be who I truly was.
I hope you know that you are horrible. I hope you know that I hate you with every fiber of my body. I hope you know that if you would have just loved me like any other parent would, then I wouldn’t be in this situation.
I leave this world finding peace. Without worrying about what you or father might say, my life has been so much better. I’m sure you are sad to see your heir leave you and end the bloodline, but I know you could care less about your son dying.
It was a curse to be raised by you, truly. I miss James every day, and it’s all your fault.
With none of my love,
R.A.B.
That was the easy letter. The letter he didn’t care about. He could care less about his parents’ reactions to his death, but he thought he would be nice and send them a letter.
He never once stood up to his parents- not like Sirius did. Sirius was brave, while Regulus was not. They were always going to turn out this way.
Regulus was always doomed for tragedy. His life was tragic. His purpose was tragic, considering he never even had one. There was no real reason he was even still alive- not really anyways. Maybe he was staying around for James. Maybe now he was staying for Barty.
Regulus was never staying for himself. He didn’t want to be alive. He was only still going for the people he loved.
Maybe he could’ve stayed. Maybe he could have kept going, kept dealing with his parents. Maybe the punishment wouldn’t be worth killing himself. Despite all of that, he knew he was still going to. Being free from the crushing weight of his life was worth it.
He takes a shaky breath, and picks up his pen once again. The next two letters were going to ruin him, he could already tell.
How was he supposed to tell his brother goodbye? How was he supposed to tell Barty goodbye? Regulus was all Barty had left, and now he was leaving. He didn’t know how the other would react, but it wouldn’t be good.
Regulus knew he had to do this. Maybe it wasn’t completely for the horcruxes, but he still had to. At least he would finally be doing something good, and not just fucking something up.
Sirius,
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not leaving with you, for not trying to communicate with you, for lying to you. I’m sorry for making you put up with me all those years. I’m sorry for never telling you about me and James. I’m so sorry.
You may be mad once you read this. You may scream and cry, you may try to find a reason, a person to blame. There is no one to blame but me.
By the time you are reading this, I will be long dead. It will probably be Barty handing you this. He’s probably crying, or maybe he’s angry. Maybe me leaving will make him lose the last of his sanity, and he will just be numb. No matter how he is doing, promise to watch him for me, okay? You have Remus, but he won’t have anyone.
This is completely my decision. I want to be free.
Please don’t bottle your emotions up. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to break something, then break it. I don’t care what you do, but don’t bottle it up. Please.
I love you. I’m sorry I never said it enough. I should’ve been more open with you. Maybe I could have been brave like you.
You’ll live a great, happy life. I know you will. You were always too good for the fate of our haunted home. You deserve to be happy and free.
With all my love, even in death,
R.A.B.
Regulus was crying. He was crying and shaking. He didn’t want to say goodbye. Not now, not ever. That’s not what he wanted.
It was his older brother, for crying out loud. He shouldn’t have to say goodbye.
Regulus dreaded goodbyes. Maybe it was because of how hard they were to do, or maybe because he never got to say goodbye to James.
At least he would get to see his Jamie soon.
Barty would be okay. He was strong. He would figure it out. Barty was always the stronger one. He would be okay.
Regulus rubs his eyes, wiping the tears away. One letter left.
Barty,
I don’t even have words to explain how much this hurts me. I don’t want to say goodbye, not to you. Even so, please know that it’s for the better.
I can’t live like this any longer. I can’t go back home. I know you are strong enough to live without me.
Take care of Sirius for me. Make sure he doesn’t do something stupid. I love him, despite everything.
I’ll finally get to see my Jamie again.
Don’t go batshit crazy, yeah? Make your life one worth living. For me.
I’ll make sure to tell Evan you love him.
I love you. I promise. I love you.
With all my heart, past my last breath,
R.A.B.
Tears were streaming down his face by now. They hit the paper, leaving small circles stained on the parchment. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.
There was nothing that could be said to make it better. No words, which were Regulus’ talent, could make this better. Not even Regulus, who’s only talent is writing poetry, knew how to form words for this.
He felt like he had so much to tell him, yet no words at all. He wanted to say so much, but there wasn’t anything to say.
When Regulus hears the door open, he quickly shoves the letters into his desk, trying to wipe his eyes. Thankfully, when Barty walks in, he only sees Regulus wiping his eyes, and not the letters.
“Reg? Are you crying?” Barty asks, concern etched on his face.
“You weren’t supposed to be back yet.” Regulus whispers. It was the truth- Barty was supposed to still be in class.
“Got done early, the professor said we could go. You wanna tell me why you are crying?”
Regulus takes a shaky breath. He couldn’t tell Barty. He would never let Regulus go through with it.
“Can you just hold me?” His voice breaks. He probably looked like a broken idiot, but he honestly didn’t have the energy to care.
Barty just smiles, moving towards the bed, looking at Regulus the whole time. Regulus knows it means he can follow.
With shaky legs, he stands up and moves to the bed, falling into Barty’s arms immediately. It was safe there. Barty was safe.
“You’re okay. I promise.” Barty didn’t even know why Regulus was upset, and he still was able to make Regulus feel better. It almost wasn’t fair.
Regulus just lays there, staying silent. He was afraid to speak. If he spoke, he could say the wrong thing, or just start crying all over again. Silence was safe.
He was shaking, trying his best not to absolutely break down. He didn’t want to leave Barty. He didn’t want to let him go.
“What’s wrong? You can talk to me, Reg.” Barty ran his fingers through Regulus’ hair gently, trying to calm him down.
“I really don’t want to talk about it.” Regulus mumbles, sniffling. He needed to pull himself together. Barty couldn’t know what he had planned.
“Okay. That’s okay. You just wanna lay here?” Barty kept his voice soft. He was always so understanding. The thought of hurting him made Regulus want to forget all of his plans and just stay with him forever.
“Can we go up to the Astronomy Tower?” Regulus asks quietly, lifting his head up from Barty’s chest.
“Whatever you want.” Barty smiles softly, helping Regulus stand up. Taking Regulus’ hand in his own, the two boys walk up to the tower. Regulus always wanted to go up there when he needed quiet. There was something so calming about it.
When they get up there, Regulus leans against the railing, laying his head on Barty’s shoulder.
“Thank you.” He mumbles, eyes never leaving the stars. It was a clear night, not a cloud in sight.
“For what?” Barty asks, arm wrapped around Regulus’ body.
“For being here. For caring. For not leaving.”
Regulus was going to break his promise. He was going to leave. He knew it would hurt Barty. He knew it would change him forever. He knew it wasn’t right, but Regulus didn’t have a choice. He had to do this.
They sat up there for a while, finding comfort in each others’ presence. It felt nice to just sit there, staring at the stars.
Eventually, they went back down to the dorms, and Regulus fell asleep curled up in Barty’s arms.
He knew it was going to hurt Barty when he died. He knew it was going to kill him. Regulus knew that, but not even Barty could make him back down from this. He knew what he needed to do.
Regulus was going to die, and nobody could stop it from happening.
~
Regulus always knew he was going to die. He was never going to be anything special. He was never going to be someone that would be known.
Barty was in class. He was all alone.
He shakily reaches into his desk drawer, taking out the letters he had thrown in there. He sets them down on Barty’s bed to ensure that they were seen. He sent his mother’s letter to her by owl.
He was doing the right thing. This was the right thing. Dying was the only way he could truly be free.
The cave was dark. Dark and cold. It reminded him a lot of home.
Sirius never considered it a home. He always said it was a house and not a home, but it was the only home Regulus ever knew.
Regulus never got out. He never experienced a loving mother or father. He never experienced the warmth that Sirius talked about.
James was the only warmth he ever had. James was the sun. He was warm. He was bright.
And then he died.
The sun had to set eventually, but Regulus wasn’t ready for it to set so soon.
He had tried to replace that warmth with Barty, but it was useless. Nothing could compare to James.
The water looked welcoming. Like Regulus was meant to be there. Like this was where he was always supposed to be.
The hands were cold and rough, just like his mother’s. It made it feel just like home.
As the water filled his lungs, he couldn’t help but scream for Sirius. Even now, when no one was around, he still screamed for his brother’s help.
The water suffocated him, making it impossible to breathe. His chest hurt, but he kept screaming. He kept calling for Sirius.
Regulus remembers things as his life slowly fades away.
First, he remembers the first time his mother hurt him. He remembers how Sirius held him in his arms, rocking the crying Regulus back and forth until he stopped crying. Regulus just clung to him like a baby the whole time. He remembers feeling so scared.
Second, he remembers all the healing spells he learned to help Sirius. He would heal Sirius’ wounds, no matter how bad they were.
Third, he remembers all the times that Sirius would stay up with him through the nightmares and the panic attacks. He remembers climbing into Sirius’ bed, shaking, and Sirius would just hold him until he felt safe enough to fall asleep again. He would sit in the bathroom with Regulus when he just couldn’t stop hyperventilating.
Fourth, he remembers the night Sirius left. He remembers begging him to just stay. Sirius was begging Regulus to follow. Neither of them listened to the other. Regulus remembers crying the entire night, wishing on every star that his brother would return. His big brother.
Fifth, he remembers the first time he kissed James. His lips were soft, and it felt like the two of them melted into one. He remembers how James was always so warm, just like the sun. He remembers spending night after night with James, finally feeling safe and loved after being alone and frightened for years.
Sixth, he remembers receiving the Mark. He remembers how painful it was, and he remembers how badly he wanted to cut it off afterwards. He remembers Barty finding him in the bathroom. He sort of remembers Barty yelling at Evan, telling him to go find James, but everything after Barty opened the door is hazy. He remembers blood. He thinks he can remember Barty whispering in his ear while holding him, rocking back and forth on the tile floor. He knows James was crying when he came into the room. He remembers feeling the tears, even though he wasn’t even fully present in reality.
Seventh, he remembers how mad Sirius was when he found out. Regulus remembers the look on his face. He couldn’t forget it. Sirius was so mad. Not only that, but he was disappointed. His big brother was disappointed in him. It hurt more than anything else.
Eighth, he remembers the last night he spent with James. There was a party, and James was completely wasted. Regulus stayed with him the entire night, putting up with his drunk antics. He let James kiss him all over. There were hickeys scattered across his entire body by the end of the night. They fell asleep tangled in each others’ arms, just like it was always supposed to be. Regulus dealt with the extremely hungover James the next morning, and he didn’t mind it one bit. He would do anything for James.
Ninth, he remembers James’ dead body. He remembers his pale face. His cold skin. He was the opposite of the sun that day. He was cold and dead. He remembers the pain in his chest when it happened. He remembers it perfectly. Every little detail is engraved in his mind. He would never forget it. He misses James so bad. He just wants his Jamie back.
Tenth, he remembers Barty. He remembers laughing with him, crying with him, fighting with him, kissing him. He remembers so much about Barty. He remembers how soft his hair is. He remembers how surprisingly gentle his hands can be, given the hands that raised him. He remembers how Barty would push past his own feelings to make Regulus feel better. He remembers all the times they got drunk. He remembers the countless times he fell asleep in Barty’s arms. Barty was always there. Ever since Regulus was eleven, Barty was there. Now Barty would be the one that stayed. He would be the one to make it through.
Who knows if there were any more memories to be remembered, because Regulus takes his last breath as he calls for Sirius one more time.
The star had finally burnt out. Years of burning and burning, slowly withering away, had finally come to an end. Regulus had burnt out.
He was finally going to see his Jamie again.
~
Barty doesn’t get surprised easily. After being around Regulus for so long, he has learned to be prepared for a multitude of situations- no matter how far-fetched they may be.
What he could never expect was the two letters laying on his bed in Regulus’ handwriting.
What was completely impossible to guess was that Regulus was dead.
Barty stared at the letter for a long time. He kept reading it over and over again, trying to make sense of it all. Nothing made sense. Why would he do that? They were happy together. They were healing. Regulus was finally starting to look better.
It didn’t make sense.
There were tear stains on the letter. Regulus had been crying. When did he even have time to write this? Barty was with him all the time-
Oh.
That day. That day when he got out of class early and he walked into the room. When he saw Regulus crying. He swore he heard the desk drawer closing, but he didn’t think anything of it.
He should have. He should have pried more- he should have tried harder. Now Regulus was dead. Regulus was gone.
The tears were flowing down his face, only falling harder as he continued to read. Why did he do this? It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense anymore. Not without Regulus.
Regulus was dead. He was dead. He was gone.
And Barty was all alone.
He forces himself to stop sobbing and picks up Sirius’ letter. He knew what he needed to do.
His hands were shaking the whole time. How the fuck was he supposed to tell Sirius that his brother was dead? That just wasn’t right. It wasn’t okay.
Remus lets Barty into the dorm. He tried to stop shaking, but he just couldn’t.
He hands Sirius the letter. Sirius looks questionably at his shaking hands and his red eyes.
One pause. Another pause.
Sirius’ face goes pale.
“No,” He mumbles, legs becoming weak. “No.”
“What is it?” Remus asks, looking at Sirius with concern filling his face.
Sirius swallows hard, sitting down on the bed. “No- no you’re lying. This isn’t real. No.”
Tears started to fall from Sirius’ eyes. Remus sits right next to him, trying to get him to talk.
Barty stands in the doorway, taking the whole thing in. Nothing felt real anymore. Nothing made sense without Regulus there.
Regulus was the only reason Barty was even alive. He was the only thing that was keeping Barty standing upright. He was all Barty had left.
Sirius was sobbing in Remus’ embrace, shaking violently. His little brother was dead.
“Please tell me you are lying.” Sirius whispers, looking up at Barty.
“I found the letters on my bed.” Barty whispers back, voice hoarse.
Sirius starts crying again, hiding in Remus’ chest.
Barty didn’t have anyone to cry to anymore. He didn’t have anywhere safe to go. There was nowhere he felt safe.
Barty was alone. He was all alone. He didn’t have anyone. There was not a single person out there who he could feel safe with- he was completely alone.
He leaves the room without another word, going back to his own dorm. Once he gets there, he lays in his bed and just sobs. He cries and cries until his throat is raw and he can’t think straight.
It was like deja vu. It felt like losing Evan all over again, except this time, he lost everything. Regulus was the only thing he had left, and now he was gone.
It felt like the world stopped. Nothing was moving, the world was still. Barty didn’t even know what time it was anymore. It felt like nothing mattered.
Time continued to pass, and Barty did the opposite of what Regulus told him to do. He went insane.
He ended up in Azkaban. He doesn’t remember much from his past now. All he has is that letter Regulus wrote him all those years ago.
Barty wishes that Regulus talked about memories in his letter. He wishes he had memories of their time spent together. Did he even know who Regulus was? He knew that he must have loved him if he wrote that letter.
He remembers Evan, despite everything. Barty doubts he ever would forget him, even if he wanted to. He knows he loved Evan. Even in insanity, he knows that.
He would die before too long. It wouldn’t be long now and he would be reunited with the love of his life. He can still remember his eyes, even now.
Barty’s only wish is that he gets his memories back once he dies. He wants to remember everything. He wants to remember everything that happened before Evam died. Before Regulus died.
For now, he will cling to the letter, and he will wait. He will wait for his eventual death. He will wait for his freedom.
“I never broke our promise, Reg. I never left.” Barty whispers, looking out at the stars, specifically a star in the Leo constellation. He has few memories now, but he still remembers their promise.
“You broke the promise, but that’s okay. I don’t blame you. You deserved to be free.”
Maybe he would get to be free like everyone else soon. Until then, he will wait for something. Maybe that thing will be a purpose, maybe it will be a way out. Maybe it will just be a change of scenery. Either way, he will wait for something to happen. He will wait and wait because that is all he knows how to do. All he has done is wait, so he can do it for a little longer.
He will wait to see Evan again. It’s only a matter of time.