ONANIST

"Everyone ready?" Dazai asked the seven little creatures that explored the new habitat. The cafe  was a smaller one, wirh 10 tables for 4 people and one big under the windows. Everything was in a pale brown and red. The furniture in height that all of the cats could jump there made of a maple wood.

    "It looks really nice Dazai. I bet this would become a comfortable spot of lots of people" Fukuzawa, which was now helping him with last touches before opening up said as he held Kōsuke in arms.

    Dazai chuckled as his own arms were full of one big cat, Byakko. That was a big maincoon white lady. She was Atsuhis favourite since she resembles a tiget so much, "I think that only a freaks like you would like to be a whole day around these devils, Fukuzawa"

    Fukuzawa flashed him a look, however didn't say anything because two young people entered the shop. Dazai recognised them. They were his part-time workers, Junichiro and Naomi. They were perfect in his mind. Young people with a lot of free time and cheerful personality.

    "Hello there Tanizakis." Dazai fleshed them one of his signature smiles as he put Byakko down.

    ,,Good morning, boss" both said in union as they slightly bowed.

    Dazai walked closer to them and smiled, "You don't need to be so polite. Just call me Dazai".

    Both of them looked up as they thought about it foe moment. Than they slightly nodded their heads as an agreement. Meanwhile Fukuzawa already left for his own job as Rampo texted him that they've got a new case to solve.

    Dazai stayed alone with both siblings and gave them the last lesson on how to use the coffee machine, different types of grains, syrup and seasoning. Thankfully both of them were wast learners. Plus Naomi already got photos of everything and posted it on social media. She was by Dazais words a media manager of their little cafe since her post gained a lot of likes.

    When clocks hit 8 o'clock they finally opened and to they surprise people already started walking there. By their words it was one of the comfortable coffee they were last mont in. People talked about everything while the music slowly played in the background. The cats enjoyed their company as well. Walked around and played with those they found interesting.

    In the noon entered person which made Dazai smile genuinely. One of his closest friends which promised to come and support him if anything goes down.

    "I guess I could've stayed at home. People really enjoy the company of these animals" his Russian accent thick as he leaned on the counter.

    "Fedya that's nonsense. I would cry if you wouldn't have showed up." Dazai dramatically touched his face as if he was hurt.

    "Oh no. I wouldn't try to hurt feelings of the great Osmau Dazai." Fyodor playfully replied as his fist clenched around his heart.

    "Good to know that!" Dazai smirked as he turned back to his owner of coffee self, "What would you like?"

    "Do you have anything with alcohol?" Fyodor immediately asked as his eyes searched the menu.

    "I invited something exactly for your taste. A vodka espresso" Dazai already started to make the drink, since he knew Fyodor would want that.

    "Excellent. Than I'll take two to go" He said simply as his eyes continued to watch Dazai work.

    "Two? Is the other one for one of those friends of yours?" Dazai asked with curiosity. He met them only once and let's say that they were something.

    "Kolya will be over the moon. For Siggy, he hates coffee or anything wirh cofein since it makes him more anxious than he already is" Fyodor simply replied. Dazai than remembered how was Sigma reactiring to anything like cofein thanks to his anxiety disorder.

    "Right..well I could make him some smoothie. He like blueberries if I remember correctly" He already reached for the box with fruit and put it in mixer. After few minutes all three drinks were done.

    "Thanks Osamu. I'll visit you again soon." Fyodor took the drinks and slightly smiled at him as he walked away.

    "Was that one of your friends Bo- Dazai" Junichiro walked behind him with dirty dishes.

    "Yeah. We met two years ago when I was travelling" Dazai nodded as he continued to work on another order.

    The rest of day was in same mood. There was still someone and to Dazais surprise even Yosano and Kunikida stopped by (only to buy sweets for Rampo). Now was already evening, only one hour until closing. Dazai already sent tanizakis home, since not much people came in this time.

    He didn't pay that much attention when the bell ring as a new customers entered until he looked up and saw Chuuya Nakahara and Ryunosuke Akutagawa?!

    His mind went a bit crazy. What are they doing there? Well I can't judge them..when I was still under PMC I used to go into smaller business as well as an escape..

    "Welocme to the Old World. What would you like?" He asked simply as if he was talking to a regular, not a worldwide known celebrities.

    "We don't care actually. Surprise us" said the ginger as he looked pleased that Dazai didn't overeact by seeing them.

    Dazai nodded and looked up at them as he tried to study them and decice what would fit them. He started with Akutagawa. He looked mysterious, normal person would probably just give him espresso. However he saw beneath these layers of his. Of course he did. He knew him back than. That's why he decided on a chai latte, spicy as Akutagawa however still pleasant when you get used to it.

    Than he looked at Nakahara. He smells like a red wine. That means he would like anything Yosano likes. However his big eyebags ment that he is a light sleeper. Nothing with cofein for him. But than idea popped into his mind. He smiled, "Go sit whenever you like. I'd bring you your drinks in a moment"

    They left with small bow and sitted next to the big table. Dazai started to work on drinks. Firstly chai latte and than drink for Nakahara, a hot cacao with dried cherries. He than draw On both of these drinks a cat with a cinnamon.

    "There are your drinks. Chai latte for Akutagawa and hot cacao for Nakahara" he settled down the drinks before them as he good a look from Nakahara.

    "A hot chocolate? Do you take me as a kid or what? I'm an adult!" His raspy voice surprised Dazai. He always sounded more silvery in interviews.

    "Oh no, that's not the reason. It's your eyebags. You don't sleep well so I didn't give you anything that would cost you another sleepless night" Dazai shakeds his heands as quickly explained his reasons.

    Nakahara immediately touched his face. Dazai chuckled and sitted on the chair next to him, "Don't worry. Your make-up is good, however as someone with same issues I saw right though it"

    Nakaharas face was now more relaxed as he took sip of his own drink. His eyes opened wirh a sparkle as his lips changed into pleasant smile, "Damn.. this is good as hell!"

    Akutagawa copied him and tried his own chai latte, "You're right Chuuya. This is one of the best drinks I've had"

    "I'm glad you like it. I made my family try everything at least 5 times." Dazai fleshed them his signature smile.

    The sited in a silence as Dazai picked up one of the cats, Yū. He purred as soon as he was on Dazais lap. He just let his hands ran down the brown fur.

    "You know..it's nice to meet someone who treats us like normal people" Nakahara ended the silence as his glass was already empty.

    Dazai tilted his head as he looked Nakahara into his beautiful eyes, "Why shouldn't I? As you said, you're humans. Humans, who only happened to be known as turned into promotional products"

    Akutagawa flashed him a look, like if he knew whom Dazai was. Thankfully that passed as Nakahara let out a chuckle, "You're right..what's your name anyway?"

    "Osamu Dazai. Why do you want to know that?" He was genuinely confused. He didn't understand why someone like Nakahra would want to know him.

    "You seem like an interesting guy. So why shouldn't I want to get to know you Dazai?" He leaned closer and smirked.

    Oh God. This guy is hot. But there's no way he's gay. Dazais mind freezed as he could smell Chuuyas perfume. Lord save me, "I'm pleased by that Nakahara". Before he could do anything he heard Chuuya tsk, "Call me just Chuuya." Now Dazais stomach did a 180 flip. I'm so fucked.  "Alright, Chuuya." The way his name rolled out of Dazais mouth was so satisfying. He wished that he could do it over and over again.

    "See, much better. Can I ask something" Chuuya smiled and sitted back into his chair as he crossed his legs.

    "Yeah, of course Chuuya" Dazai nodded as he tried not to act like a teenage girl with her crush. However, he won't lie. Chuuya was fine as hell. Talking with him was so easy. His voice burned by cigarettes. Everything about that man was fucking perfect.

    "Can I get your number?" The moment that question left Chuuyas mouth Dazais heart stopped. Did he hear that right? Lord is he already in haven?

    "Um sure Chuuya" he hummed, trying to sound casual as Chuuya passed him his phone to add his number. Chuuya smiled pleasantly as he took his phone back and flashed him one of his own signature smiles.

    "Thanks Dazai. However I think me and Akutagawa need to go" with that they stood up, paid for their drinks (Chuuya left a big tip) and walked away from the shop.

    Now, when Dazai was left alone he sitted down on floor where all cats sitted next to him. He laughed/cried, "I'm fucked up guys. Totally fucked up"

"How was your first day, mister Cafe owner?" Ranpo tearfully pocked Dazais cheek as he sitted down next to him, like he always did.

    "Fine, I guess. People really enjoyed spending their time there" Dazai shaked his shoulders as he took a sip of sake. He needed that after he met Chuuya.

    "And what about some stereotypical crush! You know from those novels when you lay your eyes on a beauty and feel the lust~" Yosano picked up her twin teasing as she whispered that into his ear, so Kyouka won't hear anything in proper.

    Dazais cheeks heaten up as he pushed her away from his face, "No, nothing like that didn't happen Yosano!" She saw his blush and snickered as she sitted down on opposite side of couch. Thanks to that she couldn't continue her shamanism. Dazai took deep breath and calm himself down.

    They all watched TV, while him and Yosano kept sipping on their drinks. Dazais didn't want to admit it, but he constantly checked his phone if Chuuya didn't text him. Who knows, maybe it was just a joke. Maybe he didn't want to keep on touch with Dazia. Maybe-

    A notification popped up on his screen from unknown number.

    Unknown: hey there Dazai. Sorry I didn't text sooner. Work sucks.

    When Dazai glanced up at the message he stood up and excused himself that he was tired and left into his own room. There he fell into bed and changed the name of contact to Chuuya.

    Me: it's okay. I was busy myself ^-^

    What a lie. However Chuuya didn't needed to know that he was slowly turning insane the more he waited for him to text him.

    Chuuya: Work life sucks. Well I just wanted to ask you something tbh.

    Chuuya: Can I come tomorrow to your cafe? But after it's closed..we'll be doing some dumb shot and I need to go somewhere after that.

    And there again was a blush on Dazais cheeks. He wants to come to my place after work?! He can go whenever he wants and he.. He kicked his feet like a stupid girl in anime.

    Me: Of course you can come whenever you want. I'd gladly be your safe place :).

    Before he could see what Chuuya texted back his phone died. And Dazai was left alone yet again. He sighted as he didn't have enough energy to stand up and put phone into charger. 

    He just laid there, staring and the ceiling. He had feeling that it was laughing at him. How foolish of him to think that he would be happy. It was just a distraction. All of this, his cafe, his family, hell now even Chuuya. All these things keeping his mind shut, but now, when left alone, it started to scream again. Louder and louder. He grabbed a pillow and scream into it. All the pillow filling nullifying his voice. He screamed, until his voice hurt, until he knew that tomorrow his voice would be fried.

    When he lost his voice his fingers unwrapped the bandages around his arms revealing the disgusting things he had done to himself. Scars, some older, some still red and unhealed. His fingers ran around them. What a disgusting human being I am.

Chuuya almost screamed as he read the last message from Dazai. He threw his phone across the room. Akutagawa gave him a big sideeye, "You texting that guy?" 

    Chuuya ran to get his phone and checked if it didn't broke, "Yeah. He's kidna sweet you know"

    Akutagawa sighted, "God, your flirting with him will kill me Chuuya"

    With that Akutagawa left him alone. He wanted to scream, however firstly he needs to thinks of good reply!

    It took him almost ten minutes, plus walking around his apartment until he finally settled on: I hope I'd become your safe place as well Dazai.

    Was that too much? He likes that guy. It's been long time since he found a new person whom treats him like a human. The last one was Shirase, and he was gone now.

    As the thought of him enters Chuuyas mind his mood shift. The hollow feeling inside his chest comes back. Deliberate distraction, that was all Dazai was for him now. That was the true of Chuyas shallow personal struggles and probelms. He didn't knew how to cope. So he tried everything. Now he switches between them like he pleaseses. If weren't human interaction it was alcohol. If it wasn't alcohol it was sex. And if it wasn't sex it were drugs. That's all Chuuya knew. That's the only way how he knew how to survive in this world.

    As he sitted down the memories kept repeating in his mind. How I love you Chuuya. I won't leave you. That were the words Shirase always told him. Whenever if it was when he felt alone or when they were panting and touching skin to skin in a cheap motel.

    "You did left me you fool." Chuuya mumbled as he looked at his wine bottles. None were full. Crap he already drunk everything? Chuuya sighted as he opened the table drawer. There laid small bags with a white powder. He haven't done this in long time. He has done hard drugs only when Shirase came back into his mind. Plus he was hungry, and he couldn't eat anything, thanks to the shot tomorrow so..what else was he supposed to do?

    His fingers unwrapped the bag and he swiftly spilled out enough to make four line worth of cocaine. With a card, that laid on his table he separated the drug. Took out a paper and rolled it. One end under his nose, another one on the table.

    He closed his eyes as he inhaled the first line. The powder entered his lungs and filled his lonely soul. He moved, again and again. Until he couldn't feel anything. Until his mind was quiet as a night in middle of winter. He blacked out, his head resting on the remaining powder. Still holding the roll in his hand.

    He wasn't concious when Kouyou entered the room and signed as she saw the state her little brother was yet again. She gently took off his head and kissed him on the forehead, "I hope one day you'll be fine and find true happiness Chuuya. That one day you won't need any drug to feel alive"