“What are we, Regulus?” he says breathlessly. He is looking up at the ethereal creature that is Regulus. The beautiful man who is straddling him in an alcove and looking down at him with a sinful expression. He looks like he wants to destroy James and worship him at the same time. James swallows his nervousness. “Friends,” He says calmly as he dips down and kisses him like he is the only person in the world.
“Right… friends,” James says as he kisses him back hard. Regulus grips his jaw like it is tethering him to earth, and it must be because he is surely an angel. He kisses him like his life depends on it. His attention and devotion allow James to breathe. He is his star, his light in the dark. He doesn’t know how much James needs him and his attention. How much he needs his touch.
He runs his hands down his body, sliding into his waist, his fingers almost touching each other. His thumbs stroke his stomach, tickling him a bit, but when he reaches his happy trail, Regulus pushes his body into his hands even more. It makes James giddy how much he wants his touch.
James can barely explain his addiction to him. Regulus is his drug, and he craves him like no other. He is holding onto Regulus so hard that his fingers might leave bruises. But he doesn’t want Regulus to leave him.
A sound from the hallway interrupts his little slice of heaven. Regulus slides off of him faster than he can register, and his hands are left in the air where they used to be holding onto his angel. Regulus stands up, straightening his clothes, and brushing off invisible dirt. He can’t help but wonder if Regulus is trying to dust off what they were doing. Brushing off the fact that he was just kissing his brother's best friend. What hurts the most is when Regulus takes out a handkerchief and wipes his lips off. Even just by looking, he can notice how hard Regulus is wiping. Does he think James is dirty? Or is he just ashamed?
All he can do is just watch as Regulus slips away from him. He doesn’t even look at James before he walks out of the alcove. And James is left standing there. Like he always is. Always left behind as soon as he hears someone coming or a slight noise.
James doesn’t know what to do. He had been doing whatever this was with Regulus for two months now. He still doesn’t know what their relationship is. Regulus says friends, but friends don’t kiss like they do.
Walking back to Gryffindor's common room is grim. His mind is spinning. He is trying to sort through how he got here. Remembering how Regulus randomly kissed him on a “dare” from his mates. How one kiss turned into two. Which turned into them meeting up to make out together. Which turned into James being in love with Regulus.
And Regulus still considers them just friends. He had asked that question, hoping Regulus would clarify what they were, or they could have a conversation about it, but that didn’t happen.
Never mind the fact that he is making out with Sirius’s little brother. A brother who lives in the home he ran away from.
A few days later, he finds himself settled on a couch in the room of requirement, his star straddling him. James is savoring every moment. They break apart to breathe, and he takes the opportunity to ask again. “Regulus, what are we?” He says, holding onto his waist like an anchor. Regulus shrugs. “Friends,” he says, leaning back in to kiss him. James holds him back, away from his lips, so Regulus can’t avoid the conversation by kissing him.
“No, Regulus, what are we doing? We make out and spend time with each other until you decide it’s time to leave. Friends don’t kiss. Friends don’t hide from everyone.” James said, a surge of emotion urging him on. Regulus, taken aback, says, “We are just fooling around, it’s not serious, and no one needs to know.” “It’s not that serious now, but it could be. No one just kisses their friend for two months without having feelings” James says, desperate to make him understand. Make him understand that this means more to James than just kisses in the dark. Regulus stares back at him. “Does this make you feel anything? Or is it just something to do?” he says, searching Regulus’s eyes for some hint of his answer. Eventually, he speaks up. “You have feelings, don’t you? That’s why you are bringing this up.” James doesn’t know what to say. He had liked Regulus before he kissed him. He had liked him for years. This wasn’t a new feeling but he hadn’t considered it bad before this moment. Regulus can see his answer in his eyes, James doesn’t even need to say anything.
For a fleeting moment, James has hope that Regulus feels the same. And then Regulus slides off his lap and he feels like he’s losing everything. His angel floating away.
“James, I am the heir of the house of Black and you are the heir of the Potter name. We can’t be together, there is no future for us. We have to do our duty to society” Regulus says, standing up tall. James feels like he’s falling. “Reg, we can find a way. We can figure it out together. Screw society, follow your heart for once” James pleads.
“My heart is telling me that this meant nothing. That I should forget about this and walk away. I’m going to follow my heart” Regulus says, turning away from James.
James watches as the man he is in love with walks out the door.