She didn't like him. No. The way he ran a hand through his stupid, curly black hair annoyed her. She hated how his hazel eyes glinted in the sun. She hated his stupid, stupid jokes. She hated how honorable he was.
Lily Evans hated James Potter. And he friends. Well, Remus was the exception.
And, well, Sirius Black was growing on her, too.
It all started one night in fifth year. She had gotten a cruel letter from her sister, and as much as she loved the girls, they wouldn't understand. So, she went downstairs to the common room to sit by the fire, but Sirius was already there, a crinkled piece of parchment gripped in his hands.
"Oh," She said, startling him out of his thoughts. "Sorry- I just- I can go somewhere else."
"Nah," He said, trying for a grin, though it lacked his usual charm. "It's alright, Evans. It's a free common room."
"Alright," She said slowly, waiting for one of his traps. How he and James came up with those pranks, she'd never know. When nothing came up, she sat next to him.
They didn't say anything, they didn't need too. Somehow, company was enough for them. Both of them were hurting, that much was clear. But they understood that just because someone was in pain, didn't mean they wanted to talk about it.
This continued every couple weeks. One of them might get a letter, or something might be said that reminds them of the barely healed wound. They didn't speak during this time, like it was an unspoken rule.
Though one day, Sirius broke that rule, because that's just what Sirius Black does.
"The letters are from my mother," He said, not looking away from the fire.
"Mine are from my sister," She said.
"I didn't know you had a sister, Evans."
"It's... complicated. We were close when we were kids, but she hates magic." Just thinking of Petunia hurt. She missed when they were kids, running in the field by their house. She longed for the moments where they baked cookies for the Christmas parties, their matching Halloween costumes, hunting for Easter Eggs.
"Why would anyone hate magic? Don't muggles want Magical solutions for their problems?" He asked, though it wasn't with his usual dickish manner, he was genuinely curious.
'Well... that's complicated too. She wrote Dumbledore a letter, asking to come with me here, but he said no. I think she wants to learn magic. But it's what took me from her. And our parents are always favoring me. I think she's jealous." God, couldn't she see, Petunia was magic. Simply because she was her sister. Wand or no wand, powers or no powers, Lily Evans thought her sister was brilliant. But sisters didn't treat sisters the way Petunia treated her.
"That sounds like my brother," Sirius said slowly.
"Regulus, right?" She asked, recalling the younger Black brother. She'd seen him wandering the halls with the Rosier twins, Dorcas, and Crouch. She always thought that Regulus looked a lot like Sirius. The only way to tell them apart was by their hair. One of her favorite memories was when Sirius cut his and everyone lost their minds. McGonagall forced them to wear a tie or sweater until it grew back, even on the weekends. Of course, that only worked because Regulus did, Sirius had disregarded it, even when he was given detention.
"That's him. We're... complicated too. I have to protect him."
"From what? No one would dare go against your family."
"I'm protecting him from my family."
She snapped her head up so fast she heard it crack, but he refused to meet her eyes.
"Mother wants the perfect heir, and I don't exactly meet the standards. Being a Gryffindor, and I don't really care for blood purity and all that, don't see the point. You lot are here, you've got magic, it can be dangerous not to know how to do it. And... she doesn't exactly believe in mistakes. Nothing can damage her precious reputation."
"So... you're mother is abusive?" She never would have guessed. Sirius Black always had a laugh to give, a joke to tell. Even if he was an abrasive dick, he was kind to the first years. He clearly loved Remus, and she'd seen him in the common room late at night tutoring Peter. Marlene loved him, and that had to count for something.
"I don't know, honestly. It's just so normal to me that I don't care enough to give it enough thought. But her favorite is the crucio."
"That's the illegal curse we were covering today in Defense," She gasped. She'd watched the teacher preform it on a spider, and she'd never forget the way it twitched. If the spider was in that much pain, she couldn't imagine how it would feel on a person.
"Well spotted, Evans. Five points to Gryffindor."
"So, you're protecting your baby brother, what makes it complicated?"
There was a long silence between them. For a while, she didn't think he would answer.
"He's soft enough to believe them, I think," He said. "Well, honestly, I don't know. Sometimes I think I planted enough doubt in his brain. Maybe enough to question them. Maybe he's just trying to survive the house. But he loves her. He's a complete Mama's boy. And he's her favorite. But, she's supposed to be my mother too. And I love him, but I also resent him. I protect him, I distract her from him when he breaks a plate. I shield him from our father when he slips with his manners in public. But he's jealous, of James, I mean. Because I love him like a brother. And no matter how many times I reassure him that I love him too, he never says it back. When they target me, he just stands there. And I'd never expect him to throw himself in harms way. But I bandage him up, he leaves me bleeding."
They sat in silence for a log time, watching the fire crinkle. She distantly heard footsteps from the boys dorm, but it didn't matter. She knew he wasn't looking for comfort. Common ground was enough.
"Guess we have more in common than we thought," She said.
"Guess so, Evans," He said with a smile. A real one, this time.
"Pads? Lils?" A voice said. When she turned around, she saw Remus.
"Hey, Moons," He said softly. Lily rather liked unguarded Sirius.
"Hey, Remus," She said.
"Everything all right?" He asked as he moved around the couch and offered a hand to his boyfriend.
They met each others eyes and smiled. She realized that they were having a silent conversation, something she never thought she would have with Sirius Black.
"Never better, Moon-of-my-life."
After that, their friendship came all at once. He high-fived her when she raised her hand in class. She laughed openly at his jokes instead of suppressing them out of spite. They worked on projects together, much to James and Marlene's disappointment. He joined their group hang outs with Remus, which he pretended to hate but they both knew he secretly loved.
Then sixth year came. Sirius Black wasn't the same. He put on his same energetic front, but she saw how dark his eyes were, saw how he clung to his friends more. Even her, now. If she got up to go to the bathroom or go on a walk with Mary, he'd look around terrified, as if he was afraid she wasn't going to come back. She knew it had to do with his family, but it was a unspoken agreement to leave family alone. It didn't matter to them, when they had a family in each other. He was her big brother. And she was his little sister.
They still met in the common room after dark. They read each other the letters sometimes, sometimes they just sat in silence. And once again, he broke it.
"I ran away from home, this summer," He said, once again not meeting her eyes.
She gripped his hand anyway.
"Well, Regulus pushed me through the floo, guess he wanted to protect me after all. But I've been disinherited, never allowed back."
"Where did you go?"
"James's. he's made it clear since first year, I always have a home with him."
Wow. She knew they were close, like brothers. But this must be what Sirius and Remus saw in him. There was kindness underneath that arrogance. Maybe that's why her heart raced when she saw him. She gripped his hand tighter.
"James Potter?"
"Yeah, James Potter. He always shared his parents with me. That's where I'd go during the holiday's if things ever got bad. He's always healing everything they do to me, emotionally at least. Our mum did teach him some charms in case I couldn't leave, though."
Maybe she should get to know James as well. Maybe there was more too him than being an arrogant toerag.
He was lovely. Really. He was funny, and kind. Him and the boys were always touching. She'd seen it before. But being with them, it was different. James would use his belt loops to tug Sirius closer. He'd through his arms around Peter, slap Remus on the arm. That one, that almost did her in. Remus hated when people were gentle with him (unless it was Sirius, he said soft touches were different.) James wasn't afraid to be rough with him though.
Finding out what they'd done for Remus though, that's what did her in.
"I'm a werewolf," Remus said one day when they were studying in the library.
"I know," She said, not looking up from her book.
"You do?" He said softly.
She looked up into his brown eyes. "Remus, do you think that I'm dumb?"
"You're the furthest thing from dumb."
"Then don't insult my intelligence. I've known since third year. Realized you always disappeared on the full moon." Then she took his hands in hers. "Is there anything I can do?"
"The boys already help, I just wanted to tell you. You're my best friend."
"What are they doing that I can't do?"
He hesitated, then leaned in. "They're animagi, realized what I was second year and started. They didn't get it right until fifth year, but they aren't registered."
"Woah, that's like, really hard to do," She said dumbly.
He nodded. "It was James's idea. He helps a lot. Sirius too, obviously, but it's in a different way when it's you're boyfriend. James will take over my prefect rounds the days leading up to the full moon, and after when I'm in the hospital wing."
She leaned back in her seat. She was done for. She had a dumb fat crush on James Fleamont Potter.