Shauna’s tired, fuck, no she’s exhausted actually, because she’s being forced to do the brunt of the dirty work and yet all of the other Yellowjackets are acting like she’s despicable for it. And they don’t get it.
She’s only sacrificing everything because she’s lost everything.
Jackie, Javi, her own son.
Bestfriend, little brother, baby boy.
The trial was a shit-show, but she finally got the justice she wanted, for her and her baby. Ben’s guilt was deemed real in their pretend courtroom with Misty fucking Quigley playing lawyer, and all she had to do was snarl and bare her sharpened canines to get them to comply. He deserved it, anyway. Burnt their home down with them all inside, and gave no warning. Left them to fend for themselves, despite being the one meant to protect them.
He said so, when he was pleading for his innocence, begging for mercy and giving Shauna halfassed apologies. There was no point trying now. He had left her, abandoned her in the waiting palms of Misty and neglected her completely as she gave birth to a baby that had no chance with the cards he’d been dealt. The likelihood of his and her survival only dwindled as Ben was a fucking coward, and cast her aside in the moment where she really could’ve used a goddamn adult.
Shauna seethes with anger as she sits reminiscing on the log, it’s harsh and the uneven wood splinters dig into the exposed flesh of her strong thighs but the stinging pain keeps her mind off of everything else so she leaves it be. Doesn’t try to make herself any more comfortable. She whittles with the knife she’s become so familiar with, until she rolls her eyes deeply as she hears the same recognisable footsteps and heavy breaths from behind her back.
Melissa.
Or more accurately, hat girl. It’s what the other Yellowjackets call her, have done since long before the crash, when they’d be at practice for painful hours scrimmaging under the beating sun and all you could see was that pink cap gleaming from across the soccer field. Shauna never really got involved though, didn’t care to, since bullying the JV’s was more of a stupid Mari thing. Besides, she kind of found it endearing, not that’d she tell anyone.
Because that would involve being honest with herself, and Shauna tries her best to not make that a habit.
(When she rarely allowed herself to, images of a detached ear and the taste of a lover long frozen had flooded her mouth too often to be pleasant.)
They had kissed once, after a volatile threat with a knife to her throat but a kiss nonetheless, spoken a few words when Shauna hesitantly let her sit by her side, and much to Shauna’s approval, she had immediately turned on Ben throughout the trial. Backed Shauna the whole time, glared at her best friend Gen- fucking, stupid name by the way- until she raised her trembling hand to vote Coach guilty.
Shauna decided to reward her by lacing their grimy hands together and holding them up for a second, before storming off.
Overall, Melissa was pretty useful to have, considering her crush was apparent, literally a lovesick puppy, yet Shauna knew it was dangerous for her to get any closer.
Shauna couldn’t love people, the only people she has given herself the chance to have left her. Death or otherwise. And honestly, it’s scaring the shit out of her because she can’t hold back. She’s not really evil, just terrified.
“Hey.”
“Not really looking for company.” Shauna drawls as she keeps at her calculated cuts and slices, gaze still firm on the knife, refusing to give in. She quickly hears a disappointed sigh but Melissa still progresses forward.
“Okay,” She says, and it’s only a few more seconds before she’s continuing with a very obviously nervous, “Here, uh, made this for you.”
Then, she spins around, her feet crunching against the thick grass as she places a makeshift bouquet by Shauna’s side on the log.
Shauna’s heart stutters a little in her chest, as Melissa turns on her heels and she brings her hand to flip it over, canvassing it. In the midst of some berries and other wild bush leaves, she sees a handmade leather ‘something’. Her hand barely even ghosts over it before she’s asking, genuinely. “Why do you even like me?”
Melissa looks a little confused, unsure of what to say but she walks back anyway. “You say that like there’s nothing to like. And sure, I get it, Jackie kinda treated you like shit, Jeff acted like you were a dirty secret, and you totally let them!” Shauna tries to ignore the pang of hurt that wrecks her heart at the mention of Jackie, and the almost accusing tone in Melissa’s voice near the end.
Until, she’s smiling, “But now, you’ve changed out here, and I like that you’re not afraid of the bad parts of yourself anymore.” She says it earnestly, with so much conviction that Shauna finds it rude to disbelieve her, as she watches the girl fidget with her hands awkwardly.
Shauna avoids her gaze, it’s too much, too close, too personal and instead she brings her hand to pick up the small piece of leather, “Thanks, I actually uh, needed one of these.” She punctures her statement by moving it a little as she talks, and the ghost of a smile shines across her chapped lips.
Melissa looks proud, again just like a puppy would as she nods and checks Shauna out a little before finally walking off, back to camp.
Shauna takes the leather in one hand and the knife in her other, before she carefully slides the knife’s blade into the pocket. It’s a perfect fit and her stomach flutters as she notices the little ‘S’ stitched into the front. “Jesus.” She whispers to no one but herself, she thinks she might actually really like Melissa.
The thought is terrifying.
She doesn’t get to ruminate over her newfound discovery for long though, instead having to deliberate with the group over what they’ll do to their traitorous Coach. A deck of unforgiving cards ends up shuffled and Shauna smirks as she sees she doesn’t get the Queen card. For once, someone else is gonna have to do the dirty work, and she’ll relish in seeing them do it.
Except, after the JV’s manhandle Ben against the tree (Melissa’s muscles are pretty distracting too), when Tai brings the rifle up to centre her shot, Lottie and Travis are quickly blocking Coach Ben from the line of fire.
Protecting him.
After that, everything goes by in a blur of anger and resentment.
Shauna’s pissed they didn’t just get it over and done with, why does he get mercy when her son didn’t? Melissa can sense the tension radiating off of her whole body and she actually makes a smart choice for once by keeping her distance.
Instead, the Yellowjackets tie Ben up and leave him with the animals. Shauna thinks it’s fitting, much to everyone else’s dismay.
Before she knows it, they are all plotting numerous ways to keep him from escaping, not that he’d get very far anyway on one leg, and a weakened one at that. Nat winces as she gives Shauna the go ahead, to stop him from breaking free, and she fights the smile that burns her face as she approaches him. Fingers white knuckling the knife’s handle in murderous anticipation. She doesn’t look behind her to check if Melissa’s following; she knows she is.
And she decides to test her loyalty, once Ben starts whining about Lottie saying they can’t hurt him, she finds she doesn’t want to listen to his bullshit anymore and looks to Melissa.
“You do it.” Shauna commands easily, words oozing dryly out of her mouth.
“No, I uh, can’t.” Melissa pleads, ignoring the knife outstretched in-front of her, turning to face Shauna fully.
“You shouldn’t be scared of the bad parts of you, either.” Shauna finds herself murmuring as she grabs Melissa’s lithe wrist and forces the knife’s handle into her fist, watching curiously as she collects herself before stalking over to Ben. She’s obviously shocked, clearly in disbelief that she’s going to maim her soccer coach, but she complies anyway.
Shauna has fully Pavloved her, and it’s beautiful to watch her descend after flying too close to the sun.
Ben puts up a fight, annoyingly kicks and screams in fear as he tries to avoid the honed blade but it’s not hard for Melissa to take control of the situation and with one firm press of a knife Shauna knows so well, the wood worn to fit the grooves of her hands, his achilles is sliced.
Blood spurts all across Melissa’s hands, the steel of the blade, Ben’s last leg and those ugly green shorts that Shauna can’t help herself wanting to yank off. She walks back quickly, passes the knife to its rightful owner to be cleaned with the cloth, and can’t help the nervous laugh she almost lets free as Shauna throws the bloody towel at him.
He keeps screaming, they can hear it all the way back to camp and she notices Misty covering her ears. She wishes she could do the same but Shauna wouldn’t like that. And isn’t the whole point of doing this to please her?
Everyone stands as Shauna murmurs pretty resolutely, “He won’t be going anywhere.”
Nat glares, clearly uncomfortable with everything they’ve done to the man she saw as a better father than she had been allowed, and she’s reprimanding Shauna. “You don’t have to enjoy it so much.”
“And you don’t have to act like such a fucking Saint.” Shauna spits, venom leaks out as she squints, knowing Nat has done just as many dark things as she has.
Just less willing to admit them.
Melissa watches in rapt attention, hates that she finds Shauna’s domineering display of power attractive, until she feels a hand nudge her own, still shaking.
Shauna.
Without batting an eye, Shauna smears the blood around Melissa’s much bigger hand, (she tries not to think about that too and what it could mean) before interlacing their stained fingers. Squeezing once, and feeling the incarnadine touch everything as it goes tacky.
Van can tell something’s up with them, her watchful gaze is locked on their dirty, bloodstained intertwined hands but then Shauna’s dragging Melissa away promptly. To the entrance of her hut.
God.
Melissa looks back, out of fear or pride she’s not too sure, but then Shauna’s yanking her again and she regains focus on everything more important. There’s not a door per se, but a curtain and she ignores the flutter of her stomach as Shauna pulls it over, encasing the hut in a familiar dimness. Their hands part and Melissa sighs a little as she stands awkwardly in the corner whilst Shauna climbs onto her ‘bed’.
“I knew you could do it.” She’s not smiling, and her voice isn’t at all sweet as she praises Melissa, but it’s a compliment nonetheless and she’s nodding gratefully. Body vibrating with adrenaline.
“Uh, thanks Shauna.” She doesn’t know what to say, I mean, what can you in a situation like the one they’re in? But Shauna smirks lowly and it seems like she approves.
After a few seconds of tense silence, or not quite as they can still hear Ben’s wails of pain through the huts thin ’walls’, Shauna calls her out. “You just gonna stand there all night?”
Melissa can stay with her, in her hut? Her head is pounding with regret and confusion but she’s not damn near enough of an idiot to say no to that, something she’s wanted for ages, and she shrugs awkwardly. “Uh, I mean, do you want me to go? Cause I will, sorry, if you want me to?” She rambles and Shauna honestly hates that she kind of finds it cute.
Just like her stupid backwards cap.
Shauna sighs as she rolls over in the bed, it’s too small for one person let alone two but she taps the spot on the ‘mattress’ behind her anyway, not at all caring about the blood she’s streaking across it, “Just, lay down.”
Melissa nods and quickly advances forward, lays behind Shauna carefully, tentative in her motions, the way someone petting a bear might do it. She’s stiff, barely allowing herself to breathe and Shauna just rolls her eyes as she reaches back again, takes Melissa’s wrist and pulls it over her waist fondly. She hears her breath hitch and she can’t help her satisfied little grin, besides, it feels nice to be held every once in awhile. Not that she’d let anyone else know. She’s sure Melissa won’t let their secret slip.
She knows better.
“Relax, I’m not gonna bite you.” Shauna teases lowly as she closes her eyes, her now dried blood stained hand coming to rest atop Melissa’s similar looking one. She feels her nod into the crook of her neck awkwardly, and Shauna can’t help adding one last thing. “Unless you’re into that.”
She chokes a little and Shauna falls asleep without thoughts of Jackie for the first time in months. No, her dream has a girl sure, but this girl is blonder, with even worse style, and that same pink fucking hat.
The warm sun shines through the thin slats of rotten wood that make up Shauna’s hut, beaming down directly onto the textured skin of her forehead. It’s gleaming right into those wide brown eyes of hers as soon as she lets them drift open and she groans as she sits up, or tries to, but she’s held down by a strong arm around her midriff and a muscly calf swung over top of hers. She goes to push the offending weight off of her chest until she realises it’s just Melissa.
Fuck, she had let her sleep in here last night, after they mutilated Ben.
Tangled strands of knotted and light blonde hair tickle her neck, and she thinks fleetingly of Jackie before she shakes herself out of it and carefully pushes Melissa’s arm away, crawling off of the bed to stand up and stretch. Her hands are still bloody, from holding Melissa’s hand last night and she imagines kissing her again. Imagines taking her to the lake to wash the crimson away in the cool water, and talking.
Shauna wants someone to see her for who she is.
Not for what she’s done.
“Shauna?” Melissa whispers quietly, hand scouring the empty mattress, searching. Shauna’s stomach flips and she hums.
“It’s fine, you can go back to sleep, it’s still early.” She shrugs, trying to keep the emotion out of her words as she looks out of the hut. No one else seems to be awake yet, and she can’t hear Ben so he’s probably passed out and unconscious from the pain, or if she’s extra lucky he’s died of excessive blood loss.
She’s never been a lucky person though.
Melissa shakes her head groggily as she sits up too, still wearing her hat that somehow hasn’t been displaced throughout the night.
“No, I’m fine, uh, I should probably get out of here anyway. I mean, the other girls will probably think something’s like, up?” She blithers ineptly, Shauna has that effect on people clearly.
Shauna just raises a dark brow, arching it with a smirk. “You don’t want them to know?”
Melissa’s face pales and she shakes her head so fast that Shauna’s pretty sure she’s just given herself whiplash, “Wait no, that’s not what I meant at all, I promise, it’s just uh-“
Shauna rolls her eyes as she interrupts, “I’m kidding, it’s fine if they know. You do remember them all seeing you come into my hut right?” She reminds easily, voice raspy with sleep, hands on her hips.
Melissa nods in embarrassment as her cheeks redden and Shauna feels heat burn through her whole body as she thinks of corrupting the girl standing before her.
Christ.
It’s quiet for a few more moments, Shauna checking her out with a look she can’t quite place, as she stands on shaky legs. Suddenly, they hear something outside, something that sounds a lot like Nat yelling and Shauna turns to the hut’s opening and walks out without a glance back, again already expecting Melissa to trail behind.
“Fuck, Lottie don’t you see what we fucking did?” She shouts, pain clear in her wavering voice as she gestures frantically towards where Ben had been caged up.
Lottie shakes her head calmly, staying silent as Nat’s jaw clenches before she spins and directs her anger onto Shauna and Melissa, eyes narrowing.
“Shauna, don’t you feel fucking bad?” Then, “Or you Melissa, you’re literally just taking Shauna’s goddamn side for everything!”
The rest of the Yellowjackets start to emerge from their huts, eager to find the source of the cacophonous noise.
“You knew where he was this whole fucking time and you didn’t even think to tell us, so maybe you’re the one in the fucking wrong here Natalie.” Shauna snarls, it’s dark and full of animosity but she doesn’t care, too far gone off the deep end to pay it any mind. Melissa steps closer to Shauna, stays just far enough behind her that she isn’t overshadowing anything, but making it wildly clear to the other girls who she is backing.
“He tried to kill us, you remember that right?” Melissa interjects, her voice stronger and less feeble than Shauna’s ever heard and pride blooms in her chest at what she’s created. Melissa’s hand clenches uncomfortably into a harsh fist, the dried blood irritating her skin as she digs her unkept nails into her palm. Shauna was right, he really deserved it.
Nat scoffs but before she can argue back, Shauna’s yanking Melissa by the shoulder and pulling her away from the other girls. She ignores Melissa’s confused asks of where they’re going, or what’s happening as
she treks forward, a woman on a mission it seems.
Until they reach the lake.
The air is warmer now, and the cool breeze that whooshes past isn’t painful or deathly, but loving and tender on their sunkissed skin. Melissa’s exposed shoulders are sunburnt, peeling uglily and raw but she doesn’t say anything when Shauna grabs onto them, ignores the flashes of pain that electrocute her body as she’s pulled into a forceful kiss.
She can’t breathe, all air is blocked by Shauna Shipman’s lips and fuck, she’s beginning to think oxygen is seriously overrated anyway. Completely content to suffocate at the hands of Shauna, or more accurately, her mouth. All panting and awkward movements and steps as Shauna shoves her back against a tall rock, meeting her dry, cracking lips just as heavily as they take eachother in. They only pull back when Melissa begins to get lightheaded- she’s pretty sure she smacked her head, a little too roughly against the jagged stone- and she huffs breathlessly.
Huge, chestnut eyes meet Melissa’s lighter blue ones as she struggles to catch her breath, heart thrumming vigorously against her weak sternum.
“Uh, what was that for?” Melissa chuckles, trying to ease the tension that burns like a flame with the way Shauna’s staring like she wants to devour her, just like Jackie. She rapidly remedies her sentence, though, when Shauna doesn’t respond in favour of licking her lips slowly. “Not that I’m like, mad about it, it was uh, good. No, more than good, great even.” She winces as she realises nothing is coming out the way she wants it to, smooth and clean.
Polished.
“You stood up to Nat again, for me.”
That’s it? Shauna had kissed her like that, basically within an inch of her life, all because she had dared to combat their Queen’s ideas?
“Oh.” She nods as understanding dawns on her, it’s simple now; Shauna just wants someone to be on her side.
Melissa knows that feeling. The unsettled vibe of her family when she came out as a lesbian, or rather stiffly announced at the dinner table that she had a crush on a girl in her trig class. The way her three older brothers had suddenly put a stop to their fun roughhousing with her, or playing soccer in the yard as a family, and instead how her mother had started to shove her towards the dress aisles in TJ Maxx, or buy her makeup pallets for her birthday instead of new soccer cleats.
It’s not the same, of course. Melissa doesn’t know the pain of losing a best friend, she has Gen sure, but they’re not nearly as close as Jackie and Shauna ar- no, were, and Gen isn’t dead. Nor was she as affected by Javi’s death. She was saddened obviously, he was so young and Travis didn’t deserve to lose his only family left, but Shauna was like an older sister to him. Was careful and loving in her cuts when she butchered him, the same wide eyes covered by her makeshift winter beanie. Melissa doesn’t blame her, she wouldn’t be able to stomach watching that either. And finally, Shauna’s most harrowing pain of all, losing her little boy.
The tiny infant they had all witnessed the birth of, malnourished and pitiful. His sweet face was so soft looking, and his eyes were closed, giving him a peaceful look that Melissa was grateful for. At least he hadn’t been in pain. But she couldn’t help but wonder if his eyes would have been the same as his mother’s, inviting pools of brown.
She shakes herself out of it, looks up at the girl she feels so close to, despite having never even spoken until a few weeks ago. Shauna doesn’t know her really, but Melissa knows Shauna. And she thinks that’s good enough. She doesn’t feel the need to be desired, to be obsessed over or prayed to. Melissa isn’t that type of girl. No. She’d rather watch contusions form on her soil damp knees as she worships at Shauna’s heels.
“It was for me, right?” Shauna’s dulcet in her words now, hushed and not quite distinct as she tilts her head to the side. It’s not an ego trip, it’s genuine curiosity, just like yesterday in the middle of the Wilderness when Shauna had asked her, ‘Why do you even like me?’ Like it wasn’t obvious.
Melissa’s nodding before she even registers the question, her carmine hands reaching forward to cradle Shauna’s waist delicately, thumbs running soothing circles over the lighting strike stretch marks that litter her hips. If it was anyone else, Shauna probably would’ve broken their nose, or at the very least reached for her knife but she sort of just sinks into Melissa’s grip?
“Of course it was for you Shauna, I mean fuck, you’re incredible.” She’s being so deadass right now, it’s honestly a little scary how easily she’d confess anything to Shauna but she says the words anyway and with the way Shauna’s lips lift into a small upturned smirk, she’d say it’s worth it.
Shauna hums, pulls back and in a move that shouldn’t surprise Melissa considering all the weird shit Shauna pulls but does anyway, she takes off her thin layers until she’s in just a bra and underwear- Melissa looks away, wanting to be respectful-, and lowers herself into the not quite clear water. The murkiness just about reaches Shauna’s shoulder blades and Melissa laughs shyly before she’s following suit, throwing her striped vest onto the messy pile that is Shauna’s stuff.
“Fine, but it better not be too cold.” She warns with a playful jab, then takes a deep breath before she sinks beneath the surface. Sighing quietly as the water flows around her, a thin calf pressing her own as she opens her eyes to see Shauna smirking right at her.
“What?”
She isn’t given a response but her hat is flicked off of her head by Shauna’s offending hand and she rolls her eyes so hard they see behind her eyelids.
“Forgot to take this off?” Shauna teases, holding the grimy cap at a distance, like it’s fucking radioactive or something. And, as much as she loathes to admit it, Shauna’s right, it really has been through the wringer out here.
“Shut up, it’s my lucky one, okay?” Melissa shrugs as an embarrassed blush engulfs her cheeks, trying to wrestle the material back. It doesn’t work, but the laugh she hears bubble out of Shauna’s throat gives way to butterflies in her pretty empty stomach. They stare at each-other for a few more seconds, each admiring the other’s natural beauty, and as Shauna’s distracted by Melissa pretending to go in for a quick kiss, the hat is successfully snatched back into its rightful owner’s grasp.
Shauna pouts, honest to fucking God pouts and she can imagine Jackie teasing her for it now, but she realises she doesn’t care when she notices just how wide Melissa is grinning at her, “See, now that was just plain cheating, God, it’s hard to think what could’ve happened if our fucking plane hadn’t crashed and we’d have made it to Nationals with you on the team.” Melissa scoffs, mumbles something indistinct under her breath before she swiftly guides Shauna’s head to tilt left, her nimble fingers brushing thick brunette strands back. The pale pink hat fits perfectly snug on Shauna’s scalp and Melissa’s heart stutters, adjusting it a little as the fabric stretches above thick, dark brows.
“Much better, now you’re the lucky one.” Melissa hums, taking in the sight as she rubs her hands together in the water, the blood washes downstream as have all the reminders of what her and Shauna have done together. Shauna’s cheeks redden as she feels the hat cinch around her scalp, it’s almost as if it was made for her to wear, and Melissa thinks she’ll let her keep it.
There’s no expectations.
No ideas of butchering, or dead bestfriends. No images of a skeleton too tiny, too fragile for a proper burial, or spitting in soups. Just two teenage girls, kissing, relaxing and swimming in something so far distanced from blood because it’s just so safe.