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Regulus was eleven years old and on his way to Hogwarts. He met Barty, Evan and Pandora on the train, children of his parent’s friend’s and in his head he had more than ten different ways planned to hurt James.
Hurt him the same way his parents have hurt him in the last year. Because he learned from them. Every time his parents would come up with another way to torture him, he paid attention and learned.
So, Regulus was ready to meet the boy who destroyed his brother. But sitting in that train, listening to the others talk about what great things they were going to do at Hogwarts and how excited they were to play Quidditch, Regulus felt stupid. What eleven-year-old boy, sitting with his friends on a train to school, had nothing better to do than to plan the death of a boy he never even met?
He should be excited as well. He should be looking forward to being away from his parents, should be laughing with his friends and talking about how many great things he wanted to do. His parents destroyed him in a way Regulus knew no one could ever repair.
So, he kept quiet. He looked out the window and every time he felt his friend’s eyes on him, he pretended to be asleep. “I was so excited last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I’m really tired,” was the excuse he gave them when their first asked why he was so quiet. Which wasn’t a total lie, except that Regulus hasn’t had a proper sleep in months, so he learned how to brew a wideye potion during one of those sleepless nights.
He was shaken from his thoughts by Pandora, who told him to put his robes on because they would arrive at Hogwarts soon. He smiled at her and thanked her, before changing into his school clothes and packing his things away.
“Hogwarts is so beautiful Regulus! You will be amazed when you first see it, there is nothing as magical as Hogwarts the first time you see it!” Sirius told him a few weeks before they departed for the train. But Regulus felt nothing. He hasn’t felt anything in months. When Sirius talked about Hogwarts and how beautiful it was, Regulus felt nothing. He noticed, of course, that Sirius got happier every day. He got happier the closer the new school year got. But he hasn’t felt that same happiness. He stopped feeling things after the third time his parents locked him in their dungeon for days. He learned how to shut his feelings out, because the stronger he got, the weaker the punishments of his parents got. He couldn’t show his pain. He couldn’t show how much he missed Sirius, so he stopped feeling pain, and he stopped missing Sirius. He stopped felling anything at all.
He saw the faces of his friends. He saw how Barty gripped Evans hand in excitement and how Pandora was looking at the lit-up castle in a way only Pandora looked at things. So, he pretended to be amazed as well. He smiled at them and told them how happy he was to start Hogwarts with them. And to a part he was. He was happy to leave his home and not see his parents for a while but most of all he was really scared. What if the hat sorted him into Gryffindor as well? What would his parents do with two blood traitors as children and no heir?
When they arrived at Hogwarts and stood before the door to the Great Hall he felt as if his heart were about to give up and just stop beating. But before the panic set in completely, the door was opened and they were led towards the sorting hat. With his last name starting with a B, he was one of the first people to be sorted.
He sat on the chair and looked towards the Gryffindor table to find Sirius, and that’s when he saw him for the first time.
James Potter.
It had to be him, the way Sirius hung at his lips and laughed as if he were the funniest person in the world. And James looked like….
Well.
He looked like the most beautiful person Regulus ever laid eyes on.
And suddenly, in those few seconds he sat on the chair, it was as if his whole life fell apart.
He didn’t care about which house he would be sorted into.
He didn’t care about his parents’ opinion anymore and he certainly didn’t plan on killing James anymore.
But then he was ripped from his thoughts by a loud voice screaming “SLYTHERIN” above his head.
He was still looking at the Gryffindor table, which was a mistake. Because the look on Sirius’ face made his whole world falls apart once again, and Regulus wondered how he was still alive, how an eleven-year-old was supposed to handle all these life changing moments in just a few seconds.
Because Sirius looked disappointed.
He looked mad.
He looked as if Regulus had just betrayed him.
That’s when James’ eyes met his for the first time.
Regulus felt his heart stop once again.
And then again when he saw the look on James’ face.
James has never met him, and yet he looked as if Regulus had just betrayed him as well.
That’s when all the anger he had for him came back. Who was he to pretend as if Regulus had just hurt his brother?
James came into Sirius’ life and stole him away from Regulus without hesitation.
He was one of the reasons why Regulus was going through hell for the past year, because it was obvious that Sirius didn’t just befriend him because he looked like the sun itself.
He befriended him on purpose because he knew that him being friends with James Potter of all people would hurt his parents the most.
So, Regulus went back to his plan to kill James. It didn’t matter how absolutely beautiful he was. He didn’t deserve to sit there, next to Sirius.
That was Regulus’ place.
Sirius already had a brother; he didn’t need a new one.