Two
She, who slid in your life so easily even before she knew it herself. I thought of it as a harmless admiration; you enjoying her craft, having good taste, as you're a person that lives and breathes music in your everyday life. It's one of the most precious things that made me fall for you, after all. I kept that information locked on a closed envelope, amongst your many quirks, hobbies, and likes, amongst many tidbits of Michael Jackson, Taemin, Baekhyun, at a small yet prominent part of my heart where a majority of it is just full of you and all of you.
I never knew that envelope would soon outgrew that corner and be the reason for my own destruction.
They say people that admires others from the start knew them better than themselves. I agreed, because of you, because of them, because of me. I take pride knowing most of the times I know you more than you know yourself. Our fans do, you do too. People seeing things that are just.. There. Even if the persons involved does not realize it just yet. Even if it was only just a still air up above - a wisp, an atom, a grain of an idea.
Do you remember the first time you were linked to her? The first time we saw your name together in any piece of existence. Lee Haechan. Shin Ryujin. It was a dance cover. She went viral for covering our song, Kick It. There were a lot of praises, she deserved it. It was a hard choreography. But it was not because of that, that your names were linked. It's because she obviously skipped parts, and only did yours.
Not a big deal. Or so I thought at that time. We are part of a group. Maybe she just picked your parts randomly as the easiest to learn, or the hardest to learn. Maybe your parts are her favorite parts. Maybe your fancams are the easiest to grasp on, when learning the choreography. Not a big deal. I don't blame her, at that moment. After all, in my eyes, your parts are always the most memorable.
But the green monster in my body, years after that, kept on asking. Was it purposeful, did you two already know each other back then? Was it a coincidence, or was it just a move of appreciation? Was it a call of something more? A hint, a request, a subtle sign.. that there's something.
Do you remember the time we remember about the video? I can still hear your voice from long ago, jokingly butchering my name like you always do. (Mel!!! Melk~ Mork! Milk..) Screaming at my ear like you're a fan that got noticed by your role model, your no.1 favorite, even if, it would be the other way around if she knew this was happening, as acquaintances spread out word she's a fan of our group. I remember smiling so fondly at you, sincerely happy, that you finally see there is someone other than me and our brothers, that look up to you deeply and with the highest respect. You were glowing for weeks about it; no one can extinguish your spark.
Maybe I should've stopped it there? Poke your growing ego jokingly before you fly away with her? No, that's silly. You're brimming with happiness. Who am I to stop you from being happy? Who am I to keep you away from someone...that makes you happy?