The cut that always bleeds.
But even though you're killing me, yeah.
I need you like the air I breathe.
I need, I need you more than me.
I need you more than anything.
Please-- please!
I had traveled back in time again.
This time when Lily Evans and James Potter got killed.
Somehow, I got custody of Harry.
In this time line, I was a very famous witch.
So they entrusted me Harry Potter.. they told me that I could take care of him for a few years.
Until he reached his sixth birthday, then he had to go to the Dursley.
The first months were messy!
Harry was such an energetic baby, milk, then blabbering and so on!
It was a bit annoying at first- I mean, could you blame me? I didn't even reach my early adulthood in my original timeline !
Still, he grew on me.
He was so c u t e.
His pink cheeks!
His smile!
His eyes!
His giggles!
Everything about him screamed adorable,
not his poo poo though- that disgusted me.
He reached his first milestone with me.
He was two years old now.
I spun him in the air as he giggled. I read him books about magic, Hogwarts and most importantly, his parents.
He was a baby, yes, but the way his eyes shined as I talked and showed him photo of his parents was something unmatchable. I knew that deep down, he understood.
Then he was three.
He started walking, mini steps! but I cheered him on. Such a bubbly child, he clung to me so much.
I melted each time.
The way he grabbed the fabric of my skirt and looked up to me- only to blabber.. I nearly teared up.
Then, he started calling me "maaama" and I couldn't be more proud.
At four years old, he started talking, his steps were proud and fast.
I couldn't imagine leaving him in two years..
"maaamaaaa. mama ! mama! mamaaa?"
he kept shouting as I cooked breakfast.
"yes baby?"
"maaam, maaaammm, ma-ma!"
"hmm'"
He kept repeating mama, so adorable.
His fourth year of life went by so fast..
I took him to muggle amusement parks, let him play with other kids, let him use a broom..
I gave him a childhood and he gave me so much love and adoration.
I wish I could do more.
I wish I could keep him.
His fifth and sixth birthday came by too fast after that.
We sang happy birthday, he blew his candles, opened the gifts and cuddled up to me.
I was tearing up at this point.
I think he knew.
I remember waking up late one day, only to find that one of my letters from Dumbledore was open.
And that day Harry was very low on mood.
So yes, I knew that he knew what was gonna happen.
I only held him tighter.
"mama.."
"yes?"
he lightly gulps "am.. am I not enough?" The cut that always bleeds.
That broke my heart. Tears gathered in my eyes as I picked him up better.
Our eyes meeting.
My glossy eyes and his glossy eyes. But even though you're killing me, yeah.
"no baby, you're everything I ever wanted and more" my voice was trembling.
"then why are you leaving me now..?" I need you like the air I breathe.
I couldn't, I couldn't hold it in. I started sobbing as our foreheads meet.
"I don't want to leave you"
"I'm sorry"
"I'm sorry"
I kept uttering apologies.
My heart was breaking. I need, I need you more than me.
"don't leave me"
A whole year passed.
He now lived with the Dursley.
His life was hell, at school he was made fun of.
Sometimes he even wonders if his time with me was real.
Then two years. 9 years old..
He blew his own candle, not even a cake.
Tears spilled.
He remembers how happy he used to be with me.
His birthday was something to look up to.
Now he only felt dread. He used to be cheered and doted on, especially on his birthday.
Now he was ignored or even spitted on, if not worst.
He cried for me, each birthday. I need you more than anything.
I also went back in my time line the very same day they took Harry away from me.
I was a mess.
I couldn't look at Harry the same, he was my baby-
I kept holding onto the time-turner, but it wouldn't work.
I muttered harsh words to myself and everything.
Tears kept spilling from my eyes. Please--please!