Serenade

atychiphobia: (n). fear of failure; fear of not being good enough

Stadium lights flash on - brighter than a thousand suns as they illuminate the entire arena in all of its glory. Townspeople and tourists flooded the shaky metal stands, all dawned in some sort of cowboy hat. I guess that’s to be expected at rodeos. The smell of dirt, sweat, and cheap beer engulfed the stands, but nobody seemed to mind. Everyone’s focus was what was going on down in the arena.

Ashleigh “Apple-Jack” Smith. Everyone in this town knew that name. You could pull a random person off the street and ask them who Apple-Jack was, and they’ll all say the same thing: “The Born Rider” or something along the lines of “best damn bull rider I’ve seen in a while”.

Folks from all over the country had gathered to catch a glimpse of the legendary bull rider, their cheers and applause echoing through the dusty rodeo arena. When I was younger, I couldn't fathom why anyone would want to watch me wrestle with a raging beast, but over time, I grew accustomed to the chaotic atmosphere and even started to find a strange sense of comfort in it. It became my whole life, who I was meant to be.

But I was still terrified. Not of the bulls, it was failure I feared. It was the disappointed looks from my family that rattled me to my bones.
I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t bear to look up and see them in the crowd if I ever fell off that bull too early.
What would I do if that ever happened? Gosh I never want to imagine it but that doesn’t stop my head from playing each and every scenario before a ride-

“Damn! It seems like everyone and their mother came out tonight!”
A heavy arm slamming around my back brought me back to reality, my whole body seeming to jump out of its skin.

“Fuck don’t sneak up on me like that, Mac.”
I bit back, dusting the dirt he somehow had got on me. There was gonna be more on me later anyways.
“And why are you even down here? The rodeos gonna be startin’ soon.”

My neck craned when I looked up at him. Mac was a behemoth of a man, he looked as if he could move mountains and not even break a sweat. I guess we both got that from Pa.
He flashed his stupid little grin at me and continued to jabber and jabber on. That he got from Ma.

“Oh I was just checking in on ya, I know these large crowds don’t really affect you anymore but you just looked like a nervous wreck leaving the ranch earlier.”

Fuck did I really? Now that just makes me even more nervous. My whole body broke out into a cold sweat, I hated it.

“I’m fine.”
I push his arm off me.
“Now go back and sit with everyone else, I’ll be okay..”

He stared at me for a second, I could tell he knew I was bullshitting him. Oh please don’t say anything-

“Alright” Mac shrugged off, turning on his heel to walk away. The dirt cracking underneath his worn boots.

“You are gonna do great, AJ. Don’t sweat it.”

Was I though?

I don’t know.

But I know that I’ll try. That’s all that really matters.

Fuck I hope I’m right.

Mac’s POV

“What’s wrong with her?”

I slid back in between Granny and Annabelle, both of them scootin’ to make room for me.

“Jeez, I don’t know.”
I replied to Annabelle, taking a few popcorn kernels out of the box in her hands and popping them into my mouth.
“Maybe it’s cause the championships are getting closer?”

“I don’t know what’s got her so scared, but she needs to get over it.”
Granny interjects, also stealing a handful of popcorn kernels from the box.
“She’s come too far to be this shaken up over a ride like this.”

“Maybe if Ma and Pa were here, they’d talk some sense to her and get through her thick skull.”
I said without even thinking, immediately regretting it when I felt Granny and Annabelle’s eyes burning into my skin.

I was ready for a talking to until I heard Granny’s snickering.
“Maybe your Ma could get through to her and make her realize she’s a lot stronger than she is.”

“Or maybe Pa could hold her by her ankles and scare the anxiety outta her!”
Annabelle joked, causing laughter to bubble from my chest and into my throat, sputtering out of my mouth.

I didn’t care if we looked like crazy people, I laughed and laughed on. It was probably the hardest I’ve laughed since Ma and Pa passed on.
It just pained me that AJ wasn’t with us during that moment.
She really needed a laugh too.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I know we’ve kept yall waiting but wait no more! Cause this show is about to get started!”