We CAN be friends
Back in the dorms, Sirius could not sleep. He wouldn't stop thinking about James. James, who never struggled with anything. The star of quidditch. Always smiling. Now that he thought about it, Sirius had never seen James upset, if not for his friends. He had never cried for himself, never asked for help. Maybe he never needed help? Sirius wondered to himself. But everyone, no matter who, surely needed someone to lean on every once in a while? Even James. It was only now Sirius realised that James never had.
Sirius couldn't stop picturing James' face, that brief moment of pain. It couldn't be quidditch related, Sirius was always there when James played (except for the very early morning sessions- Sirius refused to wake up at such an ungodly hour) and never, in their 5 years at Hogwarts, had James fallen off of a broom. Even when he was hit by a bludger in their 4th year Gryffindor-Slytherin, he hadn't toppled off of his broom, clutching it tightly while he fell to the ground miraculously still aboard his broom. So why lie? Clearly, James was hiding something. He never got mad. Not at Sirius. Something was going on. And Sirius was determined to find out what. He would not have his best friend suffer silently without someone to help him.
~~~
"Lily?" James asked in surprise. "What are you do-"
"I followed you." Lily says in a sort of matter-of-fact way that leaves no room for argument. "Clearly you're upset. Don't even try to deny it." She says, noticing James about to cut her off with his 'I'm fine' which would obviously be a lie. The man is crying, for God's sake. Nothing about him is fine. "What's going on with you? I've never seen you this upset before."
"Stop it, Lily. Really, I'm fine. Why does everyone keep fucking asking me!" With that, James raises his voice a little. Lily is a little shocked by that, he never does that. But, she supposes, James never cries either, so shouting isn't the only 'never' he has in fact done.
"James.." Lily says softly. "I can see you're not okay. We're friends, aren't we? You can talk to your friends when you're struggling you know. You don't have to be alone. What's going on?"
James sighs. He can't lie his way out of this situation, Lily won't take his bullshit lies. "I-" his voice trembles a bit. "I got into a fight with Sirius. Well- not really a fight I just kind of snapped at him when he asked me if I was alright and then I stormed out. But I never argue with him. And I don't know what to do. He thinks I'm a liar." It was all true, except not the part about his cuts.
"Liar? About what?" Lily asks, confused.
"Nothing." He quickly dismissed her question. No one can know. Never. If no one knows, I can carry on. If no one knows, it doesn't matter. "Just a silly joke." A terrible lie, but what can James do? He can't lie about anything ever.
"Hm. Did you lie?"
"Well I mean yes. But- It's for his own good. It might hurt him if he knew the truth."
"And what is the truth?"
"That's irrelevant."
"No, it's not. If it's important to Sirius, it is relevant. He wants to know the truth. So tell him the truth."
"But what if I- What if it hurts him?"
"I don't know what it is. It could hurt him, but so be it. He has the right to know that his best friend will be honest with him always, no matter what. Besides, if it hurts him, won't you be there for him?"
"Of course," James says. No matter what he and Sirius go through, James will always be there for Sirius. But Sirius would be devastated to know James has been struggling all this time without Sirius. Alone. Sirius would feel that guilt like it was his fault for not recognising James' struggling. But James is good at hiding it. Or, at least he was until now.
"Then he will be fine James. You are probably the best friend Sirius could ever have. The way you two act with each other is rare. He sees you, and you see him. You're both complete idiots of course, but it is undeniable how much he trusts you. You're practically married- Remus and Peter must feel like constant third wheels," Lily snorts.
James laughs, "Thanks Lils. As if Sirius would marry me though: he's a little too distracted by a certain 6 foot brunette."
"Wait- REMUS? I KNEW IT! Oh, Mary owes me so much money"
"She didn't realise? Those idiots have been pining over each other since second year, and they're still not together. I swear we need to lock them in a room somewhere until they finally talk."
"I know! They're ridiculous. We all knew about Remus, but not Sirius. He's a bit more complicated- always kissing the whole year group."
"Watch out Evans, it'll be you next"
"He wouldn't dare. Besides, don't you have a 'bro' code about these things? Not kissing your best friends crush and all that?"
"Oh- right. Yeah. I never apologised for that did I?"
"No, you did not"
"Right- um, well I am sorry about that. I don't like you anymore though- not like that. Not that you're not beautiful, I just-"
"I get it. And I'm glad. Your love declarations were exhausting."
They both chuckled at that.
"Right, well then. You'd better go talk to Sirius, and I'd better get to bed. Come on, before we get caught out of bed."
"Right yeah. Well, thank you. Friends?"
"As long as Sirius doesn't try to kiss me, yeah. Friends."
They reach the common room, and saying goodnight, both return to their dorms, James feeling strangely lighter. He didn't even tell Lily the whole truth, and she still helped a lot. Maybe he'll consider telling Sirius. But for now, he clambered into bed, and immediately fell soundly asleep, happy for the first time in a while. Maybe he would be okay. Maybe he could ask for help.