Chapter 2
The back to school rhythm feels heavy, it's as if James has forgotten what it was like and now he has to learn how to rejoin it all over again. The mornings are lazier than usual and the dining hall sounds quieter, as if all the students feel the same.
The stress of homework and classes decrease slightly compared to last year but something in the pressure increases because of the NEWTs of the next year, teachers suggest and drop hints about starting to choose a job and what they have to do to get there and honestly James switches off his hearing as soon as the subject comes up, he still has a year of ignoring the situation before he has to do something about it.
Lily is excited, it's something he notices and talks about as they sit together in the common room. Now that she has definitively cut any ties she had with Snape, their relationship becomes closer and James feels great about it.
“When I was a kid before I knew about the magical world, I had plans to be a lawyer” She smiled at the confusion on his face “Basically they defend muggles in front of the law, sort of magical court.”
“And why don't you do that? Work at the Wizengamot?”
“I don't know, I feel like they're very different.”
Peter had broken up with his girlfriend over the summer and was moving around looking like a stray dog in the rain. Not even when they infiltrated fire whiskey into the dorms and got drunk all night he stopped talking about her. Sirius and Remus also move all over the castle in internal conflicts. Sirius would hook up with a new girl every week and Remus would completely ignore him for days, James wasn't sure if they themselves understood the dynamic that seemed to work.
“Do you think they'll figure it out someday?” Lily asked him after one of their bizarre fights in the common room.
“I wish, it drives me crazy that they won't decide if they love or hate each other” They shared an amused look as Sirius returned to apologize to Remus for the recent fight.
James had gotten into the habit of following Regulus' name around the map in third year. He didn't do it all the time, when he was bored mostly or when he couldn't sleep and just seeing his name floating around the Slytherin dorms lulled him to sleep enough. Plus it was rather amusing to see Regulus' puzzled face when he didn't fail to find him.
“Not now, James” He told him absently without seeing him, as he took a seat next to him one day in the library, the same shiver as always accompanying him as he said his name with that familiarity he had now.
“I will be quiet, Reg” He promised her slightly energetic, Regulus looked up from a book on the table and stared at him in disbelief.
“Your very presence is noisy, Potter” James just smiled at him and Regulus sighed.
“What are you working on?” He brought his legs together under the table feeling the other's slight tremble at the contact. James remembered the night in his room, Regulus' gaze burning on him that James couldn't seem to get enough of.
“You will be quiet, you said” He mocked.
“Alright” James sighed exaggeratedly, leaning back against the table with his face turned towards the other, watching him return to the book and occasionally writing on a piece of parchment.
He watched him for a good while and when a wrinkle appeared on Regulus' forehead due to concentration he stretched out his arm smoothing it out with his fingers, he received a withering glare and James smiled delightedly.
Despite the slow pace of the beginning, James quickly gets used to it, his days getting progressively busier the deeper he gets into a routine. During some afternoons after lunch and the last classes, he immerses himself inside the quidditch practices that become more strenuous since he assumed the position of captain, tries to dissolve as many flaws within his teammates' game as possible, poses and changes strategies for the following matches and improves his own skills. The stands fill up around the pitch as the students decide to take advantage of most of the sunshine due to the autumn chill but James tries not to be distracted as he shouts out drills and corrections for the two hours straight that training lasts.
Professor Mcgonagall also chooses him to tutor Transfiguration towards the second years after getting an O for outstanding during his OWLs and James accepts because the perk of getting a key to the prefect bathrooms and the letter of recommendation from the principal sounds good but the deal he made with Mcgonagall about getting a discount at Honeydukes (Because she's friends with the owner) sounds better.
And when she's not thinking about quidditch, babysitting, stopping Remus from murdering every girl who looks at Sirius or playing pranks on Filch, he's usually studying with Lily.
“In September during 1756” He replied totally confident.
“Where do you even get the dates from?” Lily looks at him incredulously as she flips through in search of the year “It's not even in the book.”
“It's so boring, Lily” He complains leaning his head back against the couch ”It only talks about politics and goblins.”
“It's history, James” She snorts next to him and he thinks it all feels right ”It's interesting if you try”
“Sure” He wasn't so sure ”Shall we go to the kitchens? I'm starving” Lily gave him a dirty look.
“We can't even call this a study session if we're doing everything but studying.”
But they went to the kitchens anyway and ended up talking about the muggle sport where they apparently kick a ball all over a pitch without flying or using magic and drifted to quidditch and the recent injury to the team's keeper, they talked about the courses at St. Mungo's that Peter was thinking of getting into, they talked about Peter and his failed relationship, they talked about the recent infidelity in the castle, Lily told him about her first disastrous kiss and James told him about the kiss he had with Remus in first year and how they laughed about it, Lily told him about some chocolates with levitation spells she gave her sister unintentionally and James told him about the failed prank in third year where they burned the curtains. They talked until the sun went down and they missed dinner, they talked until James forgot the concept of time and until Lily hit him with a book for not studying at all.
Everything about her felt right, it was amazing how easy everything seemed around her, how simple everything became.
During a visit to Hogsmeade James breaks away from the group to walk into Scrivenshaft's Quill for a refill of an ink he had accidentally dropped on his desk.
“I have red or blue” Melanie who owned it told him and James grimaced “Do you want me to look for the black one again?”
“Yes, please” He told her pleadingly and she disappeared back inside the warehouse.
“I didn't know you were picky about colors, Potter” James startled turning around, Regulus hadn't made a sound as he entered.
“McGonagall is asking me for weekly reports in black ink” He blinks at the bright stormy eyes feeling slightly dazed “From my tutorials, I mean” He feels dumb for a few seconds “What are you doing here?”
Regulus points his head expressionlessly towards the quills in the display as he walks to stand to one side of him “I broke mine by accident” James raises a curious eyebrow, Regulus rolls his eyes “I dropped it, didn't notice and stepped on it”
“And they say I'm the clumsy one” He says cheekily and Regulus smiles sarcastically, for some reason James feels the place warmer.
“Right, like when I tripped in the corridor the other day and knocked a whole suit of armor to the floor, or when I fell off my broom trying to get on it because I was distracted or when I...”
“I get it, Reg” He interrupts him groaning but smiles entertained, in his defense he fell off the broom because Regulus was watching him very intently from the garden at his house when they were on vacation “You don't have to say you watch me all the time either” He tells him mockingly and watches amused as Regulus's face turns red.
“Shut up, I don't” James laughs but before he can say anything, Melanie returns.
“A pixie had taken the last one but I took it away” She says placing the ink on the display in front of him.
“Thanks, Mel. I owe you one” He holds the money out to her but waits until Regulus asks for the quill.
The air is cold as they leave the store together, James hasn't had time to look for Regulus in the middle of his busy schedule and has barely spoken to him these days, that's his excuse for grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him towards Honeydukes despite the complaints.
“I'll buy you anything you want” He tells him and Regulus stops putting up what little resistance he was offering and lets himself go.
They allow themselves to be enveloped in the warmth of the store and James guides him to the chocolates, he tightens his hand around his wrist slightly before releasing him and Regulus leaves his hand in the same place for a few seconds before dropping it, James is too distracted by finding what he's looking for to notice.
“Lily told me they make you fly” Regulus looks at him incredulously at the chocolates he points to.
“Sorry to disappoint you Potter, but that's what all the advertisements say” James denies smiling and shows him the highlighted words on the packaging.
Use at your own risk.
“I mean literally” Regulus moves closer to read the written words and James instinctively leans towards him, seeking more closeness.
“What are you planning?” Regulus looks up, his stormy eyes full of suspicion.
“Why do you think I'm planning something?” James raises both eyebrows smiling complicitly.
“You have that look in your eye that indicates trouble, James” Regulus tells him calmly, as if it's obvious.
“I don't” James frowns and one eyebrow is raised in his direction.
“You knew that the use of potions and spells in commercial food was a forbidden rule for a long time, right? Everyone absorbs magic differently” He changed the subject speaking nonchalantly as he moves to the candy on the opposite shelf, James moving with him like a puppy to its owner.
“That's why they regulated the spells and added a few more protection spells” He mimics his tone “The law was passed in 1945 again, after the centaur war” He shrugged at Regulus' stunned look “I have a photographic memory, Reg. I must have read it somewhere.”
“How do you know it was after the centaur war?” He looked at him as if he knew something he didn't and the feeling made him nervous.
“It's in the History book” James stirred in his seat.
“I thought you were studying with Evans because you weren't doing well in the subject” Regulus averts his eyes and takes a piece of candy twirling it in his fingers looking disinterested.
“Oh, I don't do well in the subject because I don't care. Lily talks about it like it's interesting and deep down we don't really study“ James leans back against the shelf watching Regulus put the candy down and take another one from the side 'Usually he asks me something, I answer her wrong, she looks at me mean, yeah, just like that...and then I ask her something and once she answers right, we talk about something else”
Regulus looks at him incredulously (Which he does a lot in his presence he realizes) before walking to another candy rack, James follows him again.
“You said you'd buy me anything” He says after a few seconds, clearly with nothing to say in the face of the last topic looking towards a specific product.
“Why would you want a bucket full of sugar feathers for?” He asks curiously.
“Is that a no?” Regulus looks at him defiantly, James looks back at him.
“It's not a no, Reg” The mischievous half smile he throws at him makes him shudder.
“And if I want two?” He takes a step towards him lifting his chin, challenging him.
“It's still not a no.”
“Each one costs 10 galleons, James” Regulus gives him that look that takes the air out of him “It's still a yes?” James doesn't even think about it.
“I'd buy you anything you want Regulus.”
They stare at each other, a tension circling around them as the other leans closer to him. Regulus lowers his voice, not enough to whisper but enough to send a shiver through his body.
“I want three then.”
And as James buys each of them, he realizes he'd give him anything if he asked for it and the thought scares him so much that he ignores it as he does every little feeling he has for Regulus.
----
The professor's voice fills the classroom, it's an interesting subject Regulus realizes. He is talking about the differences between Norse and Celtic runes and the different translations depending on the context and Regulus hates the fact that he can't pay attention. Ever since he chose the elective in his third year and read all summer about the subject, the teacher had talked to Dumbledore about moving him up a level higher than he was and so from fourth year, Regulus had worked with fifth years and so on, until now he was working with sixth years. Everything had been fine until Lily Evans had decided to change electives and they had ended up in the same classroom.
If Regulus was honest he didn't like her very much, which didn't make sense because Evans was smart, she wasn't loud or arrogant, in fact, she laughed at every joke the professor made as if she actually found them funny and sometimes when they were put to compare answers together she was kind, smiled warmly at him and spoke clearly, at no point did she hesitate and Regulus thought it was because she didn't have a reason to, Evans was exceptional.
Regulus had no reason to dislike her, it was ridiculous because in fact, Regulus hadn't had any feelings for her until Sirius had mentioned her one day.
“It's so annoying, you know?” He would say to him once while they were having lunch together, because that was something they did from time to time now “And then Prongs is never around after the sun goes down because he spends it with Lily, apparently studying some history and it's obvious he's not going to listen to me...”
And Regulus wouldn't have minded so much if it wasn't for the fact that he started running into her at every possible corner. He'd find her in the library with her friends or in the halls chatting or she'd be near James when Regulus looked up in the dining hall. She also seemed to be in any conversation he overheard.
“Did you see that she doesn't ignore him anymore? I hear Lily gives him mentoring...” or ‘I don't know how Lily could resist him for so many years, have you seen him training?’
And then, there was the conversation he had with James at Hogsmeade, what did he mean by “Lily talks about it like it's interesting” anyway?
The fact that they were left in the same Runes group that year was like a joke.
“You know what we should do?” asked Barty one day as they ate, Dorcas made a questioning sound “Push Slughorn down the stairs” He said firmly as he took another bite of his sandwich.
“Merlin yes” Supported Evan nodding “He gives homework as if grading meant he would meet his family.”
“Don't be ridiculous Barty” Dorcas rolled her eyes ”Pushing him down the stairs is too obvious.”
“We could poison him” They considered Regulus' idea all together “No, it would show in the autopsy spell” He demurred and they all nodded thinking of ways to kill their professor. At that point, Regulus believed that no one knew if it was a joke or a plan.
As giggles came from different sides in the dining hall and Dorcas choked in the middle of a sip of juice due to the amount of children levitating in the air, Regulus met James' amused gaze from the Gryffindor table and suppressed the urge to grin at the children doing cartwheels on the ceiling and Mcgonagall's shouts of indignation.
Regulus didn't see him until after finishing a Quidditch practice and found him leaning outside the Slytherin locker room.
“You don't have anything else entertaining to do, do you?” Regulus said to him as he made his way back to the castle with James following in his wake, greetings seemed to be nonexistent between them.
“I was bored” Is his reply and Regulus snorts.
“That's not new” James gently nudges him by the shoulder and Regulus remembers that it's something he shouldn't feel warm for ”McGonagall is already looking for culprits for the flying chocolates, by the way.”
“Sirius helped me cover up the packaging, I'm not going to get caught any time soon” He sounds confident and arrogant.
“Oh James, I wasn't warning you” Regulus looks at him with amused mischief “That was a warning, I'm going to sell her information” James' laughter echoes in the empty hallway and rumbles in each Regulus' bones.
“I know who to blame then” James touches a damp lock of his hair from the shower and Regulus' heart leaps, he unconsciously leans into the touch before he realizes it and slaps his hand away, he pushes away the disappointment as soon as he is released because it was what he asked him to do.
“Don't touch my hair, Potter” He points it out and James' smirk grows.
“You had a fuzz” He uses the typical excuse and Regulus rolls his eyes ”I mean it this time, I swear.”
Regulus looks absentmindedly up at the sky which is in the middle of a sunset, a bitter thought crosses his mind and he turns to look towards James who walks beside him rather relaxed.
“Don't you pretend to study with Evans at this hour?” He hated to ask but curiosity stirred him.
“No, she's out with Marlene and Mary and I haven't seen her since morning” Regulus felt a sudden pang of annoyance ”Since she didn't show up a few hours ago then I left.”
“I'm Evans' replacement then?” He blurted out wanting to take it as a joke “That's low even for you” He doesn't achieve much of an amused tone because James looks at him intently, almost curious with that inclination of his head that Regulus hated to notice.
“You're nobody's replacement, Reg” He told him casually but carefully. Regulus felt his skin crawl.
“You know I didn't mean it seriously” He tries to sound disinterested, barely looking at him, in reality Regulus doesn't know why he said it at all, the thought had crossed his mind and the words had come naturally. Regulus didn't think too deeply about it.
James didn't say anything for a few minutes, the usually comfortable silence felt suffocating.
“I saw the spin you did at the end of practice” He commented a few minutes later, Regulus was relieved by the change of subject ”I wish the seeker on my team knew how to spin without slowing down.”
“Always such a cheater. You know it affects more now that you're captain, don't you?“ He tried to soften his voice though the annoyed twinge didn't abate ”I could report you if I wanted to”
“You're too proud for that, Reg” It felt like another direct hit.
“Are you challenging me, Potter?” He looked at him with a raised eyebrow, ignoring any other feelings. James gave him a lopsided smile, not completely full, a smile someone gives when they have a lot to hide.
“No, I'm not dumb enough to try.”
He didn't know why the subject of Lily Evans made him so uncomfortable, he didn't know why until one day while studying in the sun with Pandora, the subject had come up. It was a cold day inside the castle and since it was weekend, most of the students had gone out to get as much sun before the temperatures dropped with the start of November.
“They look good together” She pointed her head towards the figure of James and Evans laughing in the corner of the courtyard, Pandora glared at him “ That's what annoys you” And went back to her book as if it didn't matter at all.
Regulus frowned “That's not true, it's only her that irritates me.”
“She's in the together expression, you know?” Pandora muttered without giving him another glance.
Regulus returned his gaze to their seated figures, both had books open on the grass but neither were really paying attention to them. James was telling something, his hands moving quietly as he explained, his eyes sparkled in that way Regulus was familiar with, the tousled hair gave him a rebellious and charming air. Lily laughed at something said and interrupted him with a phrase that also made James laugh, her red hair glowed and her green eyes were everything a person could envy or wish for.
The way they seemed to talk and how their bodies were synchronized made him feel sick. Pandora was right, Regulus felt ridiculous for denying it. He looked away when he felt unbearable and looked around, there were groups of friends and couples sitting all over the courtyard and each of them were leaning, murmuring towards each other and casting furtive glances towards the very spot Regulus had done so. Regulus couldn't help himself and looked at them again.
James was captain of the Quidditch team, he was a favorite of most of the teachers, he gave tutoring to second year boys, he was funny and loved. The girls chased him all over the castle, they would settle in the stands during his practices and make excuses with the cold, James was charming and popular.
Lily was the best witch in her generation, she gave spell tutoring, she was caring and kind but she was also tough and strong, her name was also clearly known. Lily was captivating and intelligent.
They were everything the world wanted to be, they were what everyone at school was talking about and once Regulus noticed it, it didn't stop and it bothered him so much it confused him.
Why would he care how good they looked together, why did he even think about it?
----
James was a thinker, he liked to ask himself questions and answer them later, curiosity lived rent free in his head most of the time, of course, he avoided like everyone else, certain questions that led him to certain answers he didn't want to know. James was a thinker and at that moment he was wondering very seriously how someone who had been in school for over a year still didn't know how to transfigure a match into a needle.
“That looks like a needle” One of the boys he was mentoring told him.
“That's a metal paperclip you just stretched” The boy gave him a rather fake sweet smile “ Whatever, we'll cover it next week” He refrained from muttering a sadly to the sentence as he watched the boy gather his things and say goodbye.
Sirius came in immediately after the other left.
“What do you do to kids that run out of the place?” He asked him and plopped down in a chair as James picked up the place.
“I teach, that's what I do” He remembered something that had been bothering him for a while now ”Hey, what should I do with Hardwick? He seems to be looking for the snitch with his eyes closed, I'm waiting for next year to replace him but it doesn't seem to be coming soon enough”
Sirius thought about it for a few seconds before saying bluntly “Throw him off the broom” He shrugged “If he gets injured he's out of the game”
“Why didn't I think of that? You're a genius Pads” He said sarcastically as he grabbed his stuff and they both walked out of the room.
“You need to stop hanging out with my brother, Prongs” James let out a short laugh ”I swear I won't be able to handle two of you on vacation”
“By the way we should also update the map” James added as an afterthought.
“Why?” asked Sirius nonchalantly ”Seems to me it's going pretty well.”
“It still doesn't quite encompass the requirement room and the names don't show up clearly” He explained as they reached the common room.
“But we already know who uses it, the lost, traumatized students and Remus when he wants to escape from us” James laughed in amusement.
“Especially from you, Sirius” They looked at him offended.
“Moony loves me, James” Remus snorting was heard listening to everything from the armchair in front of the fire, Sirius looked at him out of the corner of his eye clearly shocked ”Anyway, are you going to abandon us for Lily again today?”
Peter came down the stairs with a book which he threw towards Remus, Remus groaned quietly in the background.
“Maybe, depends if I see her around” James plopped down next to Moony and Sirius stood in front of him.
“You're a traitor, James. You and I are meant to be together, I know it” He joked making room beside Remus.
“Not if the two girls you hooked up with today count for anything” Peter muttered and Remus turned his face towards Sirius.
“Two?” He told him in disbelief, obviously not planning on sounding so irritated altogether cause his face flushed “I'm off, I forgot I was supposed to return a book to the library.”
Once he disappeared through the portrait hole Sirius fulminated at Peter with a glare, the latter ignored him completely.
As it was said, James was a good thinker. His mother thought he was very distracted as a child, but the world was so bright that James didn't understand why anyone wouldn't be distracted by living in it, by thinking of all the things he could do, all the things he could understand.
“I used to pay and turn on the lights at will” Lily commented one day as they sat sunbathing in the school courtyard, James looked at her in surprise.
“Really? I could disappear the cutlery“ Lily snorted in amusement ”I mean not at will but I could.”
James looked again at the figure of Regulus with another girl sitting at another end, James thought her name was Pandora... something.
“Very helpful, James. What was going on? You were going to eat and the fork was gone?” She teased and James held back a smile until he couldn't anymore.
“Yeah, actually it was something like that” He admitted and Lily laughed.
“My parents took me to see a priest when they realized I turned lights on and off with magic before they knew I was a witch” James looked at her confused, Lily brushed it off with a wave of her hand “Muggles who take away your sins and kind of exorcise demons in the movies” James absently watched Regulus lean towards Pandora pointing to something in her book, he brushed a curl off his forehead that was in the way as he did so “It was horrible, he said like a prayer and it made me laugh how he pronounced every word in a strange language, the priest ran off after that, he looked quite scared” James laughed lightly returning his gaze back to her.
“One time my parents had invited people from the ministry, when we sat down at meal time one of them had his spoon disappear in the middle of a mouthful, I got so scared I disappeared the plate too and then he got so mad I tried to reverse it and disappeared the table, someone let out a scream, I don't remember who it was but...” He notices Regulus leaving the place with Pandora at his side and James follows him with his gaze absentmindedly, Lily laughs amused “...It was a mess but my mom was laughing as she recounted it all later.”
The afternoon passes quickly after that, as if the most important event had already happened.
The point is, James used to have this urge to understand everything in a frustrating way, he used to take apart every single thing in his house, look inside and put it back together again. He even did it when he was really bored. His father had to hide all the clocks when they stopped working once he opened them.
“Lock them in a room and don't let them out until they get it figured out” Regulus suggested to him barely paying attention as he wrote an essay, they were in the library again.
“That's actually a good idea” He saw Regulus' hand move across the parchment, his left hand. James was still marveling at the idea of Regulus being left handed, it was such a silly fact that obsessed him.
“Well of course, I say it” He felt the other's eyes roll without seeing them “Do you ever do homework?” Regulus shot him a quick glance in confusion “I swear you do everything but that.”
James shrugged “Sometimes I do them in class, but don't get your hopes up and think I do them after they're given, I do them 5 minutes before I hand them in” Regulus snorted half amused and half mocking.
“I'm not surprised at all” James brushed away a strand of hair that fell over his eyes, just as he had seen him do a few days ago, the way Regulus lifted his chin slightly almost unconsciously helping it made his air catch, when the other became aware of his touch he tensed in a way that made his heart thump frantically against his chest.
Regulus looked up again but didn't look away like before, cloud laden eyes that James wanted to dive into.
“Not the hair, James” He remarked each word with a plaintive tone, a tone James would use.
He saw a loophole in that clause and took full advantage of it, James removed his hand but immediately rested it on Regulus' thigh, leaning and leaning against him until both their faces were inches apart.
“I won't touch your hair then” He teased and felt Regulus' shiver as if it were his own. His intense, expressive grey gaze against his own. James was teasing him, he was waiting for Regulus to push him away, to set new rules, to order him, Merlin knew James would do anything he told him.
He doesn't, he doesn't walk away, he doesn't set new rules.
Regulus looks at him with that intense gaze he gave him that day in his room when they shared a cigarette. James inhales when the air feels heavy and pushes away any thoughts as he scans Regulus' face slowly, as if it's something he has to understand, as if he's hiding secrets between his eyelashes, as if every thought is stored in the lines on his face, as if every feeling is in every crevice on his lips.
James wants to understand him completely.
“Why do you always do that?” Regulus asks lightly, his tone of voice is confused and when James returns his gaze to her eyes, he finds them curious with a crystallized glint.
It's like a punch that knocks the breath out of him and he thinks for a few seconds.
Why does he always do that? The answer feels too big so he doesn't look at it.
He feels defensive but also responds in a restrained mumble.
“Why do you care so much?” They stare at each other for a few seconds, James knows neither is going to answer and the fact makes him nervous. His body feels heavy as he decides to pull away and softens the weight on his hand, he doesn't remove it completely but reloads it just barely.
Regulus clears his throat and goes back to his essay, James sees his hand shake against the paper.
“Sometimes, I also do homework after the deadline and say a relative died as an excuse” Regulus chuckles lightly and the tension breaks. James smiles, he would never stop adoring how the sound came from his lips.
Later, when he hears a laugh coming out of Lily, James is annoyed when it doesn't fill him like Regulus' and is annoyed when he realizes the thought. Because he wants things so confusing that he thinks he can get lost in them, because he thinks and goes over Regulus' gaze against his, thinks of his skin next to his, every little breath and every little gesture, it's so annoying that he pretends the thoughts don't exist because James is such a great thinker until he wants to stop being one.
----
The vacations come quickly and for the first time in a long time, Regulus is not spending Christmas at Hogwarts. Sirius had approached him one day as he was walking back to class after lunch. He had asked him if he planned to spend the vacations at home and Regulus had had to remember that the house he was referring to, was not Grimmauld Place. He had said yes and Sirius had smiled so happily that Regulus had honestly been a little thrown off.
Now, as he walked back into the Potter house with James and Sirius pushing each other and hugging Effie in turn, the awkwardness it used to cause him dissipates a little, as if the house will begin to settle deep in his mind and new memories will replace the old ones.
For some reason he also ends up in a sort of challenge with James. It had come out of nowhere at some point in time that Regulus didn't know how exactly it had unfolded. James had come into his room while he was reading lying on his bed. He had leaned against the picture on the door, examining it until Regulus had looked up.
“What happened?” he had asked quietly. James had narrowed his eyes at him.
“I'm thinking about what to get you for Christmas” Regulus had snorted in amusement.
“Is that why you're staring at me?”
“You're hard to figure out, is all” Regulus raised an eyebrow at him.
“Whatever you get is going to be awful anyway” James frowned even more.
“I'm good at picking out gifts.”
“I bet you are” Regulus didn't really believe it. James smiled in that lopsided way that quickened his pulse.
“What's more, I'm going to give you the best present you've ever received and you're going to eat your words” Regulus let out an incredulous laugh.
“Me? You're crazy, James, if you think you can beat me at anything.”
It was a stupid war, but who would give the best gift? Obviously Regulus. They both had a few days to get it but something like that had never stopped them before.
He also fell into a quiet routine where he played video games on the muggle console that James and Sirius had brought from he didn't know where (At this point he was afraid to ask) where they made fun of each other every time they lost and he realized it was probably the most normal thing they had ever done with each other.
It was funny in a way, almost as if the years where they never spoke a word to each other and Regulus avoided his gaze had never existed. Regulus could almost remember what it was like to feel as he did when he was a child, as if his brother would protect every step he took and in how he would distract him when he hit himself for fear that he would make noise when he cried.
“They have a daughter named Nymphadora” He was telling him as they were in a pause ”She must be around 3 or 4 years old, it's been a long time since I've visited her”
“She must be happy” Regulus replied, remembering. He had hardly thought about Andromeda these past few years, his disowned cousin that he was forbidden to talk about at the monthly dinners at the Black's house.
“Yes, she is” Sirius looked at him thoughtfully and then made a distracted gesture as he paused the game again ”I can pass the contact on to you if you like”
“That would be fine” He couldn't imagine writing but it never hurt to know where she lived. Andromeda had been one of his favorite cousins after all.
“How's Narcissa?” Sirius asked muttering a rude under his breath when Regulus dealt him a blow at the game ”I heard she was engaged but she refused to answer my letters after a while, I figured her mother was keeping an eye on her”
“She's getting married in June next year. Last time I saw her she wasn't too thrilled about taking the Malfoy surname, but she'll be fine” Regulus took one last swipe at Sirius' character and won the game, Sirius was not happy ”I met Lucius last year, he doesn't seem the best but he loves her, they both love each other”
“Hopefully he's not a prat like Rodolphus Lestrange is” He muttered absently but Sirius hadn't seen what Bellatrix had become and Regulus felt a twinge of discomfort. He ignored the feeling as soon as he saw James' obnoxious cat approach.
“Someday I'm going to disappear that cat” He thought aloud as soon as it started meowing at him from the ground. Sirius started another game.
“James would kill you...” He lands the first hit on Regulus on the screen and Regulus scoffs quietly, one in comparison to the 10 he takes “Forget it, he'd probably forgive you after a few hours.”
“You're a loser, Sirius” Regulus tells him as soon as he wins again. Sirius pushes him hard enough to almost knock him off the couch and Regulus sends him an obscene gesture for which his brother laughs “I'm leaving, Effie asked me as a favor to help her make some cookies for her friends.”
Sirius grumbles slightly then adds “Are you looking for James, please?”
“You look” Regulus scoffed.
“But he's in the office.”
“And the problem?” Sirius looks at him for a second almost thoughtfully.
“Please?” Regulus rolls his eyes but goes for the eluded, the cat following close behind and
Regulus glaring at him when he made a figure eight between his legs.
He barely knocks on the door before he enters with a bored gesture. James is sitting as usual behind the desk writing something on parchment, possibly a letter. When he hears him enter, his body tenses for a few seconds before meeting his gaze and relaxing again. James sees him with a raised eyebrow.
“Sirius wants you to go” Regulus warns him and watches the cat climb up James' lap, Regulus hates it.
“I'm coming, give me a second” He returns writing something down and petting the cat gently.
Regulus peruses the shelf full of books looking for something new to read, absentmindedly paying attention towards James who stands up closing the inkwell. A title catches his eye.
“Partial Transformations and Change Control” He reads the title aloud '“Isn't that about animagia?” James comes up beside him looking at the book with an uneasy air.
“Yeah, I don't know how that got in there” And he leaves quickly, almost nervously, not before stepping around him and brushing a hand against his lower back.
Regulus doesn't even move away from the touch anymore, he doesn't think he could do it anymore anyway.
He honestly didn't know how it had happened, how he had progressively accepted James' touch on him and wondering he could only come up with one answer:
His relationship with James was like a programmed dance, something that is repeated so many times that you barely think before you keep up. It was just as he had seen it in fourth year, a routine.
If you think about it, it's stupid how things could become routinized, like waking up every day at the same time to the point that the alarm is no longer necessary, how you can know where things are when you're taking a shower and your eyes are closed, how you wake up on a Sunday and know it's time to do all your homework for the week, and in this case, how James' touch was starting to become casual instead of purposeful.
Because after all, James was a physical person, he noticed him hugging Effie in the mornings and laughing as soon as he was pulled away, he saw it when James leaned against Sirius and he noticed it when he saw him walking around the castle, giving little pushes among his group of friends. Regulus thought it was to be expected that James would start doing it with him, brushing his hand over Regulus as he passed nearby, his hand pushing him slightly away when Regulus was in his way, their shoulders together when they were sitting next to each other or getting closer within their space.
It was, in a way, a habit of James', a routine of his own that he dragged into the one they had together and therefore one that Regulus was used to. It was a new step within the dance they had together that Regulus gradually adapted until he stopped tripping over it.
And since James used to do that analyzing Regulus thing, he noticed it.
On December 24th they didn't make a big deal of it, Regulus helped Effie make dinner while James and Sirius tried not to cause trouble around. They ate dinner quietly, almost like any other day, the silence on James' part was the only odd thing about the whole evening.
Regulus found himself thinking about the big dinner the Black's were hosting for Christmas Eve. Surely by that time, Walburga was drunk enough to rant about him to anyone she saw, her father would probably try to stop her after the next 3 glasses of wine and they would end up fighting in the dining room once everyone left.
It was kind of funny how Regulus was woken up in the early morning of the 25th by a memory where his mother was throwing glass goblets at a 12 year old Regulus, it was just when they spent the first Christmas without Sirius and so his mother had drunk so much that she had gotten mad when the wine had run out and thought Regulus had hidden it. It stopped being funny as soon as Regulus' dream changed, where he was running up the stairs that went on forever and where Walburga would catch up with him after barely climbing a few steps.
He could not go back to sleep and the hours were endless as he watched the dark sky out his window. At some point after wandering between memories and thoughts with the excuse to return to the present, he remembered the gift on his desk, how it had taken him a whole day in Diagon Alley before he found it.
After setting the best gift challenge with James, they had agreed on 3 rules:
1. It couldn't be more than one gift: It was basically cheating, as if they hadn't found something good enough and had chosen too many things to make up for it.
2. There was no budget: Regulus could still draw money from the Black vault since Walburga was still, surely ashamed of her last son, enough to make her disgrace public and James was rich enough to buy every new broom that came out. Why limit the possibilities by money?
3. It had to be jewelry: They had agreed that it had to be something that neither of them owned. James didn't wear anything in regards to jewelry other than his heir ring, which he would forget about for weeks before wearing again, and Regulus had never had the pleasure of owning any. Besides, it would be easier to judge both gifts if they both belonged in the same category.
If he was honest, Regulus felt like going right then and there to rub his future victory in front of James, technically it was Christmas and it was extra to wake him up so early to annoy him.
He hesitated slightly before he picked up the small box on his desk and left the room without thinking too much about it, because if he thought about it then it would mean he cared and Regulus didn't care at all, not since James had asked him exactly that before he left for the vacations.
Why do you care so much? He still remembered James' eyes shining and seeing right through him. How the words had come out almost in a whisper, followed in response to Regulus' question.
Why do you always do that? He remembered wanting to ask him so many questions in just a few words. Why do you never stop? Why did you even start? What is your goal? What reaction do you expect?
But then he had received something worse than an answer, words that swirled around in his head so many times that it was normal for them to start hitting him at random moments in his day.
Why do you care so much?
He opened the door to the room across from his and stood there for a second. James's room had posters on his walls referring to quidditch and there were clothes strewn in places on the floor, his drawers open and his desk cluttered in piles of sheets and open letters. James was lying on one side on the bed, one of his hands under his pillow and one under his face, he had a blanket covering him from the torso down and Regulus hesitated again at the sight of his bare chest, he should have assumed that James was one of those people who slept without a shirt.
But since Regulus didn't care, he simply approached his figure. He placed his hand on his bare shoulder and felt his face color at the warmth his skin emanated.
“James, James” He whispered, watching the aforementioned's face frown in fun before muttering something inaudible “It's Christmas, James” He laughed quietly at the other's narrowed eyes.
“That's your big announcement?” He mumbled sleepily lying on his back, the blanket slipped down to his hips where the beginning of his pajama pants were visible. Regulus didn't notice the V that his slightly defined muscles marked on his abdomen, didn't notice how it continued and disappeared under the clothes, definitely didn't.
"It's Christmas, James. Give me my present, so I give you mine and you lose" James chuckled shortly, barely half conscious.
“Go to sleep, Reg” His arm previously under the pillow, covered his eyes with the inside of his elbow. Regulus gently removed his arm, he was getting revenge for all the times James hadn't let him concentrate while doing homework.
"Come on, James. Don't be afraid" He said in a playful tone and James blinked several times sending him a half smile.
“Sleep” James grabbed his arm pulling him towards the bed. Regulus barely avoided falling on top of him, groaning.
"I'm not sleepy, I want to win" James wrapped his arms around him and Regulus resisted for a few seconds before letting go with an exhale, his face was just above James' collarbone, right at the junction between his shoulder and neck. Regulus felt on fire
"You'll win later, Reg. If you're not going to sleep in your room, sleep here" He murmured more relaxed, obviously falling into sleep again, his whole body touching him.
"Get off me, Potter" James ignored him. Regulus felt the other's chin brush against his hair and a shiver ran through him completely, James let out a pleased noise half asleep "James" He called out to him wanting to sound whiny and hating himself as soon as he sounded shaky instead.
"Mm?" His neck moved slightly below him at the sound and Regulus, feeling warm and light, brushed his nose against the moving spot.
“James” Regulus sighed against his skin. The other's hand came up, brushing his back until it reached his hair and the other resting on his hip, there wasn't even a grip on him anymore and Regulus should move, he should go but he felt weak, no strength to even try. All he could think about was his skin against him, their legs tangled together and the heat he brought with him. Regulus thought he could repeat his name indefinitely from how well his presence encompassed every thought “James” He whimpered lightly because he didn't want to leave, because it felt good.
“Shh” James' body relaxed even more, absently scratching Regulus' hair and Regulus gasped at the sensation. Regulus craned his neck until he felt the other's slow pulse against his lips. He moved his hands over James; brushed his fingertips down the other's side, feeling drunk from so much contact; reached for his jaw, tracing the line delicately up to his chin and back. James hummed barely conscious.
Their breaths evened out at some point as Regulus feels warm, any thought lies beneath a pleasant hum and his eyes close, wanting to feel everything.
----
It's snowing, outside the window you can see the delicate snowflakes falling in the garden. It is not the first snowfall of the year, no, James remembers the first snowfall; exactly the 9th of December. He had been in the Gryffindor common room, Remus was arguing with Peter about something stupid and Remus had gotten so angry with the other's opinion that he had hit him over the head with a parchment, Peter had pulled his middle finger out and Sirius had been watching Remus from across the room, thoughtfully. James remembered the exact moment because Lily had smiled at the sight of the window and had run out to it opening it a little and dropping a flake on her hand; Lily had shown it to him happily and James had absently wondered if Regulus also liked snow as much as Lily did.
He remembered her exactly because James had been horrified to realize he was comparing them, again. He remembered it as it was because it was Lily standing in front of him; smiling and then making a worried gesture when she saw that he wasn't; Lily was the one standing there, looking at him with wide eyes, green eyes in all their glory and red hair that shone like fire in the sun and the only thing in James' head, was Regulus.
He remembers smiling despite how overwhelmed he was and saying something about a detention before he left the place, as if something was suddenly choking him. He felt wrong, he felt bad, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare and had not yet digested that it had all been a dream. He felt as he always did every time he inevitably compared the two of them. He remembered thinking he had to stop, remembered pushing Regulus from his mind by concentrating on all the things he had to do, remembered eating quickly to get out of the dining hall before the urge to flip over to the Slytherin table caught up with him, remembered training late to get back to his bed tired enough not to think.
However, all of that had gone out the window since they had left Hogwarts. Regulus was everywhere, always just a few feet away from him; it didn't matter if James was in his room and Regulus was in the living room; James always knew how much distance there was between them, how many steps he would have to take before he was by his side, knew the words to start a conversation, knew how to get on his nerves, knew how to get whatever reaction he wanted and if there were still things he didn't know, James was dying to find out.
Besides, James couldn't compare Regulus to Lily, at least not in the same way he used to compare Lily to Regulus. It was different. When he thought of Regulus through Lily, he felt frustration, frustration at not being able to push the thought away and how hard it was for him to get rid of it. Instead, when Regulus said or did something that reminded him of Lily ( Like that time when he made a gesture that was very much the redhead's own), he found it funny. It was as if Lily was a constant reminder of how much time Regulus spent in his mind, and as if, in her absence, he found it easier to breathe, as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders.
Sometimes, when James was around Regulus, he couldn't remember why he cared at all.
Now, watching the snow fall through his window the memory feels fuzzy, as if it is now something unimportant. He feels Regulus move slightly, his neck stretching slightly releasing a slight exhale from his lips. James barely remembers anything from last night, he remembers Regulus vibrating in energy, a light chuckle and James thinking about how he should stay, how there was no reason for him not to; he thinks about how he had tugged on his arm and how satisfied he had been to feel his weight on him, how good it was to feel him tremble at a movement.
At some point in the night they had both moved, James hugging Regulus from behind, both of them on their sides; the smell of Regulus' shampoo, which was a mixture of berries and mint, filled their nostrils. The sun wasn't too high, it was probably still too early to get up but that was okay, James didn't want to go anywhere.
He lowered his head to rest his chin on Regulus' head, breathing deeper and tightening his arms around the other, almost wanting to confirm that he was really there; he stroked the curve of Regulus' waist and hip, thinking absentmindedly.
He thought of quidditch, of the season they would start after the vacations and thought of a new broom on the market he wanted, thought of the warmth of the back pressed against his chest, thought of what he would do with the boy who didn't even know the basics of transfigurations, thought of the cloudy sky and thought of his father, of the last Christmas they had spent together and changed his mind when it hurt, thought of Regulus's gift instead.
It had taken him a long time, getting it hadn't been the problem if not the enchantments on it. He'd sent it once by owl to someone for something specific, but other than that, it had been finished by James. He didn't feel like entrusting the object to anyone but Regulus. He was going to win, he was definitely looking forward to it.
"Prongs" He heard the voice from down the hall, James cursed under his breath "Prongs, come see this"
He heard their footsteps coming to his room and James got up as fast as he could trying not to wake Regulus, he stumbled slightly on the covers and managed to open the door just enough so that Sirius could only see him. Sirius who had been about to open the door, looked at him suspiciously. James tried to look casual by holding the door with his arm and with the other arm tidying his hair, his friend raised an eyebrow at him and James cleared his throat.
"What did you want me to see?" he forced out a nonchalant tone. Sirius looked at him for a second longer before remembering what he'd come for.
"Ah yes, remember what you said about the map? About the requirenment room and how you couldn't see the names of the people inside?"
"Uh-huh" Sirius pulled out the map inside his robes and handed it to him, already open.
“Well, I told Moony about it and he came up with something about a parchment with a binding spell on it...” James opened the map and saw in surprise the name of someone out of bounds with a small note on the side. Last location detected near the Room of Requirement "...So the information is transferred to the map"
"This is amazing, Padfoot" He said pleasantly surprised "How did Remus even think of it?"
"Probably on one of the times we fought" Sirius shrugged, James put the map away in one of his pockets "He just sent it to me by owl. By the way, are the presents under the tree already, come on? It strikes me as odd that Regulus hasn't come down yet"
"Uh, he's probably still asleep" Sirius snorted.
"My brother barely sleeps, haven't you noticed?" He said half jokingly with a grimace on his face, it disappeared a few seconds later “ ”Let's go Prongs?" He gave a gesture to start to leave, anxious.
“Yeah, just let me change and I'll be down in a minute” He smiled at him and waited until Sirius was halfway down the stairs before turning around and closing the door behind his back, he sighed quietly with his eyes closed.
"What's the map?" Regulus asked rather awake. James startled and the other looked at him with narrowed eyes "It has to do with why you always know where I am, doesn't it?" He said accusingly.
Regulus was sitting on his bed, one leg folded under him and the other dangling over the edge; his curls were tousled and his posture relaxed. James looked away because seeing him so comfortable on his bed, in his room, was something he could obsess over and searched through his closet for a t-shirt. He felt Regulus' eyes following his movements and it caused him to shiver.
"No" He tried to deny it but a questioning note slipped into his tone. Regulus snorted. James found a t-shirt and slid it down his torso.
“Can I see it?” Regulus looked at him curiously as he returned his gaze.
James moved towards him slowly. Regulus sitting on his bed, raised his eyes slightly to still meet his due to the height difference of the moment. James stopped a step away from touching him, a smile spreading across his face.
“I don't know, can you?” He asked playfully and Regulus looked at him in amusement.
“Yes, I can” This one refused to lift his chin and his eyes looked up at him from below, his eyelashes almost reaching his eyebrows. James was mesmerized “Give it to me, James” He scoffed lightly at the end, his voice dangerously close to an order.
His skin bristled and he thought he should tell him no, James should be able to tell him no, he should smile and let it go, he should move and tell him he can't tell him what to do, Merlin knew he should not give it to him, but Regulus' eyes were sparking on him; a kind of electricity was coursing through his body and James should absolutely not want more. He handed him the map.
Regulus averted his eyes from him, giving him one last satisfied look that made him hold his breath and fix his gaze on the blank parchment. James forgot himself for a moment as he appreciated his confused gaze; the bright grey color, his eyelashes fluttering with each blink, a slight wrinkle over his eyelid as he frowned slightly. Everything about Regulus was to be appreciated; his breathing that James had felt against him in the night, his pale pink skin when it was cold, his long fingers that took a quill in a specific way he hadn't seen on anyone else, his mole under his right ear and another on the cartilage of it, how his curls were slightly flattened on one side by the pillow, how he bit his lip when he was concentrating, how James wanted to release it with his fingers, how he moved, how he spoke, what he looked like.
“James” Regulus spoke to him, bringing him back to the present “What am I looking at?” nothing, it was the right answer but it seemed like a rhetorical question so he didn't say it. He smiled at him and Regulus looked at him questioningly.
James shifted slightly, reaching out for his wand on the nightstand and touched the parchment muttering softly.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Regulus' eyes widened as he watched the castle and names begin to form all over the parchment. James watched every little expression; his hands tingled to touch him, and he allowed his fingers to brush Regulus' curls closer to him. When the latter leaned into the touch, probably too distracted to notice, James plunged his hand deeper and pushed the curls back, letting the hair slip through his fingers. Regulus hummed and sighed barely audibly, James did it again.
“How?” Regulus asked raising his head towards him and with it his gaze. James gently tugged a curl and Regulus flinched, he didn't say anything about the contact or try to pull away. James would have thought he hadn't noticed if it wasn't for the color that adorned his face “How did you manage to do this?” he asked in surprise and his eyes slightly glassy.
“We explored most of the castle the first years and formed a map” He answered him. James thought of Regulus and the way he tilted his face to look at him, how he seemed almost vulnerable, his eyes never leaving his “Remus researched some of a tracking magic within the castle grounds and it was trial and error until we managed to link some of it within the parchment” He buried his hand in the root of his hair, just above his forehead, and pulled his hair back. Regulus lifted his head further to let him and James swallowed, losing the thread in the conversation.
“James” Regulus' eyelashes fluttered with a flicker, Regulus muttered wanting his attention back “What did you guys do next?” he could be toying with him and James would let him, it took him a second to remember what they were talking about.
“We used spells for protection against unauthorized people and camouflaged it” He spoke quietly fearing his words would tremble.
“You've been playing dirty,” Regulus spoke to him in a mocking tone and began to slowly rise until one foot was fully propped against the floor and one kneeling on the mattress. James didn't pull back but removed his hand, brushing against his neck and shoulder before falling back completely, their chests almost touching by barely a couple of inches.
Regulus pushed him back delicately, his palm against James' sternum to give him space and without peeling his hand away, he began to walk pushing him in front of him, both of them facing each other and James let himself be guided backwards, confident that he wouldn't trip over anything.
“Having an advantage isn't playing dirty, Reg” James muttered and a sigh came out of him as he touched the wall behind him. Regulus didn't come any closer and it seemed rude that he didn't.
“It is if the other doesn't have it, James” He wasn't really annoyed, no, James saw right through him and he knew Regulus was amused, that he was surprised “You're a cheater but it's nothing new” He shot him one last arrogant look, as if he had won something and walked out the door beside him.
James stood against the wall for a few more seconds before following him.
Sirius said nothing as soon as he came down shortly after Regulus but looked rather quizzically towards the two before James changed the subject to gifts.
Remus gave him a star map with enchanted constellations for a topic they had discussed some time ago. Peter gave him a quartz figurine in the shape of a deer that glowed and moved, it made Sirius laugh and earned a thoughtful look from Regulus. Lily gave him a book about quidditch in modern times and Sirius gave him a set of self-filling quills for homework.
They had a late breakfast and Regulus helped his mother make dessert for later. James and Sirius played a racing game on the console and when it stopped snowing, they went flying around the garden.
If James could freeze and live for one moment all the time, that would be it. How he was relaxed in the lazy atmosphere, how he didn't feel the pressure of an uncertain future on his chest, how the air entered his lungs easily and how the cold refreshed him under the warming spells.
Remus and Peter arrived after lunch, just as they usually did every year and Regulus rolled his eyes before going to his room to read. They huddled in the living room and laughed at Sirius at one point, Peter told of some gossip with his neighbors involving a Ravenclaw boy and Remus raised an eyebrow at him in suspicion when he got a little too excited.
They ended up watching a movie on muggle television that was introduced by Sirius as if it were a commercial until Remus had thrown a cushion at him to shut him up so they could choose something to watch.
“I'm just saying that I'd be scared if someone told me that an old man crawled up my chimney every year” Sirius said his opinion regarding a topic that came up outside of what was shown on screen.
“Leaving that invasion of private property thing” Remus replied ”If the old man leaves presents, I let him in the door.”
“The old man's name is Santa, guys. You make him out to be a pedophile” Peter muttered.
“Exactly” Agreed Sirius “The guy's a pedophile all the way”
“I didn't say that” Peter complained as James interjected.
“Can we talk about the flying reindeer? Seems like animal exploitation from my point of view.”
“They work one day Prongs, they probably do nothing the rest of the year” Remus leaned back against the couch, as if the subject was really exasperating him.
“Have you ever seen a reindeer go all over the world in a single day? The old man obviously puts them through endless training” Sirius scoffed.
“I've never seen a reindeer fly, actually.”
“It's because they fly on dust or something.”
“Merlin, now it sounds like they're on drugs.”
“Maybe they do, maybe the old man drugs them to do whatever he wants.”
“He's not a dictator, Sirius. He literally gives gifts to children”
“The ones he wants to, because the ones he doesn't, he gives them carbon. I don't want to say it again but it's a sign of pedophilia.”
“But he doesn't do anything to children.”
“Worse, he has a fetish with watching them sleep or something.”
“You do remember the guy doesn't exist, right?” Peter asked in a mixture of concern and disbelief.
James turned back to the movie in question.
“Oh for Merlin's sake. They just killed Bambi's mom.”
“What?” Remus replied in surprise “No, Sirius, don't make jokes about wanting your mom dead too, it stopped being funny in second grade and now it's scary.”
Peter covered his mouth with one hand as Bambi's father told him that his mother was never coming back. Sirius muttered a “My dream come true” under his breath and Remus groaned.
James noticed Regulus walking down the stairs casually looking at the cover of the book he was reading, he had probably already finished it and was going to drop it off at the office. He followed him with his eyes until he quietly entered the room. He came out after a few minutes without the book in hand and absently watched what they were watching before going into the kitchen.
“Don't cry Pete” Sirius nudged this one lightly ”He'll do better after that.”
“Fuck you.”
“Can we get back to the Santa thing, I was in a good argument” He received a chorus of No's from everyone and let out an exaggerated sigh.
Regulus came out of the kitchen with a bar of chocolate. James met his gaze and the other gave him an irritated look when he realized he was going to say something about it.
“Reg” He called out to him in a sing-songy tone ”Can I have a piece?”
“No” Regulus told him in a firm tone but slowed his steps.
“Come on, I gave you some of my cookies the other day.”
“They were literally mine” He told him incredulously and James smiled “And I didn't give it to you, you just took them.”
“Tomato, tomahto” Regulus let out a snort but broke the bar in half and gave him a piece.
James mumbled a thank you as he took a bite, Regulus muttered a whatever back before turning to his friends who turned away with absolutely no discretion.
“That looks like a kid's movie” He mocked towards the screen.
“It's a classic, Reggie” Sirius replied, Regulus ignored him starting to walk away towards the stairs again “Oh look, Bambi's all grown up. He looks just like you, James” He laughed.
“No he doesn't. Prongs doesn't have the white spot on his neck” Peter replied.
James glanced nervously at Regulus who had paused on the first step for a second before continuing up the stairs slowly.
“Of course he does. Have you seen him? He literally looks just like Bambi.”
----
Regulus was not a fan of snow. Sure it had its things, it was shiny, moldable and something that gave an excuse to throw things at others, but he didn't love it; snow was annoying, it would get on your clothes and leave your skin cold until you could shake it off.
Regulus had a vague memory of him playing in the snow with Sirius when they were kids, he remembered the feeling and the cold that caught up with him afterwards. He remembers chasing Andromeda, and Narcissa scolding them into a corner the next year. He remembers going out on New Year's Eve hoping they wouldn't find him for a couple of hours and how he had had to go back inside when it had started to snow. He remembers using snow to ease the pain of bruises. He remembers using it to soothe the temperature on his forehead when he was too sick and his mother didn't care enough. He remembers a night when his father had taken him out of the house and left him shivering against the door for hours because it was safer to catch hypothermia than what was going on inside.
Regulus no longer avoided the memories, at least not as much as he used to. At some point, looking out the window and watching the sunset, the snow falls again and Regulus decides to opine that he's not a fan of snow.
When he finishes his book, it becomes unavoidable to have to go downstairs and he tries to stand unnoticed as he finds his brother's friends scattered all over the room. He goes into James' father's office and puts the book down before heading straight out to the kitchen. Effie is making dinner and realizes that the troublemakers are also staying for dinner because of the amount, she declines the invitation to help her and grabs a chocolate bar heading out again.
He isn't surprised when James asks him for it from the bar and isn't surprised by the animated cartoon on muggle television, he isn't even surprised that Sirius is practically all over Lupin and decides not to be surprised when they talk about Bambi and the resemblance to James, what's more, he isn't surprised at all when he arrives back in his room and James is coming up the stairs following him.
“It's not what you think” He tells him and Regulus looks at him for a few seconds before turning around and walking out of his room going into James', James either doesn't care or doesn't notice because he keeps talking ”Not that I know what you think, but I know you're putting together pieces of what you think is a puzzle, but it's not.”
Regulus finds the small box that had fallen sometime last night on the floor and picks it up with James' chattering in the background. He turns around to look at the other who shifts on his heels and causes him grace.
“James” He interrupts him and he shuts up instantly. Regulus reaches for one the other's hands putting his palm up and placing the box over it “ Done, give me mine” Regulus looks at him with an impatient gesture as James is perplexed “The gift, Bambi” He teases with the name and this one turns slightly red as he turns away and searches through his drawers for something, still clutching the gift.
“I'm not what you think I am” He complains and pulls out a smaller box of such a dark blue color, almost resembling black.
I'm not what you think I am
Merlin, that had so many possible meanings that Regulus found it amusing.
What aren't you?
James didn't go directly to him and sat on one end of the bed, waiting for Regulus to do the same.
“What do I think you are?” He replied as soon as he touched the mattress beneath him and James was passing him the box.
“You know” The other didn't look at him, examining his own gift as if it was the most interesting thing.
“That I know what? That you're an animagus?” James grimaced and raised his eyes ”Come on, Bambi. I thought we were talking about something more interesting.”
And Regulus opened the box in his hands with James groaning at the back.
His breath caught, if anything hadn't surprised him before it was because he was waiting for that moment. Inside the box was a silver ring with a black stripe down the middle, inside it, grey clouds could be seen moving around and releasing the occasional lightning bolt, like watching a storm in the middle of the night. Regulus felt mute, took the ring out of the case, closed it and put it aside, and saw a barely visible engraving on the inside of the ring.
Do you know when to stop?
He turned it over in his fingers, looking at it admiringly, taking in every detail. Inside the band a flash of lightning illuminated the black turning it to gray before returning to its normal hue.
“Is this about a quiz?” He asked about the phrase, James watching him wide-eyed in something sincere caused Regulus' stomach to flip.
“It's you, Reg.”
No, James. It's us. He wanted to say. He didn't.
“I know when to stop.”
About what? It was a question that wasn't asked, left open-ended to make him spin it. To give him whatever meaning he wanted.
James didn't answer him, he looked at him for a few seconds, thinking, before opening his own box in his hands.
Regulus didn't look, it wasn't as if he didn't know what was inside. A nervous sensation enveloped his skin. He fixed his eyes on his ring and counted the flashes of lightning happening at random intervals, his hand trembled slightly as he slid the ring onto his middle finger.
“I won” Regulus said because there was nothing else to say.
He looked up and saw James looking away from his new bracelet. It was thin, round and flexible, it was also silver and had a pendant on it, a star filled in small diamonds that was glowing at the moment with an orange hue. Regulus had also engraved something around the chain but they couldn't blame him, the best gifts were always engraved.
Winning doesn't always mean being the last one standing.
“That doesn't make sense” James said after muttering the sentence and then looked into his eyes, a warm glow spreading through them '“Mine has spells included, obviously I win, Reg” Regulus shook his head.
“If you were a little more observant, Bambi...”
“Don't call me that” James complained under his breath and Regulus ignored him.
“... You would notice that the glow in the star has changed color twice, something you want to share?” James looked at him incredulously and took the charm between his fingers, the previous brown being replaced by a dark purple. Regulus let out a choked laugh.
“Why is it changing color?” He processed it for a few seconds before looking at it doubtfully “It's not one of those spells that matches colors with emotions, is it?” Regulus grinned at him “Reg” He stretched the nickname querulously “It's not fair” The star turned slightly pink, James looked at it frustrated “What's that supposed to mean anyway?”
“Oh, James. You need to research the psychology of color“ James extends his arm forward and hands the bracelet to Regulus, the pink turns stronger as soon as he takes it and he frowns for a second 'It's a Muggle term and my gift is the best because only three wizards in Great Britain know how to cast that spell” He wraps the chain around James' still outstretched wrist and closes the clasp. James turns his hand and catches Regulus' before he pulls his hand away and sees the ring on his finger. Regulus closes his hand as well, catching the other's hand himself and the other tries to pull it free for a few seconds before giving up.
“You're making me study on vacation, Reg. That's bad even for you.”
But he doesn't have time to answer before a voice calls them to dinner and Regulus gives him a mocking look before getting up, James quickens his pace and overtakes him as if in a race. Regulus nudges him lightly as they reach the kitchen in something akin to a reproach that causes James to smile.