Cheesecake
Since childhood Regulus suffers from insomnia. He remembers listening to his mother complaining angrily because Regulus didn't sleep. Sirius usually stayed with him until he fell asleep. Regulus' brother told children's lullaby’s, talked about his favorite stars and constellations or sang a David Bowie song until Regulus fells asleep.
Early mornings like those were the normal of Regulus.
It should be around three in the morning when he got out of bed in search of something to do. Luna slept on the left side of the bed, huddled against her teddy bear. In a loud sigh Regulus goes to the kitchen with the sole intention of making tea.
Right.
Thinking about Sirius is something that takes away Regulus' sleep. That day it would be ten years since the Black brothers were separated forever, one day Regulus went to sleep and the next morning Sirius disappeared. Not even a farewell letter or a hug.
His brother just left him behind as if Regulus was nothing.
Being abandoned is a feeling that Regulus was already familiar with. His parents abandoned him because they couldn't deal with him and Sirius— well Sirius decided that his friends were more important than Regulus will ever be.
Sitting at the table with the mug in his hands, Regulus takes his cell phone in his pocket. There was a number he never had the courage to call.
Sirius's number was there.
Regulus is just watching his brother’s contact with his fingers shaking. Did Sirius remember him? Did Sirius know what date that was?
Does Sirius still think of Regulus the same way Regulus thinks of Sirius?
He misses Sirius. He misses Pandora.
Regulus was always missing something, he just didn’t know what it was.
He wants to go back to being six years old hidden in Sirius’ bed, listening to his brother talking about all the adventures they would have when they left that house. The restaurant they wanted to have together, a bistro. Sirius would be in charge of the art, while Regulus would stay in the kitchen.
They would be partners and live in a small apartment near London.
That’s what Regulus has always dreamed of. He wanted to have a life next to his brother.
And then he is eighteen years old living in an apartment in Paris with Pandora. They stay up late talking, Regulus cries when talking about Sirius, Pandora cries when talking about how her mother never loved her. They understand each other, they share a large slice of red fruit cheesecake.
Regulus missed his favourite people.
Cooking would do him good. Regulus decides to start making a strawberry cheesecake with blackberries.
...
“Archie,” Regulus hears something in the back of his head. He had fallen asleep on the couch after finishing his cheesecake. “uncle Archie!”
Regulus opens his eyes in despair. “What the fuck—“ Luna was standing in front of him with arched eyebrows. “Lune, what happened? Are you okay?”
“I have school, did you forget?” Luna asked.
Shit.
In fact, Regulus had forgotten.
Shit.
Shit.
“I- I’m sorry, are you ready?”
“I don’t know what my bees socks are!”
Regulus sighs. “It must be in one of the boxes.”
“Archie,” Luna whines. “I need them!”
“Honey, we can look for it when we get back.”
“I always use it to go to school!” Luna screams by tapping her foot.
Regulus massages his tired eyes. “All right, let’s look for it.”
The watch on his wrist marked half past seven, Luna entered at eight. At least the school provided breakfast. Regulus sits on the floor of the girl’s room opening the untouched boxes of clothes, he removes each piece of clothing showing it to Luna, who seemed more and more angry for not finding what she was looking for.
Now the clock was seven fifty, Regulus was in the fifth box when he pulls Luna’s bee socks from inside, who celebrates excitedly running to the bathroom to change. Tired Regulus runs to at least try to be more presentable. Luna reappears with her yellow legs full of bee figures, Regulus takes the girl’s hand and the two leave the apartment in a hurry.
Luckily Luna’s school wasn’t so far from there, even late there were still children and some parents leaving their children at school. Luna pulls Regulus inside, right, everything would be fine. It had been years since Regulus had entered a school, as a child he was educated at home and when he was old enough for school he was a boarding school in the South of France, Regulus spent only the winter holidays at home, he did not remember much of his school period, he never had friends or interest in anything other than cooking. Unlike the boarding school, Luna’s school was colourful and there were many children’s drawings painted on the school wall.
“Harry!” Luna screams excitedly running to the little boy with glasses who was talking to two other children
Harry turns excitedly opening his arms for Luna to hug him. “Look, this is Mione and this is Ron.”
Luna nods shyly. “Hello, I’m Luna.”
The little girl with wavy and voluminous hair opens a smile. “Like the moon?”
“Yes!” Luna says excited.
Regulus liked to see her like this. Luna seemed happy on her first day of school. At first he thought Luna would be shy, but Harry was really a very charming child with little time Luna was already part of that group.
“Lune,” Regulus calls the girl kneeling on the floor getting in her size. “if anything happens, just ask to call me okay?”
Luna nods her head. “It’s okay, Uncle Archie.”
Regulus kisses the girl’s forehead. “Never hide who you are. Always be yourself, okay?”
Luna jumps on Regulus’ neck in an affectionate hug. “Je t'aime, oncle Archie.” (“I love you, uncle Archie”)
“Je t’aime aussi ma petite lune.” Regulus responds by letting the girl run into the school.(“I love you too my little moon”)
Right. Everything would be fine, wouldn’t it?
Luna was fine with Harry and his little friends, nothing would go wrong. That’s all Regulus thinks, he doesn’t want to see Luna sad.
What if someone spoke ill of her clothes? Or the way she thinks? Would any child make fun of her personality or maybe her interest in flowers and insects?
Regulus wasn’t ready to deal with this, he just wanted Luna to be fine. Is it too much to ask?
Regulus’ mind is a dead-end labyrinth. His pessimism consumed every part of his body, he didn’t want Luna to suffer some kind of persecution in the same way he suffered.
He needed to breathe, that’s all he needed at that moment. His head teleports him to when he was eleven years old, crying for fear of going to the new school. Afraid of running out of Sirius. His brother sits with him taking his hand gently, he sings a song until Regulus gets calmer, Sirius says that everything will be fine, that no one will hurt him.
He was wrong. His years at the boarding school were like a damn hell, Regulus hated knowing that everything got worse when he came home. The hatred of his parents marked his childhood and the hatred of his classmates at school did not help at all. The older children were evil, they mistreated Regulus because they didn’t know how to deal with his differences. It wasn’t his fault that his head worked differently, but also, he hated it in himself.
The even numbers, the cuts on his fingers, his obsession with spending the nights awake reading cookbooks.
Regulus wanted to be normal. But with Sirius he didn’t need to be normal, his brother always understood him.
Always.
Until the day he abandoned Regulus in that house haunted by the hatred of the Black family. He just wanted to make all that agony go away.
Everything happened so long time ago, why did it still hurt so much?
Regulus needs to be strong for Luna, his demons couldn’t invade his mind that way. Pandora would know what to do. Yes, the sweet Pandora would tell Regulus to take a deep breath and count to ten.
“Oh, hello.”
Regulus got scared when he saw James Potter standing in front of him with an annoying smile on his face. “Potter.”
“Leaving Luna at school, I assume?”
“Yes.” Regulus responds trying to control his breathing.
James analyses him as if he knew him. “Is everything okay?”
“Just anxiety from the first day.” Regulus speaks feeling a bitterness in his mouth.
“Well, we can have a coffee if you want.” James said.
“I made cheesecake.” Regulus said. What? Why did he say that? Why when James is around Regulus says such ridiculous things like that?
James laughed. “Are you inviting me to go to your apartment?”
“No—“ he says desperately. “It’s obvious that I’m not. I mean, the cheesecake was made at dawn I have serious problems with insomnia so I cook.”
“So this is an invitation?”
Regulus rolls his eyes. “Look, Luna doesn’t usually eat my food much, and I don’t— I’m not a big fan of sweets. I’m just using the useful to the pleasant.”
James opens a smug smile. “So it’s an invitation. Let’s go.”
Regulus doesn’t know why but he guides James to his apartment. As expected, everything was quiet in an annoying way. Just when they arrived on the fourth floor as a magic pass Benjy appears suspicious at the door.
The universe really wasn’t in the mood to be nice to Regulus.
“Good morning Regulus.” Benjy said picking up the newspaper that was lying on the floor.
“Good morning.” Regulus responds by pulling air.
Benjy intersperses his gaze between Regulus and James, clearly angry. “About our date, what do you think going out on Saturday?”
“I work.” Regulus says.
“And after work?”
“I have to take care of Luna.” Regulus said wanting to get out of there.
Benjy withered. “Can’t your friends stay with her for one night?”
“I don’t think you understood buddy, Regulus doesn’t want to go out with you.” James says intruding.
Regulus pushes James up the stairs not waiting for an answer from Benjy. They go up in silence, Regulus was still shocked by James’ petulance with Benjy. What did he have in his head besides air and a tiny brain? James had no right!
Of course Regulus was trying to find the best way to dise Benjy, but James shouldn’t have meddled in this.
And right, Regulus shouldn’t even have the guest to eat that stupid cheesecake. He should call Dorcas or Barty, his friends would understand what Regulus was going through. It’s a complicated day, without Sirius or Pandora everything was immensely difficult to deal with all that. James being there doesn’t make a difference, Regulus always got alone.
“So this is the guy who wants to fuck you?” James says as soon as Regulus opens the door leaving a space for the highest to pass.
Regulus sighs loudly. “Take off your shoes.”
“Hmm?”
“This dirty thing you wear on your feet.” Regulus pointing to James’ red all star.
The one with glasses takes off his shoes quickly. “Wow, your house is very tidy, you know for someone who lives with a child.”
“Luna usually plays in her room, I have a very strict policy when it comes to mess.”
James laughed. “Harry soiled the walls of my living room with crayons and coloured pens.”
Regulus removes his coat by placing it on the coat rack near the door. James does the same thing. “That sounds horrible.”
“It was, but my brother managed to save the wall with a very beautiful painting of the lion’s constellation.”
Regulus makes a face. “Does your brother know about astrology?”
“A lot actually, he’s a big nerd about it.” James shrugged. “He’s also an artist.”
Sirius was also an artist.
“Hm, the cheesecake.” Regulus said guiding James to the kitchen. He opens his closet in search of a plate, and then takes the cutlery. Without being invited James sits on one of the benches near the kitchen counter watching Regulus take the dessert out of the refrigerator.
James analyses the candy while Regulus cut a slice. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
Regulus simply hated that phrase.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” Sirius asks after Regulus finishes making dinner.
Regulus feels his stomach turning. He hated the feeling of chewing, he hated feeling the food going through his throat. He couldn’t understand why it was so difficult for him to just make a simple meal.
Sirius looked at him with anxiety in his eyes. That was unfair. Sirius is only thirteen years old and needed to take care of his younger brother, Regulus hated to feel Sirius’ anxious look against his skin.
He didn’t like to eat.
He was too sad to eat anything. The loneliness, feeling so lonely that not even Regulus felt the need to open his mouth to eat. He hated it when someone reminded him to eat.
He hated it when Sirius stood on top of him like a fucking nanny asking if Regulus had already fed.
It was annoying.
“I’m not hungry.” Regulus says pushing the cheesecake plate away. “But you should eat, I made it especially for you.”
Sirius doesn’t seem happy with that answer. “You’re very thin Reggie, when was the last time you ate?”
Regulus was too sad to eat.
He was too sad to live.
“Six, I’m fine.”
Sirius says nothing but a long angry murmur before taking the fork to eat the cheesecake.
“You can eat, I’ve already eaten at dawn.” Regulus lies.
James analysed it before taking his first bite of the dessert. He makes an amazed face, Regulus knows that his desserts are good, but watching James eating with that excited face made Regulus want to cook even more.
Especially for James.
“That’s fucking good!” James says with an annoying animation. “Like, it’s the best thing I’ve eaten in days!”
Regulus laughed, finding all that very comical. “Thank you.”
James stopped eating only to analyse Regulus with the fork in his mouth. “You know you should do this more often.”
“Cheesecake?”
“Smile.” James answered. “You look more beautiful smiling.”
Regulus can’t help but have his cheeks turning red. “Shut up Potter.”
James fixes his posture with a playful feature on his face. “So, how’s Luna?”
“She has been showing me many videos of children’s hairstyles on the internet telling me to learn how to fix her hair. She is very bossy for a eight-year-old child.”
“Harry taught me how I should make his lunch box. Apparently, my gastronomy degree at the Culinary Arts Academy wasn’t enough since I didn’t know how to make his cheese sandwich the right way.”
Regulus smiled small thinking about it. “And what was the right way?”
“Lily used to put a little Dulce de leche on one of the slices.” James says chewing the slice of cheesecake. “It took me at least three months until he managed to pronounce Dulce de leche correctly.” James spoke with an intense glow in his eyes. “He never spoke Spanish very well.”
“He’s British.” Regulus says playing with a carefree fork on the counter. “I mean, everyone speaks English with him, that’s to be expected.”
James laughed. “Well, I’m not English and I want my son to respect his Colombian roots. I bet your parents did that too.”
“Hmm?”
“With the French. You’re French, aren’t you? Because if it’s not. Man, you speak very well.”
Regulus didn’t hold back his laughter. “I was educated in French, so that’s my first language. I only learned English years later.”
“Oh,” James said licking his jelly-stained fingers. “I should definitely have done this with Harry, now I’m suffering having to put him in Spanish classes.”
“Well, you should communicate with him only in Spanish, I do that with Luna sometimes.” Regulus said shrugging his shoulders. “Friday is Greek day here at home, I prepare typical dishes and we talk in Greek, it’s difficult for me Luna is much better than I’m, but I’m just trying to keep Pandora’s roots alive with her.”
“That’s very clever.” James said smiling small. “Oh, you should come for a Colombian night!”
“I’ve never eaten Colombian food.” Regulus says in fact that it’s not a lie. His food has always been very Europe-centred, it would be cool to try new things. “It seems to be a very interesting experience.”
James smeats his hands excitedly. “Right, this Sunday seems like a good day to me. I’m going to make arepas and empanadas.”
Regulus gets excited, he has always been very interested in Latin foods, but he never actually stopped to study them. His parents have always been very unreceptive to cultures different from theirs, Regulus also never had much contact with anything other than France and England. His mother is the daughter of French aristocrats and his father is a descendant of a long line of British and French monarchs, so the culture of both countries has always been very strong within the Black manor. Regulus always liked speaking French more than English, the language was almost a comfort for Regulus.
He tries to pass this on to Luna, he knows that Pandora would like to have her roots remembered and that her daughter does not lose the habit. Regulus was trying to leave Luna’s life as close as possible to when Pandora was alive, of course within his limitations. He couldn’t do hairstyles in her hair or dress her so properly, but he can cook her favourite foods and read to her at night.
Regulus was trying to be a good father to Luna, after everything that happened she needed that.
Then he looked at James, Regulus still hated him, but now they could both talk without Regulus wanting to stab him. James was standing watching Regulus with a weird look, he seemed excited to be there with him and well, Regulus didn’t bother to have a strange man inside his house.
“So, are you Colombian?” Regulus brought ut the subject.
James raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Are you trying to start a conversation with me?”
Regulus rolls his eyes. “Next time I’ll put poison in the cheesecake and give it to you to eat.”
“No, no! I’d rather you like this than death threatening me.”
“Then answer my question.”
“My mother is, my father is British. But I lived my first years of life in Colombia until my father got a job opportunity here, doctor, you know?” James said shrugging his shoulders. “I came here at the age of nine. I was sent to a boarding school and then I stayed a few years in Italy, where I met Lily.”
“Oh.” Regulus said, he doesn’t know if he wanted to get into that subject.
“I worked at her father’s restaurant, he taught me everything about cooking. I only started to be interested after adolescence, so when I started dating her, her father didn’t like it and sent me away.” James laughed at that memory. “That’s when I started college.”
“And what happened to her?” Regulus, taken by curiosity, dared to ask.
James’ gaze fell, as if it was still too painful to talk about. “Cancer. Did we find out when Harry was four? It was four years, I think.”
“James, I’m sorry,” Regulus says, taking James’ arm gently. Shit, no, he shouldn’t. “I’m sorry— I’m sorry I shouldn’t have touched you.”
“Okay,” James says in a weak smile. “It was difficult at the time, but my brother was there to support me. He was the one who helped me in all stages of grief.”
Brother.
If Regulus called Sirius, would he help with the lack that Pandora was making in his life?
Regulus felt jealous of James. Envy of the relationship he had with his brother.
A relationship that Regulus will never have with Sirius again.
Shit.
There was a blank space in your heart. A space that only Pandora and Sirius could occupy.
Maybe that was why Regulus was so empty. The two people he loved the most were no longer part of his life.
That hurt more than the thin cuts on his thighs.
“That’s good.”
James looked at him curiously. “And you?”
“I what?”
“I told you about my dead wife, now you have to tell me about your friend.”
Regulus shrugs his shoulders. “I thought you already knew.”
“I know.” James is serious. “But I don’t know your version.”
“No one is very willing to listen to me talking.”
“I am.” James says resting his chin on his left hand, watching Regulus attentively.
“Pandora was my best friend. We met in a similar situation, soon we became very close. She got pregnant early and I took care of her, you know.” It had been so long since Regulus had said Pandora’s name so loud that he thought he had forgotten how to pronounce it. “She died last month. Car accident.”
James tries to take Regulus’ hand, who reflexively takes it off the counter. He doesn’t seem bothered by that. “I’m sorry.”
“The worst thing is knowing that she’s not coming back.” Regulus is serious. “When my brother left home it was different, he could come back. Pandora doesn’t.”
“Oh.” James lets it escape from your mouth. “Do you have a brother?”
Regulus doesn’t know why he opened his fucking mouth. James Potter didn’t need to hear about his lamentations and Sirius, this is no one’s problem but Regulus. He doesn’t know what was happening in those days, maybe it was because Pandora was no longer there to hear him talk about this, James was annoyingly there at that moment.
There were days that Regulus felt too much and now he was about to explode, he needed to get all this agony out of his chest as soon as possible. The feeling of wanting to hurt himself comes back, he needed to remove those bandages from his fingers and stop feeling.
“I— we don’t talk to each other anymore.” It’s the only thing that came out of Regulus’ mouth at that moment. “My family is very complicated. Pandora was my only family for a long time.”
“Dorcas said you left home to help in her pregnancy. That’s very noble of you.”
“That’s what anyone would do.” Regulus says.
James studied him, as if he could read his mind. That subject was too complex for Regulus to be able to put into words everything that has happened to this day, Pandora was his best friend and needed help. Regulus is not very loyal to many people, but his friends— but Pandora the subject was different, there were few people in the world that Regulus loved, and Pandora is one of them.
“Hm,” James lets out a loud clearing. “What is the cheesecake recipe?”
Regulus looked at him a little perplexed, he certainly didn’t expect that question. “I don’t give my recipes to anyone.”
“So you could teach me.” James says with arched eyebrows. “I’ve never been very good at dessert and fuck, you’re so talented. Can you teach me? This would be important for the restaurant since you are the only one who is adept at the function.”
Regulus analyses James Potter. His almond-shaped eyes and his very tanned skin, the golden-rimmed glasses that slipped through his nose and a white T-shirt stained with coffee. His shoulders were broad, and he was tall,- maybe 6 feet and 10 centimetres,- he was taller than Regulus anyway, his hair is dark brown a very interesting junction with the colour of his skin, there was a thin beard growing on his face, he also had a small scar near his lower lip. Regulus wouldn’t mind watching James Potter, unfortunately he was a very talented cook and even though he didn’t like the idea of him working in the restaurant, James was the only one who managed to make Luna eat in weeks.
There is a fifteen-minute wait until Regulus decides that he could teach James how to make desserts. If this were to improve the restaurant’s performance, there was no harm.
In a loud sigh Regulus takes the apron near the refrigerator, there was a dark green one that Regulus wore whenever he cooked and another red like blood that Barty had bought for Christmas. He handed the red apron to James, who seemed a little lost in all that sudden movement.
“Okay, let’s start with the cookies.” Regulus says opening the refrigerator door and removing a little butter from inside and giving it to James. He also removes the cream cheese, some blackberryes and the remaining ingredients. “I don’t use industrialised cookies, just made by me.”
“That makes sense. I felt the taste of lemon in the background.”
“They are madeleines.” Regulus said putting the ingredients on the counter, James follows him. “Luna eats at least one batch a day, so I always have it at home. But you can also make it with buttery or chocolate cookies. My brother—“ Regulus shrugs his shoulders when he remembers Sirius, James stares at him with curiosity in his eyes. “My brother liked it when I made Clafoutis with dark chocolate cookies.”
“That looks delicious.” James says in a smile. “I tried to make it once, Padfoot is extremely obsessed with desserts in general, but I never managed to hit the point of the dough.”
“Confectionery is something delicate. It’s all about patience.” Regulus said starting to wash his hands. “I can teach you how to make Clafoutis, if you teach me how to make Mojarra Frita I’ve always wanted to serve it in the restaurant but I could never get the coconut rice right.”
James’ eyes have an intense glow. “Oh, that looks like a beautiful deal to me.”
“Yes.” Regulus says starting to clean the blackberrys in the water.
“Maybe you don’t tell me what the secret seasoning of your wine reduction is.”
Regulus laughed. “You’ll need to get me very drunk for this to happen.”
James seems amazed to hear that. “Are you calling me to drink Black? First you invites me to your house, and now you says this. I’m starting to think you’re into me.”
Regulus rolls his eyes pushing James lightly on his shoulders. “Don’t be an idiot Potter.”
“It’s okay.” James said fixing the posture. “What do you think about dinner at my house? I can make Mojarra Frita.”
Was James calling him on a date?
What the fuck.
No. He is clearly straight and most likely just wanted to be friends with Regulus so that his experiences at the restaurant would be better. It’s all for the restaurant.
Yes, it is.
And anyway Regulus didn’t feel anything for James Potter.
“I just have to see how Luna will be.” Regulus said breaking two eggs in the basin to make the cookies.
James looked excited. “Saturday?”
Regulus sighs loudly. “It’s okay.”
“Great. It’s scheduled then.” James said smiling.
Regulus denied with his head. “Okay, for the dough of madeleines you need sugar, always use the refined one or if not the dough will be heavy—“
They spent the rest of the afternoon making that damn cheesecake. Luckily for Regulus, he didn’t think about getting hurt anymore, because seeing James’ disaster making a dessert was really funny.
For the first time in months, Regulus gave a sincere laugh.
...
They arrived together at the restaurant. Luna and Harry were with them, luckily Mary said she would keep an eye on the two before the movement started to get crazy.
Luna and Harry sat at one of the tables, chattering loudly and laughing as they removed notebooks and coloured pencils from their backpack. Alphard left the office when he heard the childish laughter outside.
“Qu’est-ce que c’est ? Mon restaurant est-il devenu une aire de jeux pour enfants par hasard?” He asked snorting angrily. Alphard looked at Regulus with his eyes half closed. “Regulus.” (“What is it? Did my restaurant become a children's playground by any chance?”)
“It’s only for a short time, James asked his friend to pick up Harry and Luna—“ Regulus sighs loudly. “I’ll try to get her a babysitter.”
Alphard rolled his eyes. “Regulus, you know this is necessary.”
“I don’t want to leave her alone.” Regulus said. All his life he was alone with strangers taking care of him because his parents were very busy taking care of their children. At least he had Sirius to keep him company, Luna had no one but him. Alphard just hit his back before turning his heels back to the office.
James talked excitedly with the children, moving his hands dramatising a story that Regulus had no idea what it was, but he laughed watching the scene. He took out a small container from inside the backpack opening it even more dramatically and taking out a fat slice of cheesecake, Harry and Luna seem excited about that since they start eating almost desperately, as if they were spending the day without eating. James laughed at that, he gets up from the floor and gives Regulus a wink before walking towards the kitchen.
Regulus feels his arm being pulled hard to the wine fridge. It’s Dorcas and Barty, his friends looked at him completely sturned with everything they witnessed. Regulus made a lost face. “Is everything okay?”
“You arrived together with James, why?” Barty is direct, which makes Dorcas roll her eyes.
“Our children study together.” Regulus replies shrugging his shoulders.
It’s Dorcas’ turn to intrude. “Oh, but what about that scene with the cheesecake and the wink for you?”
“It’s James,” Regulus says, starting to get annoyed with that conversation. “He’s stupid and does these stupid things.”
“You smiled.” Dorcas says as if that were a crime.
“You were smiling at him.” Barty continues.
Regulus wrinkles his nose. “I wasn’t.”
Barty gave a dry laugh. “Oh my gosh, you’re falling for him.”
“I’m not.”
“You so are.” Dorcas spoke with wide eyes.
Suddenly Regulus feels short of breath. Is he liking James? That didn’t even make sense!
Okay, he managed to make Luna smile, and it was very useful to take his son to meet her. He is also a great listener, Regulus enjoyed talking to him today, and also exchanging recipe tips. Okay, James is a handsome man, anyone with eyes could see that, besides he defended him from Benjy and his annoying questions about their date. In addition to losing people they loved, grief united them.
Regulus managed to talk about Sirius with James without feeling like tearing his heart out.
But that wasn’t passion.
It’s just two guys becoming friends.
Right?
Dorcas and Barty were completely wrong! It didn’t even make sense, Regulus couldn’t fall in love with anyone.
Damn, his friend had just died and he was thinking of dating James Potter?
Luna was orphaned of mother and Regulus was worried about James Potter’s body tan and his ridiculous smile?
Oh no.
Shit.
Pandora didn’t deserve this.
Regulus shouldn’t.
He shouldn’t like James’ company, not when his friend was dead and he’s took care of hers daughter!
It’s so hard to breathe suddenly, Regulus feels trapped. He doesn’t want to have feelings for James, he wants to cut off his fingers, he wants to pull blood out of his legs.
He didn’t deserve to be there. Pandora was seven palms from the earth and Regulus was thinking of cooking with James Potter’s shit.
He shouldn’t be alive.
Pandora should be there.
Oh, he wants to throw up.
“Archie—“ Dorcas’ voice is almost a whisper.
Regulus looks at her in despair, with his hand on his chest signalling that he couldn’t breathe.
It’s Barty who pulls him out of the restaurant, near the trash can is where Regulus puts his hand on his knees and vomits everything he had eaten. James made him eat at least a slice of that damn cheesecake before they left home, now everything was a disgusting pink mixture.
Regulus feels tears running down his face.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora.
Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. Pandora. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It should have been him. It shouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim. Itshouldhavebeenhim.
Its should—
“Regulus!” Dorcas screamed, making Regulus shrink like a frightened kitten near the sidewalk.
He bursts into tears. “I can’t— I can’t do that to her.”
“With who?” Barty asked crouching next to Regulus, his friend hug his shoulder trying to comfort Regulus, Dorcas does the same thing.
“Pandora.” Regulus whispered as if that name was cursed.
Dorcas takes his hands to his mouth in complete shock. “Archie— no, you can’t think like that.”
Regulus looks at her friend with heavy tears in her eyes. “She’s dead and I’m here playing house with James Potter. That’s unfair.”
“You can’t deprive yourself of living just because Pandora is no longer here.” Dorcas says convinced.
“She wouldn’t like that.” Barty completes.
Regulus feels the guilt grow in his heart. “You don’t need to remind me of that.”
Barty kissed Regulus’ forehead with affection. “I think you need to see Evan. You two are going through the same thing.”
“What I going to do?” Regulus murmurs feeling the bitterness invade his mouth. “He invited me to dinner at his house. I can’t do that with Pandora.”
Dorcas exchanged a sneaky look with Barty. “I think you should go.”
“What? No!”
“Archie, he made you smile.” Barty says hugging Regulus by the shoulders. “That’s good for you. And for Luna too.”
Regulus crinks. “I don’t know.”
“I’ll take care of her.” Barty says bringing Regulus even closer. “Evan said he wants to see her. This is a great advance.”
“Yes, for sure.” Regulus said throwing his head on his friend’s shoulder. “I can’t deprive her of seeing her own uncle.”
Dorcas runs his hand through Regulus’ hair. “Don’t deprive yourself of living because Pandora is no longer here. She would never want that, especially from you.”
Regulus doesn’t answer.
He just wanted to sleep for twelve hours in a row and forget James Potter’s almond-like eyes forever.