Cruel
Sana wasn't quite sure what was happening. One moment they were joking and laughing, opening presents, and the next, Jihyo was crying.
And it wasn't just a few tears, which wouldn't have made Sana feel any better anyway, but pure sobbing. She had been fine at the beginning, but after a moment, she simply collapsed.
Clutching the paper in her hands tighter, clearly not caring about ruining it, Sana was starting to panic. What the hell was she supposed to do now?
The answer was clear: approach Jihyo, help calm her sobs. But what then? Just continue as if nothing had happened, adding that moment to the list of things Sana hadn't been able to figure out about the girl?
Sana sighed, hugging Jihyo tightly. The other girl reacted immediately, burying her face in the Japanese girl's neck, crying inconsolably there. Sana closed her eyes, holding her tighter against herself, while stroking her hair every now and then, trying to convey some calm.
As she held the girl, she wondered what was in the box that was so bad that Jihyo was like this. She had said it was nothing, but really, a person didn't start crying like that over nothing. Sana bit her lip, her thoughts spinning in circles. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the box: CDs, albums... Had it been the photos Seulgi had sent her? No, that couldn't be it.
She continued examining the box with a frown, looking for clues. "The letters," she thought. She hadn't seen anything strange about them; only because she wanted to give Jihyo privacy, but could it have been the letters? Even so, that wouldn't explain her crying.
Jihyo let out another sob, and Sana, feeling a pang in her heart, placed a delicate kiss on her forehead, looking around the room for something...
And then, she saw it. A little blurry now from the tears that had been shed, a name written on one of the letters. "Tzuyu." Sana frowned. What did the little girl have to do with this?
Was it a gift for Tzuyu? That would make sense; from what she knew, Jihyo had spent a lot of time apart from the girls and had heard that there were still several she didn't know well. But then, wouldn't it have made more sense to send the gift directly to the girl? Seulgi had been there, at home with her.
Sana almost scoffed, feeling frustrated by her own confusion. Why was she worrying so much? She felt a little ridiculous for her restless mind, but Jihyo's distress was affecting her deeply.
She decided to look at the papers again, squinting to read better. But then she froze as she read...
"Seungwan." The name shone on the letter, and a wave of emotions hit her. "SonSeungwan."
A knot formed in her stomach.
It was all about her, Sana thought, pressing her lips together as she stroked Jihyo's hair. It didn't surprise her, but it did make her curious. Who was the girl? She had never dared to ask about her, but looking back, she had always been there. When she first went to her house and saw the photos, when Jihyo told her about Tzuyu's aunts, when they were in her office and she first read her name. Seungwan had always been present, and Sana had always chosen to ignore it.
But what had happened? Was the girl okay? Had she received bad news?
Sana groaned, looking down at Jihyo on her chest, feeling worry take hold of her. There was no point in overthinking now, trying to guess the answer on her own; she needed to focus on the girl in her arms.
With determination, she raised a hand, cupping Jihyo's cheek and making their eyes meet. Sana's heart ached at the sight of the distress on the Korean girl's face, and she had to resist the urge to cry too.
"Do you want to sit down?" she asked with a shaky voice.
Jihyo nodded weakly, and Sana stroked her cheek before carefully guiding her towards one of the chairs.
"Come on, you'll be more comfortable here," Sana said softly, helping Jihyo to sit down. She sat beside her, not letting go of her hand.
"Thank you," Jihyo replied with a trembling voice, raising her other hand to wipe away the hot tears that were still falling. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't expect to cry so much and..."
"It's okay," Sana interrupted, offering her a smile as she leaned in closer, stroking her hair again. "I told you, you can cry."
Jihyo scoffed, as if trying to find a way out of her confusion. "I know, but... I don't know why I'm doing it now. It's stupid, really. It's just that I feel like so many things happened, and I wasn't prepared. It surprised me..."
"I know, Hyo," Sana bit her lip, looking at the girl before taking a deep breath. "Is everything alright with her?" she asked, before she could regret doing so.
Suddenly, the tension she had felt when she first entered the office returned, almost suffocating her right there. Sana would have been more surprised by the situation if it hadn't been for the way Jihyo froze, all her muscles tensing at once, and didn't look up, but Sana could see her eyes wide open, reflecting a mixture of fear and shock.
After a few seconds of silence, Jihyo finally asked, "What?" Her voice was barely a whisper, as if she feared any movement could break the fragile balance of the conversation.
"Is everything alright with Seungwan?" Sana repeated, looking at Jihyo intently, with genuine concern. Her caresses in Jihyo's hair stopped, and awkwardly, she pulled her hand away. "You said it wasn't anything bad, but you're crying a lot, and I just assumed... it has to do with her."
Finally, Jihyo looked up at her, and Sana almost choked at the sight of the expression on her face. It wasn't just hurt anymore; it was something deeper, something she couldn't explain with words, but it sent a shiver down her spine.
Sana opened her mouth again, foolishly searching for the right words, but Jihyo was faster. "How do you know that name?" she asked, her voice trembling.
Sana frowned, feeling herself falter with her own words. "I read it," she said, feeling the pressure in her chest increase. "On one of the photos in your office. She's... one of Tzuyu's aunts, isn't she? Did something happen to her?"
Jihyo's reaction was immediate. She stood up from the chair quickly, and Sana swallowed hard, watching her worriedly. "Honey?"
Jihyo didn't respond right away, and Sana stood up, ready to approach her again to take her shoulder. But before she could, Jihyo turned around, making Sana freeze in her place. "Did you go into my office without my permission?" Jihyo asked, her voice tight.
"Huh?" Sana frowned, confused. "No, of course not. It was an accident, I was looking for my phone and—"
"You went through my things," Jihyo interrupted, her tone accusatory.
"No," Sana replied, feeling her heart start to race. "I would never do that. The picture fell, and I read it."
"It was private," Jihyo retorted, her gaze fixed and hurt.
Sana stood there, at a loss for what to do, the knot in her throat growing. "I didn't look at it on purpose," she said quickly. "It was an accident. I wasn't trying to see anything I shouldn't." She reached out again, trying to take Jihyo's hand, but Jihyo pulled away, saying firmly, "Don't touch me."
"Jihyo..." Sana felt a pressure in her chest, as if the air was being squeezed out of her lungs. "Listen, I'm sorry if I did something wrong, but I didn't mean to—" she rushed to clarify.
"You never mean to!" Jihyo closed her eyes, her breathing ragged. "It's never your intention, and yet, you always do!" she said with a tone of frustration.
"But—" The words caught in her throat, "I already said I'm sorry."
"And you think that fixes things?" Jihyo asked her, her voice sharp with disbelief. "You apologize and suddenly everything's okay?!"
"It was an accident!" Sana insisted, feeling her voice crack. "You can't yell at me for being worried."
"Well, I never asked you to worry," Jihyo snapped back, and for a moment, silence filled the space between them, heavy and laden with unspoken emotions.
"Because you don't have to ask," Sana replied, her voice soft but firm. "I love you, it's something I do because I love you, because I want to be there for you. But how do you expect me to react if you never tell me anything?"
The Korean girl wouldn't meet her eyes, and that broke Sana's heart a little more. "You promised, Jihyo. You promised you were going to start opening up to me. But every time I ask the slightest question about your life, you run away, like you don't trust me."
"I do trust you!" Jihyo retorted, her voice trembling.
"It doesn't feel like it!" Sana exclaimed, feeling frustration and sadness mix in her chest. "I just want what's best for you. I want to support you, and I have never, ever done anything you didn't want me to. Because I love you. You, even Joohyun. God, Jihyo, I love Tzuyu as much as I can! And I want to be with all of you."
"Don't bring Tzuyu into this!" Jihyo yelled, and the intensity of her voice echoed in the room, filling the air with tension. "You're not her mother!"
Sana stood still, biting her tongue to stop herself from crying, feeling the lump in her throat grow. "No, I'm not," she replied, her voice barely a whisper, "but... is it really so wrong that I want to be here for both of you?"
Jihyo said nothing, and Sana sighed, running her hands over her face in an attempt to calm herself. Afterwards, she looked at Jihyo, reaching out again, trying to touch her, but Jihyo recoiled. "I told you no, don't touch me."
Sana scoffed, this time without humor. "There it is! You're pushing me away again!"
"How do you expect me not to when you bombard me with questions like that?!" Jihyo retorted, her voice full of frustration.
"Questions? It was a concern! A single one because I'm worried! What did you expect? That I would just sit there, listening to you cry again?!" Sana groaned, feeling anger and sadness intertwine in her chest. "For god's sake, I don't mind waiting, I don't mind being in the dark. I don't mind begging if it's for you, but why the hell won't you tell me anything?! I'm not a stranger. I'm not just another employee. I'm not your Sungbin—"
"Exactly, you're not Sungbin!" Jihyo interrupted, her gaze hard and defiant. "You're not my wife."
Sana froze, staring at her with wide eyes, feeling tears prick at her eyelids. "Jihyo..." she managed to say, her voice trembling.
Jihyo glared at her, her stance firm. "You're not my girlfriend. You're not Tzuyu's mother, you're not Seungwan. So why do you care so much?"
Sana felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks, pressing her lips together tightly. Jihyo stepped closer to her, her gaze challenging. "Why does it matter to you so much?"
The words remained trapped in Sana's throat, and she felt cornered. She couldn't speak; she feared that if she opened her mouth, she would break right there. Instead, she lowered her gaze, not wanting Jihyo to see her like this, not wanting to show her her vulnerability.
Finally, Sana spoke, her voice cracking. "You're right," she said, feeling each word become more difficult to pronounce. "I'm sorry."
Jihyo looked at her, surprised. On impulse, she raised a hand, as if wanting to touch her, but Sana quickly slapped her hand away, pushing it back. "Thank you for making that clear, Miss Park," she said, her voice filled with pain.
Without another word, she turned around and left the office quickly, leaving Jihyo there, feeling her heart shatter into a thousand pieces. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she walked away, ignoring Momo's worried calls, each step echoing in her mind like an echo of what had just happened.
Jihyo remained silent, staring at the closed door, feeling something inside her shudder. The emptiness Sana had left seemed to absorb the light from the room, and for a moment, she felt more alone than ever before.
–
She didn't know how long she stayed in the office simply radiating fury; she didn't care either. The gifts, the letters, were forgotten now. Jihyo couldn't even focus on them without a feeling of rage washing over her.
Growling, she ran her hands over her face, feeling the accumulated tension in her forehead. She hadn't heard a single noise from outside, and that was worrying her, too much. She stood up from the chair and began to pace back and forth in the office. Everything was wrong, absolutely everything: her conversation with Sana, the way she had reacted, everything. And that frustrated her immensely.
Why had Sana had to mention Wan?
Why had she interfered in that part of her life?
"Damn it!" she growled, feeling angrier. In a fit of rage, she swept everything on her desk onto the floor, papers and objects sliding across the floor. Tears pricked at her eyes again, but she didn't cry. What the hell had she done? She felt like screaming, but she couldn't. She tried to punch the wall, but the quick movement made her side ache from the formed bruise there. Jihyo could only clench her jaw to prevent a choked sob from escaping her lips.
That was it, she had to get out of there. She needed to leave, she didn't care about anything else. She didn't even bother to grab her things. She walked quickly, opening the office door only to be greeted with... nothing. No one was there. Jihyo didn't even know how long she had been locked inside, but it was still early, and it wasn't possible that no one was around.
Sana's desk was untouched; she could see her laptop and her coat there, which meant she was still at the firm. Momo's desk, on the other hand, was empty, perfectly clean and without a hint that she had been there all morning. Jihyo clenched her fists, slamming the door behind her, not giving the desks a second glance, and walked to the elevator. She stepped inside as the doors opened and pressed the button quickly, her foot tapping impatiently as it descended through the floors.
Her mind immediately went to Sana, to her gaze, to how small and scared she had looked. Jihyo squeezed her fists even tighter, feeling her nails dig into her palms, giving her a momentary distraction from what she was feeling. But still, the ache in her chest didn't go away. When the doors opened, she wasted no time, stepping out of the elevator and walking quickly towards her car. She got in, slamming the door shut, and started the engine without another thought, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the road.
Maybe she was driving over the speed limit, maybe the tears had started to blur her vision and it was completely unsafe to drive like this. She hadn't even put on her seatbelt; if anything happened to her, it would be entirely her fault. Still, she didn't care. She accelerated, ignoring how some cars honked at her or how she cut them off in lanes. It was selfish, it was completely and idiotically one of the worst things she had done, but she needed to escape.
Fortunately, she knew exactly where to go. By that point, it was natural, an instinct that guided her. It hurt too much. First, she had told Joohyun she didn't want to see her at her house, and then she showed up, at her door, crying because she had messed things up again. What the hell was wrong with her? When had she become this? Why was everything so complicated?
She accelerated even more; the bruise on her side now ached more, almost burning. Her hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that they started to cramp, but she didn't stop, because her chest burned even more. She also didn't know how long she drove, she didn't know when she simply started driving around the city without slowing down. But when she finally arrived at Joohyun's place, she let out a big breath. Not of relief, not of relaxation; she was exhausted and couldn't explain it.
Still, she got out of the car, entering the hotel. She didn't bother to return the polite greeting the man at the reception gave her and walked straight to the elevator, pressing the button for Joohyun's floor.
The elevator ascended slowly, and each second felt like an eternity. Jihyo felt trapped in her own chaos, a whirlwind of emotions she didn't know how to handle. But she couldn't do anything now; she had caused it, and the weight of her guilt was overwhelming.
Finally, the doors opened, and she stepped out, walking down the hallway to the girl's room. She knocked, but there was no answer. She knocked again, a little more insistently, but still, nothing. She groaned, banging on the door harder, "I know you're in there, open up!" But the silence that followed was deafening.
"Joohyun!" she raised her voice, almost yelling. "I need to talk to you! Let me in!" The echo of her words resonated in the hallway, but she only received more silence. Anxiety grew in her chest, and she was about to lose her patience when, finally, she heard footsteps approaching.
The door opened a few seconds later, and there stood Joohyun, wearing a large silk robe that fit her perfectly. Her hair was tousled, as if she had barely woken up, and she frowned at the sight of her. "What are you do—?" she began, surprised.
But Jihyo didn't wait any longer. She slipped past Joohyun, bumping her shoulder slightly in the process, not turning back to apologize. The need to talk to her was stronger than any other consideration. Joohyun sighed, closing the door behind her.
Finally, she turned around, running a hand through her hair and looking at Jihyo, who was standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed. "What's wrong?" Joohyun asked, stepping a little closer. "I wasn't expecting to see you, much less this early. Shouldn't you be at work?"
Jihyo didn't answer right away, and Joohyun frowned. "Sorry, I was sleeping," she continued, rubbing the back of her neck. "You called me really early, and it sounded urgent, so I got right to work. I'm exhausted, way too exhausted."
Joohyun huffed, walking to sit on the edge of the bed, clearly not fully aware of Jihyo's state. Jihyo sighed and crossed her legs, feeling the weight of her guilt crushing her. "Speaking of that... I already got the lawyer," she finally said, trying to keep her voice steady. "He specializes in divorce and custody cases, which is perfect. It's exactly what you asked me to do."
"I was going to call you to give you the good news, I figured it would cheer you up. But since you're here, I can—" She couldn't finish her sentence before hearing a sob. Joohyun's gaze shot to Jihyo, her eyes widening as she realized something was wrong.
"Jihyo?" she asked, worried, but before she could say more, Jihyo let out another sob, her hands and shoulders shaking, and her gaze dropped to the floor. Joohyun's heart sank at seeing her friend like this. Without thinking, she stood up quickly and approached her.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Joohyun asked, her tone full of concern. Stepping closer, she gently took Jihyo's arms and made her look her in the eyes. "Hey..."
Joohyun frowned, trying to decipher the anguish on Jihyo's face. "Did something happen? Is it about the divorce?" she asked, feeling anxiety start to creep in.
Jihyo said nothing, which made Joohyun even more uneasy. "It's okay! Honestly, I was surprised you asked for it so suddenly, but I'm also really happy," Joohyun continued, trying to reassure herself. "It's amazing! I'll finally get to see Sungbin pay for everything..."
But upon hearing those words, Jihyo broke down even more, and Joohyun panicked. "Wait, did something happen with him? Did he hurt you? Because if he dared to lay a single finger on you, I swear I'm going to—!"
"No, no," Jihyo denied quickly, her voice choked and broken. "It's not about that... I wasn't even thinking about that."
Joohyun looked at her, confused, feeling like she didn't understand the situation at all. Suddenly, her eyes widened in surprise. "Did something happen to Sana?! Is she okay?!" she asked frantically, feeling worry wash over her. "Oh God, we need to go see her and—!"
"No, no, please," Jihyo interrupted, her voice filled with desperation. "I can't see her."
"What are you talking about?" Joohyun asked, feeling her heart stop. "What happened with her?"
Jihyo continued to cry, and Joohyun began to feel panic set in. "Stop with the sobbing!" she said, grabbing Jihyo by the shoulders and shaking her slightly to try and focus her. "You need to tell me what happened. I'm usually good at reading your mind, but right now I can't even begin to guess what could have happened to make you like this. Did she hurt you? Because if Sana hurt you, I won't hesitate to go and... have a word with her either."
"No, no, no," Jihyo denied quickly, shaking her head. "Sana didn't do anything. She's perfect, always. It was me... God, I messed up. I feel like I really messed up, but I didn't know what else to do. And now everything is wrong, and I don't know where she is, and..."
Joohyun cut her off quickly, feeling frustrated. "Nothing you're saying makes any sense, woman! You need to explain yourself properly!"
Jihyo took a deep breath, trying to calm down as her words stumbled out of her mouth. "A gift arrived... from Seulgi, at work," she began, watching Joohyun nod, trying to follow the thread of the conversation. "I didn't think much of it, and we opened it together... and..."
"I wasn't expecting anything that was in there," Jihyo continued, feeling anguish wash over her again. "I mean... Seulgi never said anything to me. I'm not angry with her, but..."
Joohyun looked at her, frustrated. "For God's sake, just say what the damn gift was!"
"Wan's things!" Jihyo exclaimed, feeling pain pierce through her. "Everything. Her photos, her albums, the letters for Tzuyu... everything was there!"
Joohyun froze, understanding slowly dawning on her face. "What...? She never told me she was giving them to you now..." she spoke, her voice barely a whisper.
Jihyo sighed, stepping away from Joohyun slightly. "I wasn't expecting it! But it was there. The letters, the memories... and I just started crying. I couldn't help it. I knew it had been a mistake right when it happened, but I didn't stop, and Sana didn't leave. She never would, but then... she mentioned Seungwan and—"
Joohyun frowned, trying to process the information. "Wait, wait. You told her about Wannie?"
"No!" Jihyo almost yelled, her voice filled with desperation. "I didn't! She saw it on her own! She looked at her pictures!"
Joohyun pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. "What the hell did you do?" she asked, her tone full of disbelief. "What did you say to her?"
Jihyo tried to speak, searching for justification. "I just—"
"No! Just tell me what the hell you said to her!" Joohyun interrupted, frustration evident in her voice. "I'm guessing it wasn't anything good if you're here crying and not running after her."
"It was a mistake!" Jihyo replied, feeling tears well up again. "She just left. She was angry. Sana had no right to see any of that, and I told her! She's not my girlfriend, she's not her, so why—!"
"You're an idiot," Joohyun told her, her tone harsh. "A complete idiot!"
"Of course not! She had no right to mention her! She had no right to know through deceit!" Jihyo yelled, feeling rage and pain mix in her chest.
"What deceit are you talking about?!" Joohyun asked, surprised. "Sana is the purest, most sincere person I know! Do you really think she would be capable of going behind your back just to find out something?"
"It was wrong! It was private!" Jihyo exclaimed, feeling defensiveness consume her.
"The only thing wrong here is you!" Joohyun told her, maintaining her firm gaze. "You can't accuse Sana of something like that just because you reacted badly."
"Are you going to take her side?" Jihyo asked, feeling betrayed. "Are you going to defend her without even hearing my side?"
"This isn't about taking sides!" Joohyun retorted, her voice raised. "But how can you come here and expect me to comfort you when you were probably a complete ass to the girl?!"
Jihyo scoffed, angry. "I didn't mean to!"
"I know, but here we are," Joohyun said, her tone more severe. "So, where does that leave you? What's the point of you being here, crying and complaining about problems that are only in your head, if you don't realize what you did wrong? Absolutely everything! And why did you do it? To protect the memory of someone who's no longer here?"
"Don't say that!" Jihyo screamed, feeling rage consume her. "You can't bring Seungwan into this!"
"But she's been there from the beginning!" Joohyun reminded her, feeling her frustration reach its peak. "Always! It's been years since that woman has been lying in a hospital bed, and it's like you can't let her go. And all for what? So you can do this?! Do you honestly think Seungwan would be okay with you acting like this?!" Joohyun asked, feeling the air grow tense between them. "Do you think she'd accept whatever it is you're turning into?"
Jihyo fell silent, clenching her jaw as Joohyun's words echoed in her mind.
"You know what?" Joohyun continued, feeling frustration bubble inside her. "I don't know why the hell I bother asking. We both know the answer. We know what's right and what's wrong. We're not damn kids anymore, and yet, you keep acting like one. What's the big deal if Sana saw a picture? What's the big deal if she knows Wannie's name? It's not the end of the world!"
"But—!" Jihyo tried to interrupt, but Joohyun cut her off.
"No! Listen to me," Joohyun said, her voice firm. "Sana loves you. She is disgustingly and hopelessly in love with you. And how do you repay her? By yelling at her? By getting angry over stupid things? It's not fair to her!" Joohyun continued, feeling frustration wash over her. "Do you think it's not tiring? Chasing after you just for you to push her away again! God, I don't even know how she's put up with it for so long."
"And you think it's not tiring hiding it?" Jihyo yelled, feeling anger surge through her once more. "How dare you say that to me?!"
"Then why the hell are you hiding it?" Joohyun asked, undeterred. "Why don't you just tell Sana things the way they are? You're a couple, you idiot!"
Jihyo fell silent, feeling Joohyun's words pierce her.
"For God's sake, Jihyo, you're lucky Sana is the most patient person in the world because if it had been me," Joohyun continued, "I would have left you a long time ago."
"Then why don't you?"
"I did!" Joohyun retorted, her voice filled with emotion. "I left you for four years! Do you know what that was like?! Four years without my best friend, without my niece!"
Jihyo flinched slightly, pressing her lips together, and Joohyun felt tears prick her eyes, but she held them back. "I missed out on so much. When the accident happened, I didn't just lose Wannie, I lost you. Two of the most important people I had within hours. The only difference is that with you, I never had a body to go to. But I came back, I came back because I love you. Because I moved on, and whatever happened, it can't stop me forever. But it hurts, God, it hurts so much. And now you dare to do the same thing to someone else?"
Jihyo looked at her, seeing Joohyun break down, and her heart ached. She lowered her gaze, feeling the weight of guilt crush her.
"But it was never my intention to hurt you," she murmured. "I never wanted to hurt you. And... I'm sorry for pushing you away, for taking so long to find the courage to bring you back into my life."
"It doesn't matter anymore," Joohyun closed her eyes, feeling a tear slide down her cheek. "I forgave you a long time ago," she told her with a trembling voice. "I never needed your apologies."
Jihyo nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I know I hurt Sana," she confessed, her voice broken. "I said terrible things to her. I just remember the way she looked, the disappointment in her eyes, and... I hate myself for it. But I can't..."
Joohyun groaned, frustrated, but Jihyo continued. "I know I'm an idiot. I know everything you said was what I deserved and more, but... I'm scared. So scared."
"Scared of what?" Joohyun asked, her gaze intense.
"Scared of losing her!" Jihyo exclaimed, feeling desperation consume her. "Look at my life! Look where I'm trapped! With an idiot mother who never loved me, with a husband willing to hurt me. And all for what?! Every time I have something that makes me want to keep holding on, it's taken away from me. Why?! I'm tired. Tired of waking up every day not knowing what the universe will take from me next. Tzuyu? You? Sana? I can't keep going like this! I can't bear to lose anyone else."
Joohyun looked at her, feeling the anguish in her voice. "You will if you don't stop being so stupid," she told her firmly. "If you keep pushing her away like this, not even her feelings will be able to save this."
"But—" Jihyo tried to protest, but Joohyun stepped closer, taking her face in her hands, forcing her to meet her eyes.
"Don't say anything."
"Hyun, I don't think this—"
"I told you not to say anything, for God's sake, woman, can't you listen either?!" Joohyun said, her voice firm. The Korean girl finally nodded, a little scared. "Look," she continued, "You're an idiot, you don't know how to listen, you're stubborn, ungrateful, sometimes you irritate me so much I just want to hit you to knock some sense into you and that mood of yours! I hope Tzuyu is more open or at least more fun," Jihyo rolled her eyes, trying to pull away, but Joohyun didn't let her. "And even if you're the furthest thing from a functional girlfriend... you deserve to be loved, Jihyo. There's no one else who deserves love as much as you do."
The Korean girl stared at her, feeling each word pierce her heart. Joohyun continued, "You deserve to love. You deserve to be able to wake up every morning and feel proud because you have a wonderful daughter, a small family, and a person who loves you despite everything. That's what you truly deserve. But for the love of everything you hold dear, you have to start saying things. I know Wannie is a complicated topic, it always will be, but once you can be honest, I don't think there's anything in the universe that can separate you from Sana. So, are you going to take the chance?"
"Joohy—"
"Just tell me if you're going to take it or not!"
Jihyo took a moment to think, simply looking at the girl in front of her, and then, she nodded almost imperceptibly. "Okay," Joohyun looked at her and nodded too, as if both of them knew they were on the same path. Jihyo raised her hands to hug her. "What should I do?" she asked, her voice soft.
Joohyun wiped Jihyo's cheeks with a grimace. "You should start by going to fix the mess you made before I myself have to drag you to Sana and make you apologize on your knees."
Jihyo let out a weak laugh, feeling some of the tension ease. Joohyun smiled too. "I'm serious. You have to go find her right now. And it better be the best apology in the world, Park Jihyo, or I myself—"
"Yeah, yeah," Jihyo nodded, feeling determination begin to solidify. "I think... I know what I have to do first."
"Good," Joohyun stared at her intently. "It better be ."
Jihyo grimaced and tightened her grip. "Meanwhile... I'm sorry for yelling at you," she murmured, feeling a bit of shame.
"I know," Joohyun replied with an understanding smile. "And I'm not. After so many years, someone had to put you in your place."
Jihyo nodded, feeling a deep gratitude. "Thank you," she said sincerely.
Joohyun sighed, leaning in slowly to place a kiss on the side of Jihyo's hair. "You don't have to thank me. I told you, you're terrible but... I love you."
Jihyo closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of the moment. "I love you too," she replied.
–
Sana hadn't stopped crying all afternoon, and in fact, it had taken her a while to stop a very angry Dahyun from wanting to kill Jihyo when she first arrived at the apartment and saw her face. The tension in the air was palpable, and although she knew Dahyun only wanted to protect her, she couldn't help but feel the situation was ridiculous.
It seemed absurd to her that they all knew why she was like this, but there was really no way to hide it. Tears fell from her eyes incessantly, and when she finally collapsed into Mina's arms, she simply gave up. She cried because she couldn't do anything else, and when she finally started to calm down, she told them everything. She didn't hold back, because she didn't have to. The words flowed like an overflowing river, every fragment of pain and confusion coming to light.
Momo had been there, listening to everything, because Sana knew they had been anything but quiet in the office. In fact, she would really have to thank the girl; she had dropped everything, absolutely everything, to follow her and take her home, even staying a little longer with her until she made sure she was in good hands. That dedication touched her more than words could express.
Mina, on the other hand, had been the one who had scared her the most. The way she hugged her and didn't let go had made it clear that she was angry, but Sana knew it wasn't anger directed at her. She hadn't said any derogatory words about Jihyo, no rude gestures. She had just been there, holding her, and that was what Sana needed at that moment.
But now, hours later, the tears no longer fell; they had completely dried up. Her cheeks were red and felt like they were on fire. She felt empty, with a hole in her chest where there had once been love and joy. Every memory of Jihyo's words was like a dagger, making cuts across her skin that she couldn't escape... because she was right. Despite what they went through, what they did, how she felt, Sana was nothing. She understood that very clearly. She had thought that just loving the girl was enough, but now she knew it wasn't, and there was no one to blame but herself.
She sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest and staring at nothing, feeling trapped in her own labyrinth of dark thoughts. Just then,
Dahyun came to her side, giving her a big smile and placing her hand on her knee.
"Hey," Dahyun asked, her voice soft and understanding. "How are you feeling?"
Sana shrugged, feeling the weight of sadness. "Better, I guess," she replied, although she knew it wasn't entirely true.
"I understand," she said, nodding with understanding. "Does your head hurt? Are you nauseous?"
Sana shook her head, trying to put a smile on her face. "No, everything's fine," she said, although she knew it wasn't entirely true. But she didn't want to worry them anymore.
Dahyun smiled at her words. "I'm glad," she said, and before she knew it, Mina returned, placing a glass of water on the table in front of Sana. She sat down beside Dahyun and looked at her.
"Momo called me, she wanted me to tell you that she took care of everything. She'll bring your things over tonight," Mina informed her with a smile.
Sana nodded, feeling relieved. "Thank you," she said, feeling a small weight lift from her chest.
Mina sighed, looking at her with concern. "Do you want to sleep? We could all squeeze into your bed. We promise not to kick you this time."
Sana laughed a little, feeling the laughter ease her sadness slightly. "It's not necessary. I'm not tired. I want to stay here a little longer."
Mina nodded, while Dahyun added, "We'll stay with you. We can watch a movie, order some food. You don't have to do anything."
"Yes, I'd like that," Sana said, feeling a little more encouraged. Both girls nodded, and Mina said, "Alright! We'll do that if you're comfortable." She stood up, smiling brightly. "I'll make popcorn!" she said excitedly.
"Hey, Minari. Bring my chocolates too, I think we'll finally need them," Dahyun requested, looking at Mina with a mischievous smile.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, honey," Mina replied before heading into the kitchen.
Dahyun turned to Sana, moving closer and snuggling into her shoulder. "And in the meantime, the two of us will pick the movie," she said, smiling conspiratorially.
Sana nodded, leaning closer to Dahyun. The younger girl asked her, "What do you feel like watching?"
"Definitely nothing about love," Sana replied firmly.
Dahyun grimaced, saying, "Of course, I should have known. So cliché."
Sana let out a small giggle, and Dahyun grabbed the remote, turning on the TV and starting to flip through the channels. Sana just watched, enjoying the company and listening to Mina moving around in the kitchen, her humming filling the atmosphere. Almost, almost, she was able to completely distract herself... until there was a knock on the door, and her thoughts were interrupted.
Dahyun sighed. "I'll go see who it is," she said, handing the remote to Sana. "Keep looking."
Before Sana could reply, she stood up and walked heavily towards the door. Sana bit her lip, also flipping through the channels, not really interested in what she was seeing. She heard Dahyun open the door and didn't pay much attention until the younger girl spoke, clearly angry.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked, her tone tight.
Jihyo frowned, trying to find the right words. "I just want to talk to—," she said, her voice filled with nerves.
"Sana doesn't want to see you!" Dahyun added, with a firmness that echoed in the hallway.
The Japanese girl turned her head quickly, almost cracking her neck, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Jihyo standing in the doorway. "Please, Dahyun—"
"Didn't you hear me?" Dahyun interrupted, her eyes fixed on Jihyo. "She doesn't want you here."
"Please..." Jihyo pleaded, "I just need five minutes."
Sana felt her heart pounding as she looked at Jihyo. Anguish washed over her, and before she could process her thoughts, Dahyun refused again. "And what? How dare you show up here? First you make her cry, saying horrible things to her, and now you show your face. What kind of person are you?"
"Whatever happened between us is none of your business," Jihyo said, trying to remain calm.
Dahyun grimaced, her eyes flashing with fury. "You don't get to decide that. You better leave, before I myself force you out of here."
Jihyo opened her mouth to protest, but Sana was faster. "Dahyun," she stood up and walked quickly towards them, placing a hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "Stop," she said, trying to defuse the situation.
Dahyun glanced at her, clearly frustrated. "Go back to the couch," she told her, her voice tight.
Jihyo tried to speak to Sana, but Dahyun stepped between them, like a protective shield. "And you, leave her alone," Dahyun insisted, her gaze fixed on Jihyo.
"Dahyun, it's okay..." Sana said, feeling trapped between the two. "Let her—"
Dahyun scoffed, glaring at Jihyo. "It's not okay, Sana. If you're not going to tell her to get lost once and for all, I'll do it for you."
"You have no right to decide for Sana!" Jihyo retorted, her voice raised.
"And you don't either!" Dahyun replied, her voice filled with indignation. "I'm doing this because I care, but what about you? Did you realize your stupid husband isn't worth it, and now you're coming to bother Sana again?"
Jihyo grimaced at the words. "Don't you dare—" but before she could finish, a voice interrupted the tense confrontation.
"Enough!" Mina said, and all three froze, slowly turning their gaze towards her. She stood with her arms crossed, her expression serious.
Dahyun looked at her girlfriend, trying to find support. "Mina—"
"Get away from the door," Mina told her, her voice firm.
"I won't, she—!" Dahyun protested, but Mina gave her no option.
"Get away from the door, now," she repeated, her gaze intense.
Dahyun clenched her jaw, hesitating, but Mina's gaze made her reconsider. Finally, she took a step back, moving away from the door. "I can't believe you're defending this—"
"Go upstairs, I'll be up in a second," Mina indicated with her eyes, "Now, Dahyun." The younger girl grumbled a little, shooting Jihyo one last disdainful look before starting to climb the stairs, feeling the anger still bubbling inside her.
Once Dahyun was gone, Mina turned to look at Jihyo, examining her from head to toe without saying a word. Then she turned to Sana, her gaze softening. "What are you going to do?" she asked, worry etched on her face.
Sana took a moment to think, feeling the weight of the situation. Jihyo, seeing the opportunity, said, "I just need five minutes, really..."
Mina cut her off, her voice firm. "I'm not talking to you, Park."
Jihyo closed her mouth, and Mina turned her attention back to Sana. The Japanese girl felt frozen; the thought of talking to the other woman now made her stomach churn.
What was she even supposed to have come for? To give her the same old excuse? Apologize and say she would never act like that again, only to return to the same pattern afterwards. She couldn't do it again, she simply couldn't. She would never forgive herself if she allowed that.
But then Mina spoke, approaching her slowly. "Sana," she called, her tone soft but urgent. Sana looked at her, clenching her fists, feeling her breath start to quicken.
Mina continued, "You just have to say one word, and I'll leave you alone or I'll drag Jihyo out of here without a second thought. But you have to tell me."
Sana swallowed hard, her hands trembling, and her legs felt like jelly. Then she made a mistake: she raised her gaze slightly, just enough to see Jihyo standing there, watching her with those big eyes she adored so much. Her lips were pursed, and above all, she looked small, scared, almost as scared as Sana felt. That image made her heart ache too much, sending a pang through her chest that she couldn't ignore.
She lowered her gaze again, feeling the pressure of the situation. And going against everything she knew, she shook her head and said to Mina, "Leave us alone, please."
Mina's expression changed, and Sana could see the worry on her face. "Are you sure?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper.
"Yes," Sana replied, feeling the weight of her decision. "Please."
Mina pressed her lips together, a mixture of frustration and sadness in her gaze, but finally nodded. "Okay. I'll be upstairs if you need anything," she said before heading up the stairs, leaving them alone.
Sana felt the silence fill the space between her and Jihyo. Her heart pounded as she faced the other woman, and Jihyo sighed, as if she had been holding her breath, the sound echoing in the room.
"Thank you for giving me a chance to talk, I..." Jihyo said, her voice trembling slightly.
Sana looked at her, feeling the knot in her throat tighten. "What do you want?" she asked, her tone colder than she intended.
Jihyo swallowed hard, her eyes shining with sincerity. "I came for you," she began, her voice filled with regret. "I came to talk to you—"
"And you think that's enough?" Sana interrupted, shaking her head. "Coming here now to give me excuses doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't change anything you said, the way you treated me. I can't even think about forgiving you."
"I know," Jihyo replied, her voice filled with pain. "I know perfectly well. I was an idiot, and I have to do much more than just give you words for things to be fixed. That's why I'm here." Sana looked at her, her emotions conflicted. Jihyo held her gaze, pleading with her. "I know you're not going to forgive me now, and I deserve it, because I'm an idiot who only hurt you, but I have to show you something. One thing, that's all I ask. And if after everything you decide you don't want to see me anymore, I'll give you your space. I won't bother you anymore, but I'm not going to give up."
Sana felt overwhelmed, shaking her head, trying to reject the idea. "No, Jihyo..."
"Please," Jihyo said, her voice almost a whisper. "I beg you. I just need one more chance, just one."
Sana bit her lip, looking at Jihyo's red and swollen eyes. She could see the pain and sincerity in her expression, and it made her heart twist. "Just one?" she asked softly, feeling trapped between the desire to protect herself and the compassion she felt for the other girl.
Jihyo nodded frantically, her gaze full of hope. "I don't need more. You just have to come with me, and I'll explain everything."
Sana scrutinized her, feeling her instincts telling her it was wrong, that she should close the door right there and give herself time to forget what had happened. But her body wouldn't move. Jihyo, noticing her hesitation, spoke again, her voice pleading. "I just need you to please agree. If you want to yell at me and hate me more afterwards, you can."
"I would never do that," Sana replied, her voice firm. "I would never hate you."
Jihyo fell silent, her voice breaking as she raised a hand in a gesture of approach. But Sana stepped back, and Jihyo felt her eyes fill with tears. "Please, Sana," she begged, her voice trembling. "Let me show you."
Sana closed her eyes, tilting her head up so Jihyo wouldn't see her own tearful eyes. She had never thought she would have the other girl there, asking her for something with so much pain, so much sadness. The situation overwhelmed her, and she cursed in her mind before opening her eyes again.
"Stop crying, please," she said with a broken voice, feeling her own heart break at seeing Jihyo so vulnerable. "I can't stand seeing you do that and not being able to hug you."
"But—"
Jihyo looked at her, and Sana felt nauseous at the sight of the mixture of desperation and hope on her face. "Please, just stop doing that, and I'll go..." she repeated, her voice barely a whisper.
Time seemed to stop, and the weight of the decision crushed Sana. "I'll go with you," she finally said, her voice trembling.
Jihyo's eyes widened, almost surprised, and Sana, feeling a surge of honesty, warned her, "But that doesn't mean I forgive you. It doesn't mean I'm going to anytime soon."
Jihyo nodded quickly, wiping away her tears. "I understand," she replied, her voice full of gratitude.
Sana nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and fear. She turned around and grabbed one of the hoodies from the entrance. She put it on, feeling the soft fabric against her skin, before stepping outside.
She closed the door behind her, and then looked at Jihyo. "Lead the way," she told her, her voice firm but still shaky.
Jihyo nodded quickly again, her expression lighting up with a spark of hope. She started walking, and Sana followed closely, cursing under her breath the whole way.
–
Sana was tired of the damn déjà vu. She found herself in the car, pressed as far as she could against the door, her muscles tense and avoiding making the slightest movement so as not to attract Jihyo's attention. And she hated it, because it was as if she had gone back to the beginning of everything.
It was irritating to think about, because Sana believed it couldn't be possible to go further back, but Jihyo always seemed to surprise her. She sighed, looking out the window; there was an unbearable silence between them that wasn't even filled by the radio, and she was almost 100% convinced that she was going to throw up at any moment. She was regretting it now, having agreed, having given in to the other girl, but what could she have done? She hadn't lied; she wasn't going to forgive Jihyo, she wasn't going to accept any more cheap excuses or empty apologies.
But she loved her. She loved her enough to try. Sana bit her tongue, wondering when she had become this. When had she let people affect her so much without being able to stop it? It was stupid, completely against everything she had fought to maintain since she was little. It was selfish, and unfortunately, it was love. Love because Sana had never felt it like this before; love because Jihyo wasn't perfect, but she was hers, and she supposed that was enough for now.
"Sana?" Jihyo's voice cut through the silence like a knife. The Japanese girl felt her heart stop for an instant. "Are you alright?"
Sana turned to her, trying to read her expression. "I'm fine," she replied, although she wasn't sure if it was true. "Are we almost there?"
Jihyo nodded, "Not much longer." Sana nodded back, looking out the window. She couldn't quite place where they were; none of the buildings looked familiar, but she knew they were far from home. And if she needed to run, she wouldn't be able to.
She lowered her gaze, cursing herself for not bringing her phone. It wasn't like Jihyo was going to do anything to her. No, the other girl could be stubborn and have a... strong personality, but she trusted her.
She sighed, lost in her thoughts, until the car made a turn and she frowned. She looked up to see where the hell they were, and... a hospital? What?!
Sana turned quickly to look at Jihyo, confused. "Why are we here?" she asked, her voice filled with worry.
Jihyo looked at her, trying to reassure her. "Don't worry, just come with me," she said, her tone soft but determined.
Sana remained silent, automatically unbuckling her seatbelt and following Jihyo quickly, sticking close to her without thinking too much. They walked through the parking lot, and Sana was lost. She didn't know what to think. Had she been tricked? Was this some kind of sick joke? What was happening?
"Don't wander off," Jihyo told her, noticing the unease on Sana's face.
Sana nodded, feeling nervousness start to take hold of her. They entered the hospital, and as they walked towards the reception desk, Sana felt her anxiety rise. What was going on?
Jihyo sighed, and suddenly, a nurse approached them. "Miss Jihyo, second time this week?"
The girl chuckled a little, easing the tension. "Yeah, it seems so," she replied.
The nurse nodded, smiling. "I'm very glad. It's good to see your face more often. Is Joohyun coming today too?"
Jihyo shook her head. "No, just me and... a friend."
The nurse now looked at Sana, smiling warmly. "Of course! It's good that more people are coming, I'm sure she gets excited."
Jihyo nodded, and the nurse stood up, telling them to follow her. Jihyo started walking, but Sana froze, feeling fear take hold of her.
"Come on, Sana," Jihyo said, looking at her with soft eyes, smiling at her slightly. She tilted her head, as if inviting her to follow.
Sana inhaled deeply, feeling her heart pounding, and finally followed her. They entered a white, noisy, and bright hallway, and she didn't know what to expect. Was this about this morning? Was this what Jihyo had found out about? Anxiety grew in her chest, and she stuck closer to Jihyo, seeking a little comfort.
After a moment that felt like an eternity, they stopped in front of a door. The nurse turned to them, "I'll leave you alone now, but if you need me, don't hesitate to call me."
"Thank you," Jihyo said, her voice soft but firm.
The nurse gave them one last smile before leaving. Sana then glanced sideways at Jihyo and felt a shiver run down her spine, but she said nothing, and Jihyo raised her trembling hand, taking the handle and slowly opening the door.
Sana had to squint for a moment before getting used to the light. Then she saw her there, a girl lying in the bed, with her eyes closed and her chest rising and falling. She opened her eyes, mesmerized, and couldn't even protest when Jihyo supported her lower back and helped her through completely, closing the door behind her.
She kept looking. The girl was pretty and looked small, with a couple of wires connected and sticking out of her chest. The monitor beeped with a slow and steady rhythm. Jihyo brought her even closer, until Sana was at the foot of the bed, and finally let go of her, walking to the side of the bed.
Sana's gaze shifted to the girl, watching her with her mouth slightly open, but Jihyo didn't seem to notice. Instead, she took the girl's hand in hers, looking at her with a soft smile and glistening eyes. Sana felt a knot form in her stomach upon seeing that expression on Jihyo's face.
Gently, Jihyo leaned down to move the girl's bangs, stroking her forehead softly. "Hi, I'm back," she said, her voice full of tenderness. "Maybe it's a surprise, but I need to introduce you to someone."
Sana watched intently, feeling a mixture of confusion and curiosity. "Jihyo—?"
"Her name is Sana, Hyun told you about her a while ago," Jihyo continued, "She's very special to me."
Sana felt her heart pound at hearing those words, but before she could fully process the situation, Jihyo raised her gaze to her.
"Sana," she called, her voice trembling but she continued, "...This is Seungwan."
"What?"