Transformations
Tom thanked Grandfather Wards…and Grandfather Black. Exhaustion ran through him. Who knew that communing with the wards and trying to chase down a snake, a phoenix, and a rat could be so exhausting?
Grandfather Wards gave a rumble of acknowledgement and Harry shook his head.
“This is going to take a little getting used to.” Harry said. He gave Tom a hug and shuddered a little. “Damn. I think I need to transform. Good to see you, Lady Celeste. Reg.” Harry bowed to the basilisk and hugged Regulus Black and transformed. He flew up to sprawl across Grandad’s shoulders.
Oh. Celeste hissed. She leaned against Regulus and breathed deeply. Oh.
“Celeste, I am here whenever you need me, child. Just let Tom know.” Grandfather Black stroked Celeste’s head tenderly and then nodded to Tom and Regulus.
“See yuh, Harry pal. Lord Grandad.” Tom waved at the duo as they headed up the stairs. He settled down on the low cushioned mats they had fashioned into a nest for Celeste in the basement. “Well, I’m sorry that didn’t work out, sweethot.” Tom sighed. “We’ll keep looking for them. We’re not giving up.”
I know. Celeste hissed out, excitement and worry threading her tone. Tell me of how you were once a book.
Tom laughed. “Which one of us? Reg was a book once, too.”
“She wants to hear about that?” Regulus laughed, leaning against Celeste’s scales, holding a book with one hand, patting her scales with another. “You know all about that, Celeste, dear.”
I felt your presence. Celeste said. Both of you. All of you. I loathe that I was fooled by the mirror man.
“That’s okay, Celeste, honey,” Tom levitated chunks of meat to her, and she swallowed neatly and efficiently. “She’s worried about listening to Evil Diary Tom.”
“To be fair, many have been fooled by evil Tom, love. He’s quite persuasive. Not like this kindly buffoon.” Regulus grinned at him.
“Hey!” Tom threw a chunk of meat at Regulus who deflected it lazily toward Celeste who caught it out of the air. “I’m still persuasive. Just because I can’t think of an instance right now…”
“Well, you must be fairly persuasive. Here I am, back in a basement with you and your snake.” Regulus muttered, gently petting Celeste. “Though I will say that has to do with how beautiful and sweet our Celeste is these days, more than anything else.”
“Yeah, yeah, can’t let me have nothin’.” Tom scourgified his hands and turned back to Celeste, whose eyes were darting from him to Regulus and back again. “Whatsa mattah, honey?”
I remember this. Celeste mused. I remember the warmth of your souls. I remember sweet Hagrid. When will Hagrid come back?
“In a couple days. He’s got to look after his animals. But he loved seeing yuh. He’ll be back soon.” Tom assured her.
You were once a book. Celeste mused. Harry-child is sometimes a dragon. Uncle Rion was a dragon and then a man. The bird once was a man.
Tom translated, nodding.
“It can certainly get confusing,” Regulus nodded, giving her a small pat and turning back to his book. “But we’re mostly human around here.”
Human. Celeste hummed. Regulus, go to Tom.
“C’mere, Reg,” Tom motioned the man over. “I think Celeste needs some space.”
Regulus got to his feet, looking at Celeste in concern. “I’m sorry, my lady. I didn’t mean to crowd you.”
I love your company, Regulus. I never wish to be without the two of you again. But give me a moment.
“She loves your company,” Tom told Regulus as the man moved to Tom’s side. “She wants to stick with us fuh keeps. But she needs a sec.”
“Okay…” Regulus muttered and froze with Tom as Celeste began to contort and writhe.
“Honey, wassa matta? You okay?” Tom asked, starting forward in alarm.
Stand back! Celeste hissed. Oh, this is more difficult than I recalled…
Tom stopped, holding out an arm to stop Regulus. “What can we do, Celeste?”
Quiet, my Tom. All will be well. Perhaps. If not, it has been the joy of my life to be with the two of you again.
“I don’t like that!” Tom darted forward, but Regulus caught his arm as Celeste let out a screeching cry, undulating and twisting into knots. “Let me go, Reg, she’s sayin’ sweet shit like she might be dyin’...”
Celeste let out a positive roar and smoke began to pour off of her. Regulus let go and drew his wand.
“Celeste, should we put out the fire?” Regulus called.
No. Stay. Do not come to me! Celeste screeched.
“Bullshit,” Tom stared forward, but Regulus caught him again.
“She said stop, didn’t she?” Regulus asked.
“She’s…”
A screeching, popping noise came from the basilisk and she was completely engulfed in smoke. In the sudden silence, the smoke slowly receded. Tom and Regulus started forward, Regulus gripping his arm. There was no trace of the giant snake. Instead, a tall, slender woman in a long green robe was sprawled across the floor.
Regulus stopped Tom, casting diagnostics over the figure. “She’s alive…and safe.” Regulus said after a moment. Tom sank to his knees beside the woman’s head of long flowing hair and looked dazedly up at Regulus, casting charms everywhere.
“Where is Celeste?” He muttered, feeling foolish, because…maybe he was crazy, but… “Can I move her?”
Regulus continued diagnostics. “Nothing’s broken. You can move her.”
Tom pulled the woman into his arms and began casting warming charms on her. “Is…is she breathin' okay?”
Regulus nodded, kneeling knee-to-knee with him. “She seems…fine. Perfect, even. Just deeply asleep.”
Tom held the woman close and breathed deeply, feeling something in him relax into the utter familiarity of this embrace. “Is this…” He opened his eyes and looked at Regulus. “Is this fuckin’ Celeste?”
Regulus sighed and gently cupped the side of Tom’s face, his diagnostics still spinning over the woman. “The way things have been going lately? Probably.”
Tom couldn’t help leaning into the touch, gently trapping Regulus’ hand between his cheek and shoulder. “What are we gonna do?”
Regulus was still for a long moment and Tom couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes. Dammit, when had Regulus become this to him? Whatever the heck this was? Someone he needed to spend his time with, to touch, to depend on?
If Regulus snatched his hand away, Tom might die, that was all there was to it. And that was not what he needed to focus on right now, with his gorgeous snake having turned into a gorgeous lady before his eyes.
“I’ll…I’ll go fetch Grandfather.” Regulus said, patting Tom’s leg with his free hand. “I’ll bet he knew all along, the cheeky bastard. It’s going to be alright, Tom.”
“But she was…my snake. And now she’s…shit. Is this how Ron Weasley felt?” Tom sighed, unwilling to lose the contact with Regulus.
“It’s going to be alright, Tom. I promise you.” Regulus shifted his hand slightly, cupping the back of Tom’s head, and pressed his forehead to Tom’s. “Just keep her warm. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” Tom murmured, feeling like he might be falling to pieces. Because this beautiful elfin looking woman used to be his snake and this beautiful wizard looking man used to be just his friend and he used to be a book and a soulless husk and a wraith and live on the back of a man’s head and possess a snake and be a freaky homunculus baby and life was changing too fast.
“Never mind,” Regulus muttered, moving to sit beside him, conjuring a blanket and settling it around Celeste and easing her legs into his lap. He wrapped his arm around Tom, who leaned into Reg with something like desperation as he cast a patronus.
“Siri,” Regulus said to his dragon patronus. Or did it look more like a basilisk? “We could use a hand in the basement. Bring Grandad.”
Regulus set a row of calming draughts on the bedside table in Tom’s room and sat down in an armchair. He glanced at Tom’s sleeping face in the armchair next to Regulus’s and then at the angelic young woman sleeping in Tom’s bed.
If this was Celeste, she was the most beautiful girl Regulus had ever seen. Waves of long golden hair, long black lashes, deep pink lips, delicate features. And she also, apparently, sometimes was a basilisk who could kill or petrify you with a look.
The duality of human/wixen/magical animal kind, he supposed.
Tom, for example, Regulus turned to look at the pale man who was sleeping. Tom’s head was thrown back, showing his muscular throat, with smooth tanned skin. His thick dark hair was wild and his perfectly cut face was relaxed with sleep. Strong shoulders and arms, broad chest tapering to a trim waist and…Merlin, he was ogling. Regulus released his breath and stared at the ceiling.
Regulus didn’t have to stare. He had Tom memorized. He was the most stunning person Regulus had ever seen. Hell, Soulless Tom had been striking and wildly charismatic, enough so that Regulus could now admit to himself that had been at least part of the reason he had followed the man in the first place. His father’s insistence, belonging and power, and the charisma of Voldemort himself had been the main factors drawing him to the Death Eaters. And now? Young Tom Riddle? Tom with humor? Tom with remorse? Tom who cared deeply about people? Tom with only semi questionable morals and streetwise charm?
Yeah, Regulus was in deep trouble.
Hell, on some level, he always had been.
But Tom Riddle who looked at him the way Tom had done when Celeste had changed. Tom who pressed his face into Regulus’ hand and begged him with his eyes to stay close? To never leave?
Or Regulus was crazy. Because he had laughed, genuinely, with Tom about Tom’s terrible luck with dating. And it was always with girls. And always casual. And Regulus was skilled at being neither of those things.
“Reg?’ Tom’s voice came soft and a bit hoarse and Regulus automatically put out his hand to him without looking. This entire household was touch starved on some level and Regulus was not going to deny himself or Tom that connection just because Reg was confused as hell right now. Tom’s warm rough hand engulfed his own and Regulus closed his eyes. “Did she wake up, yet?”
And of course, they were back to talking about a girl. Hell, why not? She was only the most beautiful and feminine being Regulus had ever seen. If Regulus hadn’t been a complete mess for a while and then slowly and utterly fixated on Tom, then yeah. Provided she wasn’t evil or mad, Reg himself would have easily become obsessed with Celeste. He liked girls. Well, he used to. Well, that wasn’t true, exactly. Reg was just wildly one-track minded. Reg had often liked a girl. Just as often, he had liked a boy. He would fall for a girl or a boy for literal years, ask them out, date them for years until they found someone less…Reg. Less clingy. Less obsessive. Less devoted until the stars burnt out.
To be fair, Reg was a lot and he knew it. And it was unfair to ask such commitment from teenagers, which had been his dating pool because, hell, he had been one at the time. He hadn’t dated out of diary. And he’d been a mess, was still a mess, but now he knew that had only been partly why.
Reg was being his ridiculous, annoying self. Reg had been waiting for the crazy guy in the book. Which, to be clear in this instance, he meant Tom. Who in all fairness, was not actually the craziest guy in the book. That honor undoubtedly went to the guy obsessing over the crazy guy in the book.
“Reg?” Tom repeated, and Regulus realized he was waiting for an answer.
“What did you…no, she hasn’t woken up yet. Sev has been by and her brain function is good. It’s…it’s definitely Celeste.”
“Damn,” Tom gripped his hand and sighed. “I…Lord Grandad say anythin’ else?”
“Just that he would not reveal others secrets. He sat awhile. Left some kind of bell for us to ring if we needed him.”
“Damn, how long did I sleep, Reg? I’m so sorry, yuh tuhn, now.”
“I’m fine, Tom. You’re still recovering. Rest some more if you like. My brain won’t turn off.”
There was a pause and Reg forced himself to breathe as Tom began playing with his hand. Silence settled around them and it became harder and harder for Regulus to keep his eyes closed and his breathing even Tom’s warm rough, gentle hands caressed and traced his palm and fingers.
“I’ve gotta know, Reg,” Tom said slowly. “I can’t fuckin’ lose you. So if thuh ansuh is no, we’ll go on like it nevuh happened. We’ll pretend I nevuh said anything. Hell, I’ll obliviate us both if you want. But…I’ve got tuh know if it’s all been too much and too weird…or if I’ve got a shot with you.”
Regulus leaned heavily back in his seat, so heavily that he might have snatched his hand away, but Tom leaned with him, keeping his hold on Regulus’ hand.
“Come on, breathe for me.” Tom said gently, squeezing his hand. “Listen, I know, okay? It prob’ly feels like it’s comin’ outta nowheh. And again, our actual history is a mess. And hell, you’ve seen me crash an’ burn an embarassin’ numbah uh times. But you feel like home to me, Reg. And I’m askin’ if I’ve got even half a shot of provin’ it to you. Hell, I don’t know if you like me, or even men. But I need to know, okay? Please. Just don’t leave me hangin’. Whatever makes you comfortable, that’s what we’ll do. I can’t lose muh best friend, so if this is too weird fuh you, we’ll fuhget about it. Literally.”
“I…um…” Regulus thought his brain might burst. He clung to Tom’s hand for dear life, keeping his eyes closed. “Preferences, wise. I like women. And men. Either. Both. But what I can’t do, Tom…is casual.” He held on a little tighter, trying to breathe and not shake. “It’s not a question of judging anyone who is into casual. It’s a matter of me dying inside every time someone I’m going out with casually tells me they want to keep seeing other people. It’s gut deep. I can’t. Once, I got cheated on. Didn’t leave my room for two months. Merlin, Tom, it’s almost pathological. I…tend to crush and crash, I guess. I had a few serious relationships as a teenager. I always knew the person well before we started dating. And they always were the one to break up with me. Once I know, I know. But that’s a lot to put on somebody. Especially somebody who’s still figuring themselves out. So…so we probably…” Regulus squeezed his eyes shut as Tom held his hand more tightly. “We should probably let this…let this go.” Regulus’ voice broke.
“Why, Reg? Everything you’ve said is telling me I have a shot.” Both of Tom’s warm hands were holding his. His breath fanned over Regulus’ hand and Reg tried not to expire on the spot.
“Really?” Reg had to laugh a little. “Because I’ve told you I like men when it’s probably more accurate to say I’m obsessed with one man or woman at a time until they break up with me or the stars burn out, whichever happens first.”
“Sounds good tuh me.” Tom said softly. “As long as I’m thuh guy.”
Regulus laughed helplessly. “Of course you’re the guy.” Regulus sighed. “Not that I had that figured out until embarrassingly recently. But like you said. We don’t have to do anything about it. You deserve to date and experiment and have fun, Tom. Thankfully, everyone’s not like me. Everyone’s taste in partners isn’t ‘single-minded obsession’.”
“I don’t think I have a choice, Reg. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe it, but I’m already there, with you.” Tom said softly.
“Yeah, I’m really struggling here, Tom,” Regulus laughed a little bitterly, now. “I really want to bring up Tonks, McGonagall, Bella, random vampire lady, and probably more that I’m not remembering right now. But that’s shitty, because I literally just said you should be allowed to have fun and figure out what and who you like. We haven’t been out of the book long in the grand scheme of things. It’s not fucking fair to ask you for…for the kind of commitment that I need.”
“And if you’re thuh only one I want, anyway?” Tom asked gently.
Regulus released a shuddering breath. “That might…that might take a little convincing, Tom.” Regulus muttered shakily. “A lot of nights in, just sitting and talking with me just before I believe you’re not off seeing someone else. Because this is where I struggle to trust. This is…I’m always left behind, Tom. It’s just the nature of who I am. I love the most and I’m cared for the least. And if you think that’s just melodrama, I submit to you my full eighteen years of life pre-diary. My parents were always leaving me. Sirius ended up leaving me. Every friend. Every date. Every partner. The dark lord. Everyone, until Dumbledore left me in that fucking diary. And you were stuck. You couldn’t leave me. But you still tried.”
“Reg,” Tom said, voice hoarse with pain.
“Merlin, Tom, I do not blame you.” Regulus said, holding on for dear life. “Thirty years in there? Alone with only your darkest thoughts? It’s a wonder you didn’t kill or absorb me. Hell, you managed to make me laugh even if it wasn’t always on purpose. And once we were out…well. You’re here, Tom. You haven’t run. And I don’t think I can risk that. We’re friends, Tom. Real friends. I can’t date you and lose you. I can’t.”
“If it goes bad, I’ll fuckin’ obliviate you, Reg. You think I can lose you? I literally said I can’t. I dunno exactly when yuh became thuh whole world to me, but yeh are. I want to take care of you, Reg. I don’t wanna hurt you. You’re the most beautiful thing in this damn world. I ain’t about to break your heart. You’re all I fuckin’ want.”
Regulus exhaled slowly. He got to his feet, walked shakily to Tom’s chair, and curled up into his lap, shivering wildly. He conjured a blanket and wrapped it around them, tucking his face against Tom’s neck. Tom drew in a shaky breath of his own and wrapped his arms around Regulus. And Hell. This was paradise. This was Elysium.
“I’m scared, Tom.” Regulus whispered.
Tom kissed the top of his head. “Me too, kid. But I’m not plannin’ to let you go.”
“Okay,” Regulus breathed and found himself falling asleep.