All Lined Up
Remus had gotten home around 5pm, not thinking much of what could await him there. When he entered the door he knew something was off, however. It was too still, too quiet. Nothing like Sirius usually was. That’s when he saw him, hunched over the counter with a credit card in one hand and a knife in the other. Black curls spilled around him like a grotesque halo as blood dripped off the marble’s edge. White powder clung to the card and parts of the table. Remus ran. Remus sprinted across the room, the only thing he cared to hold onto was his phone. He dialed 999 and tried to turn Sirius over. He should’ve known the heir was spiraling, he should’ve seen it. He should've known. Sirius’ face was practically blue, his eyes partially glazed over. Remus had never felt so much horror in his life. It screwed him to the spot. Sirius had tried to kill himself, that much was obvious. From the little he had gathered, Remus could tell he somehow got cocaine and had sniffed god knows how many lines. There was also an empty Advil bottle next to him that had been a quarter full when Remus left. Then there was the knife. There were, thankfully shallow, cuts lining Sirius’ arms and some of his left leg. He must have passed out not too long ago because none of the blood was dry yet. Remus couldn’t breathe as he considered the extent of the damage Sirius had done to himself. Terror at what lay ahead gripped him firmly. He held the unconscious heir, whispering desperate pleas in his ear. Tears that he didn’t even know formed now ran freely down his cheeks. He could never leave Sirius alone again.
Remus rode to the hospital in the ambulance, still feeling completely separate from reality. He should’ve asked Sirius what was going on. He should’ve realized. He should’ve known. A mantra of shame repeated in his head. This was all his fault. He should have never left Sirius on his own. Not when he was like this.
He had sat in the waiting room for hours, waiting as they pumped Sirius’ stomach. Remus still hadn’t taken a proper deep breath, bouncing his leg erratically and flinching at the slightest sounds. Once a nurse came and told him that everything was going to be alright he let out a sigh of pure relief. The fear that smothered him lifted marginally. He sat in the hospital room while Sirius lay sleeping, the doctors had told him he was sedated for everyone’s safety. Apparently, he had been quite violent when they woke him up. Remus wasn’t surprised and honest to god chuckled when they told him. Now, it was not the time to be chuckling but that was just so Sirius. At least that meant he was still in there somewhere. Remus didn’t sleep much after that, jolting awake at every shift and movement the heir made. Eventually Sirius had tried to lift his hand and called out to someone who was definitely not Remus. Of course, Remus couldn’t let him know that so he simply took the pale and sweaty hand and cooed him back to sleep.
He must’ve knocked out around 5am because the next thing he heard was frantic breathing and groans of pain to his left. Immediately he tried to calm the boy, knowing nothing good would come from a panicked Sirius.
”Shh shh, you’re okay Sirius”, he moved closer to the bed, “you’re gonna be okay.” Sirius only groaned in response, making a move to rip the multiple IVs out of him. Remus grabbed his hands and held them, waiting for Sirius to look at him.
”None of that. Understand.”, he made his voice clear, sleep still clouding his judgement as he held back the heir who pouted furiously. Remus chuckled, “Better you be pouting than…well.” He stopped himself, eyes growing teary again. He let go of Sirius so he could wipe his face with his hands. Remus groaned and sat back down.
”Sirius, it was bad. I thought you were gone. I thought I lost you.”
The boy finally spoke, anger threading through his words like vines, “You thought you lost your job, don’t pretend to care about me.”
Remus paled, “Sirius, you don’t really think-,” He was cut off with a shaking hand.
“Don’t try to fool me, I know what you are. You’re a minion of her’s. Don’t take me for a fool Remus, I am not. Pretending to care about me as a person and not just a job for you is futile.” Remus felt sick, he did care, of course he cared, how could he not. He tried to open his mouth but nothing came out. He felt acid crawl up his throat and bolted to the bathroom. He was the reason Sirius did this, he was the reason he almost died. Remus vomited up the little contents of his stomach, heaving over the toilet. Oh god. Oh god. This was his fault. It was all his fault.