January 1978
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
-Iris by the Voodoo Dolls
Remus wasn't thrilled to go back to Hogwarts, it meant he had to do things beyond lounging around and "growing a baby" as he had liked to tell Sirius. All the schoolwork he had neglected was catching up to him. As him and Sirius sat close to each other on the train, Sirius's hand protectively gripping his thigh, Marlene and Mary across from them sitting so close it was as if they had fused together. Remus was glad to hear the two girls had a nice break. Peter was likely off snogging Dorcas, desperate to make up for lost time, while Lily and James were doing prefect duties.
As they stepped off the train, Remus was careful to make sure his robes were properly closed, the jumper he was wearing was fitting just a little too snuggly and he wasn't in the mood for any stares. Lily and James met all four of them as they took the carriages up towards the castle. Lily was going on a tangent about how she hated Petunia's new boyfriend Vernon," He's a daft cow if you ask me, couldn't even be bothered to wash his own dishes," she rambled on to James who listened with a fierce intensity.
They all ended up going to the library together. Remus got most of his work done, all he had left to do was his Care of Magical Creatures essay. Remus was unsure if Sirius and James had gotten anything done, paper airplanes had been flying all around the group's head the entire time, randomly crashing onto the table to the annoyance of everyone else. Peter was struggling to understand his astrology homework, his face creased up in confusion. Mary and Marlene was working on their transfiguration questions together, random hushed giggling commencing every once in a while. They didn't leave the library until Pince kicked them out, they then walked to their respected dorms. Remus fell asleep immediately, his head barely hitting the pillow before he was out like a light, Sirius pressed a tender kiss to his forehead before going to sleep himself.
Remus was grateful that he had went clothes shopping for clothes during winter break, he was even more grateful for how generous Effie was, handing him 10 galleons for new clothes. She was very firm on him not going to the muggle world in his condition, and had suggested a lovely shop that had clothes for "wizards just like you" she had said with a wink. Remus wanted to roll over and die, he knew the glares he would get from the shopping attendant would be shameful enough, but still he persevered. He ended up with 3 pairs of brand new pants that had an elastic band, the attendant had sworn they would last him the remainder of his pregnancy, so as embarrassed as he was, he still got them. He was just grateful he had sent James and Sirius off, he couldn't bear the jokes that would have been made, he prayed to Merlin he wouldn't get that huge.
He was desperately trying to button his pants, and it was just not happening. Sirius walked out of the bathroom, hair dripping water and a towel around his waist (Remus would have been turned on immediately if he wasn't so worked up and embarrassed) to Remus desperately trying to make that button. "Not today, not yet," he muttered under his breath to himself and his unborn child.
The more he tried, the more frustrated he got, and the waterworks just started rolling. Sirius was quick to act, he shrugged on a pair of pants and quickly went to comfort the crying boy. "Hey, it's okay, you have those pants we bought in Diagon Alley."
"I don't want to wear those," Remus said giving up on fighting the buttons of his pants.
"Why not Love?"
"They're made of elastic, and it means I'm fat, I'm getting huge."
Sirius started laughing, which caused Remus to grow more upset," Remus you are not fat," he said pressing a kiss to his cheek," You're making room for our baby moony," he pulled Remus's shirt up and pressed a hand on his stomach.
Remus face grew flushed as Sirius got on his knees and started kissing his stomach," Cut it out," Remus said starting to laugh.
"Say you're not fat," Sirius said giving him a very sassy stare from down on the floor.
"I'm not fat," Remus mumbled covering his face with his hand.
"Good, now let's get out those new pants," Sirius said pressing one last big kiss on Remus's stomach before standing up and kissing him a big kiss on the lips.
Remus leaned into it, giving back with a fierce intensity. He ran his fingers through Sirius's wet hair, his boyfriend was perfect. He grabbed Sirius by his belt loops, pulling him closer, slowly grinding his growing boner on his lower stomach, he had an ache that only Sirius could fill. Sirius was quick to glide his hands to Remus's raging member. "Do you want this," Sirius whispered his lips skimming over Remus's slightly, he started slightly pumping the cock in his hand.
Remus's heart quickened, a weak whimper escaping his mouth. "Yes," he whispered as he pressed their lips back together, searching in Sirius's mouth so desperately, hungry for nothing but him.
Sirius quickly started stroking Remus's length, his eyes quickly glazed over and he struggled to continue kissing Sirius, ragged breaths and grunts escaping his mouth," Fuck Sirius," he groaned rolling his head back as Sirius started pumping him brutally," Fuck I'm going to finish."
"Do it," Sirius commanded, a satisfied smirk sitting on his face as he watched Remus's flushed face.
Remus was the most gorgeous person he had ever laid his eyes on, and he loved making him feel good, he loved the way that Remus fidgeted and melted into his touch, how lost Remus let himself get when he was like this. He liked helping Remus let go, even if it was only temporarily.
Remus slumped over as he spasmed to completion, a pleasured moan falling from his lips as he bit into Sirius's shoulder. He trembled slightly, but Sirius was good about steadying him, Remus's mess lay splattered on the bedroom floor. They stayed like that for a while, Sirius rubbing small circles in Remus's back and showering his face with delicate kisses as they swayed together.
Remus was sitting in the library with Lily, Marlene, and Mary doing their homework, it was nice, like old times sake. They were in a secluded corner, Remus not feeling like having to worry about his robes. When he stood his jumper covered him well enough, but when he sat down the bump was quite evident, hence his breakdown this morning. He suddenly felt a weird flutter in his lower abdomen, he had assumed that whatever he had at dinner didn't sit right with him and brushed it off. The feeling was consistent though and didn't stop, his face frowned in confusion as he tried to remember if he had read anything about it in his books. He absentmindedly rubbed his stomach as he racked his brain trying to remember. When he looked up all three girls were concerned," Are you okay Remus?" Marlene said eyes furrowed at him.
Marlene had become quite protective of him since she had heard the news "ya know I had a cousin that had a baby just 2 years ago" she had told him, and she was constantly info dumping to his about things he could expect. It wasn't unwelcome information, and truth be told Remus was quite appreciative of Marlene. "I'm fine," he said quickly moving his hand away from his stomach.
"She glared at him harder, squinting her eyes at him,"Remus," her voice was firm and serious.
"Just feeling a weird fluttering feeling is all, it doesn't hurt or anything."
Her face immediately softened," The baby's moving, that's called quickening, it'll get stronger as the weeks progress. Maybe we could even feel it," she said flashing him a wide smile.
Remus immediately relaxed ," Oh yea, I've read about that. Umm yea maybe," he said as he face grew flushed and the embarrassment sunk in.
Lily put an arm around him and placed her head on his shoulder," I can't believe you and Sirius are having a baby, I'm so excited!"
The three girls then started giggling and talking about how great a baby will be, and started asking him about after Hogwarts plan, where he mentioned he'd be staying at the Potter's for likely a few months.
"James mom is a saint," Mary said.
Remus smiled as Lily started gushing on how sweet Effie had been to her throughout Christmas break. The group ended up getting a bit too loud and Pince's glares felt as if they were staring into Remus's soul, so they decided to go back into the common room. There they found the other 3 marauders who seemed a little too pleased with themselves. "What did you do?" Lily asked as she saw James's smirk.
"You'll see tomorrow at breakfast," Sirius said laughing to himself.
Remus felt hurt, he hadn't been told anything about a prank, he couldn't believe the three had excluded him. His face grew cold but he didn't react, however instead of joining Sirius on the couch, he propped himself near Lily and folded his legs underneath himself as he opened a book. Sirius definitely got the message, and his face grew annoyed, but he decided to continue his antics with James and eventually they were wrestling on the floor giggling. Lily rolled her eyes, deciding to snuggle closer into Remus who was grateful for the affection as he threw a pointed glare in Sirius's direction.
Eventually they stopped rough housing, and Sirius, James, and Peter started discussing the Quidditch match that was happening on Saturday. Sirius acted like he was fine, but when he wasn't talking he had his tongue lodged into his cheek, a tell tale sign that he was frustrated. Remus didn't care, maybe Sirius shouldn't exclude him from things just because he's up the duff.
"What is your problem?" Sirius asked as soon as they were behind closed doors.
"Oh nothing, I just love being excluded from pranks since someone decided to knock me up with a bastard child," as soon as the words escaped his mouth he slapped a hand over them, shocking himself in his fit on anger.
"I didn't- Remus," Sirius's face was covered in shock, upset was etched into every crevice of his skin," Don't call our baby that," his voice was firm.
"I just-"
"No," Serious said his tone almost too sharp, he made his way towards the bedroom door," Don't try to justify it and by the way if you would have asked me, it wasn't a prank, it was a surprise for Lily," he took a deep breath," I'm going to take a breather."
"Wait," Remus said reaching out to him as tears started building in his eyes," Please stay," he begged.
Sirius sighed and nodded, heading to the bathroom and locking the door to shower. Remus sat on the bed and cried, anytime someone walked off it was such a massive trigger for him. Maybe it was the fact that his father had offed himself, or maybe it was the fact his mother had taken him to an orphanage at the age of 5, or maybe even it was because he had been alone his entire life and now he wanted nothing more than to hold on to what his had. He hated his stupid temper, of course they weren't excluding him, he was just plum awful at keeping secrets from Lily. His friends cared about him, why did he have such a hard time believing that. When Sirius got out of the bathroom, Remus was still curled up on the bed crying. His demeanor was softer now," I'm sorry Moony, I just needed a minute. I'm not mad, let's just please go to sleep."
Remus tried to stop the tears but he couldn't, he very pitifully took his clothes off, his sniffles feeling the room as he crawled into bed. "I'm sorry," Remus gurgled tears still streaming down his face.
"Merlin Moony, no I'm sorry, I shouldn't have walked away," he held Remus close to his, comfortingly shushing him.
"I won't do that again okay? I'll try to give you some sort of warning next time, we just didn't want our cover blown alright," Remus nodded, gripping tightly onto Sirius, unwilling to let go, scared that if he did he wouldn't come back," Hey Moony, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere alright. You're both stuck with me," he said pressing a kiss to his temple.
Remus relaxed at that, eventually he stopped sniffing and fell into a deep sleep, the steady rise and fall of Sirius's chest bringing about a welcoming feeling of security.
......
The transformation was getting more brutal with each month, his ever changing body struggling to go back in place properly when the moon disappeared, and the safe haven that was the sun, made its debut once more. He woke up sweaty with sharp ligament pains, specifically in his lower stomach. He groaned as he came to, gripping his stomach slightly . Sirius hesitated, not wanting to leave him like this. "I'll be in the hospital wing soon," he told Remus as he covered them in a blanket.
"Go to your lectures, I'm taking a draught and sleeping whatever this is off."
Sirius bit his bottom lip, glancing at the door that James was ushering at him," Just don't do the ultrasound without me please Moony?"
Remus closed his eyes in pain," I won't."
The 3 boys ran off back towards the common room, and soon enough Madam Pomfrey was tsking her way in, and once again Remus found himself leaning into her as they slowly staggered their way to his favorite bed in the corner. "They're getting harder aren't they?" she asked as they walked.
"It's just harder for the ligaments to snap back in place with all the constant changing," he said biting his lip to hold back a groan as they walked up the stairs.
He stopped a 6 steps in, his face covered with sweat, and he was gripping onto the railing so hard his knuckles were turning white. "I can levitate you to the wing,"
"No," Remus growled harshly," I just need a minute."
After he regained his composure he limped the rest of the way there, Madam Pomfrey verbally scolding him over how stubborn he was," I'll warm you now Remus, pride has no place in the delivery room."
Remus ignored her, greedily taking the draught and welcoming the wave of sleep that washed over him.
He woke up to his entire body aching and a pounding in his head. Sirius was sitting beside him, reading (get this) a book on parenting. His smile widened as Remus started to snore," Good evening Moony," he said closing his book and leaning in to get him a light kiss on the temple.
Remus blushed," Not here," he whispered his face in an embarrassed smile.
"And why not?" Sirius said giving him another kiss," Are you scared your other boyfriend is going to find out?" he jokingly said very dramatically as he started searching around.
"Shuddup you tosser," Remus said busting into a laugh.
Pomfrey then came over," Good evening Remus," she said giving a warm smile.
She then closed the curtain and put a silencing charm up," Alright boys, it's check up time!"
"Wait are we going to find out the gender?" Sirius asked.
"If baby is willing to share than yes!" she said with a smile.
Sirius looked at Remus and he nodded towards him," I'll be right back!" he said scrambling out of the room, Remus laughed at his antics.
Pomfrey looked confused but continued on. "And how are you Remus and please be honest."
"I'm still a bit sore in the hips, but nothing I can't deal with," he said quickly brushing it off, Pomfrey did not look amused," No more morning sickness, and I'm not even as fatigued,"
he finished looking up at her.
She nodded," Glad to hear dear."
"I've even been feeling some slight moments," he smiled as he said that.
Suddenly Sirius was back accompanied by Lily and James. "It seems only proper the Godparents are at the gender reveal," Sirius said barely able to contain his excitement and his jumped from one foot to the next with the biggest shit eating grin. Remus put his hand out for Sirius to grab, and he happily complied coming near his side. Lily and James stood on the other side of the bed all smiling at Remus.
Remus pulled up his shirt, one positive thing about his pregnancy was that it had made him less self conscious over his scars. His bump was covered in multiple scratches he had given himself in his youth, and of course the massive bite mark that he carried on his side, but he tried to ignore that one. "Pomfrey started twirling her wand around his lower abdomen, the projection swirling up into the air. Lily and James both gasped," Bloody hell Moony," James said gawking at the thing that actually resembled a baby.
Lily elbowed him in the side causing him to oomph painfully," Did you think I was faking or something you wanker?" Remus asked a grin stuck on his face as he saw his baby appear on the screen.
Lily laughed with him, gently placing a hand on Remus's shoulder. Pomfrey was still whirling around trying to get a good view," It's a girl!" she finally said a bright smile heavy on her face.
Sirius jumped up and down excitedly," I knew it was a girl! You owe me 5 galleon Prongs," his face covered in joy.
James still had a huge smile on his face," Alright alright you won."
Remus wasn't sure how to feel, he didn't know much about girls, being a gay male raised in an all boys home, but he couldn't help the smile that crept his way into his face. He looked around at his friend's, the joy in the room was overwhelming, and even though he felt uncertain he knew that as long as he had his friends, his daughter would be okay. Lily squeezed onto his shoulder reassuringly, reassurance heavy in her eyes, Remus nodded at her.
After everyone settled down, Madam Pomfrey pulled her wand away and Remus pulled his shirt down," Alright you're free to go," she said a smile still plastered on her face.
They slowly made their way to the Great Hall where it was already dinner time, Remus was famished and found himself making his way through three servings of Yorkshire pudding before his hunger eventually slowed. A group of first years were staring in amazement, but Remus ignored them. Remus was quite tired after dinner and wasn't feeling like hanging out in the common room, he just wanted to lie in his bed.
No one wanted him to miss out of the fun though so Moony, Prongs, Padfoot, Wormtail, and Lily piled up in their Queen sized bed. Remus was sitting up reading a book, Sirius was laying on his stomach in between Remus's legs and massaging his aching hips. James was lying on his back, hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling, and Lily was at the end of the bed painting her nails. Peter was in mouse form curled up on Remus's shoulders asleep. Remus was so grateful for his support system and he felt so cared for," Anything for our Moony," Sirius had said with a big smile.
Sirius was being just a bit weird in Remus's opinion, talking to his stomach, but apparently he had read it was good for fetal development. Remus found it enduring how Sirius had such a want to be hands on and helpful, and it was quite cute. Lily was adamant on teaching both Sirius and Remus how to braid," I know how to braid Evans," Sirius had retorted offended.
"Not well," she had murmured under her breath, but luckily Sirius had not heard it, softly placing kisses on the underside of Remus's stomach.
"I don't know how on Earth I'm supposed to raise a girl, I just learned what the "crimson wave" was a few months ago, and I still don't understand it if I'm being honest."
Lily laughed," Good thing you have Effie and me then," she said moving to snuggle herself in between Remus and James.
"The kid would be plum fucked if not," Remus said laughing relaxing a bit at Lily's reassurance.
"Have you thought about any names?" James asked trying to find a way into the conversation.
"I haven't really thought about it to be honest? Sirius probably has some wild ideas?"
"Oh yea Padfoot Jr. of course," Sirius said laughing almost too hard at his joke.
Lily and Remus both rolled their eyes," No but seriously Sirius," James said also laughing just a little too hard.
"I'm always Sirius," Sirius said with a smile as everyone groaned," I'm lost on you bunch, but I don't know. The little tyke for sure is not taking my last name, they will not be a part of the "Noble and Ancient House of Black,"" he said in an uptight and proper voice and air quotes," I do kind of like the the whole constellation thing, so maybe we could do that," he gave a puppy eyed glance to Moony.
Remus shrugged," I'm not opposed, but nothing stupid like Walburga," he said laughing," But what if we hyphened our last names together?"
Sirius crinkled his noise, they would discuss this later when less company was around.
"I don't know, Walburga Lupin Jr. has a nice ring to it," Prongs said with a massive grin.
Sirius sprung up and launched himself onto James, barely missing Lily who quickly scooted herself closer to Remus, her head now placed on his chest.
"You bloody arsehole," Sirius said as they started rough housing, quickly moving to the floor.
The two suddenly erupted into giggles, Lily scooted closer to Remus," Feeling any better?" she asked him softly, her hand hesitating over his bump, waiting for permission.
Remus pulled his shirt up," Go ahead, but you won't feel anything, soon though according to the books. I still feel a bit rubbish, but I'm used to that," he said with a light smile.
Lily put her hand on his bump," It's bonkers to think there's an actual person in there, isn't it?"
"Sometimes I still don't believe it, and then I'm feeling butterflies or throwing up and I'm reminded," he said with a light smile.
"Ooi Moony, get off my girl," James said coming up from the floor where he had just released Sirius from a headlock.
"No she's mine," Remus said flashing a smile at him and leaning his head on Lily's.
Lily jokingly gripped onto him as well," Well Padfoot," James said throwing himself towards the boy trying to lean in for a smooch," Sirius laughed and went in for a kiss, of course James pushed him away at the last second," Get off of me you wanker."
Sirius put a hand to his forehead and dramatically flailed back onto the bed," What am I ever to do."
"Get over here you muppet," Remus said signaling between his legs were Sirius had been laying previously.
"I knew I could count on you Moony," Sirius said making himself cozy once again, a hand splayed across "our daughter" he had exclaimed.
James then joined in on the cuddle circle and started spooning Lily, all in all it was quite cozy.
"I don't know what I did to deserve this," Remus said as he basked into his make shift family he had ended up with.
And then there was a chorus of "Anything for our Moony," as they had all snuggled closer, the happiness and comforting energy in the room being almost intoxicating.
When company had finally left, Remus resumed the discussion of baby names," What's wrong with hyphenated last names?" he asked Sirius.
"I just- I'm not sure if I want our little girl having any attachments to the Blacks."
"I just want her to feel like such as much as yours as she is mine, I don't want anyone to think she could be anyone else's but yours."
And suddenly Sirius understood, understood that at the base of this request, it was just Remus wanting to make sure that their daughter was in good hands if something happened to him. Sirius nodded," Hyphenated last name it is then," he said pressing a kiss to Remus's forehead.
Remus melted instantly into the touch, and snuggled himself closer into Sirius. "Any first name ideas then?"
"I like the idea of naming her after a musician," Sirius said rubbing Remus's bump softly.
Remus was then reminded of Sirius's birthday, as Rumors played throughout the common room, Sirius looking nothing short of an ethereal being," What about Stevie Nicks?" he asked with excitement thick in his voice.
"Hmm, Stella, Stella Nicks," Sirius said softly.
"Stella Nicks Lupin-Black," Remus said dreamily," I think it's perfect."
"Guess that's settled then," Sirius said sounding content, "I'll mail Effie tomorrow, she'll be ecstatic about it all."
I can't wait, I can't wait
If I'm wasting my time while you make up your mind, baby
I can't wait, I can't wait
-I Can't Wait by Stevie Nicks