November 1977
(8 weeks) November 3rd is Sirius Black's birthday, full moon is november 25th
And I hate to do this to you on your birthday
Happy birthday, by the way
It's not you, it's me and all that other bullshit
You know that's bullshit, don't you, babe?
-party favor by billie eilish
Luckily, after Remus's early morning barf he was feeling good enough to really enjoy the festivities, he was even convinced he hadn't woken up Sirius and crawled back into bed to enjoy an early morning cuddle. "Happy Birthday my love," he whispered as Sirius started slowly waking up, turning over to nuzzle himself deep in Remus's chest.
Sirius's birthday started out as any marauder's birthday did, boisterous singing in the Great Hall. Sirius of course enjoyed the plethora of attention, even bowing during the finale. Remus just laughed at his attention seeking boyfriend. Despite Sirius's birthday being on a Thursday, they were still going to party the night away, classes be damned.
It wasn't like Sirius's birthday party was much of a surprise like it had been in earlier years, but it was an absolute rager. The same spell they always used on the record player, a bunch of pissed people changing the record to whatever they were in the mood for, it was an energetic affair.
Remus wasn't feeling very social, which wasn't completely out of character for him. Despite his friend's attempts, he was staying sober, though he lied about the reasoning," Someone's got to keep you wankers in check," he would joke as he lit another cigarette.
Lily had been on his ass about the fact he still hadn't stopped smoking," I will once the morning sickness passes, it's just the only thing that helps," he would mutter annoyed, she would tut but leave him alone, the fact he looked like shit must have definitely helped his case, sunken eyes and his thin frame somehow becoming thinner.
Either way she was having the time of her life, her and James were both properly wasted and all over each other in the middle of the common room. Lily had her hair in two braids flowing down her back and a tight yellow dress on. She was gorgeous and James knew it. He only had eyes for her, he had only ever had eyes for her, and he wasn't letting her go now. She held her camera in her hands, no doubt taking some of the blurriest pictures known to man, but she was happy. The love between them causing a pang to rise in Remus's chest, but he was quick to push it down.
Mary and Marlene were grinding all over each other, Mary's arms waved high above her head, her curly hair in a tight bun, and a dark blue dress with a low cut back. She was a sight and everyone was stopping to stare. Marlene had a light purple romper on, her hair up in two space buns, her chunky gold earrings jumping as she danced. A plethora of students that Remus knew where either high or drunk, the stash of fire whiskey and witches brew seemed never ending, it was a chaotic frenzy he was happy to just sit and watch.
Remus's main focus was on Sirius. The birthday boy was dancing above everyone else, standing on the sofa. His hair was twisted up in a bun that was held up by his wand. He had a cropped David Bowie shirt on, his dark black happy trail lead down to his tight black pants. God, his beautiful wrists were high above his head, and the way his hips moved to the beat of The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, Remus wanted to devour him.
The Rumors album had been a big obsession of Sirius's, he was so excited when Remus had taken him to a muggle record shop so he could buy it over the Summer. No one had dared change the record since it started, and Remus was convinced that it would be the only record that did play the entire way through for the night. Peter had attempted to change it, but a jelly leg jinx had been thrown his way by a Hufflepuff fourth year that had set up her station patrolling the record player, no one had made any other attempt to change it, though it seemed like Peter was the only one that wanted to. Everyone seemed to be obsessed with Fleetwood Mac and the album was helping slow down the night as it had gotten terribly late.
After Peter's unsuccessful attempt at changing the music he happily went and decided to dance with Dorcas who was a bit too intoxicated and randomly found herself throwing up into a random plant that had been in a corner of the common room. As drunk as he was, Peter did a good job at holding her hair back and walking her back to her room, a drunk grin plastered happily on his face.
Sirius was an ethereal view as the lyrics went on, the room was filled with off tune singing, but the vibes were immaculate. Remus wished things could stay like this forever, his beautifully drunk boyfriend dancing like an angel above the masses. Remus hoped that his baby was even half as beautiful as Sirius, because that would be more than enough, it would still be the most angelic baby Remus had ever seen.
And if you don't love me now (you don't love me now)
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying (still hear you saying)
You would never break the chain (never break the chain)
Sirius pointed at Remus who was sitting across the room as the chorus repeated, Remus happily kept smoking his cigarette a huge grin plastered across his face, Sirius was once again getting lost in the groove of the music. Remus looked at the beautiful rhythm of his hips, all he wanted to do was flirt with the edges of his waistband, and tease him into submission, to show his lover that he was Remus's and Remus's alone. He would hopefully get to do that another night, hopefully everything would go as planned tomorrow.
He wasn't sure how many cigarettes he had that night, nor was he in the mood to care. He would tell Sirius the big news tomorrow, and that thought filled him with nervousness and then his mind began to wander despite the joyous party scene. Tomorrow would be new beginnings, no matter the outcome, and Remus had never been much for change.
Lily had already gotten onto him for the night, but she was much too drunk now, so Remus was free to do as he pleased. A cigarette between his lips was the only thing that could properly calm his nerves. Her and James were no longer dancing and all but sucking each other's faces off, their hips grinding against each other almost too sexually, though everyone else was too pissed to care. As the music slowed, a wave of tiredness swept over Remus.
Remus had awoken to Sirius lightly tapping his shoulder," Let's go to bed Moony," he said with a dopey grin.
Remus looked around at the now nearly empty common room, Lily and James were making out on the couch, both of their hands exploring places they shouldn't be while in the company of overs. Peter was likely off with Dorcas somewhere, hopefully not in their bedroom.
Sirius wasn't nearly as intoxicated as Remus had originally thought and there was a somberness about him, though Remus seriously doubted he would want to talk about whatever was bothering him. His best guess was something about his family, probably Regulus, it was almost always about Regulus and holidays without him seemed to hit him hard. They walked up the stairs in silence, both putting on their pjs and crawling into Sirius's bed. "It's okay," Remus whispered as Sirius curled into his chest, those two words simultaneously said so little yet so much and in that moment it was exactly what Sirius Black needed to hear.
Sirius took a deep breath," I know."
"Happy 18th birthday Sirius," Remus whispered giving him a small kiss on the forehead.
Sirius gave a small smile and they both welcomed sleep.
"Moony you didn't drink at all last night there's no way you're hungover," Sirius voice was groggy having just been woken up to Remus running out of bed, hand over his mouth," You've been throwing up the past three mornings and then acting like you're fine, and I know you're not. What is wrong with you, and do not say stomach bug because I don't have it and a bug does not last this long," his hands were on his hips sassily and he looked terribly upset.
"Five actually," Remus murmured head still in the toilet, he stomach rolling dangerously.
He threw up some more, his throat raw and his breath labored and heavy.
"Damnit Remus, we're going to Pomfrey right now."
"No we're not," Remus said his sweaty forehead placed on the shitter, the only thing that ever managed to make him feel a bit better when he was like this.
"And why not," Sirius said deciding to push down his anger and try to comfort Remus who looked bloody awful.
He wet a wash cloth and placed it on the back of the boy's neck, who sighed a sigh of small relief. "Because I know what's wrong," Remus whispered, his voice hoarse.
"Spit it out then," Sirius said despite his caring gestures his tone was serious and displeased.
Remus turned around to face Sirius, sweat still covering his forehead and tears swelling in his eyes and he sat on the bathroom floor. "Sirius please," Remus begged," Please don't leave me."
Sirius stood perplexed," What are you on about Remus?" his eyes were riddled with confusion and concern.
"I'm pregnant, I'm up the duff, I'm expecting, I'm-" he stopped when he looked up at Sirius whose expression was blank, he was at a loss for words.
Tears silently fell down Remus's face and he quickly wiped them up, but was unable to stop his bottom lip from quivering. "Say something, please," he reached out for Sirius's hand slowly, the silence of the room becoming painfully overwhelming.
"Oh Moony," Sirius said embracing Remus in a tight hug,"
I'm not going to leave you sweetheart. We'll figure it out, I'm loaded and once we graduate we'll find a home and we'll raise the little booger together. All three of us, we'll be a proper family. I can promise you that."
Remus released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and all the stress he had been holding for over the past week quickly came tumbling out of him. He embraced the soft body of his lover, the father of his child, who curled his arms so protectively, so nurturing around him.
Sadly the moment was short lived by Peter who was banging on the door," Fuck," Sirius muttered," Do you still feel sick?" he asked gently.
Remus shook his head," After I take a nausea potion I should be fine," his voice was hoarse and weak.
The sound of Peter vomiting by the door interrupted the moment which made Remus's nausea resurface and his head was promptly back in the toilet. "Bloody hell," Sirius grumbled as he opened the door, which allowed Peter to run in.
He quickly apparated the shorter boy's vomit as Peter started to throw up in the bathtub. Sirius reassuringly rubbed circles into both of their backs, how he wasn't hungover was beyond Remus, but he was grateful because three people throwing up in here would be his own personal form of hell.
When he was sure nothing would actually come up, he managed to stand, his knees weak, but Sirius did good at supporting his weight. "Favor bunking off for the day, I think we have a lot to talk about," his voice was gentle and nurturing.
Remus nodded," Breakfast first? I wonder the state of the rest of the crew," he half joked.
Sirius nodded as they made their way downstairs. It was still quite early and the sun was just starting to rise and reflecting into the empty common room. "Jesus christ, get up you two," Remus gasped at James and Lily who were curled up into each other both naked on the common room couch, a blanket their only sense of decency.
James shot up, waking up Lily," Oops, I thought we made it back to Lils room," he said sleepily with a lopsided grin on his face as the recollection of last night started jogging into his memory.
Lily looks horrified, her cheeks flushed a vibrant red," Can you please hand me that Remus," she asked pointing to her clothes on the floor.
Remus obliged, him and Sirius going down for an early Friday morning breakfast. Remus picked around at his french toast, still not feeling all that great, Sirius frowned slightly, his attention on his boyfriend's actions much more focused now, and gave Remus's thighs a small squeeze. "The books say it should get better in like a month or so," Remus whispered, obviously uncomfortable talking about his condition in the open.
Sirius nodded and they ate in a comfortable silence until everyone else rolled in looking incredibly pale. Peter was still quite green and poked at his breakfast, but everyone else tucked in, giggling about the previous night's affairs.
Sirius and Remus did end up going to their first class of the day since they had it together. Sirius sat almost too close to Remus, it was as if he was scared to let the taller boy out of his sight, but Remus didn't mind. It brought a comfort to him that he hadn't had before, and he relished in it.
Remus was absolutely exhausted when they returned to their dorm," It's normal Sirius, all the books say so," he had reassured his anxious boyfriend.
They both sat on the bed, Remus bracing himself for a conversation he wasn't quite ready for, Sirius wrapped an arm around him reassuringly. Remus took a deep breath, he was just going to spit it all out. "So, I'm 8 weeks pregnant, and it's yours, obviously. I found out 2 weeks okay, but I was so nervous to tell you so I waited until after your birthday. I'm scared Sirius, I'm so scared," his pulled his legs closer to his chest trying to make himself small," I don't know anything about babies, but I knew I couldn't get rid of it, I just couldn't, even if that jeopardized us I couldn't do it," his voice was small and a tear fell down his cheek slowly," And I knew you wouldn't leave but- I don't know, I didn't want you to stay because you felt like you had to. We're so young Sirius, and I haven't gotten anything to my name. Hell I don't even know if I'll be able to get a job after I graduate because I'm a bloody werewolf. Our baby won't be born a werewolf by the way, and I will do everything I can to make sure it never is," his voice was low and bitter," And what will our friends think, oh Sirius," he sobbed into his boyfriend's shoulder who held him so gently.
Sirius's voice was soft, and for once Sirius was the one talking sense into Remus," I'm not staying because I feel like I have to, I want to, of course I'm nervous, bloody hell we're still in school, but we'll figure it out Moony. As long as you have me we don't have to worry about money, with the money my Uncle gave when he passed, I'm set for life and what's mine is yours. We'll figure it out Moony, and our friends, well I know James will be over the moon, he'll probably try to make it a Quidditch prodigy, though with your flying skills we're working at a disadvantage, and well, Peter is happy if James is happy. Merlin I can't believe you've been carrying all of this around for 2 weeks you twat," his voice was joking but still so gentle.
"I'm sorry," Remus said, remorse heavy in his voice.
In return Sirius gave him a kiss on the forehead," I know."
"I need to go talk to Madam Pomfrey soon, I apparently need prental potions and some other fun things."
"We could go now, everyone should be out for the rest of the day."
Remus nodded," You know I'm gonna get like huge right, and the whole school will now, I don't think I'll be able to hide it."
Sirius gave him a small kiss," Moony I'm not that daft, I know how pregnancy works," he laced his fingers through Remus," And I also know that I'll be by your side through it all."
God the hormones bursting through Remus were almost unbearable, he found himself tearing up at Sirius's words, but quickly wiped them away. They walked hand in hand to the Hospital Wing.
Luckily Madam Pomfrey hadn't been busy, Remus didn't need much from her either way. She quickly waved her wand," Everything's looking good, however it is a little small," she gave a warning look to Remus.
He shrunk under her gaze, Sirius looked beyond perplexed. "No more cigarettes, the both of you," she stated narrowing her eyes at the both of them.
Sirius "ahed" to himself and nodded, Remus's smoking habits had not slowed down in the least. "I've talked to Dumbledore about your ehem... condition," she muttered," And he has offered you your own private room to help alleviate any unnecessary stress."
Remus stared dumbfounded," Really?" she nodded.
"We've had pregnant students in the past, and this is a small accommodation we always try to complete. What's done is done, no need to punish you further."
Remus nodded," Okay," he seemed a bit perplexed.
"I'll send you on your way with more nausea potions and some prenatal, just take it once a day preferably in the morning. For the time being I will check up on you after every full moon," she smiled slightly," And congratulations the both of you."
This small gesture caused Sirius to beam with a sort of pride, the arrogant boy, but it made Remus smile. This baby, despite everything, did feel like a good thing, and even if this wasn't planned there was a gratefulness about him. Life could be good, no matter the struggles. "We'll tell everyone tonight," Remus said putting on a brave face despite the fact he was internally shitting himself.
Sirius happily agreed as they looked around the dorm room they had shared with Peter and James for years now. "We can wait a little ya know," Remus had suggested.
"I don't know, I think if I have to hear prongs snore for one more night I might lose it, and I'm sure Lily and James will love the better chance for some privacy."
"What are Fleamont and Euphemia going to think," Remus whispered his face heavy with concern.
They had taken both of them in, even knowing that Remus was a dangerous mythical creature and that had shown him nothing but kindness. "I'm not sure," Sirius said his face filled with a slight concern," We'll find out at Christmas I suppose, worst case scenario we have to go back to Hogwarts for the remainder of the holiday, though I doubt it."
Remus nodded and suddenly realized how tired he was. Having everything out in the open with Sirius, and everything going okay, it released a tiredness he wasn't aware he was carrying. "I'm going for a lie down, we can move stuff later," he said shrugging off his jumper, leaving his scarred arms out in the open as he crawled into bed.
Sirius smiled, following in behind him and closing the curtains as he did so. He wrapped his arms tightly around Remus's waist, a large hand placed on his stomach as they both took a late morning nap together.
The whole gang was in the common room, finally. Remus was sure he was going to vomit from the stress of it all and found himself pacing, and craving a cigarette something awful, but Sirius had hidden them away. He had to find some other sort of hand to mouth fixation or he wasn't going to survive this pregnancy. He countinued pacing the length of the common room rug, fidgeting with his pockets. Mary was sitting down with Marlene's legs across her lap. Lily and James were side by side holding hands.
Sirius was sprawled across the arm chair not seeming very worried about the news that was about to be shared. Remus was internally furious, and kept thinking about how this was all Serious's fault, maybe if he hadn't of been so fucking stubborn none of this would have happened. Remus knew this wasn't true though and willed himself to calm down, flicking his cuticles impatiently. "Where is wormtail?" Remus snapped breaking the silence.
"He's in the bathroom he'll be down in a minute," James said looking perplexed.
Lily had done a good job of keeping her mouth shut Remus was realizing. "What's the big announcement?" Marlene asked giggling," I thought Sirius was the bad boy," she continued teasing.
Remus willed himself to calm down, he knew his temper was running short and no one was purposely trying to upset him. Peter finally came down the stairs, sitting tailor-style at James's feet.
"For the record, this isn't a joke," Remus said his face dead serious before he took a deep breath," I'm pregnant."
Mary was the first to speak, face colored with confusion," Remus did you forget you're a dude?"
James was actually the one that spoke up," Actually McDonald, though rare it can happen in wizards," he said it softly his eyes could have burned a hole through Remus with how deep in thought he was, like the information wasn't quite soaking into his brain properly.
Mary nodded but still seemed wildly confused," We can talk about it later," Marlene whispered just a little too loudly in her ear.
Remus was biting his lip so hard it would surely bleed, the gears in James's brain finally seemed as if they had caught up, no longer short circuiting. "So what I'm hearing is that I'm going to be an uncle?" his face had a large grin on it and he jumped up from the sofa and launched himself excitedly towards Remus.
Remus was stunned, out of everything he was expecting this was not it. "I don't want to share a room with a baby," Peter said seemingly annoyed with the news.
"If everything goes right, the baby is due by the end of June and apparently first time parents usually carry longer, so hopefully there will be no baby until after we've graduated," Remus said rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.
Sirius had sat himself up, beckoning Remus over who happily came and sat himself on his boyfriend's lap. "And even then, Moony and I have been given a private room, so we'll be moving out of our shared dorm."
"What?" James said horror striking his face.
"Come on Prongs, it's a win for everyone, more privacy for everyone, I get away from your snoring, 2 less people to share a bathroom with. We'll also be just down the hall," James still didn't look happy but he shut his mouth and leaned back onto the sofa, Lily whispering something into his ear.
"I think this is great Remus!" Marlene said happily," I'll be able to knit lots of blankets and there will be a cute little baby to watch," she grinned widely.
All the girls perked up at that," Oh my gosh I'm sure it'll be so cute," Mary perked up," It's parents are pretty cute," she flashed her tongue at Sirius as she said it.
Remus visibly relaxed at this as they discussed made up scenarios about the baby that was growing in Remus's stomach. He couldn't believe it, he had been so convinced that everyone would hate and abandon him, but everyone had been so happy, excited even.
.....
Lollies had helped with him quitting cigarettes, but it was still hard, like now. Remus was overwhelmingly nauseous and the only thing he wanted was a cigarette, but Sirius would not budge. "Just take one of your potions," he had said calmy as Remus's face was red with anger.
"I've already taken one and it didn't work, now just hand me a fucking fag," he said teeth snarling.
Sirius took this as an opportunity to read off statistics he had somehow memorized, if only he put this much effort into his school work. "Smoking while pregnant can lead to a higher chance of gestational diabetes, hyper tension-"
"You're going to give me hypertension if you don't hand me that fucking cigarette," Remus growled as he tore apart their bedroom looking for the hidden stash.
Joke was on him though, there was no stash, Sirius had gotten rid of all of them knowing how tempting it would be for the both of them. All of their friends knew not to give either of them one, Sirius wasn't going to rub his ability to smoke in Remus's face, he was determined they would quit together. "Risks for the baby include low birth weight, preterm birth, SIDs, and certain birth defects."
Remus stopped searching at that, he didn't give a shit about his health, but he did care about the baby, even more than he cared about his need for a cigarette. He was still angry though and refused to let Sirius have the last laugh, "You're still a massive tosser," he said as he decided to curl himself up in bed so the nausea episode may pass.
"I know," Sirius said as he turned the lights off, using his wand to continue working on his homework.
I let you push all of my buttons all the time
And you could push me off the edge all you like
Pushing me out, pushing me out of my head
Me out of my head
-Buttons by meija