Home Is Where the Mug Is
James watched Regulus move through the apartment, and for the first time in a long time, something inside him settled. It was like a puzzle piece clicking into place, a quiet reassurance that this: Regulus here, in this space, it was exactly right.
He hadn’t felt this way about anyone else. Not even Kacey.
That realization hit him hard. He had liked Kacey, maybe even loved him, in a way, but he had never been able to bring himself to let him move in. This place had always felt too… full. Full of something unspoken, something that made it impossible to change the way it was. And now, watching Regulus standing there, fingers ghosting over the bookshelves like he was reacquainting himself with old friends, James finally understood why.
It had never been just his apartment. It had been their appartment all along.
Regulus moved to the couch, sitting down carefully, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to. The sight of him there, though, so effortlessly fitting into the space, it did something to James. He belongs here, James thought, gripping the sleeve of his coat a little tighter.
He cleared his throat, trying to shake the thoughts out of his head. “Want something to drink?”
Regulus hesitated, his fingers twitching slightly against his knee. For a second, James thought he would say no, but then, with a soft sigh, he nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”
James smiled, maybe a little too wide, but he couldn’t help it. “Good choice.” He turned toward the kitchen, determined to keep Regulus right there, in his apartment, for as long as he could.
Regulus followed James into the kitchen, leaning casually against the counter, watching as James reached into the cupboard and pulled down two mugs.
“Ovaltine?” James asked, glancing over his shoulder.
Regulus blinked, clearly caught off guard. “You have Ovaltine?”
James shrugged. “Yeah.”
Regulus gave him a look. “You don’t like Ovaltine.” and at the same time, they both said, “It’s too sweet.”
The words rolled off James’s tongue so naturally that he almost didn’t register them, until the familiarity hit him like a brick. He had a feeling he had said that before. Not once. Not twice. A hundred times. His chest tightened, a strange ache settling there.
Across from him, Regulus looked away, suddenly focused on the countertop like it held the secrets of the universe. His fingers drummed lightly against the surface, and James watched them move, mesmerized. He’s beautiful. Not just in the way James had always known, sharp cheekbones, dark lashes, lips that looked both soft and stubborn, but in the way he fit here, in his kitchen, like he belonged.
James turned back to the stove, setting water and milk to boil.
“I know it’s your favorite,” he said, keeping his voice light.
Regulus lifted his gaze, scrutinizing James with careful curiosity. “Oh? And how exactly do you know that?”
James hesitated, gripping the edge of the counter. “I don’t. Not really. But, I have a feeling.”
Regulus stared at him, searching his face for something James wasn’t sure he even understood. Then, slowly, his lips curled into a small, genuine smile.
James felt his breath catch. God, that smile. He wanted to bottle it up, to keep it forever, to memorize the way it softened Regulus’s usually guarded expression. And for the first time in a long time, something in his chest felt warm.
James poured the steaming Ovaltine into Regulus’s mug and handed it over before fixing his own tea. But instead of drinking, he found himself watching Regulus, his fingers wrapped around the ceramic, his lips pressing against the rim as he took a sip.
Regulus let out a soft, contented hum, and James felt something in his chest tighten. That’s not fair. How could something as simple as watching Regulus drink Ovaltine make him feel like he was falling in love.
Then Regulus’s gaze flickered to James’s hand, and his brows lifted slightly. “You still have that mug?”
James blinked, glancing down at the cup he was holding, his favorite blue mug, slightly chipped at the rim. He shrugged. “Yeah. It’s my favorite.”
Regulus let out a laugh, shaking his head.
James narrowed his eyes, smiling despite himself. “What?”
“You hated that mug.”
James frowned, taking a sip of his tea. “What? No, I didn’t.”
Regulus smirked. “You did. You swore it made your tea taste weird, and you kept threatening to throw it out, but somehow, it always ended up back in the cupboard.”
James stared at him, something tugging at the edges of his memory, like an echo of laughter, the sound of his own voice grumbling about a stupid mug while Regulus stole it out of the donation box behind his back.
He tilted his head. “And let me guess, you were the one putting it back.”
Regulus took another sip of his Ovaltine, eyes twinkling over the rim. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Regulus leaned back against the counter, cradling his mug between his hands as he looked at James with something almost teasing in his expression. “Do you remember how we got that mug?”
James shook his head, intrigued. “Enlighten me.”
Regulus smirked. “Alright. We’d been dating for about a year when I started volunteering at the community center twice a month.”
James nodded, sipping his tea. “It doesn't sounds like you.”
Regulus rolled his eyes but continued. “One month, my shift happened to fall on our anniversary. I didn’t want to cancel, and you, being you, insisted on tagging along, because, in your words, ‘What’s more romantic than spending our special night at bingo with the elderly?’”
James let out a breathy laugh. “Okay, that does sound like something I’d say.”
Regulus grinned. “You were horrible at bingo. I mean, truly awful. Everyone around you kept winning prizes, and you sat there sulking, convinced the cards were rigged against you.”
James scoffed. “That also sounds like me.”
Regulus nodded, eyes glinting with amusement. “You were so bad they ended up giving you a consolation prize out of pity.” He lifted his mug slightly. “That mug.”
James stared at the mug in his hands, turning it over like it might reveal something if he looked at it hard enough. He tried to picture it, the bingo hall, the hum of chatter, Regulus sitting beside him, probably rolling his eyes at James’s dramatic reactions. He imagined himself groaning every time someone else called out "Bingo!", arms crossed in protest while some sweet old lady patted his shoulder sympathetically.
And then, finally, the pity prize. This ridiculous blue mug. He could almost see himself standing up, grinning like an idiot as he accepted it, bowing like he’d just won an Oscar. Regulus beside him, shaking his head, trying, not to laugh.
James looked up at Regulus now, watching the way his lips curled at the memory. His eyes had that distant, nostalgic gleam, like he was there, reliving it. James wanted that. He wanted to reach out and pull the memory from Regulus’s mind and make it his own.
“I bet I made a speech, didn’t I?” James asked, his voice lighter, but there was something raw beneath it.
Regulus huffed a quiet laugh. “Oh, you did. Something about perseverance, the spirit of the underdog. You were insufferable.”
James chuckled, shaking his head. “Sounds like a good night.”
Regulus tilted his head slightly, eyes softer now. “It was. You were… really cute about it.”
James swallowed, watching the way Regulus’s lips curled, the way his fingers absentmindedly traced the rim of his mug.
“I wish I remembered,” James admitted, voice quieter now.
Regulus looked at him for a moment before glancing away, tapping his fingers against the ceramic. “Yeah,” he murmured. “Me too.”
James swirled the tea in his mug, watching as Regulus took the last sip of his Ovaltine. He hesitated for a moment before speaking, his voice softer than before. “You know… ever since I woke up, this has been my favorite mug.”
Regulus blinked, looking at the blue mug still cradled in James’s hands. He frowned slightly, confused. “Why?”
James glanced down at it, running his thumb along the rim. “I don’t know. Maybe because of you.”
Regulus stiffened, his eyes flickering away as if the words were too much, too heavy. James wished he could make Regulus understand. He wished he could make him see that, despite everything, despite the missing memories, his feelings hadn’t changed. His heart still reached for Regulus, still knew him in ways his mind didn’t.
Regulus set his empty mug down on the counter behind him with quiet finality, and panic surged in James’s chest. He was going to leave. James could feel it, see the familiar guarded look settling over Regulus’s features. No. He couldn’t let him go, not yet.
Desperation clawed at him, and before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “Do you want to see the rest of the apartment?”
Regulus hesitated immediately, his lips parting like he was going to refuse. His face twisted slightly, like he was weighing the decision, like he knew he should say no but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.
James held his breath.
Then, finally, Regulus exhaled sharply, his shoulders sagging just a little. “…Sure.”
Relief crashed over James like a tidal wave, so strong it nearly made him lightheaded.
He jumped to his feet, trying not to look too eager. “Great! Uh, this way.”
As he led Regulus toward the hallway, James had to resist the overwhelming urge to reach for his hand.
James led Regulus into the bedroom, his heart thudding a little too fast. The moment Regulus stepped inside, his sharp gaze landed on the lamp on the nightstand, where a worn photograph was taped to its base.
James barely had time to react before Regulus moved toward it, reaching out with careful fingers to pull the picture free. He stared at it in silence, his expression unreadable, but James didn’t need words to know what he was asking.
Why?
James swallowed and shrugged lightly, trying to appear nonchalant even as his pulse pounded in his ears. “I like that photo,” he said simply. “We look happy.”
Regulus’s fingers tightened slightly around the edges, his thumb running over the image as if tracing something long lost. His voice, when it came, was quiet, barely more than a murmur. “We were happy.”
James felt his chest constrict.
His eyes flickered back to the photo, Regulus smiling, James grinning at him with all the love in the world written across his face. It was a perfect moment, frozen in time, a reminder of something James couldn’t fully remember but still felt in every fiber of his being.
“When was the wedding supposed to be?” he asked, his voice gentle, almost hesitant.
Regulus didn’t look at him, his gaze still fixed on the picture. “October,” he said. “Last year.”
James’s breath caught. That meant in a couple of months, they would have been celebrating their first anniversary.
Regulus exhaled, a slow, measured breath, and James couldn’t stop himself, he stepped closer, drawn in by an invisible force. Regulus, still lost in the photo, sank down onto the bed without thinking, and James’s heart stuttered at the sight.
Regulus, in their bedroom. On their bed.
It felt right. Too right.
James clenched his fists at his sides, hating himself for nearly letting someone else into this space, into their space. The thought of Kacey sleeping in this bed made his stomach twist, made his skin crawl. It would have been a betrayal, no matter how unintentional.
Because no matter what memories he had lost, one truth remained.
This bed, this room, this life, it would only ever belong to Regulus.
Regulus placed the photo back on the nightstand with deliberate care, but as soon as his fingers left the frame, something seemed to register in his mind. His back straightened, his muscles tensed, and then, almost too quickly, he stood up from the bed, like he’d just realized where he was sitting.
James clenched his jaw to keep from sighing. He didn’t want Regulus to move, didn’t want him to put distance between them. He wished Regulus had stayed, had leaned back against the pillows, had let James crawl over him, press him into the mattress, cover him with his body like he was supposed to.
But Regulus was always running. Always pulling away before James could hold onto him.
James stepped closer, unable to help himself.
Regulus parted his lips, about to say something, maybe an excuse, maybe a warning, maybe just his name, but James didn’t let him.
Because the moment his eyes met Regulus’s pale blue and full of something raw, something fragile, James forgot every reason why he shouldn’t.
Instead, he surged forward, cupping Regulus’s face with both hands, and kissed him.
The kiss deepened, urgent and raw, as if their very souls were trying to find one another in the frenzy of touch. James’s hands roamed over Regulus’s shoulders, down his back then to his hips, pulling him closer, needing him against him like he hadn’t needed anything in so long. Regulus’s breath hitched, his body arching towards James as if he could feel the same ache, the same hunger for something neither of them should name.
James’s fingers grazed the line of Regulus’s jaw, down his neck, tracing the ridge of his collarbone before moving lower, desperate to touch more, to feel more. He tugged gently on Regulus’s shirt, pulling it up and over his head, the soft fabric sliding over warm skin. The feel of Regulus under his hands, soft and firm in the places James had forgotten, made his heart race.
Regulus’s hands slid down James’s chest, his fingertips skimming the muscles beneath his shirt, before pulling James closer, forcing their lips to meet again, even harder, more frantic. There was no space between them now, no hesitation. James could feel the heat radiating off Regulus, could feel the pulse of desire between them, a rhythm he thought he’d lost.
With a soft, breathless groan, James lowered Regulus back onto the bed, feeling the mattress dip beneath their weight as he moved on top of him. The kiss never broke, not even for a moment, both of them too consumed by the need to feel, to taste, to reclaim something they had lost. James’s hand slid under Regulus’s waistband, fingers finding skin, then muscle, as his thumb brushed over the line of Regulus’s hips.
Regulus’s body responded immediately, arching into the touch, a soft gasp escaping his lips. It was all James needed to hear, the sound of Regulus letting go, the sound of him wanting, needing, just as much as James did.
And for the first time in what felt like forever, James didn’t want to think about anything else.
The air between them shifted, and suddenly, everything felt hotter, James was still leaning over Regulus, fingers on the waistband of his own pants, when Regulus suddenly shoved James away with his hands.
Regulus’s face was tense, his eyes burning with something James couldn’t quite place. He quickly stood, his movements sharp, and grabbed his shirt, yanking it over his head with an intensity that sent a jolt through James’s stomach. “We can’t do this, James,” he snapped. “This is cheating.”
James froze, his chest tightening as his heart skipped a beat. “What?”
Regulus turned to face him, his eyes burning with frustration, a mixture of hurt and anger contorting his features. “You don’t get it, do you? Cheating just comes naturally to you. It’s like second nature. But it’s not to me. I won’t be a part of that. I won’t let you drag me into your mess.”
James's stomach twisted. “What are you talking about? I never cheated on you, Regulus.”
Regulus’s jaw clenched, and he gave a bitter laugh, shaking his head as if James were the most naive person on the planet. “Just because you forgot doesn’t mean it didn’t happen."
James blinked, trying to process what Regulus was saying. “I don’t... What do you mean? I didn’t cheat on you. I would never...”
Regulus’s eyes narrowed as he stepped closer, his voice cold. “You’ve already done it, James. You’ve already been with someone else. You might not remember, but I do. You don’t get a pass just because you’ve got amnesia.”
James’s chest tightened, his breath catching. “Regulus, please. That’s not how it happened. I...”
“No.” Regulus cut him off sharply, his voice laced with anger and hurt. “Don’t try to explain it away. You’ve already done it. Now you’re living with someone else, moving on.” He took a step back, shaking his head. “You don’t get to pull me into your mess like this. I won’t be your second choice.”
James’s pulse pounded in his ears, panic rising in his chest. “Regulus, I would never do that to you! I swear...”
But Regulus turned away from him, walking towards the door, his movements quick and sharp. “You don’t remember, and you don’t care,” he spat, his voice was cold, his eyes sharp with pain as he looked at James. “But I do. You’ve got someone else. You’ve been with him for God knows how long.” He gestured to James’s exposed chest, his eyes flicking to the bulge in James’s pants. “And now, you’re here with me. You’re a cheater, James.”
James stood there, feeling the weight of Regulus’s words hit him like a punch. His mind raced, trying to understand. “Regulus, listen to me please. I never wanted this. I didn’t want to forget. But it did. And I...”
Regulus spun around, cutting him off once more. “You’re doing it again, James. You’re justifying it. You’re pretending that it doesn’t matter.” He grabbed the door handle, his face twisted with pain and frustration. “Well, it matters. It matters to me.”
James’s voice cracked as he stepped forward, desperation flooding him. “Regulus, please. I swear to you, I never cheated on you. I love you. I didn’t...”
Regulus flung the door open, his eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and anger. “You loved me?” he said, his voice low and bitter. “Then where the hell was that love when you were with someone else? You had already moved on, James. You just don’t remember it.”
“No,” James said, almost pleading now, his voice raw. “I didn’t move on. I swear, I never wanted anyone but you. You have to believe me.”
But Regulus didn’t stop. He stepped through the door, his back to James, the words lingering in the air like a heavy weight.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Regulus said quietly, before he walked out, leaving James standing there in the doorway, his heart shattered.
James stood there, paralyzed, his chest tight with a mix of disbelief and pain. He couldn’t process what had just happened, the words echoing in his mind over and over again. It was like everything he had been fighting for had just slipped through his fingers.
His thoughts were a tangled web of confusion, frustration, and self-loathing. Why hadn’t Regulus listened to him? Why hadn’t he try to understand? James rubbed his hand through his hair, his fingers pulling at the strands in frustration.
“I’m not with Kacey anymore,” he whispered to himself, but it felt like the words weren’t his own. He’d left him after that night with Remus and Sirius, that night when he had finally admitted the truth to himself. His heart belonged to Regulus. Always had. It wasn’t fair to Kacey, it wasn’t fair to anyone, but James couldn’t go on pretending.
And yet… Regulus didn’t know that. Regulus thought he was still with Kacey. Regulus thought James was a cheater.
The thought hit James like a punch to the gut. He couldn’t accept it. He couldn’t accept that Regulus. Regulus, who had always been everything to him, thought he had betrayed him.
James leaned forward, his hands gripping his hair, trying to steady himself. His head throbbed, a sharp pain behind his eyes as he tried to remember. He tried to remember the moment that Regulus was talking about. Had he cheated on him? No. No, he couldn’t have. He wouldn’t have. But the thought gnawed at him, pulling him deeper into self-doubt.
He closed his eyes, forcing himself to focus. He had never wanted anyone else. Not Kacey. Not anyone. His heart had always belonged to Regulus. So why did it feel like it was slipping through his fingers now?
“I didn’t do it,” James muttered, the words bitter on his tongue. But no matter how many times he said it, the confusion remained.
His chest tightened, and he suddenly felt suffocated. Regulus thought he was a cheater. And no matter how much he told himself he hadn’t done it, it wasn’t going to change the fact that Regulus believed otherwise. And how could he blame him? James had no memory of the time they’d spent together before the accident. He didn’t even know if he’d done something that had made Regulus think that.
But the pain of it, the sheer impossibility of that version of him, it was too much to bear.
James buried his face in his hands, the weight of it all pressing down on him. His heart had been so sure that he and Regulus were on the same path. Everything had seemed like it was finally falling into place. But now… now it felt like everything was falling apart, and James didn’t know how to stop it.
“I’m not a cheater,” he whispered to the empty room, but the words sounded hollow, echoing in the silence.
He wanted to go after Regulus. He wanted to fix it, to make Regulus see that he hadn’t done anything wrong. But what if he couldn’t? What if Regulus already made up his mind?
The thought of that made James sick to his stomach. How could things have gone so wrong, so quickly? All he had wanted was to be with Regulus. But now, his chance felt as if it had slipped away forever.
And James, for all his confusion and pain, was left alone in his apartment, with nothing but the remnants of what could have been.