There is a breeze blowing through the trees above; the night summer air humming across my face.The stars are dull, muted almost, and the grass on the hillside is making my shirt damp, but it does not matter, not now anyway.
“I wish it could stay like this. Just you and me. No order and death eaters. No secret alliances- just this” Draco says, waving his hand in front of us.
It would be nice, I think. A beautiful dream. One in which I am not worried about which one of my friends I will have to bury next. Or which one of my former classmates I will have to kill.
“It would be nice, wouldn't it?” I agree.
We sit like that for a while. Listening to the wind in the trees and the crickets in the distance. It’s Draco who breaks the silence. He turns onto his side. Looking at me through mossy eyes.
“When this is all over, and good prevails over bad and all that bullshit. Maybe you and I could go out. Have a drink in some no name pub, maybe have dinner somewhere. Just you and me. No sneaking about.”
I look over at him then, flashing him a sad smile.
“I would love that, Draco.” I look back up at the stars, I think I see Orion's belt. “Yeah, that would be nice.”
He stares over at me, that same smile mirrored upon his pink lips. “It would be rather nice, wouldn't -”
My mouth swallows his sentence. His hand comes up to meet my face, cupping my jaw. It dawns on me then, that I like things with Draco. I like when he kisses me like he's vying for his last breath- like it just might kill him to pull away. I like when he pushes me down and settles on top of me. I like when he looks at me like I'm God. Like he couldn't go another day without paying his respects, like his soul is damned and he so desperately wants to be saved again. I like when he whispers obscenities into my ear; like it even more when he shows me those obscenities.
But then I think of tomorrow; of our deal. I think of which one of us will be buried to save the rest. And I wish it was not like this. I think of Draco and how his tombstone will look next to his mothers. I wonder if they will etch his name in marble. I wonder if he cares. I think of how damp my shirt is becoming, how damp my cheeks have become. We’ve stopped hissing now. He knows my mind is on him, on what tomorrow holds for him.
“This is the only way. You’ve known that.” He kisses my cheek, catching one of my tears on his lips. “We’ve just been buying time.”
I wish it were not the only way. I wish he hadn't become Voldemort's right hand man. Wish he had someone to live for, someone that would have made him say no. But it wouldn’t have mattered. Men like Voldemort think that they get to control all of the pieces on the chess board. That people are created purely to serve their interests. No, the truth is that Draco would have become a horcrux whether he volunteered or not.
“When you see me tomorrow…” He pauses, turning his tongue over in his cheek. As if he is piercing the letters together in his mouth. “Just make it quick, okay? No Gryffindor bleeding heart or anything.”
And I promise him I will. I promise him that I will have Theo and Blaze spared. Promise him that I will plant flowers for Narsissa on her birthday. I promise it all. And it still does not make it any easier.