Remus Lupin had never expected Sirius Black to feel the same way.
He had known—of course he had known—that Sirius was unattainable. That Sirius was the kind of person who was meant to be admired from afar, like a star that burned too brightly to touch.
But knowing didn’t make it hurt any less when Sirius confirmed what Remus had feared all along.
“Oh, Moony,” Sirius had said, his voice unusually gentle, like he was trying not to break him. “I—Merlin, I don’t want to hurt you. But I don’t—” He cut himself off and shook his head. “I don’t think I feel the same way.”
Remus had nodded, smiled, and shoved the pain so deep inside himself that he almost believed it wasn’t there.
“It’s fine, Pads. Forget I said anything.” He wished he could forget.
Sirius had searched his face, looking almost as if he was the one hurting, but he hadn’t argued.
And Remus had walked away, pretending he wasn’t breaking apart at the seams.
-
The moment Remus said yes to a date with Matthew Corner, he knew it was a mistake.
But he did it anyway.
He felt bad for using Matthew, even if he tried to convince himself that ‘he wasn’t actually using Matthew, because a part of him, even if small, really wanted to go on the date’. But he knew, perfectly well, why he wanted to go on the date.
To get over Sirius.
-
“Wait, you’re actually going on a date?” James asked, looking up from his game of Exploding Snap.
“Yes, Prongs,” Remus said patiently. “That is what I just said.”
Peter let out a low whistle. “Blimey, Moony. Didn’t think you had it in you.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I am capable of dating, Wormtail.”
“Are you, though?” Sirius muttered.
Remus stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Sirius shrugged, looking at the ceiling like it held all the answers to the universe. “Just seems a bit sudden, that’s all.”
Remus clenched his jaw. “Sudden?”
“Yeah.” Sirius’s voice was light, but his hands were balled into fists. “Didn’t think you’d be over me that quickly.”
The room fell silent.
James’s gaze darted between them, eyes wide. “I, uh—” He grabbed Peter’s arm. “Wormtail! let’s go see if Lily wants to hex me for existing.”
Peter frowned. “Why would—”
James dragged him out before he could finish.
As soon as the door closed, Remus let out a bitter laugh. “That’s rich, coming from you.”
Sirius stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me either,” Remus said, crossing his arms. “That’s a bit selfish, don’t you think?”
Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “Moons—”
“No,” Remus cut him off. “You rejected me, Sirius. You don’t get to act like this.”
Sirius opened his mouth, then closed it. His jaw was tight, like he was physically biting back words.
Remus sighed, suddenly exhausted. “It’s just one date, Sirius.”
Sirius swallowed. “And if it’s more than that?”
Remus hesitated, then forced himself to say, “Then maybe that’s a good thing.”
Sirius flinched, and for a second, he looked—lost.
Remus almost reached for him. Almost took it all back.
But he didn’t.
Instead, he turned on his heel and walked away.
-
The date was fine.
Matthew was polite, intelligent, and genuinely interested in what Remus had to say. He laughed at all the right times, asked thoughtful questions, and didn’t seem fazed by Remus’ occasional sarcasm.
And yet, Remus felt wrong.
Because Matthew wasn’t Sirius.
But Sirius had made his choice. And Remus needed to accept that.
Even if Sirius, apparently, didn’t.
Because when Remus returned to the common room, Sirius was waiting for him, slouched on the couch with his arms crossed.
“Have fun?” Sirius asked, voice annoyingly casual.
Remus sighed, already exhausted. “Yes.”
Sirius scoffed. “Of course you did.”
Remus narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Sirius stood abruptly, and before Remus could react, he was there, right in front of him, close enough that Remus could see the way his hands trembled at his sides.
“It means,” Sirius said, voice rough, “that I hate this.”
Remus’s breath caught. “Hate what?”
Sirius exhaled sharply. “I hate the thought of you with someone else. I hate that I let you walk away. And I hate that I was too much of a coward to admit that I—” He cut himself off and shook his head.
Remus stared at him, heart pounding. “That you what, Sirius?”
Sirius swallowed, then let out a shaky breath.
“That I’m in love with you,” he admitted, voice barely above a whisper.
Remus felt like the ground had been ripped out from under him.
There they were, the words he had been dreaming about for so long, the words that would had meant so much to him if only they had been said at the right time.
Now they only felt mean.
“You—” He shook his head, suddenly furious. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to say this now.”
Sirius flinched. “Moons—”
“No,” Remus snapped. “You rejected me, Sirius. You don’t get to change your mind just because you saw me with someone else.”
Sirius exhaled sharply. “I panicked, alright? I was scared.”
“Scared of what?”
Sirius’s hands clenched at his sides. “Of ruining us. Of losing you. Of everything.”
Remus let out a bitter laugh. “And what, exactly, do you think happened when you rejected me?”
Sirius looked at him then, and Remus hated how much he still loved him.
“I know I messed up,” Sirius said quietly. “But I—I need you to know how I feel.”
Remus inhaled sharply.
Because Sirius had always been his weakness.
And Sirius must have seen the moment he broke, because then Sirius was kissing him.
It was desperate and messy and everything Remus had ever wanted.
When they finally pulled apart, Sirius was grinning, looking ridiculously pleased with himself.
“So,” he said breathlessly. “I take it things with Matthew didn’t work out?”
Remus groaned. “You’re insufferable.”
Sirius beamed. “But you love me anyway.”
Remus sighed, but he was smiling.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “I do.”
And it felt right.