Chapter One
Sometime in Early January
Sirius might not have been entirely well prepared for this. He had just stepped out of the travel bus, suitcase in one hand, guitar case in the other, when a blisteringly cold gust of wind assaulted the side of his face. He squinted his eyes and pushed the collar of his too-thin coat up as far as it would go. His fingers were starting to go numb as he grasped onto his luggage without any gloves on. So maybe he should’ve packed a bit heavier, he thought, eyeing the snow beneath his ill-suited boots. It must have been almost half a meter tall, every inch of the ground was covered in a thick sheet of white. Everything aside from a skinny shoveled off path that someone had thrown a generous amount of salt over.
There were a few other people clambering off the bus behind him, all of whom he could see were much better prepared than him, their parkas zipped up all the way, fur hoods covering most of their faces. Sirius looked up from the path and started walking as fast as he could without face planting directly into the pile of snow. He could see the large log cabin in the distance, with dark green shutters on the windows and three chimneys, all of which were emanating a soft puff of smoke.
The wind was whipping at his face, his hair flying about and his teeth were chattering cartoonishly when he finally made it inside. The shock of temperature left him frozen for a second in the entrance, his boots leaving a trail of snow down the welcome mat, and he stood there taking in his surroundings.
Okay… maybe his decision to suddenly pack up his belongings and fly across the continent to a remote ski lodge in northern Ontario had been a bit brash. So what. He was here now wasn’t he? And maybe he wasn’t entirely prepared for the cold, after being away from it for so long. Surely there would be somewhere in town to buy some winter gear right? And if worse came to worst he could just layer all his sweaters on top of one another. And maybe searching “remote winter ski hotel in Canada with a view of the northern lights (with electricity and relatively good wifi)” into google and immediately booking a flight for the first option that came up hadn’t been one of his brightest moments but he’d done it anyway. And now, standing in the entrance, looking into the living room of what would be his home for at least the next few weeks, he’d actually felt surprisingly relaxed.
It was nice. The cabin, that is, not the cold, (though hopefully he’d get used to that) and what did he expect anyway? He knew what he was signing himself up for. He missed winter, even if it was a love hate sort of relationship. He missed the snow. He missed the fluffy type of snow that slipped through your mitts and whipped at your face in the wind. He missed the sticky snow you could roll snowballs and snowmen in. He even missed the snow with the thin layer of ice on top that would crack beneath each step, leaving your foot stuck much deeper than you expected. Most of all he missed seasons. LA was always the same. No rain, no snow, no nothing. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d seen a leaf change colour.
Now he was here, and for once, he didn’t immediately regret one of his impulsive decisions. The inside of the lodge was beautiful. Stained wooden beams hung low over the large living room and a stone, old fashioned looking fireplace was burning on the furthest wall, little coal embers emitting a soft glow of orange and red. There were armchairs and coaches for people to sit and multiple persian rugs littering the hardwood floor. It was cozy and just what Sirius needed right now.
He stepped up to their reception counter and rang the little bell on the ledge. The other family that had been on the bus with him were just making their way inside the entrance as well and he sent them a little smile. He was grateful they hadn’t recognized him, or even if they had, they hadn’t said anything, though it was quite unlikely they did. They were an elderly couple, a man and a woman with a young girl, around 7 or 8, most likely a granddaughter. It was usually the teenagers and young adults that he had to look out for.
Speaking of… when he turned his head there was a young woman behind the desk, leaning over slightly to squint at the dinosaur of a computer that was set up there. “Hi there. Welcome to Kapisilluk Ski Lodge. Have you booked a room in advance?” She said, looking at his rather large suitcase still clutched in his fist, then up at his face. Her eyes flashed with recognition and her jaw dropped slightly. “Are you-”
“Martin. It’s under Martin Jones” he cut her off. Fuck. She’d obviously recognised him. So much for the fake name. The woman raised an eyebrow at him.
He sent her what he hoped to be a pleading look, glancing at the family behind him and back at the woman. “Please. Call me Martin.”
She paused and seemed to register his expression, then nodded in understanding. “Okay uh… Martin. It says here you have the attic room booked for… four weeks?”
Sirius nodded. She seemed surprised at the length of his stay, but he’d actually wanted to get the room for longer but that was their limit for pre-bookings. He would just need to rebook when the time came. It was probably for the better anyway, he was sort of throwing himself in the deep end here.
“Okay then. Come with me, I'll show you where your room is.”
---
After the woman —Lily, she’d said her name was— gave him a tour of the premises, he was led up a rather narrow staircase to an attic room with a window that looked out onto the frozen lake, snow dusted pine trees around its edge and a forest behind that. Lily had shown him most of the building, pointing out the dining room and communal living room, as well as the building outside where you could rent skis. It was a relatively small hotel, probably only able to house about a dozen people at a time, but that’s what he needed. The less people the better. He just needed to relax for once and not constantly be worrying about public opinion or the next event he apparently had to attend. He was going to lay down on this bed that was covered in a mound of fluffy pillows, wrap himself in the floral quilt and watch the snow fall from his window. Maybe this was his chance to reconnect with nature, however cheesy that sounded. He’d be able to breathe in fresh pine scented air, hear the crunch of snow and leaves beneath his feet and finally see some stars in the sky for once.
The thought had put him straight to sleep, before he’d even had the chance to unpack anything. It was like his body had registered his surroundings and suddenly felt the need to hibernate.
When Sirius woke up it was dark. The window was now letting in a silvery dim light from the moon and brightness of the snow. His mouth was dry, his stomach was practically screaming at him, his phone was dead and one of his pant legs was rolled all the way up his thigh. He looked around, bleary eyed and reached for his suitcase with his charger. His brain felt like it was pulsing against his skull and when he finally stood up he nearly doubled over with the head rush. At least he felt somewhat rested.
After taking a much needed shower and gasping for breath after gulping down four glasses of water, he checked the time. His eyes widened at his phone. It was almost 1 am. Sirius couldn’t believe it. He’d gotten to the lodge just after twelve, there was absolutely no way he’d been asleep that long. It felt like 3 seconds had gone by. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept more than five hours a night.
His stomach then let out an embarrassingly loud groan and he clutched his middle with both his arms. Fuck, he was starving. He hadn’t brought any food with him and the only edible thing in his room was a little chocolate he hadn’t realized was on his bed which he’d slept on. It was flattened and a little warm but he ate it anyway in one bite, it very much did not tame his hunger.
He decided to venture down to the lobby in hopes they had some sort of food available for purchase. It was quite eerily silent and the only sounds audible when he crept downstairs were the creek of the floorboards. He wasn’t used to this type of quiet. Back home, the night was never silent. There were always the sounds of the bustling city outside his window; distant music from a nearby party, people laughing, people yelling, car horns blaring. He used to love it. It used to make him feel alive, but now it just made him depressed.
There were a few dim lights on in the living room, and he looked around half-heartedly for a vending machine, though he highly doubted they’d have one. Lily had shown him where the kitchen was, so he tried the door to it, only to find it locked as he rattled the doorknob back and forth.
He sighed, feeling his stomach with his palm. Maybe he could sleep through it? He’d gone to bed without dinner plenty of times in his childhood, how hard could it be? Just then, his eyes found the front desk, with the clunky computer. There were a few little boxes and plastic wrapped items behind it and he walked up to lean over the counter. There were little bottles of maple syrup, all tied with a white ribbon and label, as well as three boxes of maple fudge. It would have to do. He shuffled his way behind the desk and grabbed a box. It was five dollars. The only Canadian money Sirius had brought with him was a couple loonies and a fifty dollar bill. Not the most convenient but he supposed he could leave the fifty.
Suddenly a voice rang out behind him, “Were you planning on paying for those?”
Sirius startled, dropping the boxes to the floor and clutching his chest. “Jesus Christ” he whispered and whipped his head around to see Lily a few meters away with a slightly amused expression forming on her lips.
“Of course I was,” he muttered, still a little startled. He bent over to quickly grab the boxes and then took the fifty dollar bill from his pocket, waving it for her to see.
She huffed out a laugh and nudged him over a little to access the cash register. “Did you just have a midnight craving for fudge?”
He paused, “yes? Or.. well no. I just didn’t bring any food and I guess I missed dinner.”
“Ya, I noticed. I was half wondering if you’d already gotten lost in the woods.” she smiled, her teeth bright and her lips spreading prettily over her gums. She was quite beautiful, Sirius noticed. He kind of wanted to flirt with her.
“I’m not that stupid. I would've left a bread crumb trail.”
She shook her head, her smile still there, and looked down at the money in Sirius’s hand. “You can buy these if you want, but there’s real food in the kitchen. Mostly breakfast food for tomorrow… but I guess it is tomorrow, so it’s up for grabs?”
Sirius agreed, and thanked her profusely, saying she was an angel sent from heaven and that he’d forever remember her kindness. He was being over the top, but she seemed to be enjoying it, rolling her eyes and giggling quietly, so he kept it up.
“Wait!” He stopped her before she left the register, pushing the boxes towards her, “I still want these.”
“Sure.”
“Have you had them before? They look so good!” he complimented, smiling flirtatiously.
“Course. My mum makes them,” she wasn’t looking up from the money in her hand, tapping away at the cash’s buttons. “D’you want your receipt?”
“Yes,” Sirius replied absently, busy staring at her collarbones in the off-the shoulder top she wore. Her hair was a deep rust colour and curled tightly in every direction along her shoulders. It was quite mesmerizing.
She eyed him amusedly, a thin eyebrow raised in question, “What are you going to do with it?”
Sirius tore his eyes up, “what?”
“Your receipt.”
“Oh,” he paused, looking slightly sheepish. “Throw it out?”
—
Lily led him into the little kitchen behind the dining room, which turned out to be not so little at all, and was stacked with multiple freezers and shelves all the way up the wall.
“So why are you up so late?” he asked, speeding up a little to follow her.
“I have a day off tomorrow. I’m just hanging out with a friend. Didn’t actually realize how late it was until now,” she shrugged, hauling open the rather heavy looking fridge door.
“And you decided to stay here? Do you live far?”
She huffed, “No I live here actually. My parents own the place.”
Sirius’s mouth opened wide in surprise, then he clamped it shut. Before he could acknowledge what she’d said, Lily pushed a box of cereal into his chest. Then a bag of sesame seed bagels, followed by a jar of jam and another box of cereal, mini wheats this time. “There’s loads more if you want, though most of it is frozen. Also, I kind of want those for myself,” she grabbed the mini wheats back and shoved a hand inside.
Suddenly a harsh bang echoed through the kitchen and a man's voice groaned just loud enough for him to hear. Lily perked her head up, eyes fixed on something behind him, “Remus?” she called out.
“Sorry! M’fine!” the voice called back.
Lily rolled her eyes, ”I’m gonna go,” she gestured her arm around in the other direction. “You can have whatever, just wash your dishes if you use any.”
Sirius ate his food quietly, staring at his hands and the chipped grain of the wooden table. He hadn’t brought his phone down, not that there was anything he should be looking at. He was trying to avoid it, for now. He knew the unfortunate events leading up to his 25th birthday were being blasted all over social media, new information and blind items seeming to be emerging more and more rapidly. Things were building up, one after the other, just awaiting the eager fingers of fans and haters alike to type away on their accounts and voice their opinions. He’d dealt with it all before, being in the public eye for so long at such a young age, it was to be expected, but it had never gotten this bad. He’d never fucked up this bad.
Sirius tried not to think about it. That’s why he was here wasn’t it? He needed to take a step back and let the sinking feeling in his stomach float away into the snowy treetops. He knew he could only run away from his problems for so long, but right now he was content to eat a jam covered bagel and stare out into the starlight night.