Not made for love

1 Sept 1976

Regulus has always known that he was not made for love. At least not in a romantic way and he's always been okay with that. 

He has his family. Barty, Evan, Pandora and Dorcas. Because that's what they are, his family in eveything but blood and he loves them.

He loved Sirius too, actually he still loves him even though he's not supposed to. He will probably continue doing so for the rest of his life, because the love he has for Sirius is a special, complicated one and though they don't talk or interact at all, it will always be there.

And even though he knows they don't deserve it, in a twisted way he loves his parents too. He's never been able to shake that off, unlike Sirius. He knows it's wrong, but he's always longed for their accptance, to make them proud.

Maybe that's the reason that when his mother told him he'll take the mark next Christmas he just nodded silently. Accepting his fate. Sirius would have fought, he'd shout and take all the punishments. Regulus knows though, he will never be able to do that. The hat was right when it sorted him into Slytherin. Not because he was a coward like Sirius had said, but because of his talent to adapt to the changing times.  Or maybe that's just what he tells himself. He doesn't know and he's come to find, he also doesn't care.

Maybe he accepted it for his own selfish reasons, because Regulus knows that the Dark Lord is too powerful for even Dumbledore to defeat. He's known since the moment he first met him, feeling the magic basically radiating off him. He realized neither the minstry nor Dumbledores little Order will make it out of this alive. So yes, Regulus picked the winning side, simply because he does not want to die.

Or he's just grown tired of everyone constantly expecting him to pull up his sleeve and expose the mark. If everyone thinks it anyway, what's the point of fighting it?

So, Regulus starts his last semester without being a death eater. His 5th Year. As he walks through the train, trying to find the compartment with his friends, he can't help but wonder, if everything will change that drastically.

"Reg! There you are!," Pandora appears beside him with a bright smile.

Regulus can't help, but smile back. Dora has always had that effect on him. 

"Hey Dora, how was your summer?" 

She led him through the train quickly.

"Oh, it was great actually! I caught gnomes in our garden," she tells him dreamily.

Regulus nods with a small smile. Pandora has always shared his fascination for magical creatures, though in different way

They finally found their compartment and slide inside.

Evan is sat by the window running his hand through Bartys hair, whose head is resting on his lap. The two of the are laughing at something only they understand, which is not that uncommen. Regulus gave up trying to understanding their realtionship a long time ago. Pandora once told him Evan and Barty were two pieces of a soul that found each other. He always thought that description fit quite well, though they both have yet to figure it out.

Regulus and Pandora sit down across from them.

"I found our lost soul." That was what Pandora calls him. He also still had to figure that out, since she refuses to tell him anything.

"Hey Regina," Barty grins at him with that devishly handsome face. Regulus has accepted the fact that his roommates are hot in his 2nd Year. Also when he figured out he was more attracted to guys, not that he has had much experience with either genders.

"Hello Bartina, Evania," Those nicknames had started a while ago when Sirius had said he looked more like a girl than a boy in one of their fights, which Barty and Evan had of course taken to heart, after calling Sirius every imaginable curse word there is. They only ever really use them to greet each other though.

"Where's Cas?"

"With her lion friends, she still wants to win over McKinnon. As if that's still necessary, she already makes heart eyes at her, but Cas just doesn't want to listen to me. I'm an expert in recognising love," Barty exclaims with a slight disgusted expression, he could never imagine being with a Gryffindor.

Regulus feels his lips twitch. Yes, Barty is an expert in that except when it's about himself then he's oblivious. Which is probably why Dorcas doesn't listen to him, honestly Regulus wouldn't either.

"I just hope she doesn't become like that hopeless lot," Evan remarks with a frown. Though he doesn't really care about blood purism, Evan has always had something against Gryffindors ever since Sirius has been sorted there. He says it's because he hurt Regulus, but Regúlus doesn't buy that. He assumes Evan is secretly jealous, because Sirius was the first of their family to be sorted in Gryffindor in a long time, which makes him special.

"Dorcas will fly like a phoenix once her time comes," Pandora says in that thoughtful voice she always has, she's been following the trees passing by outside the window.

Barty chuckles. "Sounds pretty Gryffindory to me". Evan pulls at his hair and they continue their usual playing, fighting, flirting? Regulus doesn't know. He turns to Pandora.

"You see Dorcas as a phoenix? I personally would say a dragon fits her better"

Pandora looks at him with bright eyes and tilts her head. "She has always been a phoenix. Not like the rest of us. A Phoenix can fly high until it goes up in flames, but even then it will never truly die even though some part of themselves is lost in the process."

Regulus raises an eyebrow. Pandora's mysterious half visions have always confused him. They are not clear and not always completely true. Pandora just continues smiling at him softly.

"You could also fly high or let yourself drown." She gives him a knowing look and then turns back to the window. Regulus blinks confused, but puts it away for later. He can sort his thoughts better when he's in his bed at night.

Finally, Dorcas shuffles into their compartment and promptely sits down on Barty's outstretched legs.

Barty groans. "Meadows, was that necessary?"

Dorcas lets him pull his legs up, shoots a stinging hex at him and then sits back down again. "That was for calling me 'basically a Gryffindor' earlier."

Evan grins amused and Barty rubs the spot where she hit him, but doesn't relent. "What did your new best friends say then? They never call you an 'evil Slytherin'."

Dorcas gives him an unimpressed look. "You are evil, Crouch. Everyone here knows that. And for your information they may be my friends but you will always be my family."

"Look at you getting all soppy after spending time with them," Barty groans, shaking his head like a disappointed father. "I knew they'd be a bad influence."

Dorcas shoots another hex at him. Regulus just smile at his friends antics. He's grown so used, even fond of them, that it's too quiet when they're not around. Even for Regulus, who usually enjoys when it's quiet. Dorcas turns to him seemingly done with bickering with Barty. 

"Weren't you made Prefect this year?"

Regulus curses himself. He got distracted. What's wrong with him lately? "Shit! Thanks Cas!" He grabs his badge and turns back once more. "Please don't kill each other while I'm gone"

Evan blows him a kiss. "No promises, darling." Regulus gives him an unimpressed look and simply leaves heading to the compartment for the prefect meetings.

This will be a long train ride.