Full Moon
If I’m to fall,
Would you be there to applaud?
Or would you hide behind them all?
‘Cause if I have to go,
In my heart you’ll grow,
‘Cause that’s where you belong.
26th July 1976
The full moon was fast approaching, and it was the early hours of the morning.
Remus rubbed his eyes, sat on the sofa in the dark living room, only the moonlight to allow Remus to see.
He was angrier than usual; everything seemed to ache, and he was ravenous. It was the night before a full moon, so he was bound to be feeling so strange.
Sirius was curious about the plan. Remus had been a little worried himself, but Padfoot and Prongs were going to help. Everything was going to be fine, he told himself.
He took to pacing the room, his gammy hip hurting, and he limped, but tried to ignore it.
His mind raced. He was so tense he could have gone mad. It was horrible, feeling so out of his mind.
It doesn’t matter, Remus, he thought, you go through this all the time! Today’s no different.
He curled up in a ball on the sofa, thinking about nothing but Sirius and Bowie.
***
Waking up on the morning of the full moon, Remus was groggy and full of pain as usual.
He grimaced, his hip hurting as he sat up in bed.
“Hiya, Moony.” James smiled. He was tidying up again.
“Hi.” Remus examined the room around him. “Where’s Pad-“
“Went for a stroll in the fields; since me and you were both late to wake up.” James interrupted, his freckled cheeks rosy, his dark curls drooping over his eyes a little.
“Oh, should we go to find him?” Remus asked.
“Oh, I dunno, Moony, with your hip. Shouldn’t you rest today-“ James suggested, but Remus scowled.
“I’m fine.” he snapped, stumbling out of bed and pulling on a new t-shirt.
James looked shocked. He carried on tidying and didn’t say anything.
Remus seethed. He hated this. Why was he so fucking angry? He wanted to apologise to James, but it was the wolf’s defiance and stubbornness that wouldn’t let him.
He trailed off to the bathroom, frowning at himself in the mirror. He saw the scars, on his wrists, on his arms, his face, his neck; almost everywhere.
He was acting like a child, he knew it, but he just felt so furious. Not at anything in particular, but anger bubbled up in his veins, energy seemed to ooze around his body and make his insides feel strangely warm.
He brushed his teeth quickly, and cursed under his breath as he finished washing, before stumbling downstairs.
“Morning, Remus.” Hope smiled. She looked at him sympathetically. The way he spread his arms on the back of the chair and zoned out was an obvious sign that he was angry, James had learned.
They were both very hungry, so they ate a lot, before shoving on some shoes and going to find Sirius.
Remus lit a cigarette almost immediately, poking it into his mouth, and pushing open the little gate at the bottom of the hill that lead out to the sunny wheat fields and the stables.
Remus didn’t go out to the stables much; he hadn’t a care for horses. Darla was the one who looked after them.
It was a short walk, down a a thin, uneven dirt path through a small meadow of wildflowers. It was a nice walk.
Sirius was walking back, looking more attractive than ever. Remus felt his temples pulsing again. Sirius came running towards him.
“God, Moony!” he seemed surprised. “You were up late last night.”
“How’d you know?” Remus was incredibly confused.
“We were the ones who had to carry you back up to bed, you wanker!” James laughed, kicking a stone.
Remus felt so embarrassed.
“Oh, bugger.” he muttered, flushing red, but at least chuckling a bit. He stopped when his jaw began to ache, like everything else.
The sky was beautiful, a pretty pale blue, smattered with fluffy clouds, the sun shining as bright as ever.
“Fancy a walk?” Sirius asked.
“I would, but-“ Remus sighed.
“Just remembered. Records and books it is, then?” Padfoot grinned.
“That’s more like it.” James agreed, and Moony nodded.
***
They all got back to the farmhouse, and trundled back inside and upstairs to the record player.
Sirius took Electric Warrior out of it’s sleeve, and set it on the player. Remus drew the curtains; the blinding sunlight made his head pound.
“James, get the sweets out!” Sirius called out, sitting down on the floor next to Remus.
They spent a pleasant few hours just relaxing, and Remus stopped worrying for a bit.
He held Sirius’ hand and just closed his eyes.
He remembered Hogwarts, which seemed to feel so far away.
That made him remember Snape, and his greasy hair, and awful eyebrows and-
No, he told himself, fuck Snape. Fuck Dumbledore. Fuck Hogwarts for that matter.
***
Remus’s pain was getting worse, as he, Sirius and James staggered down to the fields.
“Where do you go, Moony?” James asked inquisitively.
“There a little house in the forest. It’s got a bed and some food. I transform there, and then I can go wherever.” Remus explained, his voice gruff and tired.
They got to the little house just in time. James and Sirius transformed into their animagus forms just before Remus.
Remus began to scream; cuts ripping open, his bones cracking and shifting, teeth adjusting themselves. Agony. Pure agony.
Padfoot barked. Prongs, the timid stag, took a frightened step back. Padfoot continued to growl and scratch at Moony’s feet.
Prongs pushed the door open, releasing the werewolf. And they galloped off into the night, Moony howling and Padfoot following suit. Prongs ran in circles, around them. And then back to the forest they went.