Memories of his Uncle flooded his mind , a sickening sensation crawling under Harry's skin that he just needed to get out. After three weeks of being clean it had been ruined in an instant. Just like that. Carving a blade into his skin, swiping over and over and over. Just like how Vernon had abused him over and over and over. The metal swiped in different directions. It wasn't enough. He was cutting deeper than ever before and it still wasn't enough. Harry's chest heaved as he stared down at the mess of crimson emerging from the gashes. He lay the thin silver at the base of his wrist and began to drag it vertically up his forearm. He'd gone too far. Sickness washed over him as the tears welled up in his eyes. Uncle Vernon leered above; as the memories still overcame him. The boy let out a thick wet sob. This was for the best he thought.
Harry had felt reality slipping, unconsciousness capturing him in its cruel everlasting grasp. Heavy eyes closed but fought against it as a voice flooded through his ear drums,
"Harry...?" Ron spoke, voice laced with concern. "Harry, you alright in there?"
He couldn't bring himself to muster up a response, even when the ginger threatened to enter, he'd wanted to warn him what he would see if he opened the door but the ravenette's voice deceived him as life slipped away. The door creaked open and the last thing he saw was Ron's face- horrified- as he scurried towards him.
***
"Harry?! Oh Merlin!" Ron cried, quickly tripping over his own feet as he appeared next to Harry. "What- What did you do?" he whispered to himself, freckled hands hovering over the wounds that were quickly pouring with blood. Eventually, he stopped his hesitation and clasped his hands steadily around the gashes in attempt to slow the bleeding. To his avail, it wasn't working. Tears dripped down the freckled cheeks. "Harry, c'mon. Stay with me please..." Ron brought a blood covered hand up to the other's pale, lifeless cheek.
He quickly cast wingardium leviosa over his body and hid him with the invisibility cloak, rushing to the hospital wing.
"Madam Pomfrey!" Ron gasped for air as he approached the destination. The Matron peeked her head around the corner to see what the fuss was about. Her eyes immediately widened as the ginger removed the cloak to reveal Harry, arms still dripping with blood. She quickly captured the boy in her arms, brows furrowed intensely as she rushed over to a hospital bed carrying the limp body.
***
Eyes eventually fluttered open to stare up at the familiar ceiling of the hospital wing at Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry. Harry sat himself up swiftly, a bit too swiftly he realised, as his head swarmed with dizziness. He observed his surroundings and the white bandages tightly snaking around both his arms, albeit wrapped too tightly. On either side of the hospital bed sat Ron who was sleeping soundly but his face clearly stained with an abundance of tears, and on the other side was Remus Lupin, eyes closed and a look of deep concern and sorrow painted across his face, who was accompanied by Sirius Black, the boy's godfather whose feet lay on the mattress of Harry's bed, his face was stern and distant even as he slept. It made Harry's stomach lurch.
Is he mad at me? he thought as nausea clawed at his stomach. The three must've heard his overthinking because their eyes began to flutter open. Harry, knowing what he was in for, settled back down into the bed, trying to get comfortable.
Sirius stared at him coldly, it sent shivers down the younger's spine. He wanted to avoid the topic of what had happened or at least get it over with as quickly as possible.
"Well?" Sirius finally spoke, the harshness in his voice stung slightly. Remus lay a comforting hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and the boy could make out him whispering into his ear, "C'mon, he's had a hard time. Lay off a little bit, yeah?" With a comforting squeeze on the shoulder, the brunette then let go, the long haired man drew in a long, deep breath and softened his face.
"Whaddya mean 'well' ?" Harry spat, not in the mood for his godfather's temper right now.
"Sorry, let's just calm down for a sec, 'kay?" he smiled a little, but to the green eyed boy it just felt forced. He slightly changed the topic, "McGonagall and Dumbledore have been made aware, you've been authorised to have some time out of classes, well uh you'll have to be kept here, in the hospital, until we contact the Dursleys and tell them you'll be remaining there in between each tournament task."
"What, why?!"
The other two, Ron and Remus, had glanced over to the older ravenette, wondering what he would say next.
"You tried to kill yourself, Harry. There's no way you're going to be allowed back into class whilst you're in this mental state."
"No I didn't?!"
Sirius raised an eyebrow, "Well then, clearly we don't need to be here. C'mon, Remus, we're going." he spoke, that initial anger clearly not having dissipated yet. He was bluffing, Harry knew this, but even so he couldn't bare the empty feeling as his godfather began to get up, wooden stool creaking as he did so.
"Wait- no. Please don't go.." he murmured, grabbing onto the pale slender wrist.
He sat down again and spoke, "Well then?"
"I didn't mean to.." whispered Harry.
"Hm?"
"I said I didn't mean to! Ugh, it's not like any of you understand." he began to raise his voice, stressed over the conversation that he wasn't particularly ready to have yet.
"Try me." Sirius challenged, Harry was already aware that his godfather had suffered abuse at the hand of his own parents, but the boy doubted it rooted at deeply as his did. The sexual abuse and all.
"No! Leave it, Sirius. I'm fine."
"C'mon mate-" Harry gritted his teeth at the word, "Don't you think it's about time you told 'em?" said Ron whose eyebrows were knit closely together.
"Tell us what?" Remus finally chimed in, matching the expression on the ginger's face.
"Nothing. Because there's nothing to tell." he said, glaring back towards the ginger. He never liked lying, but sometimes (in times like this) he had no choice. He felt horribly guilty, but it's not like this particular lie was harming anyone but himself.
"Harry, please. If... If you don't, then I will."
"That's not fair."
"But this is serious, Harry! Look at where you've ended up! You can't- you can't go on like this."
"Can someone please tell us what's going on?" Sirius joined back into the conversation, face laced with confusion.
"Harry's Uncle s-"
"Ron!" he shouted, his expression contorting into one mixed with anguish and vexation.
"No Harry! Listen to me. You don't know what it feels like to actually have to witness you like this. You- you don't know what it was like to have to walk in and see you bleeding out on the bathroom floor. Bloody 'ell, I thought- I- I thought you were dead!" his eyes were streaming with tears now, voice croaking with each sentence. Remus drew in a sharp breath at the ginger's account of what happened and Sirius had gone quiet, listening intently to what he had to say. "Mate, I know it must be hard for you talk about, but- if you can't say it. Please let me."
There was a long pause of silence and tension flooded the air, "Kid, we just want to help you." Sirius said softly, finally dropping the harsh tone from earlier.
Harry felt his lip begin to quiver and tears swell up in his eyes, choked sobs began to echo throughout the hospital and the sterile scent that floated throughout it made him dizzy.
"Oh Harry..." Remus frowned as he leaned to wrap his arms around the frail boy who gratefully returned the affection, burrowing his face in the taller's neck. He tightly clasped his hands around the fabric of the brunette's cardigan and continued to let out soft cries,
"I can't say it. I can't, Moony..." he whispered, speech muffled as his face was still pressed into the crook of the other's neck. Harry was never really one to cry in front of others but recently, he'd been doing it a lot more. Sirius had a sinking feeling in his stomach, knowing whatever his godson had to say must be terrible. The older ravenette joined the hug, gently stroking the younger's hair in a soothing manner as he continued to cry, feeling embarrassed. Ron watched the three from the other side of the hospital bed, headache emerging from the lack of sleep and the anguish he'd felt towards the other boy. They were only 14; how could the green eyed boy have already gone through so much? Harry finally pulled away from the hug and wiped his nose with the blanket that was draped over him. "Uncle Vernon... He- uhmmm- he.." the boy stuttered, tears that had ghosted his cheeks were traced with more. Remus and Sirius waited patiently for him to continue. He gulped harshly before looking over at Ron. The red head took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly, offering an affirming nod. Another tear fell,
"I was... Iwassexuallyassaultedbymyuncle." He spat, eyes squeezed shut tightly as he let out another choked sob followed by gut wrenching sobs. Before Sirius could even think, he hugged Harry tighter than before, squeezing his own eyes shut to prevent the tears that were building up from falling. Sirius Black doesn't fucking cry. He held his godson's head close to him, kissing him on the head. Teardrops fell into the boy's messy black hair, one by one. Remus watched in shock, eyes wide and not knowing what to say or do. Wrapping his own arms around the pair and clutching them close to his torso.
"I'll.. I'll give you lot some privacy." Ron said sadly, squeezing Harry's hand one last time before swiftly making his exit out the large oak doors of the hospital wing.
The brunette peeled himself off the pair and looked sorrowfully into the youngest's emerald eyes, which were so lifeless and full of pain compared to his mother's identical greens. Harry continued to weep but the older men didn't mind, they sat and let him as they stoked their thumbs across his tear streaked cheeks. After a while, basking in the silence, the boy finally spoke again, finding everything come flowing out at last.
"It started when I was around 8.." Harry started, swallowing the lump in his throat. Sirius instantly felt his stomach tighten with nausea. "And- and I didn't want it to happen, I promise! I didn't understand why it was wrong or why I felt so disgusting and ashamed I said no... He didn't listen."
"It's okay, we believe you. You're doing so well, telling us all this." Remus affirmed. The blue eyed man said nothing, trying to subdue his rage that was slowly creeping up on him, his boyfriend was always better at comforting anyway.
The boy brought a pair of shaking hands up to his face, pressing palms into his eyes until his vision became blurred, well more blurred (he realised he wasn't wearing his glasses).
"It happened again and again and again," he reached into his dark black hair and grabbed handfuls, beginning to tug. "I said no.. why didn't he stop? Why didn't he stop?!" Harry sobbed, voice barely above a whisper. "He hadn't done it since I was 12 and then.. then this summer- I could've stopped him this time. I know I have magic, I could've fought him off. But I- I froze and I didn't know what to do."
Remus peeled the boy's hands away when they became tousled in the raven locs.
"Harry, it's not your fault." Sirius finally said.
He instantly leaped onto his godfather and hugged him tightly. No one knew how much he wanted to hear them words and how much they meant to him. The man slithered his arms around the boy, eyes closing again as he revelled in the moment, still trying to supress the murderous urge that surged throughout him, thinking of how Vernon could ever do that to an innocent little boy. How Petunia could possibly let it happen and continue. It disgusted him. Even more so knowing the man had a son the same age.
"I've had really bad nightmares too. Ever since the first time. I told Ron a few weeks ago, thinking it's help but it just, sort of, resurfaced everything. And it got too much, so- I.. I turned back to harming myself." he trailed off, looking back at his bandages shamefully, "It was my only escape from everything since I was little. I just- I really wasn't trying to kill myself.. At least, I don't think so. I just remember thinking that everyone would be better off without me. I'm sorry."
"No, we're sorry for not intervening, annwyl. You- you told us that you didn't want to go back there and we didn't listen." said Remus, clenching his fists tightly, frustrated at himself.
"'ts okay.." Harry visibly withdrew, clearly feeling guilty.
"Well.. I hope you know there's no way we will send you back there now." Sirius added, reaching back out to stroke the boy's hand.
"Yeah... Thanks." he smiled sadly. With the two by his side, and Ron, he really felt that this time everything would be okay. Sure he thought that last time, but the two adults he trusted most had now joined to help him. He really couldn't be more grateful. Harry tapped on the bed, motioning for Sirius and Remus to join him. They complied with a slight smile on their faces. Harry fell asleep, tightly squished between the pair, head resting on his godfather's shoulder.
He truly felt safe.