10 Things I May Or May Not Hate About You

James

“I’ll be right with you.” She drawled, shocking James out of his daze who just nodded politely. However the way she said it, not making any eye contact, made him think that she would not, in fact, be right with him. So, he continued cataloguing everything in the room, the vase full of tulips on the desk, a pile of documents and manilla folders, a shredder next to the pile which had double the amount of paper being fed through it, a landline phone, an AC, several waxy plants with dark leaves reaching towards Ms Pomfrey, a photo display of staff- 

“So, James, here you go, pet.” The woman began perkily, slipping her glasses off and letting them hang around her neck on a chain, wobbling as she leaned over her desk and handed him some paper. 

“Nine schools in 10 years. My my,” she turns towards the window looking out across the grounds which he thought were pretty nice, reading from what he presumed was his file.

“Army brat?”

He got that a lot. He almost says yes. 

“Uh no-”

“Oh alright then.” She seems bored again, unsatisfied with the weak answer he’d given, he’s almost worried she’s going to go back to her computer again. Shit. Come on James be more interesting for fuck’s sake-

Her smile looks sweet but he can feel how tense it is as she turns to face him again. 

“I’m sure you won’t find Hogwarts any different than your old schools,” 

SMACK

He startles again as food (?) globs are suddenly hurled at the window behind Ms Pomfrey's head who seems remarkably chill about the whole thing.

“Same little ass-wipe shit-for-brains everywhere.” She hums, he wants to say fondly, but the edge in her voice says otherwise. Her middle finger says a lot more. Then she laughs again and he’s floundering, a very confused frown on his face as his brain catches up with what she just said. He blinks. Once. Twice. The food glob’s sliding down the window now. Huh.

She probably didn’t get paid enough for this, but weren’t guidance councillors supposed to be like all wise and level headed and stuff. Tacoma was weird. 

“E-Excuse me? Did you just say,” Stuttering incredulously, his voice jumped an octave, already pushing himself out of his chair in distress, it's hard plastic creaking as he stands up. He looked around the room slightly dazed, what.. “Sorry, am I in the right office?” 

“Not anymore you’re not, now I’ve got deviants to see and a novel to finish so scoot.” 

Ohh she was writing a book, that answers one question. This whole interaction felt like a fever dream-

“Scoot!” She repeats shrilly, rounding on him, her head slightly cocked. Startling yet again, he scrambled fully out of the chair and fled from the godforsaken room and its 4 ugly yellow walls. 

“Right thanks, thanks a lot, yeah” 

Of course he walked right into a wall, missing the door completely as he shuffled out backwards. Thankfully he managed to just miss walking straight into the guy coming in after him who looked like he could and would drop kick him for fun. He freezes in the doorframe caught up in the guy’s gaze- his big brown eyes, floppy hair and cool scars that stretched across his face catching James’ eye. Said man raised an eyebrow, looking him up and down with impassive eyes. James returned the gesture with a bright smile. And then he was fleeing again, down the corridor towards what he hoped was the Science block. 

***

He was seriously trying to be polite but after a while of being taken by the sea of people moving from one class to the other he gave up and started shoving. It was a tiring journey but he ended up making it to his new locker (number 3110) which he quickly opened, shoving a pair of sneakers and a jumbo pack of Gushers he forgot he had inside- his flannel shirt getting caught in the door as he shut it gently. If he remembered what the email said correctly, he was pretty sure he was supposed to meet some guide here to show him around on his first day. He had tried to opt out of it, he’d been to enough schools to figure out his way himself, but all he’d gotten back was a passive aggressive email about school policy and welcome gifts. 

“Hi, James?”

He spun around at the mention of his name searching for where the voice was coming from. It took him a good 5 seconds and a shifting of the crowd for him to finally spot the girl. His voice died in his throat as soon as he did. She was, wow, she was beautiful- all silky red hair, big green eyes and perfect freckled skin. Realising that he was probably staring, he collects himself, clearing his throat and offering her a warm smile. 

“Uh yeah that’s me, you don’t look like much of a Peter though.”

James cringes at his joke before it even leaves his mouth, adding an awkward chuckle at the end to try and salvage it. He was usually way smoother than this, he just needed to get his bearings first...yeah.

Clearly she didn’t find it funny, offering him a painfully polite laugh and a look of sympathy, maybe with a little judgment- but she hides it well. 

“Right, yes, I’m Lily Evans, nice to meet you,” She says kindly, offering him a hand which he takes firmly and shakes mirroring her smile. James’ dad had taught him how to give a good handshake before he could even understand what the gesture meant so at least he had that going for him.

“Peter should be here soon, I have tried explaining to him how time works but he hasn’t really got it yet.” Her tone seems more fond than anything as she shakes her head a little, both her hands grasping at the straps of her leather backpack as she rocks on her heel.

“LILY I’M HERE, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! ”

James had to stifle a laugh as Lily shuts her eyes, lets out a tired sigh (boy did he feel that) and plasters a smile on her face. “Speak of the devil and he’ll shout like an idiot apparently.” 

The boy, who he assumed was the Peter in question, was jumping and waving at the other side of the corridor, his straw coloured hair bouncing with him. Lily signals to him like a lighthouse and Peter smiles as soon as he spots her, managing to make the trek towards them. 

“Hi! Hello! Peter Pettigrew, nice to meet you!” The man says, breathless. He suddenly doubles over grasping his sides and holding out a hand… “Sorry I woke up late, the fuse blew in my house which meant my alarm didn’t go off and then I had to chase my dog around to get my shoe and my homework because he’s a greedy little shit, we ran out of milk and then I missed the bus and then Mr Flitwick stopped me outside to chat and I couldn’t say no so- and then Benji starting going on about that fucking radio he was having trouble with-” 

“Peter.” Lily says gently, putting a hand on his shoulder and patting his back.

“Right yeah sorry,” He takes one look (up) at James and lets out a sharp breath to centre himself. It doesn’t work. “Uh this is Lily-”

“He knows.”

“Of course he does, we’re supposed to show you around-”

“You are.” James said, his eyes bright and slightly crinkled at the edges as he laughs, he suddenly felt way more comfortable. He liked this guy.

“Oh well look at this guy, Mr. Know-it-all.” Peter mutters sardonically, offering him a hand which promptly falls down again as he goes back to clutching his sides.

“Jesus Christ it’s like fucking eat or be eaten out there, George Orwell style y'know.”

“1984 or Animal Farm?” Lily muses, playing along with his nonsense.

“Animal farm 100%, in fact I could name you every single one of those pig’s evil twins round here.”

Lily just rolls her eyes smiling and James looks at the boy curiously, taking in his dishevelled appearance and mismatched outfit all covered up by an oversized, worn corduroy jacket. His mess was calming. He was cool.

“How you managed to get onto the student body will always be a total mystery to me.” Lily muses as she begins to walk.

“Dunno. I’m a simple man Lily, they just told me where to go and I went, and now I’m here.”

“So uh,” Peter starts, grabbing a scrunched up paper from his back pocket and scanning it. “JP, my man, walk with me.” He guides James out of the corridor, towards the quad with a hand on his shoulder, the heat from his palm leaking through James’ shirt. 

“Here’s the breakdown…”

“Oh here he goes. Ground breaking stuff, truly.” 

“I’ve got this down to a science, trust me” Peter says confidently, in a way that makes James wonder if he should be taking notes, instead he just decides to listen intently, hanging onto Peter’s every word. 

First, he points to a group of people hanging out around the corner, clad in either letterman jackets or mini skirts and high ponytails. 

“Over there you’ve got your basic beautiful people,” He then turns to James almost gravely like he was about to bestow upon him cosmic wisdom. 

“Now listen. Unless they talk to you first, don’t ever bother them.” James could clearly see Lily rolling her eyes in his peripheral vision as Peter gestures emphatically. 

“Wait…is that your rule or theirs?” 

“Ah, watch…” He says in a way a Jedi Master might talk to their padawan.

“Hey there.” Peter shoots them a friendly smile, upping his pace as soon as he says it. 

“Eat me.” Says one of the bulkier boys almost instantly, with a confused look on his face, scoffing at the fact Peter would dare to even look at them. Lily just gives the guy a pointed look and he soon quiets down.

“And there it is! Moving on, to your left you have the chem enthusiasts, basically they make a lot of potions and are also part time meth dealers! Don’t make any sudden movements around them. They bite.”

James makes a note skirting around the bench, not before he accidentally knocks over a tube of something or other. 

“HEY YOU PIECE OF CRAP THAT WAS RADIOACTIVE-”

“Usually wherever you find them, you’ll also be able to spot…” Peter makes a show of searching around the quad with his hand at his brow. “Aha, Mathletes, the things they can do with a calculator- ahead of their time really.” He sighs wistfully.

“Then the theatre kids and their sad poetry guys mixed in to tamp down their…excitement. They can and will burst out into song at a single word, then you’re trapped. Their productions are pretty good though, they did Hairspray last year. You can usually identify a poet by their crooked bangs, tears and general zonked out vibe. They’re basically nocturnal and they faint a lot…for some reason so always have your arms somewhat stuck out around them.”

“The mean girls. Short skirts, sharp nails. Don’t make eye contact or approach them, or at least don’t until you make enough friends around here to come to your funeral.” That earns Peter a smack from Lily. 

“I want to make it very clear none of this is life or death, Peter just doesn’t get out much.” She scoffs primly, tightening the red ribbon wrapped around her ponytail.

“All I’m saying is don’t be a dick if you want a decent funeral! That’s solid life advice, should be written down somewhere.” 

He promptly turns to James with a super serious and somewhat sombre look on his face, fingers steepled together. 

“I’m the big thinker around here, you see, James. Always switched on, always pondering. Some people just aren’t ready for that yet.”

“Stop trying to sell James your master guru fantasies just because he’s vulnerable right now.”

He begins to agree with her because, well, gorgeous woman. Then he pauses and actually thinks about what she said for two seconds. Hold up, vulnerable?? He doesn't even get a chance to interject with some kind of defence for his case.

“I bet Socrates was never treated like this.” 

"Socrates was literally shunned from society...and poisoned."

"Good thing I'm not Socrates then."

“Peter.”

“Right! Art kids over there, semi political, mostly paint a lot of murals and draw a lot of people from around the school.” 

“They’re good for gossip too, know everything about everyone.” Lily chimes in.

“Then your average tree huggers, wear a lot of bandannas and stuff crystals down their bras, also they may smoke weed and have prophetic visions of the future occasionally.” 

This time Peter waves nervously to a girl perched on the bench, she has curly blonde hair and was clad in chains, bracelets and bangles all with different types of stones attached to them. She blushes and gives him a small smile back.

“And-”

“Wait wait! Let me guess- cowboys?” James says incredulously, staring at a group of guys in the corner casually trying to lasso a plastic chair across the quad with some poor girl still sitting on it and epically failing. Tacoma is really fucking weird.

“Yeah but the closest they’ve come to a cow is McDonald’s,” Peter’s letting out a wheezy laugh at his own joke before he’s even finished it, looking around at the pair expectantly. Its awkward smiles all round. “Get it, get it- cus-”

Lily interjects, deciding to take the lead even though this is definitely not how she wanted to structure the tour. 

“These are your future MBAs. We’re all Ivy league accepted, we even founded the school's first book club. Well, I did.” She seems very proud about that fact leaning into the group as she passes by.

“Jen! Did you guys finish last week’s book yet? Hey guys how are you doing I-” They all just glare at her, their judgy gaze following her as she backs away. James notices how all their outfits seemed to have very very stiff collars. 

“Yesterday I was their god.” She says bitterly.

“What happened?” James asks curiously despite the fact that Peter was making a cutting motion frantically behind her.

“Severus Snape found out that I buy my books at the thrift store, the maniacal imbecile.” She says gravelly, not that James could grasp why that was such an issue. Then again they did seem to all be wearing Rolexes.

“So they kicked you out?”

“Hostile takeover, but don’t worry he’ll pay...they all will!” Something shines in her eyes that scares both of the boys until she finally shifts back to her polite smile. “Anyways, now over here-”

“Oh my God…” James could swear angels started singing from above the moment his eyes found him, the world tipped upside down, his world tipped upside. He couldn’t understand why people weren’t falling to their knees but what he did finally get was why Jack died for Rose and that ‘The Notebook’ suddenly felt really personal. 

The boy was so purposefully beautiful it was like every detail of him down to the curve of his waist and the sharp angles of his nose were carved tirelessly from stone. Perfect waves rose and fell from his head and moles were placed in the most flattering spots of his face. His skin was pale, almost translucent and he wanted so badly to press his fingers into the skin of his collarbone and see if it made a mark, to see if the boy could possibly have a single imperfect thing about him. James was convinced he’d just seen an angel. Obviously, the guy didn’t even notice him as he walked by. Why would he? This was clearly his world and James was just going through the motions in it. 

He couldn’t help himself, though, as he turned around gaping, his gaze following him longingly, his feet following suite. If you squinted, even just a little, you could probably see hearts in his eyes.

“What group’s he in?” He says dreamily. He’d already planned their entire future together and it involved a quaint cottage, a dog, a perfectly kept flower bed and 3 beautiful children.

“The 'don’t even think about it' group, eyes up soldier.” James could feel the judgment seeping into Peter’s tone.

“That’s Regulus Black, he’s a junior.” Lily adds helpfully, at least he had one supportive sort of friend. 

Regulus. Reg-u-lus. What a gorgeous name- fitting. He runs his tongue over every syllable. James is clearly about to burst into a full on production of a Shakespearian sonnet dedicated to Regulus’ name before Peter stops him, holding up a hand.

“Rightttt…so yeah I guess he’s a pretty guy. And probably really deep and stuff I’m sure.” Peter trails off, withholding an eyeroll as he mutters to himself bitterly, suddenly very interested in his nails. 

“Regulus is sweet. I used to sit next to him in AP English, he’s very well read and polite actually.” Lily protests in Regulus’ defence, crossing her arms.

Ignoring Peter, he leans in trying to catch the conversation Regulus is having with the blonde boy next to him. Not in a creepy way...obviously.

“Yeah but see there’s a difference between like and love. I like my Docs, but I love my Prada backpack.” Regulus says almost philosophically. James was totally invested, much like the boy next to him who’s nodding thoughtfully.

“But, I love my Docs.” Regulus’ friend comments, frowning and chewing on his bottom lip seemingly troubled.

“Well that’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.” The angel on earth counters matter-of-factly, nodding to himself.

“Ohh.” His friend says like all his problems had just been solved. If the answers came from Regulus’ mouth then they probably had been.

Peter’s look has graduated from judgment to downright contempt. He snaps his fingers in front of James’ face.

“Hey lover boy! Listen, forget him- super uptight father. It’s a widely known fact that the Black brothers aren’t allowed to date, a tragic loss for everyone.. truly.”

“Uh-huh yeah…” James had totally blocked out any warnings from Peter, and they were some really glaring, neon stop sign warnings. He was already too far gone anyway, his eyes not straying from the pretty boy walking a few feet in front. He claps Peter on the back and nods. “Whatever you say man.”

“Oh Holy crap- he’s off with the fairies already...we've lost him” Peter sighs, shaking his head like you would at a funeral.

“Killjoy.” Lily remarks, smacking his shoulder. “Let James have his fun Pete.”

“Trust me when I say it’s not going to be any fun for him.”