Chapter 1
October 31st, 1981.
The radio softly hummed the lyrics the David Bowie’s Starman as Remus ran his fingers quietly through Sirius’ hair. The soft smile across his face encouraged Remus to continue and they had been laying like that for the last half an hour.
Their evenings were rarely simple since the war picked up, and so whenever an opportunity to just enjoy each others company without the worries of a mission or an ambush or an order to think about, they both took it readily.
Sirius’ voice broke the calming atmosphere first. “I better pop to the shops if we’re still on for that breakfast tomorrow, I finished the last of the bread this morning and I’m pretty sure we only have enough milk for a cup of tea.” he mumbled through slight resistance, before releasing himself from Remus’ frame and sending a comforting smile to his boyfriend.
Remus groaned at the sudden lack of touch and shut his eyes, his arms going behind his head.
“Alright, but don’t be too long, yeah? I heard that Bowie is on Top of the Pops tonight and I know you won’t want to miss it.” He gave Sirius a small smile back as he pulled his face down for a chaste kiss.
Sirius grinned in response, his face slightly heating up at the contact. “Yeah, of course, I’ll be fifteen minutes at most, if I’m not send a search party out and don’t let them put an unflattering picture on the missing poster, okay?” He joked and slipped his boots on, wrapping a scarf and coat around himself.
Remus chuckled and threw a fraying cushion his way. “Don’t be a dick, Pads. See you in a minute.”
He lay back fully on the sofa as he heard the door click shut with Sirius’ departure.
It was nine o’clock when the doorbell rang, awaking Remus from his short nap in between trick or treaters. Remus’ fatigue had gotten worse with the war and he could barely stay awake if it was past eight these days.
Although they didn’t get many in the backstreets of London, there was an occasional knock if one of the children had veered off the main streets in the hopes of some more sweets. Sirius had gone to the corner shop mere 10 minutes ago, so Remus assumed it would be him and he’d just forgotten his keys on his quick trip out.
They were hosting the Potters tomorrow morning as an impromptu get-together as everyone had been so busy with work or jobs or looking after children, something only Lily and James could relate to, but they all missed each other and seeing Harry after so many months would be nice, especially for Sirius, who Remus knew was missing his Godson terribly in all the turmoil over the last year or so.
He slowly arose from the sofa, stretching his stiff muscles which were evidently still feeling the aftermath of the full moon a week ago, and straightened out his jumper before ambling towards the door. He grabbed the bowl of sweets from the hallway table in case it was trick or treaters, not that it made much difference because Sirius would still dip his hand in regardless like he did every year, and swung open the front door.
Stood before him were two official looking men with sunken eyes and solemn, pitying smiles. Remus’ stomach dropped immediately. Something was so very wrong.
Both men looked at Remus through glazed eyes as they attempted a reassuring smile. The smaller one, who’s face was gaunt and stubbled, spoke first.
“Mr Lupin?” His voice was gravelly and hard, and it came off more like a statement than a question.
Remus’ mouth dried up and his speech was shakier than he intended as he attempted to reply.
“What’s the issue? Has something happened? Is it Sirius?” The words tumbled out in short, frantic sentences.
The taller of the two, who was much healthier looking, however still carried the same grave persona as his partner, spoke next.
“James and Lily Potter, as well as Peter Pettigrew, who we are led to believe you had relationships with, have been found deceased, at their home Godrics Hollow. We’re sorry for your loss.” His tone lacked any sort of empathy, completely unaware that his simple statement had caused Remus enough pain to keep him awake at night for the rest of his days.
Remus’ head muffled as his mind tried to comprehend what he had just heard. He was only focusing his attention on one word.
Deceased.
He barely flinched when the plastic bowl full of sweets clattered out of his now limp hand and crashed to the ground, its contents splaying out across the wooden floors in a colourful mess.
Deceased.
Remus himself was next to hit the floor. His knees buckled beneath him as he grasped at nothing, hoping to find some sort of anchor to keep himself from sinking further and further in this nightmare he had been thrown into.
He was surely dreaming. He just hadn’t woken up from his nap yet. Sirius had only gone out ten minutes ago, he’d be home. He said he’d be home. Remus pinched his skin desperately, fingers numb as he attempted to create some sort of feeling, something to pull himself out of this state and bring him back to reality. A sharp, fleeting pain shocked his nerves and he felt his choking sobs echo around his heavy bones.
Deceased.
He felt the blood drain out his face slowly and surely as realisation set in. The word bounced around in his head, hitting every surface like an early morning alarm. James, who was larger than life, who shone like the sun. Lily, his first friend and the only woman he would ever love fully and wholeheartedly. They were both dead. Two pieces of his small universe had just been wrenched out so suddenly that Remus wasn’t even sure it was real. And so he laughed.
He laughed until his sobs turned hysterical and his tears turned to salt on his cheeks.
He lay crumpled on the floor, uneaten sweets and chocolates surrounding him, until the two men had long disappeared and the chill of an October breeze had turned his lips blue and his flushed face icy.
With whatever strength he had left, he pushed the door shut with a weak foot and leaned against the wall, still peeling with paint from when him and Sirius had first moved in, even though Sirius had promised to repaint it all in the first few months. His eyes dropped shut as his mind numbed, emptying itself of pain and letting sleep encapsulate him.
He hoped that when he woke up, Sirius would be the one nudging him awake and it would all just be a bad dream. But the horrible nausea in his stomach, he knew, was all too real to be only his imagination.