Chapter 13
SERGEI VOLKOV
12th March 1933
Quiet birdsong filled my ears as I awoke, orange sunlight pouring in. Andrzej’s arm draped around me from last night and his chin rested on my shoulder, his soft breathing guiding my own as I watched him for a while. His soft pink lips and dusted cheeks. Pale skin against my tan. I subtly tried to pull him closer, yet I woke him in the process. He grumbled and stretched, peppering kissed on my cheek which I returned with more energy. He smirked and flipped me around on the pillows, pressing his lips harder against mine, as they locked together and our eyes fluttered shut.
“Good morning, kochanie*” Andrzej mumbled, nuzzling his nose into my neck, “Is it really morning already...?”
He sat up to take a peek out the window, the orange glow lighting his face perfectly. The chosen one.
I admired him for a while, until he took notice of my stare, “Hm? Something on my face?”
“No... You look so perfect in that light.”
Andrzej laughed and leant back down to place another kiss on my cheek, “Shut up!”
He got up and stretched, picking up his discarded shirt and slipping it over his shoulders, where he tiredly buttoned it.
I followed and did the same, grabbing my maroon sweater and slipping it on. Andrzej stepped behind me and placed a few gentle kisses on my neck, his arms wrapped around me. He hummed a quiet folk song, swaying me along to it with a chuckle.
“W moim ogródecku rośnie rózycka... Napój mi Maniusiu mego kunicka...”
I laughed along, continuing the song, “Nie chcę nie napoję bo się kunia boję... Bo się kunia boję bom jesce młoda” **
Andrzej leaned into the crook of my neck, the warmth of his breath hitting my skin.
“Breakfast?”
I nodded. He kept one arm around my waist as we walked to the small kitchen.
“So... How long were you keeping this secret?”
Andrzej smirked, cracking an egg into the pan, “The cabin? About 2 years. I helped with some of it, but Stasya’s the expert.”
I watched the clear liquid shift to a soft white, Andrzej moved his hand to my chin.
“I’m surprised I never noticed...”
“You weren’t here as often before. How many eggs do you want? Two?”
“Mhm, that’s good. Did you bring our ‘project’? Y’know, the ‘second revolution’?”
“Of course.” The cooked eggs slipped off the pan onto a plate, “I hid the notebook under a floorboard. How do you suppose we begin, we’d need adults supporting us, wouldn’t we? How else would we infiltrate the workplace?”
“I can tell my brother. He has some friends in factories.”
“Perfect.” Andrzej held out the plate of eggs and toast, “Smacznego***.”
“I’ll write him a letter now.”
I had already put the plate down and picked up some paper, when Andrzej called out, “You don’t have to do it now! Eat first.”
I froze. I didn’t have to do it now? When would I do it then? I fought the burning itch in my skin as I put the paper down shakily and returned to my food. The entire time I fought back angry tears. I had to do it. I had to. Now!
“Sergei!” Apparently I had slammed my fist against the table, as Andrzej stared at me with wide eyes and a sting awakened near my wrist.
I stared at him silently, his figure blurring into colourful shapes.
“You can do it now, if you want... Calm down.”
I shook my head. It was too late now, clearly. I had already accepted the fact that I couldn’t. How could he not understand that? My angel was cruel.
Hands dropped on my shoulders and I responded with a scream and a kick, “No, no, no, no!!”
Andrzej jumped back, a hand on his chest, staring at me like a zoo animal. A fucking zoo animal. That’s what I was. That’s what I was when I threw a book in Andrzej’s direction. That’s what I was when I screamed and kicked my feet. And he just stood there. Hopeless. Staring.
*~*
“Sergei? Are you calm now?” Andrzej wiped his eyes. Terrified.
“I’m sorry...”
I ran to hide in bed. My food went cold.
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Crumbled paper and spilled ink,
It really makes you think,
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Why do we hate ourselves?
If we are “naturally selfish” and
Fighting for higher land
To punch the poor down,
To push the rich up.
If capitalism is natural, why,
Oh, why is it falling so easily?
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*kochanie – sweetheart
**Polish folk song, “W moim ogródecku”
***smacznego – enjoy your food