Chapter 7
James Potter had never been the type to dwell on his flaws. He was, after all, James Potter—the boy who excelled at everything he did. Quidditch, schoolwork, pranks, leading the Marauders—it was all second nature to him. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have his moments of self-doubt, even if he rarely showed it.
And right now, as he sat in the common room post-victory, watching the celebrations unfold around him, he couldn’t help but feel… well, not quite good enough. He hadn’t been good enough for Regulus.
Not that he would ever admit that to anyone. Not even to Sirius, who was sitting beside him, watching him carefully, his expression unreadable. The night had been a success—a perfect Gryffindor victory over Ravenclaw. Yet, here James was, unable to shake the nagging feeling that he wasn’t quite in the right place.
“Gideon Prewitt, huh?” James muttered, his voice full of bitterness as he watched the other Slytherins in the corner. “Can’t believe he’s the one Regulus is with. It’s like he’s playing some joke on me.”
Sirius looked up at him curiously. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
James ran a hand through his hair, attempting to keep his cool. “You know, Gideon’s one of the Prewitt twins, right? The other one. Not the twin who’s dating Molly—” He waved his hand dismissively. “I just… I don’t get it. Why him? Why Gideon? Out of all people. He’s so…”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “So what?”
“Just… so ordinary,” James grumbled. “I don’t know. I figured Regulus would go for someone… well, someone who wasn’t so—so there. You know?” He frowned, his thoughts drifting to the frustrating ambiguity of Regulus’ affection.
Sirius snorted. “It’s not really about him being ordinary, mate. You’ve seen how Regulus acts. He’s not exactly… stable, right?”
James gave a dry laugh, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Stable. Yeah, that’s one way of putting it.”
He turned back to watch Regulus in the corner, talking to Gideon with a relaxed smile that stung him to his core. James was doing his best to not look at them too closely, but the image was burned into his brain.
Gideon Prewitt. Regulus’ boyfriend.
The thought sent a chill through his body, the realization taking a slow but sure root in his heart. He turned away, too exhausted to dwell on it anymore. Instead, his thoughts shifted to Quidditch—the one thing he usually loved more than anything else in the world. But even that didn’t feel like enough today.
He hadn’t been perfect in the game today. Sure, he caught the Snitch, but there were a few moments when his passes hadn’t been as precise, when his broom had wobbled just slightly more than usual. He’d managed to shake off the mistakes, of course, and they’d won the game, but the small missteps still nagged at him, pulling at him like a thread he couldn’t pull free.
It wasn’t often that James allowed himself to feel anything less than confident about his Quidditch skills, but today, for some reason, it felt like the world was full of small imperfections—his missteps on the pitch, his confused feelings about Regulus, and the nagging sense that he wasn’t quite the person he thought he was.
His eyes roamed the room, landing on Lily Evans, who was standing by the fireplace with Marlene McKinnon, laughing and talking in that carefree way she always did. But something was off tonight. James couldn’t quite place it. He’d seen the way Lily had been spending more time with Mary lately—talking to her, sitting together in the common room, whispering about things James couldn’t quite hear.
It wasn’t jealousy. Not really. It was more like… confusion. Lily and Mary were always close, but recently, their friendship had taken on a new intensity. They were practically inseparable these days. James couldn’t help but wonder if there was something he didn’t understand about their relationship. Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him, but something felt different, something beyond just the usual laughter and chatter.
“Do you think they’re… well, you know,” James asked Sirius, his voice low as he nodded toward Lily and Mary.
Sirius blinked, following James' gaze. “What, you think they’re dating?” He laughed, his tone rich with disbelief. “Lils and Mary? Nah, mate. You’re just imagining things.”
James wasn’t so sure. Maybe he was just overthinking it, but Lily’s quiet moments with Mary seemed to carry a certain weight.
“Maybe,” James muttered, not wanting to bring it up further. He had enough to worry about, like the giant hole in his chest when he saw Regulus’ smile aimed at someone else. The last thing he needed was more confusion in his already complicated life.
The rest of the evening passed in a blur of laughter and conversation, but James couldn’t seem to shake the heaviness in his chest. Every glance toward Regulus and Gideon made his heart clench tighter. The kiss they shared earlier had lingered in his mind, haunting him, tormenting him with what-ifs and could-have-beens.
Sirius seemed to sense the growing tension in James’ body, his quiet watching turning into an uncomfortable sort of silence. James’ best friend said nothing, but James could feel his eyes on him, could feel the concern in his gaze. But how could he explain it? How could he explain that the boy he had tried so hard to get over had somehow slipped away without him even realizing?
The celebration started winding down, the crowd dispersing into smaller groups, but James still couldn’t bring himself to leave. He didn’t want to face the reality of Regulus being with someone else.
It was Regulus’ voice, low and steady, but it was enough to send a wave of emotion crashing over James. His stomach churned. His heart ached.
But he didn’t turn around. He couldn’t.
Regulus placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder, his fingers curling softly as he leaned in. The other boy didn’t pull away. Instead, he smiled, meeting Regulus halfway, and in that moment, the world around James seemed to stop. The party noise dulled. The laughter became a muffled hum. All that existed was the soft click of lips meeting, the tenderness in the way Regulus kissed the boy, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
The weight of the realization hit James like a ton of bricks. He froze in place, his stomach churning, his head spinning. He couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t just the kiss that broke him—it was the knowledge that it had been right in front of him all this time. Regulus had found someone else. Someone who could kiss him without hesitation, someone who had already claimed what James could never seem to gather the courage to.
A voice at the back of his mind screamed at him to move, to get out of there, to leave before he made a bigger fool of himself. But his feet felt like they were glued to the floor, and all he could do was watch as Regulus pulled away, his eyes bright, his smile wide and effortless. It was the kind of smile that James had longed to see aimed at him, but it was not meant for him.
His heart twisted painfully, his throat tightening as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. This was it. This was the moment that had been building up all along. Regulus was gone, and he was never coming back. The worst part was that it wasn’t just the kiss. It was the quiet understanding, the unspoken truth—Regulus had never cared about him in the way James had always dreamed.
Sirius, who had been standing off to the side, must have noticed the shift in James’ demeanor because suddenly he was by his side, his hand on his shoulder.
“James?” Sirius said quietly, his voice full of concern. “You okay?”
James couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even look at him. Instead, he turned quickly and left the common room, his feet carrying him down the hall without thinking. All he wanted was to escape the suffocating weight of the room, to get away from everything. He couldn’t stay there. He couldn’t stay surrounded by people who didn’t know what was tearing him apart.
His breath came in shallow gasps as he strode through the empty corridors, his heart pounding in his chest, his mind racing. Every step felt like a weight, and the only thing he could focus on was the image of Regulus’ kiss, the way his heart had stopped when he saw it.
He heard the sound of footsteps behind him and whirled around to see Sirius, his expression worried.
“James...,” Sirius began, but James couldn’t hear him. He was too lost in the overwhelming pain that seemed to engulf him.
“I have to get out of here, Pads,” James muttered, his voice rough. “I can’t—I can’t deal with this. Not now.”
Sirius stepped forward, his eyes filled with concern, but he said nothing. He just nodded and stood by, waiting for James to gather himself. The silence between them was heavy, but James didn’t care. Nothing mattered now. The truth was too raw. Regulus had made his choice. He had kissed someone else. And James was too late.
As James turned to leave, his mind still reeling, he overheard a voice behind him—a voice that stopped him cold.
“You deserve someone who can love you properly, James.”
Regulus’ words hung in the air, and for a moment, James thought he might break. He didn’t know if it was meant