The abyss between us

                                                                                         The abyss between us

After the unfortunate events of Night Gathers, chaos left its mark on the devastated city. Agent Vonnegut had fallen, and with him, everything turned to rubble and ashes. Among the ruins, Alpha and Lucia found refuge in a crumbling alley, their bodies exhausted, with no strength to continue. The rain began to fall, extinguishing the flames that still devoured the remains of what once was, washing away the dust and blood in its slow descent.

— Lucia — Alpha broke the silence. 

Lucia lifted her head, surprised that she was the one to speak first.

— I used to think of you only as a chess piece leftover from a conspiracy. A piece of data that was previously deceived and had no reason to exist.

Lucia felt a shiver run down her spine.

— That's why, from the moment we met, I wanted to get rid of you.

Alpha glanced at her, watching her reaction. But Lucia didn't look away. She didn't flinch. She simply waited. 

The Ascendant sighed.

— But at the same time... you've shown me new possibilities. You're not the same as before. You're no longer so confused or weak.

Lucia took a deep breath.

— My heart will always be sweet. I'll never stop seeing love and goodness in everything... You can't take that away from me.

Alpha closed her eyes for a moment.

— I know. You're your own person. And even though you're a lot like me... I can no longer see you as unwanted data.

Lucia swallowed, unsure of what to say. Because, even though Alpha didn't admit it outright... she understood what she really meant. The redhead didn't look away from Alpha, her mind processing every word.

— So... how do you see me now?

Alpha remained silent for a moment, her eyes fixed on the rain soaking the shattered pavement. Her posture didn't relax for a second, as if she were debating whether to respond or simply disappear before doing so.

— Does it matter? — Her tone was dry, as if trying to downplay the conversation. 

Lucia frowned.

— Of course it matters. You said yourself that you no longer see me as unwanted data. So tell me, Alpha... what am I to you now?

Alpha inhaled slowly, her grip on the hilt of her katana loosening slightly.

— You're...

But the words caught in her throat. The truth was there, ready to come out, but the albino didn't want to give it form. Saying it out loud would make it real, and she couldn't allow that. 

Lucia, however, didn't look away. She wouldn't let her escape this time.

— You can't avoid this like you always do, Alpha.

Alpha clenched her jaw.

— What do you gain by knowing?

— I want to understand you.

Alpha clicked her tongue and looked away.

— That's dangerous.

— It's more dangerous if you keep silent.

The rain beat down hard on them, echoing like a void. Finally, Alpha sighed, her body beginning to relax. She let go of the heavy katana.

— Lucia...

For the first time in the entire conversation, Alpha looked directly into her eyes. Not with the usual coldness, but with something deeper, more complex.

— If you keep looking for answers in me... — she murmured — I don't know if you'll like what you find.

Lucia held her gaze, unwavering.

— I'll find out anyway.

The air grew tense as Alpha's words hung in the atmosphere. Lucia watched intently, every movement, every shift in her posture, as if waiting for Alpha to finally drop the mask she had worn for so long.

— Do you regret helping me? — Lucia asked, her voice soft but laden with meaning.

Alpha looked at her but didn't answer immediately. Her eyes clouded for a moment, as if the answers she had were too heavy to let out.

— No... — She said sharply, almost like a wall rising suddenly. But there was a pause, a moment where her voice wavered, as if the words resisted coming out. She looked away, avoiding eye contact, and added in a lower tone, almost a whisper — I want to protect you, I want to shield you from this world that always tries to extinguish your spark.

Her cheeks began to flush a soft red, betraying the coldness she so desperately tried to maintain. Her fists clenched at her sides, trembling slightly, as if she were struggling to contain something she didn't want to let out.

Alpha's words took Lucia by surprise, and for a moment, the world seemed to stop. A faint blush spread across her cheeks, like the first glimmer of dawn, shy but inevitable. Her eyes, once filled with curiosity, opened a little wider, shining with a mix of awe and infinite tenderness. A sweet, comforting relief spread through her chest, but she couldn't let it go so easily. There was something more that Alpha didn't want to admit, something buried so deep that releasing it might cause more harm than relief. She could sense it in that lingering resistance.

— Then... why is it so hard for you to admit it? Why can't you just tell me how you feel?

Alpha didn't respond. Her gaze drifted to the horizon, where the sun was just beginning to peek through the gray clouds. The glint of her katana, lying on the ground, still stained with blood, reflected the faint morning light, as if it too were waiting for an answer.

— Because... — Alpha said, her voice softer than Lucia had ever imagined — because if I said it, everything would change.

Lucia looked at her, not fully understanding, but knowing there was something in those words that touched a sensitive spot.

— And that... scares you?

Alpha looked at her again, her eyes now more vulnerable than ever.

— Yes.

The air between them grew heavy, as if everything were about to collapse under the weight of those simple words. Lucia, unsure of what to do, took a step toward her. She extended her hand gently, as if afraid to scare her, and her words flowed with a sweetness that seemed to envelop the air around them.

— You shouldn't be afraid, — her voice as soft as a little honey cake accompanied by bitter coffee in the afternoons — Showing happiness is easy for me, but sometimes I feel like the world doesn't deserve my energy expressed in such a sweet way.

Alpha tensed, her guard rising again.

— It's not that... — she said, but the doubt in her voice didn't go unnoticed. 

Lucia took another step, until the distance between them vanished. Alpha was so close that she could feel her breath, the warmth radiating from her skin, the faint heartbeat that seemed to defy the cold surrounding them.

— Then, what is it? 

Alpha closed her eyes, as if that could block out everything around her.

— It's that I can't...

The words choked in her throat as she slowly opened her eyes, as if the simple act required more energy than she had. Lucia, seeing Alpha's internal struggle, couldn't help but move closer, searching for something in her expression, something that would break the barrier she so insistently maintained.

— What can't you do? — she asked, her eyes fixed on the albino's, searching for a glimpse of what lay hidden within.

— I can't let you get too close. — Alpha breathed deeply, her tone much lower — Because if I do... everything I am, everything I've done, will crumble. I'm not the same as before. And you... you're not the same either, Lucia.

Alpha's voice cracked slightly as she said her name, as if it were a confession of feelings that had been hidden for too long. She was breaking her shell with such tenderness, almost memorizing how she wanted to be loved. Lucia, in that moment, understood.

— That doesn't scare me... you deserve affection without having to hide even the parts of yourself you think are unworthy of love. — Lucia responded firmly, moving closer, until she was almost within reach. 

Alpha looked at her, and for a moment, Lucia saw something in her eyes she had never seen before—her fragility, her vulnerability, the nakedness of her soul.

— But it scares me.

Lucia reached out, lightly touching Alpha's arm, challenging the emotional distance she had maintained between them.

— What if I told you that you don't have to be afraid? — she asked softly, with a tenderness the Ascendant didn't expect.

— I...

Lucia didn't let her speak.

— I wish the world had been kinder to you, that your past had been easier, but I hope I can make your future something to look forward to. I don't care what you think you are. I don't care what you've done or haven't done. I only care about who you are now, here, with me.

Alpha looked at her, her eyes filled with conflict, but also with something more. Something she had never wanted to acknowledge, but that was now too clear.

— And that would make you feel... what?

Lucia smiled faintly, not looking away.

— It would make me feel... that we're not as lost as we thought.

Silence settled between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Some hearts understand each other. Even in silence. 

And for the first time, Alpha didn't pull away. She didn't deny what Lucia had said. Because, in the end, it was what she wanted most, but what she feared most to accept.

The wind began to blow harder, stirring the ashes of what was once a living city. The rain no longer fell as heavily, but the drops still seemed to weigh heavily on the two bodies standing in the same space, trapped in an invisible bubble that was about to burst.

Lucia didn't look away from Alpha. The silence was thick, as if both were navigating a sea of emotions without a map. She knew she couldn't force Alpha to say what she didn't want to, but she felt the need to understand her, to decipher the wall she had built with so much effort. A wall that, for some reason, seemed weaker than ever today.

— Are you afraid of what I might do to you? — Lucia asked, her voice barely a whisper competing with the howling wind.

Alpha hesitated, a slight tic in her face, but she didn't respond. Instead, her gaze hardened, as if trying to hide something. A kind of vulnerability that seemed to be fighting against her very nature.

— It's not that... — she finally replied, but the uncertainty in her tone betrayed her. Alpha had never shown that kind of hesitation.

Lucia took a step closer to her, nearing the point where their bodies almost touched. As she did, she could feel the air grow heavier, as if the entire atmosphere around them had become charged with static electricity.

— Then, what is it? — she asked, not looking away from her red eyes that now glowed under the faint light of dawn. There was something there, something she had never noticed before, and she had to discover it.

Alpha let out a short laugh, though there was no humor in it.

— It's complicated, Lucia... you're so... — and the words caught in her throat again, as if everything she wanted to say was made of invisible threads she couldn't cut.

— So what? — Lucia pressed, now closer, her hand resting on her arm, slowly, almost imperceptibly, sliding toward her shoulder. It was a gentle movement, as if she wanted to convey that she wasn't alone, as if that simple gesture could calm, even a little, the storm raging inside her.

Alpha quickly turned her head, avoiding her gaze. The battle within her was evident, and though she wanted to show her strength, something inside her gave way. As if a spark had ignited a fuse, and finally, the words found their way.

— So... much like me. — Alpha murmured, and her words were like a silent explosion in the air. As if she had just let go of something she had been holding onto for ages. — And I hate that. I don't want you to be like me.

Lucia frowned, puzzled by Alpha's words.

— Why? — she asked, a glimmer of understanding crossing her mind. — Why do you hate me for that?

Alpha took a step back, as if the air itself were pressing down on her. Her voice grew harsher, as if she were trying to distance herself from the truth.

— I don't hate you... — she said, but her tone betrayed her words. — I... I hate you because seeing you so much like me reminds me of what I am. What I was.

Lucia didn't move. Her body was tense, but her mind began to connect the pieces. The truth was darker than she had imagined. Alpha didn't see her as an ally, not even as a companion. She saw her as a reflection, a shadow of herself. And that terrified her.

— But... you're not what you were. — Lucia spoke with the calm of someone who knows what they're saying is true, even if it hurts. — We've both changed. Every day, we become more different.

Alpha looked at her, as if for the first time she were seeing someone who wasn't herself, someone entirely new. The internal struggle was palpable on her face, a whirlwind of emotions that wanted to be contained but couldn't be held back.

— Yes... — Alpha breathed deeply, as if she had to admit something she had never dared to. — And you... Getting to know you helped me understand myself. And that scares me.

Lucia could see the crack in her emotional armor. For a moment, Alpha was vulnerable, exposed. She was no longer the cold, relentless Ascendant she had known at the beginning. She was just a person, like her, fighting the same shadows everyone else faced. And for the first time, Lucia understood that Alpha wasn't her enemy. Not in the way she had thought before.

— You don't have to be afraid. — Lucia took another step, so close that the tips of their shoes almost touched. — I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be your enemy. Not anymore.

Alpha trembled slightly, but she didn't pull away. There was no anger or despair on her face. Just a silenced pain, kept beneath the surface.

— I know... — Alpha whispered, and for a moment, it seemed as if the wall she had built between them was slowly crumbling. — I know, but... you've shown me too much, Lucia. And I don't know if I can bear it. I don't know if I can bear seeing what I am through you.

Lucia didn't look away from Alpha, and though her heart was pounding, she felt strangely calm, as if everything she had been searching for had somehow found its way to her, right in front of her.

— You don't have to carry this alone, Alpha. — Lucia took another step toward her, her eyes soft, almost as if she were speaking to the other's soul.

Alpha, however, didn't move. Her gaze remained fixed on the ground, though her lips tensed as if the internal struggle were fiercer than ever.

Lucia, with a slow gesture, brought her hand to Alpha's cheek. Not with force or impatience, but with a tenderness she hadn't shown before. Her fingers brushed against Alpha's cold skin, seeking the human warmth she couldn't deny.

— I understand you more than you think. — Lucia whispered, her voice barely a thread of sound in the tense air.

Alpha closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. The touch on her cheek, so soft and delicate, made her tremble. She had never allowed anyone to get this close, but then, Lucia had arrived and settled deep within her soul. Now she felt she couldn't pull away from her. And it was in that moment, feeling the warmth of her hand, that something inside the Ascendant broke.

— I've been holding onto this for so long... — Alpha finally spoke, her voice broken, almost imperceptible. — All this time, fighting, searching for answers, believing I had control. But I didn't... I didn't.

Lucia kept her hand on her cheek, now caressing it more gently. Alpha's gaze, which had remained firm and distant, finally rose, meeting Lucia's eyes. There was something in her look that was no longer disdain or indifference. It was something much more intimate, something Alpha had never let show.

— Everything I believed... everything I tried to be... — Alpha continued, her voice faltering, but she couldn't stop now. The words poured out of her like an overflowing river. — I saw you as a mistake. A version of myself that should never have existed. A distorted reflection of what I had been. And I thought that if I kept you away, I could save myself. But I was wrong.

Lucia felt the weight of those words, but she didn't pull away. She didn't want to let Alpha sink into that darkness. Not now, not after everything they had shared.

— And now what? — Lucia asked, her voice firm but soft. — What will you do now, Alpha?

Alpha closed her eyes, as if doing so could hide her in her own pain. And when she spoke, her words were a confession she never thought she'd say.

— Now... now I see you. I see you, and I no longer want to see you as that shadow, that nightmare. I want to see you as... someone who has changed everything I thought I knew. Someone who has shown me that there's something more.

Lucia gently pressed her cheek, as if she could hold her, hold everything Alpha was letting out.

— What I didn't understand, Lucia, is that I... never wanted to be alone in this. I never wanted to be alone in my own battle. But fear... fear made me close everything off around me. And I hated you for being so much like me. Because you reminded me of what I was, what I could have been... If I hadn't gotten lost in the war.

Lucia, hearing all this, felt the abyss between them begin to fade. Alpha's confession wasn't just a release for herself, but a surrender. A surrender to the fact that she could no longer run from what she felt. Her heart was opening like a petal in full bloom, a gentle way of being.

Lucia, now closer than ever, let her other hand caress her cheek with infinite softness, as if each gesture were a bridge to mutual understanding. And in that instant, words were unnecessary. Only they remained, the two of them, facing everything that had been, what they were now, and what they could become.

— You're difficult... Grumpy, cynical, stubborn, bitter, decaying. But also incredibly strong and determined. You're suffering... that's why I'm here. Because I don't want you to do it alone, Alpha. — Lucia murmured, moving even closer, her tone soft but firm. — You never were.

Alpha didn't respond immediately. Instead, she tilted her head slightly, allowing her forehead to touch Lucia's. A gesture so simple, yet so loaded with meaning, as if she could finally accept everything she had been denying.

Finally, Alpha dropped her guard completely, letting the emotions she had repressed for so long emerge with force.

— You... you've been my salvation, Lucia. My forgiveness, even if I didn't understand it. What I feared wasn't what we could be... but what we already were.

Lucia, without pulling away, looked deeply into her eyes, letting the weight of her words sink into her being. And though doubts still lingered, something inside her told her that now, more than ever, they could move forward. Together.

— What we are now... isn't about what we were. It's about what we can be. — Lucia whispered, as her hands gently caressed Alpha's cheeks, erasing the traces of war and suffering.

Alpha didn't respond. She didn't need to. With her gaze, her eyes filled with a faint light, she said everything she wouldn't dare to say with words.

The air was cold, and the raindrops falling were thicker now, blanketing everything around them with a layer of moisture. But the sound of the storm seemed distant, as if time itself had stopped. Only they remained, two solitary figures, breathing in unison under the dark and stormy sky.

They were still so close that they could feel each other's breath. The beating of Lucia's heart, fast and steady, resonated in her ears, and she felt the distance between them fading little by little.

It was Alpha who, at last, broke the silence. Her voice, which for so long had been strong and resolute, now sounded soft, fearful, almost like a whisper:

— Lucia... — She said the name as if it were something she had never pronounced that way, as if she were saying it for the first time. — fuck my pride, fuck everything, I'm desperately hungry for you...

Lucia took a deep breath, her body slightly leaning toward Alpha, as if her very being were drawn to her without being able to help it. One more step and they would be completely together, too close to turn back. But neither of them seemed to want to.

Alpha, with a trembling hand, brushed Lucia's wet hair from her forehead to behind her ear. Their eyes had the most devilish affair; Meeting in secrecy in that war.

It was a small gesture, almost imperceptible, but enough to make Lucia feel overwhelmed by the invisible current between them. No more words were needed. Only their hearts, beating in sync, marking the rhythm of what was to come.

Alpha slowly brought her hands to Lucia's waist, as if the contact were a way of letting her know she could no longer retreat. She held her gently, but with the firmness of someone who had finally accepted what she felt, someone who had surrendered to the inevitable. She pulled her closer, and Lucia, in a moment of total surrender, allowed her body to move closer without hesitation. Their eyes closed almost at the same time.

The rain continued to fall around them, but for them, the entire world seemed to have vanished, as if only that moment, that connection, existed. The beating of their hearts was the only thing guiding them as they drew closer, knowing there was no turning back.

Alpha, with her eyes closed, brought her face to Lucia's with infinite softness. Her lips, once reserved, finally met Lucia's, with a tenderness so profound that it made the air grow dense, time itself stopping completely. It was a slow kiss, but full of meaning, as if every second of their lives had been leading them to that moment. A kiss filled with regret for the past, but also with hope for the future. They are in love. Fuck the war.

The raindrops crashed against their faces, but they didn't care. Not now. The rain felt warm, as if everything were happening under the same blessing. Under the same promise.

And when they pulled apart, Alpha said nothing more. She only hugged her tighter, as if the storm no longer mattered. As if nothing else in the world mattered anymore. She adored her, to her she was what a divine being is to the most fervent believer: a light in the darkness, a whisper of eternity in a fleeting world.

A soft laugh from the Ascendant was unexpected. A gentle, almost shy sound, but filled with an emotion she couldn't contain. Her chest rose and fell with the intensity of the moment, with the electricity still buzzing on her skin after that kiss. She felt so... strangely alive. As if she had never felt anything so real, so pure.

Lucia looked at her with curious eyes, with a sweetness Alpha could barely hold without losing herself in her. And then, unable to stop herself, the words simply spilled from her mouth.

— How do you like your waffles? — Alpha let out a silly giggle, looking at her with an almost childlike gleam in her eyes. Her heart was beating too fast, and she couldn't keep quiet—. I want to ask you that. I want to ask you about toast and honey. The sunlight. Do you like strawberry milkshakes? There's so much I want to say, but I don't know how.

Lucia blinked, surprised, but her surprise quickly turned into a sincere, soft laugh, as beautiful as the breeze after the rain. She covered her mouth with her hand, but the laughter kept bubbling out, as if she couldn't help it.

— Really...? — She said between laughs, trying to catch her breath— You just kissed me in the rain and the first thing you think about is waffles and strawberry milkshakes.

— I'd make you toast in the mornings, I'd do my best to get it right. — Alpha insisted, with a sudden energy, as if that little spark of happiness in her chest had made her forget everything else— Because I want to know everything about you, Lucia. Everything.

The rain began to fall harder, soaking their clothes and turning the ground into a mirror of water. Alpha, without letting go, looked around and then turned her gaze back to Lucia, as if suddenly remembering something important.

— Come here — she murmured, and before Lucia could ask why, Alpha let go of her waist only to take off her jacket and spread it over both of them, shielding them from the rain.

Lucia felt the warmth of the fabric and the familiar scent of Alpha enveloping her. The gesture was clumsy, but tender, filled with an unexpected sweetness that made her heart beat faster.

— Run — Alpha whispered with a fleeting smile, taking her hand before starting to move through the puddles, guiding her through the ruins toward their refuge.

The sound of the rain hitting the jacket and the echo of their laughter among the abandoned buildings turned the moment into something surreal, as if they had escaped the war, the pain, even if only for an instant. The perfect pair, the albino with her cold hands and the redhead with her warm hands, maintained the perfect temperature as they held each other.

And as Alpha ran with her hand in hers, as the rain fell and the sudden rush of emotion filled the moment, Lucia felt that, for the first time in a long time, she wasn't lost. She was exactly where she was meant to be.