The Library of Lucid

 “That’s insanity. Just to say something like that– you’re fucking mad!” Shouted Remus. He had a bewildered look in his eyes as he dug his own nails into the palm of his hand. His eyes shot around like spells bouncing off wands. 

Sirius took a few slow, but not wary, steps towards the taller. “It does, doesn’t it?” he asked. A little closer, and he imagined he’d feel Remus’s unsteady breathing on his face. 

For a moment the world went silent. Sirius just watched the look in the brunette’s eyes morph with hundreds of emotions. He knew Remus was struggling, but that was, in a way, what made this fun. They were like two dogs running after each other’s tails to see who bites harder, further. 

Only, Sirius hadn’t realised he’d mistaken a leg for tail and he was about to step on a bear trap. 

This time, Remus approached him. A few more steps. And then, there was a sudden halt. The taller spoke, and something had not only morphed, but it had shifted. Remus was somewhere entirely different than Sirius despite being in the very same room. He spoke loudly but it was not a shout nor a yell. That meant that it wasn’t a game anymore. 

“You’ve tainted me enough. Go burden someone else.” 

And oh. Oh something heavy fell on Sirius’s shoulders. Remus had lifted the weight off of Sirius’s shoulders, only to return it ten times heavier. 

They stood there, close enough that they could feel each breath the other took like it was their own. Their hands did not touch, even when Sirius leaned his forehead forward; an apology, a sign of his sincere remorse. But Remus didn’t lean into it. The cold indifference on his face grew and he waited a few more moments before he finally turned his face away, looking at the door. 

Remus grabbed the cloak and tie closest to him, and marched towards the exit. 

Sirius stayed where the taller left him. He watched as the brunette froze in front of the exit for a moment. His eyes caught something– no, someone, but he gave them the same look of a lack of care, before he stormed down the stairs. Not a moment later, Peter appeared from behind the door. He did not spare Sirius more than a hurried glance before he could be heard running after Remus. 

There emerged another figure. It was James, with that sheepish smile and stupid rays of sunshine. And without glasses. 

“Where are your glasses?”

James laughed humorlessly. “Your brother broke them.”

Sirius felt his heart skip a beat and something drop to his stomach.

Immediately, James put his hands into the air and shook his head. “No, I’m joking. I broke because I slept with them on. But in my dream, your brother did throw a book at my face.”

“Oh,”

They both stood where they were for a second before Sirius shrugged. “Plausible.” He said simply. The brunette laughed. 

Sirius reached for a cloak only to find that the one Remus took belonged to him. “Great…” he murmured. He reached for the cloak Remus had shoved beneath his own bed. 

It wasn’t an exact fit for the tall brunette on a good day as it was always a little too big on him, but he didn’t mind. That was, of course, not going to do well with Sirius, who was significantly shorter than the werewolf. He practically drowned in the cloak as they hurried to class. Every few steps, he would trip over himself and curse the unlucky witch or wizard who tailored Remus’s cloak. James was certain that Sirius was just a bit more frustrated than he’d be any other day because of the particularly big argument he had just had. 

They were already a few minutes late and James had noticed that Sirius was in no rush to make it to class. Most likely because Remus would be rushing to class. 

They strolled the halls of the castle at a leisurely pace, not a care in the world, without speaking much. It was a worrisome silence because Sirius's mind was going a thousand miles an hour. He was having thoughts faster than he could comprehend them, and none of them seemed to really stick with him. 

James was aware of the storm that raged in the shorter’s mind. It was obvious from the way he fiddled with the sleeve of his cloak. He was almost afraid that Sirius would act on impulse, do or say something he would regret as he presumably had when he was left to his own devices with Remus. That was the same reason he was irked when Sirius came to a sudden halt, with a light so bright in his eyes James was certain they had both been blinded by it. 

“What?” He asked, staggering in his steps a little further from where the other had ceased to move. 

Sirius had a sort of manic grin on his face. “I had it entirely wrong.” 

“Had what wrong?”

The raven haired boy didn’t care to answer, instead he installed a firm grip on James’s wrist and broke into a sprint towards the classroom. He never dropped that grin from his lips. “Come on, we’re gonna be late.” 

The rest of the day went by incredulously well. In class, Sirius kicked Peter from where he was sitting next to Remus. The two were chatting and discussing like nothing had happened, so Peter and James decided to leave them to it. On the way to their next class, they took a deroute in order to pay a visit to the Hufflepuffs. Remus handed a student a year older a pack of cigarettes in exchange for a neatly rolled parchment. Later, he would toss that same parchment in Peter’s bag with a little note on it that says ‘DADA Essay’. It was a kind gesture for Peter who had been struggling to keep up with all the deadlines, and having a student that Peter did not associate with write the paper would ensure that he would not get flagged for having cheated off any of his friends. 

Only, their commercial exchange led them to not only the Hufflepuffs, but the Slytherins. James felt a new wave of goosebumps make their way up his spine as he spotted Regulus in the crowd once again. He was alone, his limp was gone, but there was a newfound air of terror in the way he walked. His shoulders were no longer proud and broad, cocky as a cat, but as afraid as a kicked hound. Their eyes caught again, and just as last time, they were locked. They continued to move but they heard not a word spoken to them. 

Until Regulus disappeared again. James blinked once, and the shorter was gone. 

James felt someone punch his shoulder. It was Sirius, curiosity lacing his face. The taller simply shook his head and started to walk towards the dungeon for Potions. 

The rest of the day continued unremarkably habitual. There were no more sightings of Regulus, Remus and Sirius engaged in entirely harmless banter. 

That evening, James, Remus, and Peter lounged around their dorm room, waiting for it to be time for Remus to make his way to the shack, where they would meet him and ride out the moon. There was always a great deal of tension in the air around the time Remus disappeared and a blood-hungry werewolf appeared but tonight, tonight there was an alien sort of discomfort. Sirius wasn’t there. Sirius, who would never miss a moon, Sirius who took an unspoken, sinister pleasure in them. Sirius who could never find something worrisome about his best friend turning into a mindless murder machine once a month. He would never miss a moon, he’d escape the deepest corners of Azkaban to catch the beauty of a wolf Remus became when the moon shone silver. 

They wouldn’t know for another few hours that Sirius had sacrificed a precious amount of time out of their ‘pre-full moon banter’ time in order to pay a visit to a certain Slytherin. They wouldn’t know that, as he raced his own self in the practically empty corridors, he imagined he had the most brilliant idea. 

Remus was afraid of hurting– no, putting an end to someone’s life. That's why he feared himself, why he was so full of loathing. But fearing something that could hypothetically one day happen, that was bound to kill a man. Now regret? Regret, you could learn to deal with. Unintentionally injuring someone deserving would aid Remus get over his fear of killing everyone he gets near. He’d know that even the deepest, most magnified kind of hatred he can nurture towards someone wouldn’t be enough to kill. 

So that was Sirius’s blinding plan: have Snivellus fall victim to a freak accident, an entirely unexpected werewolf attack. He would somehow lure the loon to meet him and the rest, from thereon the wolf would do the work. James and Sirius would be able to pull him off when necessary. 

He slammed his fists on the entrance to the Slytherin common room in the most violent manner he could multiple times, not caring to stop until someone finally materialized in front of him. He was faced with a sickly pale boy with short, raven hair followed by a blonde with a much more tan complexion. He recognised both almost immediately. 

He swallowed dry, accompanied with a small nod of his head. “Crouch, Rosier,” He practically uttered. 

Barty didn’t find it necessary to retort, whereas Evan narrowed his eyes as he spoke. “What d’ you want?” 

“Seen Snivellus anywhere?”

“You mean Snape?”

“Something like that, yeah.” 

Evan rotated himself towards the common room and shouted Severus’s name. He appeared at their feet with seemingly no protest. Usually, Sirius would have no remarks on such a detail, but seeing as it was, according to him, the single most detestable person to be studying at Hogwarts, he sneered a little. He loathed the man, and he hated people who lived to serve others. 

“What do you need?” Sounded the voice of Severus Snape from a short distance. 

Evan shrugged and exited the common room entrance with Barty at his side, heading off towards the garden of the school. 

Severus had a perplexed frown on his face, until he saw that Sirius had been standing outside. “What do you want?” He asked, venom lacing his words. 

Sirius rolled his eyes, but the thought of potentially watching Remus shred him to bits alleviated a significant amount of fury he might have otherwise externalized by a punch, or a spell. “Heard you’re into late night walks, Snivey,” 

“I’m not entertained Black. Leave if you’ve got nothing to say.”

“Fine. Fancy seeing something special? I don’t know, say a little bit of magic?”

Severus tapped his foot to the ground impatiently now. “What sort of prank are you plotting now, because I am not interested.”

Sirius sneered once more, he was also growing impatient. “I’m not going to beg you to come join us.” He turned to walk away. Then stopped in his tracks. He didn’t turn to face the boy once again, but he spoke loud enough.  “But if you do change your mind, the Shrieking Shack is going to be one hell of a party house tonight.” 

And with that, he walked away for good. 

By the time he was back in the dorm Remus was already clinging to a cigarette by the windowsill with a mug of tea in his hand. Steam rolling into his nostrils, a false sense of clement tranquility. It was a sort of ritual he had picked up once he started to go through a pack of fags a week. The evening prior to every full moon, he would smoke until the dorm resembled a town ravaged by a tornado with an ever looming reminder of the rain clouds. The cup of tea had been Peter’s personal touch to alleviate stress, but it didn’t really help. Remus just drank it to put a smile on the boy’s face. 

James fretted with the corner of his bedsheets and Peter was bent over, reading up on the History of Magic lessons he hadn’t paid attention to during the lectures. All three heads snapped towards Sirius as he made a flamboyant entrance into the room. 

“I’m here to save the day!” He joked, a big, wide grin on his face.

Remus would never admit it aloud, but his shoulders dropped as tension seeped out of his muscles at the sight of the boy. Sirius would never remark on it, but he noticed. This was the way they both did it, and both adored. They both knew, and yet never spoke a word of it. 

James made a somewhat humoristic comment as Sirius dropped himself limp on his bed. They continued to soak the silence of the outside and the sound of Peter flipping through pages. They had all learned that agonising over what was to come never worked, instead, they pretend to be still in time, with no attachment to anything real. 

And when it was inevitably time for Remus to crawl beneath the earth for a night, Peter turned into the sleek rat he was and slipped into Remus’s coa pocket. He had once attempted to settle into the pant pockets, but Sirius out of any seemed uneasy with that arrangement. 

“See ya, Moony,” Sirius said from where he lay unmoving. James got up to wave them off. He always did get a little sad no matter how hard he tried to mask it. Remus smiled as sincerely as he could, which was totally insincere. 

The dorm was even more silent with Remus and Peter gone. And there was something off. James, specifically, was odd. Sirius never believed in keeping to himself, so naturally, he had to ask. 

The brunette itched the hairs on his arm and he seemed no different than a toddler confessing to having painted on the walls of his room. “It’s my dream. It’s been bugging me the whole day.”

Sirius finally sat up. He was intrigued. “Your dream, with Regulus?”

James nodded, guilty as if he had done something to be culpable about. “I keep on catching his eyes in the busiest crowds.”

“He just doesn’t like you.” Replied Sirius flatly. 

“What? Why wouldn’t he like me?”

The raven haired boy curtly looked the other up and down. “Why wouldn’t he? You’re everything he loathes. Gryffindor, blood traitor, cocky, smart, happy. Want me to go on?” 

James attempted to see it as Sirius did, but failed as he crossed his arms over his chest. “No, because I would have noticed that in the past, what? Five years he’s been in this school with us.”

“It’s because you dreamt of him. Well– I’ll give you that, it’s a bit weird that you dreamt of my little brother, but you’re seeing it because you’re looking for it. You probably just never noticed before.”

“I… I don’t know. He had a limp this morning.”

“He had a limp?”

“Yeah, and then it was gone the next time I saw him.”

Sirius seemed slightly troubled by that, but didn’t dwell on the concern for too long when he spoke again. “What does that have to do with your dream?”

“He kept on doing this weird thing. He would drop books on his left foot without any explanation, which was rather frustrating actually. And his limp was in his left foot.” 

“Maybe you saw him with a limp yesterday, seen as it didn’t just appear overnight.”

“That’s what I thought. Maybe I am just seeing stuff because I’m looking for it.” And that would be the end of it, for a while, at least. Now, only one thing remained as a stress factor in James’s nervous system. The complete turn Sirius had seemed to take that morning. James hadn’t heard anything further than ‘I had it all wrong’ and when the subject was Sirius, something like that was a definitive cause for concern. But he couldn’t ask yet. It was not a bright thing to do, agitating Sirius moments before they snuck out to join Remus on a slightly dangerous venture in an open field. It was the black hound who bared the most teeth, but also got along the best with the wolf. 

The two talked of shallow things for a little, daydreaming about what their 6th year was about to look like once it really began and everyone’s start of the year resilience wore off. They began to talk of pranks, some big and some small, and what they could add to the marauders’ map, until the clock hit half till midnight. They were running somewhat late as they draped James’s invisibility cloth over themselves. 

Sirius was on edge, high on adrenaline, which wasn’t uncommon, but there was something much more crazed in the way he moved tonight. James gave in. He asked what it was all about as they approached the entrance of the Shack, a little past midnight. Sirius grinned. 

“We might just have a guest tonight.”