James wanted to live. More than anything, he believed life was worth every ounce of effort it demanded. To him, it was an incredible, unpredictable journey - one where you could chase dreams, make mistakes, and feel every emotion in its rawest form. He wanted to taste everything it had to offer, to laugh until his ribs ached, to love so deeply it hurt. He wanted to live because, in his eyes, every second was worth it.
Regulus, on the other hand, wasn’t sure he wanted to live at all. Life never made much sense to him. It felt like a cruel joke, a waiting room before the inevitable end. He didn’t see the point in pretending it mattered. Everything faded. Everyone was forgotten.
But James never let him wallow in that emptiness. James, with his bright doe eyes and endless optimism, had dragged Regulus into the light again and again, as if sheer willpower alone could convince him that life was worth holding on to. And maybe, for a while, it worked. Because James was worth holding on to.
Regulus had loved him. He never said it enough - not the way James did, not the way he deserved - but he loved him. He thought they had all the time in the world to figure everything out.
But time was cruel.
And now James was gone.
Regulus had been there. He had seen it happen.
It had been raining that night. The kind of rain that made the city glow under the streetlights, turning the roads slick and glistening. James had always loved the rain and storm. He used to explain his love for that by comparing it to Regulus' eyes. Grey as the storm sky, with sparkles that appeared there only when he was with James, imitating lightnings. Everytime he used to grab Regulus’s hand and drag him outside, twirling in the downpour like he belonged to the storm.
That night had been no different. They had been walking home, shoulders bumping, their hands brushing in the space between them, when James suddenly grinned and pulled Regulus into the street. "Dance with me," he had said, spinning under the glow of a traffic light.
Regulus had rolled his eyes but let himself be tugged along, his lips twitching into something dangerously close to a smile. Dark haired boy was sure that time stopped at this moment only for the two of them. They were lost in each other, James' laugh and his smile was brightening the mood in this moment just like he always was just by being near. Then there was the sound of tires screeching, none of them even heard that, James himself barely had time to register the blinding headlights before he shoved Regulus back - hard - making him fall on the sidewalk. The impact of the car never came for Regulus, no. It came for James.
One second he was there, laughing, rain-drenched and golden under the streetlights. The next, he was on the pavement, motionless.
Regulus couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe.
By the time he stumbled forward, collapsing beside James, the driver was already out of the car, shouting something - apologies, maybe, or panicked pleas - but Regulus couldn’t hear any of it.
All he could see was James. His James, his foolish, beautiful James, who had saved Regulus’s life at the cost of his own.
Regulus gathered him in shaking arms, pressing his forehead to James’s temple, ignoring the warmth of blood mixing with the rain. “Why would you do that?” he whispered. “Why, James?”
James coughed weakly, a smile still lingering on his lips. “Because I love you,” he murmured. “And I wanted… I wanted you to live.”
Regulus shook his head violently, biting back a sob. "No. No, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to-” His voice cracked, and he clutched James closer, as if he could somehow keep him tethered to this world. “Stay with me, please,” he pleaded, his grip on James' shirt subconsciously tightened "I love you, James, you have to stay with me. I need you." He didn't even realize when hot tears started to slide down his face.
James exhaled softly, his fingers twitching against Regulus’s chest before going still.
And just like that, he was gone.
Regulus had never believed in God, he never believed in any higher power that could somehow decide their fate. But now, for the first time, he wanted to believe in something - anything - that could bring James back.
But there was no miracle. No second chances. Just the sound of the rain, and Regulus’s quiet, broken sobs as he held the only person who had ever made life feel like it was worth living.
And now, Regulus lived. Not because he wanted to, but because it was James' wish, and he had given his life to make sure he did.
And maybe, just maybe, that was the worst punishment of all. To live for someone who couldn't.