there was no one to ask
After the ‘obliviate’ spell, they both were confused for a while. They had been lovers, hadn’t they? That was why they had moved across the country?
There was no one to ask.
Pandora knew her brother was dead. She didn’t know how, or why, but she knew he was dead. And she knew that she had loved her brother. The specifics were lost. She could remember a shock of white-blonde hair, like her own, and gray-blue eyes. She could remember the edges of a smile. She would break out sobbing at random intervals, sometimes thinking about it. She didn’t know his name. It was on the tip of her tongue, as though if someone could just help her out, give her a hint, she would have gotten it. She couldn’t remember her parents. Were they dead? Alive? Back in the UK?
There was no one to ask.
Regulus knew his parents were dead. He knew he didn’t really care. He knew his brother was estranged. He didn’t know his name, or how to contact him. It hurt. He had a funny feeling that he had done something awful. There was a strange tattoo on his forearm, a snake curled around a skull. Everytime he looked at it he wanted to scratch it off, skin and all. He didn’t know why. He couldn’t remember.
There was no one to ask.
Pandora knew she liked gardening. She knew she loved folk music, and dancing, and white eyeliner that complimented her hair. She knew she liked wearing braids, and movies about people, and she knew she liked chemistry. She knew she wanted to build a little ecosystem in their backyard. She didn’t know how she knew.
There was no one to ask.
Regulus knew he liked writing. Liked poetry, and words, and learning how to string them together to make the audience feel something. He knew he liked the color green, and was baffled at his equal hatred and fondness for the color red. He knew he liked the ocean, the salty smell, and the danger of it. He knew he shouldn’t go near. He knew he liked cats, and candles, and quiet moments. He just… didn’t know how he knew.
There was no one to ask.
Sometimes it felt like they hadn’t existed until that moment, in the house. When they had looked up at each other through tear stained cheeks, with sticks that looked like wands in their hands. Why had they come to Maine? Why had they bought this house? Regulus sometimes felt like the fact a college was nearby meant something. Sometimes Pandora felt like the fact the house had come with a huge attached greenhouse meant something. But where had they gotten the money? They had a few pieces of paper in their luggage that led to a bank account in town, but there wasn’t much in there to last longer than a year. The house was paid off. How had they ended up here? Why?
There was no one to ask.
So they went to therapy. They went to so many therapists, therapists that specialized in childhood trauma, and dissociation, and derealization, amnesia, and a bunch of other things. One therapist had tried to diagnose the both of them with Dissociative Identity Disorder. That didn’t feel right. One said PTSD. One tried EMDR to try and surface old memories. Nothing ever helped.
But they knew they loved each other. They knew that their love was going to get them through whatever the next steps were.
Regulus enrolled in college, part time, as a creative writing major. He got a job at a local coffee shop as a barista. Pandora enrolled in college part time as well, double majoring in botany and chemistry. She got a job at a local animal shelter that meant she brought home strange animals at an alarming rate.
They got married a year, to the date, after they had ‘come to.’ Both of their last names were generic, basic American last names that didn’t feel like their actual last names. The names never went anywhere when they researched them. They didn’t even make sense, Pandora was British, Regulus was French.
So they picked a new one. Pandora had picked it, much to Regulus’ chagrin, he was the one supposed to be good with words. On another cold day in October, in a courthouse with just themselves and the minister, two years after they had moved, they became Regulus and Pandora Lovegood.