Watching her crush anxiously dance around while singing about a true love's kiss wasn’t how Mary envisioned she’d spend her morning.
Now, she wasn't blind. There was absolutely no way that Marlene Mckinnon shared any sort of feelings besides friendship for Mary. They’d been best friends for years, long before either of them had started to even think about crushes and kisses. They’d grown up together, evading the clutches and judgement of their parents. As they’d gotten older, Marlene had begun to view Mary as a sister, while Mary’s own feelings formed into a crush on the other girl.
Still, she could dream. Or, really, she could wish for something that’s impossible.
Not to mention Marlene had a girlfriend. A girlfriend that she was practically serenading with words of true love and fairytale stories. It was nauseatingly sweet, and Mary could do nothing but watch.
Dorcas had come in like a hurricane, washing away all of Mary’s hopes for Marlene to return her feelings. It only took a few days before all Marlene ever talked about was how Dorcas had done this, or said this. Mary was sick of it, and it only got worse as the pair began to date.
Mary tried to love Dorcas, she really did, but she wished more than anything that she was in her place. Dorcas was everything Mary wished she could be. Beautiful, brave, perfect, kind, the list went on. She understood why Marlene was smitten, they were the perfect couple, and Dorcas was perfect for Marlene.
She could never compete with Dorcas’s charm or good looks, and Mary knew her best friend had never even considered her as an option.
She wished Marlene would just hurry up and kiss Dorcas. Even if it would feel like a stab in the heart to see them kiss, like it always did, just sitting and watching Marlene dance around the action felt like salt on a wound.
Almost as if Marlene could read her mind, the blonde had begun to approach her girlfriend, hesitant as she hovered over the sleeping girl. Mary slammed her eyes shut as their lips touched. She pushed herself off the cold floor and ran, her eyes flooding with tears.
~❀~
She didn’t even know where she was going. She stumbled around until she made it to the bathroom, her breathing already out of control.
She slumped against the bathroom wall, her vision going hazy and tunneled. She scrambled on the ground, trying to find something to hold or squeeze just to remind her that she was still there. Where was the ground again?
How worthless was she if she couldn’t even be happy for Marlene for once. She was just a stupid idiot for even thinking she had a chance.
Was she still breathing? She couldn’t think. Why couldn’t she breathe?
What was wrong with her? Freaking out about her best friend being happy like some deranged idiot.
Why won’t her hands stop shaking?
Why is she so emotional? What is wrong with her?
Her chest. Why did it hurt so much? Where was the air? She had to get out, the walls were too close. Where did the air go?
She was so stupid. What was she even thinking? Marlene would never like her. She would never compare to Dorcas and her stupid, perfect looks.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to tear her heart out of her chest. She wanted it all to stop. She wanted the ringing to stop. She wanted to be able to breathe. She wanted her chest to stop hurting.
She was just worthless and pathetic.
Worthless.
Stupid.
Pathetic.
Idiot.
Freak.
“Hey, hey, Mary calm down, ok? Look at me”
Mary was aware that a new body had joined her on the bathroom floor, but she couldn’t focus any more than that, still stuck in her spiraling panic.
Smooth hands grabbed her own, grounding her more. She could hear the soft voice speaking again, so she tried to focus on the words. “Mary, breathe with me. Can you do that?”
Still crying, Mary gave a sharp nod, trying to control her breathing to match the other person.
“You’re doing amazing Mary. In and out. I’m right here, ok? I’m not going anywhere.”
Mary let out a shaky sob, and the other hands gripped her own more tightly, but still comfortingly. She took a deep breath in and breathed out slowly.
They sat there for a few minutes as Mary tried to only focus on taking deep breaths. She felt her chest loosen, and eventually, her vision returned to normal, allowing her to see the redhead in front of her.
~♡~
Lily sent the girl a smile and squeezed Mary’s hands again. “Are you okay?” She asked softly, not wanting to overwhelm Mary.
Mary nodded her head again, weakly. “Feeling like crap but doing better,” She choked out.
Lily chuckled a little at the reply, but didn’t respond. Instead, she pulled the other girl into a tight hug, refusing to let go for a good minute.
“I didn’t mean to intrude or anything, but I was worried when you rushed off so suddenly,” The ginger rushed to explain when she finally pulled away. “You seemed really upset and I didn’t know if you were ok and-”
“Lily,” Mary interrupted, “It’s fine.” She couldn’t stop the slight smile on her face at the girl’s antics.
Lily seemed to deflate with relief at her words. “Oh good, I didn’t want to make you feel worse or anything.”
The bathroom was slightly cramped with both girls on the floor, but Lily managed to maneuver herself so she was propped up against the cabinet, facing Mary. “It’s not like you missed much anyway,” The ginger remarked.
Mary winced slightly at the reminder of Marlene and Dorcas in the other room. She imagined Dorcas was most likely awake, it wasn’t like anyone had doubted that the “true love's kiss” would work.
Lily watched her reaction, curious, but still wanting to respect Mary's privacy. “Mary… What happened? Did I miss something between you and Marlene or…? I know I’m not as close with you as the two of you are, but I…” She trailed off, unsure of how to continue.
Mary shook her head and looked away, “No, you didn’t miss anything. I’m just… just overreacting, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“Mary, it’s clearly a big deal to you, you’re not overreacting for feeling strongly about something.”
Mary looked back at her friend. She knew Lily spoke genuinely, but she still found it hard to believe. It was her fault for crushing on Marlene, and it was her fault for not moving on.
“You don’t have to tell me anything, but I’m here. Ok? If you ever need a shoulder to cry on or anything, seriously, I’m here.”
Mary smiled. Lily was too good for her. She had done nothing but break down in front of the redhead, yet Lily was still offering to let her offload her problems onto her. She stared into the other girl’s green eyes. A part of her wanted to tell Lily, but…
“I’ve got a crush on Marlene,” She blurted out, surprising herself and the other girl, “That’s why I was so upset, and I know I’m dumb for even liking her in the first place, but I do.”
Mary felt like she was imagining things, but she could have sworn she saw Lily’s face drop for a split second.
“oh”
“Yeah, oh,” Mary agreed, burying her face in her hands, “I know it’s stupid but when I saw Marlene kiss Dorcas, it was like everything came crashing down. I guess I’ve been foolishly hoping this entire time that she likes me back somehow, but it’s hard to ignore the truth now.”
They sat in silence for a little. Lily seemed to be contemplating what to say, but Mary knew it was pointless. She had to accept that her dumb crush was just going to hurt her more.
“You know,” Lily finally broke the silence, ‘You’re not completely alone. I’ve got a crush too. It’s not as bad as yours I guess, she’s not dating anybody, but she likes someone else.”
Mary looked up at that statement. She couldn’t imagine that any girl could like someone else over Lily. Lily was sweet and pretty and… just Lily. Whoever Lily had a crush on had to be blind to not recognize how amazing the ginger was.
Lily continued, “ at first I thought I might have a chance, you know? Honestly I didn’t even know she liked someone else until recently, so I’d been hoping she’d like me back.”
Mary scoffed, “They must be dumb. Who could pass up a girl like you?” She gestured to Lily, “I mean you’re gorgeous and kind, literally every girl’s dream.”
Lily chuckled softly, looking down as Mary continued, “I’m serious! You should tell her, I’m sure she’ll fall head over heels for you. What insane reason could make someone choose to chase some random crush instead of you?”
Lily paused, her cheeks slightly red. Her green eyes piercing into Mary's dark brown eyes.
“You tell me,”
Oh.
oh.
“I’m an idiot,” Mary mumbled.
Lily blushed, “A little bit,” She agreed.
The silence filled the small bathroom, leaving both of them a little flustered, and Mary dumbfounded.
“Listen,” Lily started, seemingly accepting Mary's silence as rejection, “I know you don’t like me back, I just wanted to tell you.” She stood up and collected herself, trying to hide the few tears that were falling. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave.” She practically ran out of the bathroom, the tears falling more freely now.
Mary sat, still stunned at the ginger’s confession, before bolting up, as if hit by lightning. “Wait!” She called, “Lily come back!” She rushed out of the bathroom and crashed right into the girl she had been calling for.
Lily seemed surprised that Mary had followed her and quickly tried to wipe the tears from her face as she stood up and offered a hand to help Mary stand as well.
Mary accepted the hand and stood quickly and rushed. “Wait, Lily, before you rush off again, please just listen to me?”
Lily didn't run off, so she took a deep breath and continued. “I meant everything I said earlier, about you being beautiful and kind and perfect. You truly are. I’ve never been super poetic or anything, so instead you get this shit apology and confession all mashed together, because I’m a mess, and you’re way too good for me. I’m an idiot and I’m dumb. Not because I chased after a girl that would never like me back, but because I risked losing the girl of my dreams in my foolish fantasies. I’d be a fool to not realize how amazing and pretty you are. I’m blind for not recognizing sooner, so hopefully this is enough of an apology for you to forgive me. And I’ll continue saying it until you believe it, because I’m really an idiot, and I would really, really like to take you on a date if you’ll still take me.”
Lily didn’t answer, too shocked to give a real response. Instead, Mary took a step closer to make the gap between them smaller. She could smell the scent of green tea that Lily always loved to drink, but she refused to take another step, allowing Lily to make her decision.
Lily blushed at the close distance between the girls and whispered, “Yes, yes I would love to go on a date with you.” She closed the space between their lips and cupped Mary’s face in her hands.
Mary blushed, but reciprocated the kiss, her eyes fluttering closed and her heart skipping a few beats. She could taste the strawberry lipgloss Lily had on as she deepened the kiss, not wanting to pull away.
A long whistle caused the girls to break apart, looking around flustered. Marlene and Dorcas were waiting in the doorway, and Marlene had a smug look on her face.
“About time you two got together. James owes me $5.”