Chapter 1
I shoved the red metal toolbox into the corner of the garage, the loud sound of the metal clanging in the empty garage. Exhaustedly, I wiped away the sweat with my grease streaked hand and headed over to the mini fridge that was buzzing solemnly on the other side of the garage. As the tab clicked back with a sharp hiss, I took a long sip from my chilled beer can. The scent of motor oil hung in the warm and stuffy air and my clothes felt like they were clinging even more to my skin than they had been earlier.
I turned to my friend Sirius, who didn't seem to notice the stuffiness of the room. His long black hair was even messier than usual. He seemed to be moving quickly. More quickly than usual. His fingers fiddled as he rushed to throw a manual in the cupboard standing nearby. He was moving as if he couldn't wait to leave, but then again, he never seemed to care about attention to detail much anyway, did he?
“You've got plans tonight?”, he asked as his eyes glinted mischievously as he turned around to face me.
I took a long sip from my can, not looking at him. “Nah, not particularly.”
“Good.”, he replied with that same annoying grin that he had earlier. “Because I'm throwing a housewarming party tonight. At my new place. With Remus. You’ve got to come.”
“A housewarming party?”, I echoed. I had not even realized that he had moved to a new place yet alone into a new place with his boyfriend. “Since when?”.
“Since last week," he said, not missing a beat. “Swing by and I'll give you a drink.”, he smirked.
I raised an eyebrow. He knew damn well that I wouldn't refuse a drink. “Fine.”, I said stubbornly.
“It's settled then. I'll see you tonight, Barty. Don't let me down.”, and with that he turned around and headed out of the garage.
I slammed the heavy garage door shut and locked up, tossing the keys into my pocket and slowly walking out of the dimly lit alley way. My mind was already on the party, already on the people I was going to meet. The people who would notice me and crave for my attention.
I stepped into my apartment. It was a mess. Clothes thrown all over the place, empty beer cans collecting dust in the corners and the faint smell of takeout lingering in the air. I kicked off my heavy boots near the door, not bothering about the mess. The last thing on my mind now was cleaning. In a small pile on the floor, I found a black see-through mesh shirt and some black leather pants.
I glanced at myself in the mirror, smirking at my own reflection. The see-through mesh shirt hugged my upper body perfectly, barely leaving any room for imagination. Highlighting my pierced nipples and tattoo covered body. Oh, how I loved my tattoos because they stood for everything that my father hated. I glanced at my reflection one more time and ruffled my hair to make it look effortless. I grinned smugly at myself once more, before slipping out of my apartment.
Tonight was not just about the party. It was about being seen.
I stepped through the door, Bowie was playing at a deafening volume. People already laughing, glasses clinking. I made my way through the crowded apartment to the kitchen, I could feel eyes sliding on me, like they always did.
Sirius spotted me almost immediately, a broad grin spreading over his face as he made his way through the crowd towards me.
“Barty!” Sirius called, his voice barely audible over the music and the chatter. He dragged his boyfriend across the room to me. He pulled me into a messy hug and I could smell that he had already had too much to drink. As we retreated from the hug, my eyes wandered over his boyfriend.
While Sirius was all grins and laughter, Remus stood calmly beside him. One of his hands tucked into the pocket of his brown corduroy pants, the other holding his tipsy boyfriend by the waist, steadying him. Remus was tall. Probably the tallest out of everyone at this party. His cosy cardigan was worn down and had definitely seen better days but it fit him in a way that it looked deliberate. His hair was soft and fell in loose waves over his scarred face.
On the other hand his boyfriend Sirius was a complete mess. He was leaning a bit too heavily on Remus, swaying slightly as he flooded me with countless words. He was wearing his usual loose leather jacket and a band tee. His usually sharp face was replaced by a dopey grin.
Suddenly, I was ripped out of my own thoughts.
“Moony”, Sirius slurred, his voice bubbling with affection as he draped his arms over Remus’ broad shoulders, practically leaning on him completely now. “You look so good, I mean, really. You should definitely let me-”, he paused and swayed on the spot as if he forgot what he had been saying.
He brushed his hair out of his face but it fell back almost immediately into a messy heap. Remus just sighed back with a soft smile, bringing both of his hands back to Sirius' waist to keep his boyfriends from toppling over.
A moment later Sirius let out a dramatic sigh as he leaned closer to his boyfriend. “You’re so boring when you're not drunk”, and with that he grabbed his boyfriend by the collar and dragged him off to the drinks.
I leaned against a cool wall, my eyes drifting over the party once more. It was easy to lose myself in the chaos, but then something caught my eye, something far more interesting.
In the corner, almost hidden by the shadows, I could make out to very familiar silhouettes. James and Regulus were tangled up together, completely oblivious to the world around them. The way they were pressed together was hard to miss, even amidst everything else that was happening. They contrasted in every way. James with his messy and carefree appearance and Regulus with his restrained elegance. I watched as their lips met in a collision of chaos and control. James’ hand slipped around Regulus’ waist, dragging him closer, while Regulus responded by threading his fingers into James’ hair, pulling him as if he could not get enough.
I was still watching James and Regulus, too intrigued to look away. It was hard not to stare. That’s when I felt a jolt against my shoulder. I glanced over to find Dorcas, a smirk already forming on her lips.
“Perv”, she teased, nudging me with her elbow. “Since when do you stand in corners like some fucking creep?”. She leaned in, lowering her voice but still playful. “And since when are you so reserved? You’re always the life of the party”.
I raised an eyebrow at her, unimpressed.
“No one here peaks my interest.” I replied nonchalantly, still glancing at the couple in the corner. “I’ve already seen or been with most of these people. And if I’m being fucking honest, they don’t excite me anymore.”
She stared at me for a moment, before letting out a little laugh. “I don’t believe you one bit, Crouch”.
I pushed off the wall, looking at her with a glint in my eyes. “Go make out with your fucking girlfriend. At least that’ll be worth your time.”
Dorcas rolled her eyes but didn't protest. “You’re no fun Barty.” She turned away with a wink and headed back to the blonde girl dancing wildly on the dancefloor.
As she disappeared, I returned my attention back to the scene in the corner. Regulus’ hair fell into his face messily and James was looking a little too proud of himself. But it’s not like I’m fucking jealous.
I had had too much to drink already. I knew it, but it didn’t stop me from reaching for another bottle of Firewhiskey. The night was a blur of noise and bodies, people laughing and people thumping in the background, but it all felt distant. I moved through the crowd, letting the alcohol buzz through my system, each sip numbing the way I had been feeling for a long time.
The room spun a little when I tilted my head back to finish the last sip of my drink. I grabbed a random drink that was placed on a cupboard, the weight of the liquid heavy enough to make me feel something. I didn’t care about the party anymore. I didn’t care about anything, really.
With every step that I took, I was swaying and the alcohol made my vision blur. I passed a couple familiar faces, not acknowledging them, my mind already elsewhere, looking for someone to hook up with.
That was when I saw him. Peter. And with him, fucking Gilderoy.
My stomach twisted. The anger rose suddenly, cutting sharply through the haze in my head. They were standing too close and talking too easily and too casually. Peter was laughing, that laugh I used to love and Gilderoy, fucking Gilderoy was leaning in just a little too close, his hand on Peter’s shoulder, like he had every right to be there.
It was like a switch flipped in my mind. The irritation that had been simmering under the alcohol burst out and before I even knew it, I was stumbling toward them, my steps unsteady and my breath coming too fast.
“Hey!” I slurred, the words coming out of my mouth before I could even stop them. “What the fuck is this”.
Peter blinked, his face softening when he saw me. Gilderoy was too busy applying some more cologne to him to notice me at first, still standing too damn close to Peter.
“You really think you can fucking-” My words were thick with the liquor that I had consumed and I shoved my glass into Peter’s hand, barely keeping my balance as I stood infront of them. The room felt like it was spinning faster but all I saw was Gilderoy’s smug grin.
“Barty”, Peter started, his voice careful, like he was trying to keep things calm. But I couldn’t hear him. All I could hear was the way Gilderoy’s voice cut through my nerves.
“What the fuck are you doing with him!” I growled, curling my fingers into fists. “Is this funny to you, Peter? Is this what you fucking wanted?”
Gilderoy looked up, finally noticing me, a grin plastered on his face like he was amused by the whole thing. “Barty, calm down. We’re just talking.”, he said in that smooth and irritating voice, which only made me want to slap that cologne out of his hands.
Before anyone could say anything else, I felt a crushing wave of shame hit me. Peter was staring at me, eyes wide and lips parted, but he didn't come to my defence. He didn’t move. Gilderoy was still standing there and slowly wrapped his arm around Peter’s shoulders.
I couldn't do it anymore. I turned, stumbling and pushed my way out of the apartment, not looking back.
I stumbled outside, my vision still blurry from the alcohol. The cool night air hit me, sharp and refreshing, like a slap to the face. My hands shook as I dug through my pockets, desperate to find a cigarette. I pulled one out, but as expected, I didn't have a lighter. Of course, I couldn't be that lucky.
I sank down, against the brick wall, sitting with my legs sprawled out in front of me, my cigarette hanging loosely between my fingers. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to steady my breathing. I should’ve gone back inside, tried to act like everything was fine but I couldn’t. Not yet. The noise, the people, it all felt like too much. I leaned my head against the wall and looked up into the night sky. All I could think about was how ridiculous I must look right now. Damp hair sticking to my face, my shirt not fitting as cleanly as it had. I probably looked like a fucking mess. I should’ve stayed home.
That’s when I heard the soft click, followed by the flicker of a lighter. I looked up, startled, and saw a hand outstretched toward me. A lighter, glowing faintly in the darkness. I blinked, still drunk and confused, but I reached up and took it without thinking.
And then I saw him.
He was standing there, looking down at me like it was the most natural thing in the world. I couldn’t help but stare. He was absolutely stunning. Skinny, but strong, tall but not as tall as Remus with sharp features with a certain softness that seemed almost too perfect. His skin was dark, tanned, almost glowing under the night sky. His blonde dreadlocks, almost white in the night, fell in a halo around his face. He was gorgeous. Almost otherworldly. I felt my heart do something strange in my chest.
“Here”, he said, his voice smooth and deep, almost too calm for how drunk I was. “You look like you could use one.”
“Thanks”, I mumbled as I took the lighter. I flicked it and lit my cigarette, the soft flame casting a shadow on his face as he watched me. I took a long drag, trying to steady myself but I couldn’t focus on the cigarette anymore. Not with him standing there.
“I’m Evan”, he said after a beat, his gaze steady on mine. “Evan Rosier.”
I barely heard him at first. I was too busy trying to get my shit together. “Barty”, I replied, my voice slurring a little bit.
For a while, we just smoked in silence, letting the world around us go on. I felt something strange, like a weight lifting off my chest. There was no pressure, no need to impress him. It was just easy. For the first time that night, I felt like I could actually breathe.
“So”, Evan started, after a while, listening to the faint sound of music blaring over the speakers. “Not really your scene, huh.”
I let out a sharp laugh. “Not really”, I said, taking another drag of my cigarette.
He raised an eyebrow but there was no judgement in his gaze. “Fair enough”, he said with a smile that made my stomach flip.
I took another long drag of my cigarette, watching the smoke curl into the cool night air, trying to collect my thoughts. Evan was still next to me, silent for a moment as if he was letting the conversation settle between us.
“You seemed… off back there”, Evan said, his voice soft but curious. “When you saw Peter with Gilderoy, what was that about?”
I froze, the cigarette halfway to my lips, the question hanging in the air like a weight. I wasn’t sure how to answer. I exhaled, the smoke filling my lungs before I let out slowly. “It’s… complicated”, I muttered, feeling my cheeks flush. “Peter and I… were together. A long time ago.”
Evan didn’t say anything. He just watched me, his sharp eyes understanding, like he was waiting for me to go on.
“I don’t know. I didn’t expect to see him with someone else, let alone... Gilderoy. It just hit me harder than I thought it would, you know? I guess I didn’t expect him to move on so damn easily.”
“He’s not supposed to move on, you know?” I said, my jaw tightening. “I’ve moved on. I have. I don’t want him anymore, but fuck, I don’t want him with anyone else. Not like that.”
Evan watched me, his gaze sharp, but his expression was thoughtful, like he understood, or at least he was trying to.
“That’s pretty normal, though,” he said after a long pause. “You can move on, but that doesn’t mean you want him with someone else. Especially not someone you think doesn’t even deserve him.”
I inhaled, the smoke harsh in my lungs as I let his words sink in. “Exactly. It’s not that I want him back, it’s just that he’s mine, or at least, he was.”
“So you’re still attached, then,” Evan said, his tone not judgmental, but it was clear he was reading me. “Not because you want him back, but because you’re used to having him around. And now, someone else gets to take that place, like it was never even yours to begin with.”
I shook my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. “Maybe. I was the one who let go. I was the one who said we should end things. I wasn’t supposed to watch him with someone else. Not like that. Not when I wasn’t ready for it.”
Evan remained silent for a beat, watching me closely, like he was trying to understand the pieces of me that didn’t quite fit. “Does that mean you still care about him?” he asked, his voice low, almost cautious.
“I care but not in that way,”I muttered, my voice hard. “I just don’t want him off better without me. That’s what pisses me off. I spent all that time with him, and now, he’s with someone else. Someone else gets to have him the way I used to.”
Evan exhaled a slow breath and tossed his cigarette to the ground, crushing it under his heel. “It’s not about him. It’s about you, Barty. You can’t be mad at him for moving on when you’ve already let go.”
The words hit me harder than I expected, and I flinched. For a moment, I just stared at the ground, feeling the weight of his gaze on me. He was right.
I don’t even know how much time had passed when the door opened behind us, and a girl stepped outside. She looked almost identical to Evan, same sharp features, same dark tan but there was something about her that was more familiar, like she was a part of him. She gave us both a polite smile, but it was clear she was here to take him back inside.
“Evan, we’re leaving”, she said, her tone kind. Evan stood up and I followed him, standing to face him.
“Guess I should go”, he said with a smile that made my heart beat a little faster. “It was nice talking to you Barty.”
I couldn’t help smiling back. “Yeah, you too.”
As he turned to go, he stopped and looked at me again, eyes narrowing slightly, like something caught his attention.
“Wait”, he said, stepping closer. “You’ve got a lot of tattoos, right?”
I was a little caught off guard, but I nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been at it for a while”
His eyes lit up then, and I could feel him studying me more intently, the kind of look that made me self-conscious all over again. “I’m actually a tattoo artist,” he said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “If you ever want another one, come by my shop. I think you’d like it.”
He pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it before handing it to me. “Here’s the address. Come by sometime.”
I stared at the paper in my hand, not sure what to say. “Thanks,” I finally muttered, unable to stop the smile tugging at my lips.
Evan gave me one last look, that same smile lingering on his face. “Take care, Barty,” he said softly before turning to leave.
As I stood there, watching him walk away, all I could think about was him. His voice. His smile. The way he made me feel like I wasn’t just some random guy at a party. I knew what I had to do. I was going to get my whole back tattooed. I needed to spend more time with him. And if getting ink was what it took, then that was exactly what I was going to do.