Pomona Sprout
The greenhouses were warm and damp, the air thick with the rich scent of soil and something vaguely unpleasant—probably whatever Neville had accidentally knocked over five minutes ago. The Hufflepuff and Gryffindor students stood in their aprons and gloves, waiting for Professor Sprout to begin the lesson.
But today, they weren’t just dealing with plants.
Today, Professor Umbridge was here.
Draped in her usual offensively pink cardigan, she stood stiffly near the entrance, her clipboard clutched tightly in her stubby fingers. She eyed the greenhouse as if she suspected the plants were conspiring against her—which, considering this was Herbology, wasn’t entirely out of the question.
“Good afternoon, Professor Sprout,” she said in her honey-coated voice. “You received my note, I trust? About today’s inspection?”
Professor Sprout, covered in flecks of dirt as always, beamed at her. “Oh yes, dear! I saw it. Pinned it right to my notice board.”
There was an odd glint in her eye.
Umbridge’s smile faltered slightly, but she pressed on. “Lovely. Well, please don’t let me interrupt. Carry on with your, er . . . lesson.”
Professor Sprout turned to the class, clapping her hands together. “Right, listen up, everyone! Today, we’re going to be learning about a very important category of magical plants—plants that are highly useful in getting rid of certain . . . pests.”
The class perked up immediately.
Umbridge’s quill scratched against her clipboard. “Pests?” she repeated, tilting her head.
Sprout nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yes, quite the nuisance, pests. Unwanted, invasive, and very, very hard to get rid of. But thankfully, nature has ways of handling these problems for us.”
The students watched, fascinated, as she gestured to the row of plants in front of them. Some were leafy and unassuming, while others twitched suspiciously, as though eager to lunge at the nearest moving thing.
Sprout continued, her voice warm and cheerful. “Some plants have developed natural defenses to keep their environments clean. Take the Venomous Tentacula, for example—marvelous thing, excellent at dealing with creatures that scuttle in where they shouldn’t.”
The Tentacula rustled ominously.
Umbridge frowned, scribbling furiously. “I do hope you’re teaching the students proper safety measures?”
“Oh, of course,” Sprout said, nodding. “Though, really, there’s nothing to worry about! These plants aren’t dangerous to humans.”
She smiled at the class. “So, if you’re worried—don’t be! These little beauties won’t harm you.”
Then she turned her head ever so slightly toward Umbridge, her eyes twinkling.
“You, however, should keep your distance, Professor Umbridge. Some of these plants are particularly aggressive toward toads.”
The greenhouse went silent.
Harry’s jaw dropped. Ron made a strangled choking noise. Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. Neville looked torn between terror and sheer admiration.
Umbridge blinked. Her quill stopped moving.
Professor Sprout beamed at her. “Oh, don’t look so alarmed, dear! I’m sure if you stand very still, they won’t see you as a threat.”
The students were seconds away from exploding.
“Now then!” Sprout clapped her hands again. “Let’s move on! Who can tell me which plant is most effective in removing persistent, unwanted creatures from an environment?”
Several hands shot up.
“Yes, Miss Brown?”
Lavender, grinning ear to ear, said sweetly, “Would that be the Toad-Eater Vine, Professor?”
Professor Sprout smiled indulgently. “Why, yes! Excellent answer, Lavender. The Toad-Eater Vine is particularly efficient at dealing with unwelcome toads in gardens. Wraps right around them and—” she made a squeezing motion with her gloved hands “—pop! No more toad problem.”
Ron was now half-collapsed against Harry, both shaking violently from suppressed laughter.
Umbridge’s face had gone from pink to an unflattering shade of puce.
She inhaled sharply. “Well,” she said, voice slightly strangled, “I think I have seen quite enough.”
She turned on her heel so fast that she nearly knocked over a pot of Bubotuber pus. The greenhouse door banged shut behind her.
For precisely three seconds, there was silence.
Then, utter chaos.