Chapter 8
I hated how I became Potter’s next problem to solve. There was a level of scrutiny I hadn’t realized he was capable of. He was there when I least expected it. Watching. I thought there might be another report. An audit titled “Malfoy, D.”
You’re not happy here. Transfer to my new team. I’m working on something big.
It was a bit hard to know what to do about Potter. At first I did nothing, ignoring Potter had been successful so far. Only he escalated. He started swinging by the office in the evenings and triumphantly catching me out. He play acted like it was a big discovery I spent all my time here. Then I realized he wasn’t acting, he just hadn’t been paying attention before. I hadn’t mattered the tiniest bit. He’d only cared as much as he had to for work.
Now, he said he was keeping an eye on me. He was dead serious that I had to stop and go home.
Home.
It was a bit hard to handle how Harry didn’t realize I didn’t have a home. If it had been anyone else I probably would have thrown it back in his face. I’d have any of the senior aurors spitting teeth, they’d probably find a worse hole to throw me in after. Potter, though. The squish in my belly left me queasy. It was an illness to which I thought I was immune.
Shame.
I gnawed on my lip as I considered my shame. Honestly I thought I’d sunk so low I’d run out of self respect so the feeling should be impossible. What brought it out, after all this time? I explored the edges of the feeling as I hypothesized. Perhaps it was that I assumed everyone knew my fate, and I was ashamed to realize not even Potter cared to. Perhaps it was recognition that I felt happy I could pass as nearly normal, even with the knowledge that I didn’t deserve to hanging over my head. Perhaps it was a desire for Potter to keep watching me, and the knowledge his attention would be gone as soon as he realized there was nothing to see.
Definitely it didn’t help that I decided I absolutely wouldn’t tell. I should. He was sure to find out. It would be exhausting to hide it. It’s not like I should even care.
But I did care. Oh how I did. A pathetic amount of care.
Potter’s a good auror, but he’s an idiot. He doesn't know how smart you are. He doesn’t see your value.
I gave it two weeks of leaving right when the office closed so Potter couldn’t check on me. I scurried away to my room and pulled a blanket over my head. Not hiding. I wasn’t hiding. When Potter looked satisfied that he had won, I went back to my normal schedule. It took three days for him to catch me again. I ignored his crestfallen expression and ducked out and into a stairwell before he could stalk me to the lift.
Two days later he was back. He loomed over me as I put the unfinished data entry away. I didn’t examine the thundering in my chest at his attention. He nearly stomped my heels on the way to the lift. He hit L for Lobby but got off with me when I snuck in C. He munched on a rocket salad and ignored the pinging box in his pocket, his eyes glued to my every movement as I ate an unappealing steak. The damn thing was dry enough to break teeth but once it was gone I’d have to come up with a new plan to keep him off my tail.
He’s been your boss for a year now. You think he notices when they hex you? You think he has any idea why you work late every night? Do you this he pays any attention to you?
Honestly was not on, so I hit G for gymnasium. I have never been to the gymnasium. I was not all together certain what it was. The natural habitat for trainee aurors by the looks of it. Not a place to gawk at like you were visiting a zoo, so I shut my slack jaw and pretended confidence. There were some mats some people walked and jogged on and I was capable of walking. Perhaps I was the zoo creature, with all the stares I received.
I didn’t know there was special clothes until Potter grabbed me a set. I didn’t know there were private rooms to change until Potter pointed me to them. I didn’t know one would exercise just for strength until Potter wandered away from the walking mats to a bench where he proceeded to lift a magic bars in various configurations, progressively more strenuous until sweat dripped off him and his bulging muscles glistened.
I did know about the showers. Private shower booths were in the back. The screens hid the parts of my body I didn’t want scrutinized. My scars. My Mark. My erection.
This keeps happening. I’d been lying to myself that it was nothing, a fluke. But I know it’s because of him. He keeps looking at me. It’s just work. He has a lot of pressure on him. A lot is riding on him proving he can be a good boss.
Does he see me staring back?
Had Potter always had legs like that? Thick and solid and oh so on display in those shorts he’d put on when he exercised. Hair curled on his thighs. My hand grasped at the wall where I braced myself as I imagined rubbing my fingers over Potter’s coarse skin. What would Potter like? Would he like the scrape of my nails? I choked on the thought of his nails. I’d let him dig them into me. Claw them over the scars he’d already marked me with. I couldn’t hold back the moan when I orgasmed. My chest raged in terror that he might have heard.
He hadn’t. I checked but he wasn’t there. I shouldn’t care. It shouldn’t be devastating to find myself alone.
He won’t take you with him when he finally moves on. I see how much you want his attention, but it’s never going to happen.
It had been years since someone knocked on my door. I couldn’t get up to answer. Every piece of me felt heavy.
He hadn’t found me himself. I always wanted so bad for him to follow me, it was painfully obvious when he didn't bother. Today he hadn’t bothered. He must have asked someone. It’s always when he thinks to look for help that he figures things out.
He didn’t need me to open the door to know I was in here. That’s not why he knocked a second time. I had thought I was safe here, behind the curtains I’d hung, my head hidden under my blanket. I’d forgotten nothing here was mine. Potter could take it all from me. Everything, and not enough. He’d leave me gutted, but breathing.
I didn’t answer and he went away.
Shove off, Weasel. You don’t know what you’re talking about.