Chapter 14
19 March 1977
The April holidays were coming up. Regulus knows that for muggles, this would be the Easter holidays, but his mother refused to acknowledge that aspect of it. Either way, Regulus was not excited for whatever was in store for him.
He had requested to stay at Hogwarts again, holding on to some hope that she would agree. But she didn’t.
Instead she responded with this:
Regulus,
I am aware that you wish to stay in order to continue with your studies, but something else has come up. Something far more important.
As you know, you shall be turning 16 during the holidays. On the day, as a present, I will be providing you the opportunity to be a true heir. The one he couldn’t be.
Mother
Regulus hadn’t shown anyone yet.
He thinks he probably should, but he doesn’t know if it would do them any good. Part of him wants to run into Sirius’ arms and ask him for help, but he quickly pushes that part of him away.
He knew this was coming, and he told himself he would be prepared. But he isn’t. He doesn’t want this, and he doesn’t know how to stop it.
It makes him feel like a child, a helpless one.
He knows that if he went to Remus, or Sirius, or even Potter, they would help him. But he know that it could get them killed. That it would be selfish of him.
But he so desperately wants help.
He had been holding onto this secret for 2 weeks now. It made him reckless, he knows he would have never have gone to that party if he wasn’t feeling particularly empty. He lied to Remus, and he feels bad for that, but he doesn’t regret it. At least not yet.
That night, on the Saturday after the party, he and Remus were sitting in their usual clearing in the forest. It had warmed up enough that a heating spell was sufficient in keeping them warm. It was nice, he missed it.
He will miss it.
They had been quiet that night, Regulus hadn’t engaged much in conversation, and Remus understood.
He really loved Remus. He felt weird even thinking it, but it’s true. He doesn’t love him in a romantic way, that feels wrong. But he cares for him. He wonders if this is how Sirius feels about Potter. It would explain why Sirius would leave Regulus for him, it makes him understand his brother a bit more.
“Regulus?” Remus sounds worried, “Why are you crying?”
He brings a hand to his face, “oh”
He hadn’t even realised.
“What’s going on?”
The true concern in his voice is all it takes for Regulus to fully break. He begins sobbing, grieving the life that he’ll never get to live. The life that Sirius took from him.
He falls onto Remus’ shoulder, muttering sorry and I’m scared. Remus looks like he’s going to panic, if he isn’t already.
“Reg? Tell me. What’s going on?” The concern in his voice has a nervous edge to it.
In lieu of an answer, Regulus pulls out the letter, he passes it clumsily to Remus. He’ll regret this later, but his head is a mess right now.
Regulus watches as his face goes pale.
“Regulus? Let me help you, I can help you. Please.” His voice is desperate. This was a topic they had been avoiding. Every time it had been brought up, it was just turned into a joke. They knew this was coming, though, and Regulus thinks Remus had been worrying about it.
“You can’t,” Regulus sits back up, “They’ll find me, they’ll hurt you.”
“What if they don’t?” Remus pleads, “I’m an adult now, and father was talking about getting me a flat once I leave school. You can live with me. I’ll protect you. Let me protect you, please.”
“I can’t let you get hurt,” Remus’ face softens at this.
“I won’t, I promise, it’ll be okay.”
Regulus thinks for a minute, the two of them are smart, they could likely find a way out of it. They could get him out, he could live a good life. The thought of this makes Regulus’ stomach churn, he wants to leave more than anything. He could be a bit selfish, right?
“We need to come up with a plan. We have until Easter.”
Regulus watched as Remus’ face turned into what he could only describe as pure relief.
“Yes, thank you, Reg.” He wraps his arms around Regulus, it feels nice. Regulus has never been very good with people touching him, he knows why. But when it’s someone he cares about, he always seems to be a bit more physical with them. He knows why for this as well, a life without comfort often leads him to find it wherever he can. He imagines Sirius is similar.
When Regulus returns to his dorm that night, his stomach hurts. He shouldn't have done that, he’s putting people he loves at risk. He really shouldn’t have done that. But it’s too late now, and he can’t deny that a slight twinge in his stomach isn’t from nerves or regret, it’s from hope.
He hasn’t had any semblance of hope for a long time now.
—
Remus feels sick when he wakes the next day. He felt bad enough keeping his secret friendship with Regulus from Sirius, but now? Knowing that Regulus is going to try and get out? He’s going to be sick.
When he goes down to breakfast, everyone is there, as expected. It feels weird looking at Sirius, knowing that he is keeping so many secrets from him, but his eyes always manage to find Sirius nonetheless.
Remus is completely and undeniably in love with Sirius Black. It feels wrong, but also he thinks he has felt this way for a while now. When he layed eyes on him for the first time after realising, he felt no different than every other time. Now that he knows, it’s just another part of him. Another secret to keep.
He’s a werewolf. He’s gay. He’s best friends with Regulus Black. He’s going to rescue Regulus Black. And he’s in love with Sirius Black.
There’s probably quite a few more secrets that he’s keeping, but for now, these are the main ones.
“Morning, Moony!” Sirius smiles at him.
“Morning, Pads,” Remus responds, much more sleepily.
“Couldn’t sleep again last night?”
Remus nods, he then begins to pile breakfast onto his plate.
“You don’t sleep well?” Lily asks, “I can brew you a few potions for that, if you like?”
He shakes his head, “It’s fine, it’s getting better, I think,”
“That’s good, Moony,” Sirius leans his head on Remus’ shoulder and smiles up at him. He smiles back. He’s so screwed.