Rises the Moon

Regulus Black is dead. 

Well, he's been practically dead for a while, to be honest. Since he got the mark, maybe, the dreaded ink tattooed on his skin. Or when he killed someone for the first time. Yeah, that's it. He died that day. He decides not to linger too much on the thought as he is guided by Kreacher towards the cave. 

He was making this right. He had to.

Regulus looks up at the moon. He lingers a bit, much to Kreacher’s curiosity and anxiety. When the youngest Black notices how the house elf’s hands shake, he looks up to his challenge. 

“Master Regulus has to use blood, sir”, Kreacher croaks, shakily. “To open the door”. Regulus grabs the dagger from his thigh, and places it on his hand. He takes a deep breath, before cutting on his palm, and pressing the bloody hand against the big rock.

To Regulus' satisfaction, it moves, allowing him to get inside the cave. It is unusually dark, and there's a lake that looks almost black from the lack of light. It might as well be the Black Lake of Hogwarts, by its size. Even after Regulus casts a Lumos, it shines less brightly than usual- the air drenching of black magic, making the darkness feel almost heavy. Kreacher follows behind hesitantly, before stopping him from getting into the water. Regulus was ready to swim his way to the eerie green light, but Kreacher looked at the water with mistrust, if not absolute terror.

“Master mustn't touch the water”, he says before lowering his hand. His eyes don't leave the lake. 

“Then how am I supposed to cross the lake?”, he asks. Kreacher purses his lips before raising his hand, and suddenly, a big, heavy, wet chain appears in his bony hands. The house elf gives it to Regulus, and he nods as he begins to pull.

After only a couple minutes, a small boat begins to float, dragged by the chain. Kreacher hesitates before getting into it, and Regulus is soon to follow. They're quiet. Kreacher knows what he has to do, even if he's not happy about it.

Once they arrive at the small island, Regulus notices it. The reason for the green light; an emerald potion, inside a tall basin. It irradiates dark magic, and inside the basin, there it is. Slytherin’s locket. The horcrux.

“Master doesn't have to. Kreacher will drink the potion again-”, the house elf begins to say, before Regulus cuts him off.

“No”, he says simply. He looks into his pocket, bringing the fake locket out. He opens it, and looks at the letter he wrote himself. He closes it once again, and takes a deep breath. “I'll do it”, he says decisively, before conjuring a cup for himself. He can't help but grimance at the sight of the familiar cup, usually filled with tea, honey and a bit of lemon. It's maroon and it has a dumb drawing of a sun wearing sunglasses- which-

“It makes no sense. Why would the sun wear sunglasses? It's not like it has to cover its eyes from anything”, he argues.

“Maybe he just wants to be cool. Like me”, Sirius says, a cocky smirk on his face. Potter scoffs.

“You mean cool as me”, he argues. Remus rolls his eyes, and just smiles warmly.

“It's from Peter. He bought it at a muggle market”, Remus explains. “Apparently, muggles always make the sun smile and wear sunglasses”.

“It still makes no sense”, Regulus mumbles.

“Agreed. But it looked fun so I got it anyways”, Pettigrew says proudly, and Sirius ruffles his hair.

“And it's a wonderful cup, Wormy”, Remus says, and smiles- and if it makes him smile, making the scar on his lip stretch like that, then Regulus is okay with it. The sun can wear sunglasses if it makes Remus Lupin smile. 

“Master Regulus! Master Regulus!”, Kreacher is shaking him, tears in his eyes. The wizard only took around three cups worth of the emerald potion, and he's already passing out. He can't help but think of how his father would tell him he's ‘still just like a girl’, and grimances. He shakes his head, and realizes it's a bad idea- he gets dizzy. 

“Everything hurts a bit”, he says, and groans as he sits on the ground. “Pass me another”, he tells the house elf.

“Master, please reconsider-”, Kreacher starts. Regulus interrupts him again.

“Kreacher. You know your orders”, he says, more clearly. Kreacher sighs and mutters something Regulus doesn't have the energy to make out before handing him the cup again.

Regulus drinks it without thought. It has to be done. He has to kill the Dark Lord. He has to. He's dizzy as Kreacher gives him yet another refill, and he groans and shakes. He's cold. It is… so cold.

“Jesus, you're freezing”, the eldest says. He is already taking off his scarf before Regulus can even answer. 

“Remus- I'm fine. I don't feel cold at all. You're always cold, even when your skin is clearly warm”, he argues. Remus ignores him and puts the scarf around his neck. “Who even is Jesus?”, he asks, slightly confused.

“You don't realize, but you're so close to frostbite. Your hands are blue, Reggie”, Remus scolds him. “If you don't start getting more layers on you, we'll stop meeting up here. The astronomy tower during winter can't be good for your incest-induced anemia-”, Regulus groans.

“You have to stop bringing up the incest. I told you so you'd bully Sirius, not me”, he says. He doesn't complain as Remus' rough hands gently grab his own, warming them up. He can't help but sigh a bit.

“See? You're freezing”, he says, before bringing Regulus' hands close to his face and blowing on them. Regulus feels his cheeks flush. Remus smirks, and kisses them, flustering the Slytherin even more.

“Stop that”, he mutters, and Remus just chuckles before hugging his waist. Regulus lets him.

“Master Regulus. Just one more”, he hears Kreacher say. Regulus tries to grab the cup, but his hand shakes too much. Kreacher brings it to his mouth, and he just swallows. Everything hurts. Past and present are mixing up, emotions everywhere.

It wasn't the first time he told his parents. It always resulted in punishment, but if he was ever going to stand up for something, it was for this. For himself, for once.

“How dare you embarrass your family this way! This will bring even more shame than when your brother made friends with all those blood traitors! We raised you better than this, Adhara!”, his mother screams. Fuck, he hates that name. He was ten when he decided to tell their mother- he didn't want to start Hogwarts as a girl. He couldn't wear a skirt. He remembers the year before, being eight and throwing up as soon as his mother begins giving him classes on how to behave ‘like a lady'. How to be a wife, a mother- he knew there was nothing wrong with that, so he must've been broken. He was broken, broken, broken- he was a boy. He was Regulus. 

“His name is Regulus, mother”, Sirius says, coldly. “He is a boy, and he is my brother, and he will keep being so whether you like it or not”. Regulus is crying, but he practically lights up. He. Him. Regulus. Brother. Boy. Boy, boy, boy. He’s a boy.

Walburga scoffs. She glares at Sirius, before looking at her youngest. She knows that's a name worthy of the House of Black- Regulus was a man that brought honor to the family. At least her child wouldn't choose a dumb name. She sighs, and looks between them. She's rather have control of the situation, rather than presenting her da- her son as Adhara, just for s-him to later embarrass them by calling himself Regulus. It was better. Easier.

“If you're going to be a boy, then you better behave like one. Since your useless brother seems to be alright with embarrassing the family as it is, if you are on your best behavior, we will let you be our son”, she says. Orion looks up, a bit surprised at his wife's decision. If Walburga is cool with it, he doesn't really care. 

“State your name, child”, Orion says, looking at his youngest as if it was the first time. He did prefer having sons rather than daughters, so the Black Legacy kept on going.

Unlucky, how neither his sons would give him grandchildren anyways.

“Regulus Arcturus Black”, he says clearly. Orion hums, and Walburga smiles.

“Very well. Clean those tears. Men don't cry”, Walburga scolds, and Regulus can't help but smile and hug Sirius tightly. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’, he mutters against his older brother's chest.

“Water”, he croaks. His throat is dry, and everything hurts- but mostly, he's tired, dizzy and thirsty. “Water”, he mutters again. Kreacher, as his orders stated, exchanged the horcrux for the fake locket first, his hands shaking. Then, he tried to conjure some water for his master, but just like for himself, it wouldn't appear, grief etched on the house elf’s face as he practically whimpers. Regulus, deep down, understands. “Go. Destroy the locket”, he says. Kreacher sobs and cries, his face wrinkling even more.

“Master, please, I can-”, he begins. Regulus gives him one look, and pets his head. He tries to smile, but by Kreacher's expression, he doesn't think he's doing such a good job.

“You were an amazing house elf, Kreacher. Apologize to mother for me, would you?”, he says, his mouth is too dry to keep talking. “She'll be so angry I'll be missing my betrothal”.

“Will do, Master Regulus”, Kreacher says, or tries, between cries. “You were the best Master I ever had”, he says, before disappearing with a ‘pop’.

Regulus is left to his own devices. He looks up, laying on the floor. He's thirsty. He's dizzy. Everything hurts, he's alone, and all he can think about is- 

Merlin, I wish I could see the moon from here.

After who knows how long, Regulus tries to sit up. Suddenly, his confused and thirsty brain looks at the lake. Water. Water.

He rushes to the lake, and reaches to grab some. Even before he brings the water he cupped on his hands to his face, a hand grabs his wrist- or, he thinks it's is a hand? It looks weird. He can't help but think it's missing some meat, the skin loose. It's wet, it's bony. It's not pleasant, even less so as it begins dragging him down.

He thinks about how weak they look. How pale. How bony and wrinkly, how wet and disgustingly cold. 

He remembers other hands- calloused, unbelievably warm, tanned, with pale, silver scars. He thinks of the gentle touch, or the simple caress, or the passionate embrace- it was nothing like this. He thinks of amber eyes closer to the full moon, he thinks of a scar across a cheek, he thinks of sweaters, and tea with honey and lemon, and cinnamon rolls. He thinks of cuddles and tip-toe kisses. He thinks of the moon.

He thinks of Remus Lupin.

It is strange, actually. It was unlikely, of course, at the beginning. Lupin was his blood traitor brother's friend. Sirius spent his whole time hanging off Potter, with Lupin and Pettigrew playing chess somewhere close. He saw them as annoying, incompetent, immature- Lupin always more acceptable than the rest, he supposed. While Sirius and Potter always got in trouble, often dragging Pettigrew with them, Remus never got caught. He studied most of the time- not naturally talented like Potter or being tutored since he was a child like Sirius and himself, and not falling behind in half his subjects like Pettigrew. His grades wouldn't be impressive, if it wasn't because he did it all in his own.

Whenever he saw Remus, he was always carrying a book around, or chatting with Evans, or hanging out with the so-called marauders, or with Dorcas’ future girlfriend and her friend, or sick. He got sick often, he remembers. There were rumors about his scars- that his parents hated him, or that he went to juvie, or that he got in fights during summer. Which was unlikely, since he was probably the most quiet and socially aware. He was good at duels, though- he hexed Mulciber so badly after the incident with the Macdonald girl, he stayed in the infirmary for almost an entire week. Without being caught, at that! Regulus was impressed, and a bit curious. Intrigued.

Regulus, however, met him more closely at the library, during his fourth year.

Every day, Regulus would hurry to lunch as soon as possible before heading out to the library. He hates doing homework on his weekends, so he just added them there. And if he didn't have any homework, he just read, since it was part of his routine to go to the library after lunch now. 

Turns out, with OWLs year, Remus also spent a lot more time than usual at the library. And it also turns out- their free time matched. Of course they would match- “the universe always makes its will happen”, Pandora always says. 

He can't breathe. He's not sure where he is. Why is it so dark? Who is clawing at his skin-?

After six months of this routine, Regulus is going to his table, as per usual, when he finds one Remus Lupin sitting in front of his seat, instead of the next table. Regulus sits, and looks behind Lupin. Ah, there's the problem. There's Evans hanging out with all the muggleborn first years. She does this introductory course for kids raised without magic, and apparently, kicked Remiss out of the table. 

This still is Regulus' table, though.

“This is my table”, he says, looking up at Lupin.

“It didn't have your name written anywhere”, he answers. Regulus scowls, but sits down at his usual chair. 

“But it’s where I always sit”, he argues. Lupin offers a wolfish grin. 

“I'm a-were”, he says, and grins like it's an amazing joke. One that Regulus doesn't understand.

Over the next few weeks, thrice a week, they have to share a table. They never talk. Maybe steal glances, or waving hi whenever one of them gets late- or that is, until Remus gets sick again, and Regulus suddenly feels like the library doesn't feel as comfortable.

He'd never admit that, though. But he does leave earlier. He spends those two days reading in his dorm with Barty and Evan instead of the library. But he doesn't actually care.

“Two days out. New record”, Regulus says ironically as Lupin sits in front of him, their new usual. He seems to have a bit of a limp.

“Yes, well”, Remus hesitates. “I got a pretty bad immune system”, he says, going with that. Regulus hmms, and just opens his book again.

Regulus can't breathe. There's something wrong in the air. Well, at least he's not thirsty anymore.

Regulus isn't sure when they start speaking during their hang-outs at the library, but they do. They begin exchanging books, helping each other with homework. They talk. 

“No, you can't use two eyes of newt. You'd have to use one and add a drop of dragon blood if you wanted to make it last longer”, Regulus explains. Remus groans and throws his face on the table.

“But why do all the other potions use newt eyes for that?”, he complains. 

“Because, Lupin, most potions don't use newt eyes as a main ingredient. If you use more than necessary of a main ingredient, what happens?”, he asks, clearly over this now. Remus sucks at potions.

“... It explodes”, he mutters.

“Exactly. And it's not-”, Remus interrupts him.

“It's not a good idea to make a potion that has such effects explode and fill the Potions lab with magic smoke that you can accidentally breathe in”, he says, with a bit of a smirk. Regulus blushes a bit. “You say that way too often”. 

Regulus stays quiet for a bit, and he can't help but smile.

“Yeah. That's right, Remus”, he says softly. Too softly. He blushes when he notices Remus grinning.

“Damn. I got a smile, first-name-basis and I was right on the same breath? I might have to start quoting you more often”, he teases. Regular rolls his eyes, but he can't help but smile a bit.

“Shut up”, he mutters.

“You like me”, Remus sing-songs.

“Shut it, Lupin”.

Regulus begins choking. There are nails digging on his skin, drawing blood.

Sirius isn't sitting with his friends. Remus isn't talking to anyone, even if he's sitting with James and Peter, Regulus realizes from his seat at the Slytherin table. Something is wrong. Regulus hurries to stand up as soon as Remus does, not even finishing his meal as he hurries to their table.

“What did he do?”, Regulus asks as soon as Remus' butt touches the chair. Remus sighs. He has awful eyebags, and looks worse than usual after being sick. 

“Does it matter?”, Remus asks, opening his book slightly annoyed. Regulus presses further, even if he knows Remus is tired. He grabs the older boy's shoulder, leaving him on the chair with no room to escape.

“What. Did he do”, Regulus asks again, more sharply. Remus scoffs.

“What do you care?”

“Tell me”

“Why would you care? It's mine and Sirius' problem-”

“Because-”, Regulus' voice is loud, but it catches in his throat. He hesitates, before sighing. “I care. You're- you're my friend”, he admits softly, his voice close to a whisper. “And- and if Sirius fucked up enough for Potter and Pettigrew to not be up his ass, then it was probably pretty bad”.

Remus stays silent for a bit. He purses his lips, but he doesn't fight back.

“And also you look worse than usual after your monthly sickness”, Regulus added, causing Remus to scoff and playfully push his shoulder. 

Regulus sits on his chair, taking out his books but not opening them, looking at Remus.

“He, um. Betrayed my trust”, he says. “Did something that- well, if James wasn't there- it would've been bad. Really bad. It would ruin my life”, he says.

Regulus nods, and doesn't press further. Of course he knows what it's like to have a secret. He looks into his backpack, and hesitates before giving Remus a chocolate bar, causing the older boy's eyebrows to shoot up.

“I know you like it”, Regulus mutters, a bit embarrassed. Remus blushes slightly, and smiles before taking it. He opens the bag and offers a bit to the Slytherin, and he accepts.

“Thanks. I, um. I'll probably be in the library more often now”, Remus says. “To avoid your brother but also to study for my OWLs. If- if you wanted to hang out. I'd be here on the weekends”. Regulus’ stomach does a little flip, and he smiles a bit.

“Okay”, he says. “Um, I have Quidditch practice on Saturday mornings, but… maybe Saturday and Sunday afternoons would be nice”, he offers, with a smile. Remus returns it, and nods.

And so, it begins. They start being together in the library more often. Regulus mostly reads some second-hand muggle books Remus has, and the eldest boy is constantly studying. Regulus helps every once in a while, if he knows about the subject. They hang out every day of the week for well over an entire month.

Regulus isn't sure how he knows, but there's blood on the water around him. Water, that's it. It's not air; it's water. He's glad he figured that out.

“Hey, Regulus, you know…”, Remus clears his throat. “I, um. Most of my friends will be studying for OWLs, since most of them procrastinated- and… well. Would you like to go to Hogsmeade together on Saturday afternoon?”, he offers. “Instead of meeting up here, I mean”.

Regulus blushes a bit. He won't ask if it's a date or not- he doesn't really care. Evan and Barty are probably going to be doing illegal stuff- or having sex. Pandora has a date with her weird boyfriend and Dorcas is drowning in books with her now girlfriend, who also procrastinated studying. So, he's actually free. 

“I… yeah. Sure. I don't see why not”, he says. Remus smiles softly, and Regulus knows he answered correctly. 

That Saturday, Hogsmeade is not as full of people as other weekends. Most students are studying for the upcoming exams, except third years, who are too excited to be allowed to be there to even care about it. 

They first walk to Honeydukes. Regulus buys himself a sugar quill and Remus a chocolate frog- not letting him pay for it. Then, they go to look at the different stores- walking around.

Ending the day with a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks, they chat a bit.

“Nah, it was obvious James would be the first to forgive him. And Peter- well, he's still really angry, but talks to him if James does”, Remus says. “I don't know if I'll ever forgive him, to be honest…”

“That's fine”, Regulus says. “He's a bit impulsive sometimes- but it. Well, it was your thing to tell. You are allowed to be angry, I suppose”.

Remus hums, and their pinkies slightly brush together. Their eyes meet, before Remus pulls his hand away. 

“Yeah. But he's also… well, he's my friend”, Remus says. “I kinda has a crush on him during third year, actually”, he says, smiling a bit at the memory, but clearly anxious.

“Ew, why would you like Sirius”, Regulus says, his nose wrinkling in disgust. At his grimace, Remus laughs.

“Well, you see, he was just starting to grow out his hair, and when he tied it up he'd make this funny face while his shoulder blades became really noticeable-”

“EW. Ew ew ew, shut up, oh my god”, Regulus groans. “I'm gonna puke. I don't ever wanna hear anything remotely sensual about my brother. Gross”, he complains.

“Dramatic much”, Remus teases. 

“Well I happen to not be very keen in keeping up the family tradition”, Regulus says. By Remus' expression, he has just made a terrible mistake.

“Family tradition?”, he asks.

Regulus regrets everything once they're around their third butterbeer.

“Incest baby, oh my god that's fucking gold. How could I not know this sooner? Oh that's amazing”, he says, and laughs.

“I don't think it's amazing. I'm anemic!”, he complains. Remus just laughs harder.

Regulus can't help but think. Maybe it's okay for it to be at his expense, as long as Remus is laughing. 

Regulus knows because he tastes the blood. His own, he realizes. If he was to guess, he'd say it's coming from the burning cuts caused by boney hands and nails.

“You're finally a free man”, Regulus teases. Remus sighs and slumps on the chair beside him. 

“Finally”, he breathes out. “I didn't think I'd survive. I think I did pretty good, actually”, he says, smiling. Regulus returns the smile.

“Well, you put in a lot of effort”, he says. He keeps thinking about how their pinkies met in the Three Broomsticks a couple weeks ago. It's dumb, really, but he can't get it out of his head, for some reason. Luckily, due to helping someone a year above him study, he did very well in his exams despite his distraction. “Are you celebrating?”

“I don't think I'll be at the party, no”, Remus confesses with a sigh. “Too many people, too much noise. And your brother will be there drowning in spiked pumpkin juice”, he says. Regulus hums. 

“Good thing you're hanging out with the better Black brother, now”, he says, smiling.

“Amen for that”, Remus says, grinning. Regulus groans.

“I don't know what that means!”

Remus laughs. Their hands brush again under the table and this time, they don't pull away- and neither decides to acknowledge it, either. 

He's choking, he's drowning- he can't focus. He doesn't know when or where he is.

On the train ride back home, Regulus isn't sure how it happens- he's not sure when, but he did grab Remus' wrist and dragged him to an empty compartment before grabbing his tie to bring him down, and kiss him. To his surprise, instead of being bitch-slapped or pushed away, Remus stays completely still. 

Regulus pulls away, and realizes what he just did. That was stupid. Absolutely reckless. He babbles some nonsense like “sorry” and tries to run away, before Remus grabs both his wrists, and brings him close again, still a bit shocked. Remus stays a moment, looking into Regulus' face for something. 

“Do it again”, he mutters, much to the younger’s surprise.

Of course, Regulus does.

When he returns an hour later to the compartment with his friends, Pandora smiles at him. Dorcas and Evan notice his red lips, and Barty is… well, he's busy looking at Evan. 

“How was your ride with your friend?”, Pandora asks softly, smiling like she knows Regulus' soul. Regulus blushes a bit.

“Whatever”, he mutters, and takes his seat beside Dorcas. He slumps on her shoulder and closes his eyes, only thinking of soft kisses and gentle, rough hands on his face and waist. He quickly falls asleep.

He's going to die. He tries to fight the dozens of hands dragging him down, but he can't- he's losing all his strength.

“Moony?”, Regulus asks, curious. “Why?”.

It was the first night after the summer break, and they were sitting on the Astronomy tower, so close their legs were touching.

“That's a secret”, the older boy answers, smiling. Regulus sighs, and Remus groans a bit. His back hurts. Regulus figured out already that he must have scoliosis or something. 

“You can lay down, you know”, he says, blushing a bit at his own words. He looks at the sky- the quarter moon surrounded by stars. “I don't mind”.

Remus hesitates, before sighing and laying down, his head on his lap. He closes his eyes, and Regulus just- looks at him. Who cares about the stars, when Remus Lupin is laying on your lap? Who cares about the sky, when something far more comforting than the moon is right there?

“Thank you”, Remus mumbles, before opening his eyes. He looks at Regulus for a moment. “Regulus is a star, right?”

“Yeah”, he breathes out, his hand instinctively caressing Remus' hair. The older boy hums and his eyes close reflectively, as he leans into the touch. “The heart of the Lion”, he says. 

“Funny that. Your parents wanted you in Slytherin and get they named you after the heart of the Lion?”, he asks, smiling. Regulus squirms a bit.

“They, um. That's a secret”, he decides. Remus sighs, and just nods a bit. Regulus' fingers tangle in his hair. “Don't fall asleep here”, he scolds him. “Your bad immune system won't let you survive”. Remus groans.

“Then stop being so comfy”, he mumbles, nuzzling Regulus' abdomen a bit. He sighs, and relaxes. “Just a tiny bit”, he mutters. Regulus blushes when he feels the Gryffindor’s breath on his abdomen.

“F- fine. But the tiniest bit”.

Hands keep dragging him down. He can't fight them. Everything's wrong.

They were snogging in the prefects’ bathroom, kissing on a bench. Regulus had tried to initiate before, but Remus was never really into it, so he stopped- maybe he wasn't into it at all. He wanted to kiss, mostly- but the younger boy was in a bit of a mood, and this time Remus was very receptive. He did recognize, having sex meant telling the eldest some stuff. So he sighs, before pulling away a bit, breaking their kiss. He's still straddling Remus' lap, so they're not separating a lot. 

Regulus groans. This could absolutely kill the mood. What if Remus isn't into him anymore? He hates this. He sighs. 

“Hold up”, he says, and Remus stops immediately. He looks at Regulus with a look of pure adoration- like he'd worship him for hours at a time if given the chance. “I have something to tell you. A secret”, he admits. Remus looks up at him. “And- well, I think we have the same secret?”, he adds, hesitant. “Well, I- you vanish once a month due being sick, and even if you do look like your immune system sucks-”

“Rude”.

“- I think we have the same secret”, he says. Remus goes still, and he looks… confused?

“Um… I don't think so? Sirius would’ve said, right?”, Remus asks, confused. Regulus rolls his eyes. 

“He'd be dead if he went around telling all his friends. It could ruin me”, Regulus says. Before he can keep taking, Remus interrupts.

“He would've said if you were a werewolf”, he argues. Regulus needs a moment to understand what was just said.

“What?”, he asks. Remus looks at him. Regulus returns the look. 

“Um. He…”, realization hits Remus. He groans and covers his eyes. “Oh, fucks sake”. Regulus looks at him. “You're not a werewolf and I just told you-”

“You're not transgender???”, Regulus asks, absolutely confused.

“What-? You're transgender?”, Remus asks, confused.

“Yeah! I thought- well I thought you were because- you got sick every 28 to 29 days! I thought you weren't getting expensive treatment and couldn't avoid your period- and you were just really regular!”, he explains. “The chocolate, the pale skin- it made sense!”

“Oh”, Remus says. “Well, this is a bit awkward then, isn't it?”, he asks. Their eyes meet, and they laugh.

“You- you still want this?”, Regulus asks, grabbing Remus' collar to bring him closer. “Do you still want me?”

“You're the only person I've ever wanted”, Remus breathes out. “Do you want me?”

“Yeah you're hot as fuck”, Regulus mutters, a bit dizzy from the closeness, and Remus snorts.

“And a werewolf. And a half-blood. Wouldn't you get in trouble?”, he asks, and lightly caresses Regulus' waist, causing the younger boy to shudder. 

“I don't care. Can we have sex now?”, he mumbles, cupping his cheeks. Remus smiles, and kisses him- just the tiniest peck on the lips. 

“Yeah”. 

Regulus can't breathe. He can't see. Why is everything so dark?

At some point after the winter holidays, Remus made up with Sirius. Kinda. Well, it was awkward, but they were on speaking terms. Remus has been talking about a boyfriend, and his friends wanted to meet him- which would be hilarious, so Regulus didn't hesitate to accept. 

“YOU'RE DATING- WHAT?”, Sirius asks, absolutely grossed out. “EWW- WHY WOULD YOU-”, he is flabbergasted. Potter just covers Sirius' mouth and speaks. 

“Well, as long as it makes our Moony happy, it makes us happy”, he says. Pettigrew nods solemnly.

“Plus Sirius' face is really funny. If he suffers like this every time Moony talks about Baby Black or is with him in general, then this has my full support”, Pettigrew says. Regulus grins at this, and at Sirius’ enraged groan. 

“Amen”, Remus says with a nod, smiling widely. They sometimes hang out together after that, mostly around full moons, on which they spend the whole time drinking tea with honey and lemon.

It's dark, so it must be nighttime, right? So- where is the moon? 

Remus and Regulus reading together in the library. Them both going to Hogsmeade and holding hands under the table. Taking pictures, Regulus started to inevitably speak with his brother more often, too. Gifting each other something cute for Christmas / Yule, spending time together on Valentine's…

“Regulus”, his mother calls during dinner, next summer break. “Tomorrow, the Dark Lord will come. He wishes for you to take the dark mark and join his ranks”, Walburga says, pride in her voice. Sirius jumps up and looks at her in absolute horror.

“No, he- he can't go there”, he argues, standing up from the table. “He's not like that-”

“Sirius, quiet”, Walburga says, sternly. “He will arrive for dinner, around 7pm for Regulus to-”

“You can't make him! He's not like- like Mulciber or Avery!”, Sirius argues. “He doesn't belong with-”

“Sirius-”, his mother starts, but he speaks up. He always speaks up.

“He's not even of age yet! You can't do that!”, he says. Regulus' hands are shaking, and he anxiously fidgets with the silver ring with a crescent moon on it that Remus gave him. “You can't make him a soldier-”

“It is his responsibility as a member of this family-”, Walburga begins to shout back at Sirius. 

“He is a teenager! He's sixteen-”

“He is the top student on Defense Against The Dark Arts, and has practiced dark magic since he's a child. He is ready-”

“He's not ready for anything! He deserves living his own life-”

“He is a part of this family and has a role-” 

“Fuck this SHITTY family and your stupid, godforsaken roles and bigoted ideals-”

“Crucio!”, his mother interrupts. 

Sirius screams in agony.

Everything hurts. Where's the moon? Why is it so dark? Why is he alone?

Sirius is living with the Potter family now. Regulus helped him get his stuff through the fireplace, barely getting any sleep before the terrible afternoon to come.

“Welcome, my newest soldier”, Voldemort says.

“It is an honor, My Lord”, he says, fear overcoming all his senses.

His own blood is in his lungs. It's wrong. Everything's wrong.

“How- why would you?”, Remus says in horror when he sees the mark in his left arm, over his wrist. Regulus told him of the attack on the muggle village. 

“I didn't have a choice”, he sobs. “He was going to kill me, they were going to-” 

“You murdered people”, Remus says, the warmth of his voice gone. “You- you killed-”

“I didn't want to! Why aren't you listening to me, I- I didn't want to-”, he says, and sobs, crumbling to the ground. Remus hesitates, before sitting beside him on the floor.

“I know. It's okay. Breathe with me, yeah? Breathe. Breathe”.

He can't breathe. He's choking in water and blood, he's alone. Where's Sirius? And Kreacher? Where's- where is Remus? 

“Please don't do it”, Remus begs. There's tears in his eyes- but Regulus knows what has to be done.

“I'm sorry. I have to”

“You don't have to do anything! Just- stay with me. Don't do this to me. I- I love you”, he says, desperately, sobbing, cupping Regulus' cheeks. Remus said it only once before, half-asleep. They showed love- gifts, touches, looks-, but they never said it. “Please, Reggie, I- how am I supposed to keep going without you?”

“I love you, Remus”, Regulus says, and leans into the touch. He's crying. “Let me do this right. Please. He's a monster”

“He'll kill you-”

“I don't care-”

“But I do!”, Remus says, and sobs, crumbling, holding Regulus like he's a lifeline. “Please don't make me- please-”.

“I'm sorry”, Regulus says, and his voice breaks. “I'm sorry, but I- I can't- I killed twelve innocent people, Remus, I-”, they never spoke about it. But the older boy has to hear it. “I see blood every time I look at my hands, a murderer every time I look in the mirror- you have to-”, he sobs. “I love you but I have to do something about it”.

“But you'll die”, Remus whispers, barely audibly. 

“I know”, he whispers back. He caresses Remus' face, wiping his tears. He takes off the ring, and gives it to him. “Keep it safe for me?”, he says softly, smiling a bit. Remus shakes his head, but Regulus cries. “Please?” 

“I'm giving you this back”, he says, grabbing it. “And we're going to go to the library, and we'll read curled up on a chair together next to the fire”, he says softly. Regulus' heart breaks.

“Rem, I'm not coming back”, he says, softly. Remus shakes his head.

“You are. I'm returning this to you. I- I promise. You wouldn't make me break a promise, would you?” he whispers. Regulus takes a deep, shaky breath, knowing what he has to do.

“No, I wouldn't”, he whispers, with a shaky smile as Remus takes the ring.

Liar.

Regulus stops fighting the hands dragging him down. He tries to breathe, only to choke on more water and blood.

“Kreacher. Listen to me”, Regulus says, determined. He tries to play with his ring, but it's not there. Right. “Take me to the cave. I will drink the potion, and you will switch Slytherin's locket for this one”, he says, showing the house elf the fake locket.

“Master Regulus, Kreacher can drink the poison again, he survived before-”

“No. You will return here as soon as you exchange the lockets, and you will destroy the horcrux. You have orders of leaving me there”, he says.

“L-leave-?”, Kreacher's breath hitches. “Master Regulus is going to die”, he says, looking up at him. 

“Kreacher. Please”, he says.

“Master Regulus wants Kreacher to bring Master Regulus to his death. Kreacher won't do it!”, he says, his voice shaky.

“It's an order, Kreacher. You might be my friend, my family- but I am still the Heir of the House of Black. And I am still your master”, he says, sharply. Kreacher's eyes get teary. “I have to do this, Kreacher. Please”, he whispers. “I'll die for nothing if you don't come and finish what I'm starting”.

Kreacher stays silent, before giving a curt nod.

It makes sense. That he'll die alone, he means.

There's hands everywhere. Dragging him down, nails digging on his skin. 

Where is the moon? It's supposed to be a full moon tonight. 

“Hey, Rem. You alright?”, Regulus asks, sitting on the bedside of the bed in the hospital wing. 

“Mmm, Reggie”, Remus mumbles, and grabs his hand. He sighs, and closes his eyes. He brings Regulus' left hand to his mouth and kisses his palm, then his wrist- right under the dark mark. “Love you”, he mumbles, before returning to his deep slumber. 

There it is.

Regulus looks up at a glowing light on top of him. He's too dizzy to see it correctly, but the light is comforting. He sighs- or he would, if his lungs weren't full of water.

There he is.

The water around him feels warmer now. Maybe because the moon is shining and it calms his soul. Maybe because he's already dead. He doesn't know.

My Moony.

He's shaking, his body trying to fight his death- to no avail. He embraces it- the warmth, the welcoming embrace.

Days pull you down just like a sinking ship

As Regulus dies, so does his ‘moon’. For the last thing he saw was nothing but the Lumos incantation he did when he got into the cave. He can't see the moon from inside there. He can't see the stars, or the sky.

Floating is getting harder

Regulus is dead. Somewhere far away, Moony is howling to the full moon. He knows.

He leans into the burn of the silver ring wrapped on his neck.

But tread the water, child, and know that meanwhile

When Remus wakes up, he stays on the forest floor, and cries, curling on to himself. There's only one reason the wolf would cry this much. 

He always knows. 

Rises the moon