James potter was tired, Simply tired of pretending that he has nothing going on in hes life. Like he had no problems at all..
All that pretending got to much for him, he needed a coping machisme.
Thats when he started to cut, just Once one time. Then it felt so good that he had to do it another time and another time
again
Again
And again
it became a addiction, so here he was. sitting against the toilet Blood running down hes arms, it became to much for him he didnt know how much longer he could pretend that he was okay..
Then someone knocked on the bedroom door, this startled James.
"Prongs? Are you alright? You have been in there for a while" it was padfoot, James thought that he heard some kind of Concern edge to hes voice, he wasnt sure though.
But still it made him feel Guilty Sirius doesnt need to worry about him hes fine, totally fine nothing is wrong
"James can you please come out?" This time the concern in Sirius hes voice was so noticeable that it scared James.
He heard muffled, voices he was sure that Peter and Remus were there too
"Give me five minutes" James said, he cleaned himself up and then cleaned the floor, looked into the mirror. Damn he looks like he just rised from the death, than opened the door of the bathroom.
He was met by 3 concerned looks on the faces of hes friends, Sirius of all looked drained
"James, so like i needed your cloak for a visit to the Slytherin common room and i knew you stashed it under your bed so i looked under there-"
The rest drifted off as panic started rising inside of James.
they know.
They know and think im a freak they'll hate me forever.
"-James why have you hidden a knife under your mattress?" Sirius asked in the most drained tone ever he looked so tired, it made James feel Guilty
"W-what?" James forced out, he looked everywhere but hes friends he couldnt face the look in their eyes
"There was a knife under your mattress, you know about this? What was it doing there" this was Remus now hes voice steady but James could still hear the slight crack in hes voice.
"Nothing"
"What do you mean nothing?"
James had hes Gaze steady on the floor he could'nt look anywhere else not at hes friends, it would make him feel sick.
He already felt sick though, it felt like he would throw up at any second
"Its just.... There.. incase.." Hes voice shook, James hated this he wish he could run out of the dorm. but he was pretty sure that Remus Put a locking charm on the door..
"Incase? Incase of what? What are you talking about?"
"I dont know... If there was a Break in or something" James knew they wouldnt believe this, he Finally manege to look up and oh
oh
Oh no
he was going to be sick.
"Show me your arm" Sirius said firmly, James backed away no, this could'nt be happening he was dreaming.
"N-No" hes voice shook full of fear they could'nt see, no it would make them Pity him, or even worse hate him
Though Sirius stepped forward, James tried to back away but Peter was behind him blocking hes path then he felt Sirius grap hes Wrist, and oh that hurts..
"Prongs this is for the better of you come on" padfoot sounded so broken .
Then in the side of hes eye he saw Remus Stepping closer to him, oh how James wish the floor would just swallow him up.
He felt Remus hes hands on hes sleeve he tried to fight him off, but hes Grip was so firm it wouldnt let go..
Then he pulled the sleeve up.
James closed hes eyes and heard the sharp intake of breath of hes friends.
He wish he would just die here .
But he didnt .
He still had to pretend to be happy the next day.
"James, prongs why.. why would you do this to yourself?" He heard the way Sirius hes voice shook, James forced hes eyes open and looked up at him.
He could'nt make something of all the emojis what played on Sirius hes face...
"I needed a way out.." James said or wispered he wasnt even sure anyone had heard him.
"Out? Out of what?"
"My own mind, sometimes it just gets to much and i feel numb, i cant Explain it... Its like i would feel this sting and i would remember i am alive and Im breathing. Sometimes my thoughts would make me feel like im not living"
James saw a single tear run down on Sirius hes face, and then Sirius embraced James in a bear hug and was sobbing
"I wish i was dead pads.." he wispers
"Oh no James we need you here you cant leave us not now its not your time, not yet" Sirius said and then broke down in sobs.
James heard Remus wisper to Peter to get Madame promfey, he wanted to protest he wanted to scream at them that he was okay and didnt need their help but he didnt.
"Im sorry.." is everything he can get out.
How James potter wishes to never see those faces om hes friends ever again.
"You have nothing to Apologize for Jamie, your okay Ive got you" Sirius was saying Remus now joined Sirius with the silent tears and James.
James lost it, all the time he had helt hes emojis in? It all came pouring out at this moment.
James Exploded it finally happened he Snappet.
He broke down in violent tears, hes legs Could'nt held up hes weight so he and Sirius crumbled to the floor, Remus kneeling besides them and Brushing James hes hair, he also took James's arm and tried hes best to heal them.
They sat there for at least ten minutes maybe longer.
Than, the door opened and Peter came in, Madame promfey on hes heel..